bash.org archive

<moira> MY TEETH AR NUMB I BET I COULD BITE THROUH A CAR

<repp0r> Dude, pot first, then porn.
<repp0r> Trust me. It's so much better. :D
<lele> dude i'm doing before AND after

<Bendit> damn it, the cherries I bought yesterday are bad
<Bendit> cherry season is already over
<Bendit> :(
<Bendit> 1/3 of them seem to be almost rotting
<Bendit> and the rest have no flavour
<Bendit> there are so few things I like, WHY MUST THEY BE
SEASONAL??!!?
<Bulk> ://
<omega> lucky for you cock isn't seasonal, so you may continue
to enjoy it all year round.
<Bulk> im so glad you're in a good mood omega

<[Fee]> I watch univsion
<[Fee]> and galavision
<[Fee]> they got nice ass on there sometimes
<[Fee]> i dont know what there saying
<[Fee]> but ass is univeral

<akim> man, i fucking hate my comtech teacher. he's always
riding my ass about something
<akim> i'd like to slap him around with his stupid skullcap
<goojoe> oh is that the uber-jew teacher?
<akim> yeah
<akim> im starting to think it has something to do with the
fact that my last name is auschwitz...
<mfer> ahahahahahahahahah
<mfer> i mean.. yeah man, that sucks
<akim> :/

<AsylumXKP> And it hard to hit on the German chicks thanks to
the thick language barrier.
<Erdrick> just pull it out and point to it

310||slackerr: man, they shut off the water in our building
310||slackerr: its gonna be off the entire day
510||joey: that SUCKS@
310||slackerr: the worst part is that i took a shit before i
knew it was off

<cams> hey look, I'm japanese
<cams> rororro
<Ferrus> hey look
<Ferrus> i'm japanese
* Ferrus flies into the side of a us destroyer

<erhan> how are you yourself?
<mcarp> erhan: other than being pussyless, dumb, tired, broke
and addicted to nicotine....im FINE

<Sundancer> DE: "The truth is out there" :)
<DarkElf> sunny: yeah, thank god it's out there and not in
here with us

(@Sin-away): have to ask Night about Trigger^
(@Sin-away): he doesn't talk
(@Archon`): how come he doesnt say anything?
(@fragge): dunno he's never told me

<tate> it occurs to me
<Beerman> myeas?
<tate> and this is really probably not a good thought
<Beerman> ooh
<tate> but if a man were to buy those crazy "enhance your bust
line" pills and sneak them into his girlfriend/wife's food,
would they still work the same?
<Fenris> Yes they do
* Beerman ponders this
<Beerman> sweet
<tate> the next question, of course, is do those pills work at
all?
<Fenris> Yes
* Fenris caresses his monster jugs
<Fenris> NEVERMIND THAT

<MMouse> the dates I started and left positions "dont give an
accurate impression of how long you worked at that position"
<drewb> god, it almost sounds like you were deliberately vague
about dates to hide the fact you didnt last long in a job..
<Tippytoes> what format did you put the dates in, max?
<SataniKKa> roman numerals
<Sep> binary
<SataniKKa> Monday is not a date.

<akumapan> yous ound like poopoo
<andy> You type like poop.
<andy> and your mother was suspicious that it took her nine
whole months to take a crap, so she named it just in case.

<shok-> ha! just yesterday I was wondering why more solar
power applications aren't being built
<shok-> but they are in Shanghai.
<shok-> oh communists, what won't you do?
<Ben^> last for more than a century?

<Seph][roth> Mike doesn't like it when I ban whole countries.
<Seph][roth> Subnetmasks and ISPs are fine.

Sardonyx: what do you do when a girl likes you and you have no
like there of
DooD: do what they do to you if the positions were reversed
DooD: string them along forever
DooD: slowly destroying their heart from the inside out
Sardonyx: i don't think i have the patients for that

<Paddy> well hello there
<Nyte> DIE INSOLENT WENCH
<Paddy> ok
* Paddy dies
* Paddy 's corpse begins to rot
* Nyte-ddr begins humping it.
<Paddy> umm
<Paddy> thats just wrong
<Nyte-ddr> but it feels so right
*** Signoff: Paddy (Quit: )

<SlemJack> diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...
till you can find a rock.

<djglitch> i'm thinking about getting the front desk chix
number just to see if i still have it in me
<djglitch> she is sexy
<tyne> lol
<tyne> u got her number
<tyne> "0"

<@hypnotix> dammit this sucks.. i got Daikatana for my b-day

<ne|l> hmm, think i was supposed to get married today
<pilt> i know, she just told me from under the desk.

*** Quits: phrenic (Erection reset by beer)

<rg> my f key got fucked once
<rg> i tried to tell people to use the shift key and all hell
broke loose

<Deimos> wtf random girls are msging me in icq
<Deimos> must be mating season

* altair is leaving to go out into the big blue room
<altair> thi big BRIGHT blue room...
<g-o-d> you mean outside?
<altair> g-o-d: yes
<altair> with the yellow Daystar
<g-o-d> and the green and sometimes black carpet
<altair> yeah...
<g-o-d> cool

Sholiz: i'm lucky to get laid once a quarter
Sholiz: it's like big corporations profit reports
Sholiz: comes 4 times a year and usually it's a let-down

<jeer> I have to move to mississippi soon..I wish I had a
sister or cousin there.
<jeer> who am I going to date?

Torodung (31985): You can't write code or design software that
will secure "stupid." [..] If those folks were using an
abacus, they'd probably get their head stuck in it.

<Anubis> i hate ppl that use my name and dont even know who or
what anubis is
<nyLar> I bet you don't even know.
<Anubis> ya i do
<nyLar> Who is he then?
*** Anubis has quit IRC

<knif> i remember when my cousin had a house with aluminum
wiring, when it rained you could open the garage by turning on
the stove

<JTP> You know you've been playing too much Need for Speed
when your first instinct when you see a cop driving down the
street is to hit the NOS and ram him.

<Arcane[maid]> i stole one of those blue signs that says
"phone" on it
<Arcane[maid]> what should i do with it
<suds> stick it down your pants and ask hot chics if they want
to call collect.

<sev0> remember in school?
<sev0> remember the kids upside down stuffed into the garbage
can?
<sev0> 20 years later, ircops.
<sev0> do the math

<ckx> i'm not gay
<ckx> i just like to see people fuck
<ckx> even if they're guys

Lannister> they should make shock diapers that detect moisture
and electocute babies.

<semi> +
<semi> oops
<semi> keyboard almost fell, caught it by the numpad end
<MrP-> +
<MrP-> oops
<MrP-> same here

(+_Penguin) ican typw qirh my wywa ckoswd

<timmo> what music should i download tonight
<timmo> oh shit
<timmo> i think im missing the carebears;[
<c-rOCK> CAREBEARS IS STILL ON?
<c-rOCK> NO WAY WHAT CHAN
<timmo> toon disney
<c-rOCK> dude I loved that show

<Object> shutting down your computer is like putting your dog
in a cage
<Object> you just don't do that

<Scofco> I found out I might have stomach cancer :*[
<kolby> yea, I bought a brand new pack of cigarettes today and
dropped them in a puddle...I know how you feel

<tima> k, i'm starving
<rocky> fooooooood
<OlDirtyB> im starving too
<EConc_> god, since when did #nerdz become ethiopia?

< iKBerry> man thus driving and ircing thing rocks
< iKBerry> fuck brb getting pulled over
-!- iKBerry [[email protected]] has quit [jmIrc destroyed by
the OS]
< iKitsune> so, fuck
< iKitsune> now i have a $250 ticket for reckless driving

<richie> its ironic how a flow of blood to the lower regions
is only pleasureable to the man

<Vaun> need something good to read for like 10 min
<Vaun> anyone have an interesting thread / link / etc
<Dzza|Wants-SI> i once read a book
<Dzza|Wants-SI> it was about a giant blob eating the school
<Dzza|Wants-SI> but then a fat kid ate the blog
<Vaun> anyone else?

<Cosmic_Bard> I've been caught masturbating before, by my mom.
Dosen't sound quite as bad as that, but it was embarassing
nontheless. Ysee, it was to those dancing girls in Duke Nukem
3d. The ones that'll only flash you if you hit the spacebar
and duke goes "Wanna Dance?"  and "Shake it baby!"  I think
that's what alerted my mother.
<Cosmic_Bard> So now I always turn the speakers off when I
masturbate.

impOrted megAmi: life does suck, ya know. i mean, at the bad
parts, naturally.
JimBob4554: words of wisdom
JimBob4554: "life sucks when its bad"

<ClayJar_Zzz> AAAAAAAARGH!! I just saw a comercial for
Disney's Finding Nemo on ice, and let me tell you, it was
exceedingly disturbing.
<pjpreb> how so?
<ClahJar_Zzz> It was like seeing big fish impaled on ice
skating mimes.

* PamelaPeaks wishes she could donate sperm for $50
<Lowbrow> You can fly down and help me donate, Pam
<Lowbrow> You can even have the $50 :|
* PamelaPeaks ponders
<Lowbrow> If you stay long enough you can earn enough to fly
back

<Abbadaba> man when i kick burn me and toss my ashes on some
beach somewhere
<Abbadaba> yes
<Abbadaba> tan girls in thongs lying on me
<Abbadaba> something i could never have in life i get in death
<Abbadaba> amen

<Nichole> my sister is giving birth on thursday. Drug baby.
Apparently CPS is going to contact me to take him.
<Azalea> Ahhhhhhhh
<keith> what kind of drugs?
<keith> a baby full of drugs could be worth something
<Nichole> heroin, Oxy, meth
<Nichole> mostly heroin
<keith> expensive baby!
<blaxthos> so... your sister will be free this weekend?
<Nichole> yep have at it
<assfetish> i got this mental image of a baby shaped pinata
full of drugs being broken at some wall street party
<Nichole> she's in prison
<Nichole> she makes me feel very normal
<latras> you are very normal ;)
<keith> shes still getting heroin, oxy and meth in prison?
<blaxthos> is she imprisoned because of baby ?
<keith> yeah id say your pretty normal
<Nichole> keith: she's on methadone now
<blaxthos> i think having babies should be a crime
<keith> procreating is definitely a crime
<Nichole> she's imprisoned because she broke parole, child
endangerment (from first daughter), and drug related charges,
and being on the run
<Azalea> That is a shitty situation
<assfetish> are you gonna take the baby?
<Nichole> i dont know
<keith> azalea needs another kid i hear
<assfetish> i have a friend who wants a kid real bad
<blaxthos> if you are on irc and you can't figure out how to
unload a kid, you're doing it wrong

AyaMonhu: http://women.kde.org/
AyaMonhu: :D
roovis: wtf?!
roovis: oh SHEESH
AyaMonhu: LOL
roovis: kde for women.
roovis: is it strong enough for a man but php balanced for a
woman?

<Oenr> why doesn't anyone like him?
<Extre[-x]> he's gay as shit
<ZeroContent> and a fagmonkey.
<Extre[-x]> i try to explain to him how bad he acts like a
dick and he doesnt understand it
<ZeroContent> damn fagmonkies.
<Extre[-x]> ZeroContent you dont like him ??
<ZeroContent> who?

<Slant> Easy way to figure out which episodes Slant likes:
<Slant> for x in StarTrek.Episodes[]
<Slant> if (x.liked_by_everyone)
<Slant> Slant.hates_episode[x] = TRUE;
<Slant> else
<Slant> Slant.likes_episode[x] = FALSE;
<Slant> no wait.
<mightyflo> hahahahahahahaha
<Slant> Slant.hates_episode[x] = FALSE;
<animegoth> lol
<FutabaAoi> so you hate all of tng!
<mightyflo> it's funny when you can debug someone's real life
code

<MpTaNk> man, while I was at the beach I made this huge ass
sand castle and I was about to make a major change that could
have messed it up and I thought to my self, "Make a backup
just in case" then I felt stupid
<MpTaNk> :\

< Dtu3ZOhtln> i wonder if assembly programmers felt the same
way about c programmers as c programmers feel about python
programmers?
< eml> Jealousy?
< astronouth7303> eml++
< jsoftw> then theres the perl programmers who dont even feel

<@whistler> on the down side i no longer have a phone
<@whistler> on the up side i have a brand new bong

<Naivete> HE HAS NO FEELINGS
<Naivete> HE IS JUST A GIANT ROBOT WITH A PULSING 8" COCK
<Sky> TRANSFORMER PORN!!! NOW WE"RE TALKING!

<Louie[laptop]> i read an article
<Louie[laptop]> on a dude that sold 486's
<Louie[laptop]> and passed them off as p2's
<Louie[laptop]> and shit
<err-afk> haha
<Louie[laptop]> and it took a while for people to catch on
<Louie[laptop]> stoopid people
<cheesegoduk> lol how could people not notice that they could
only run windows 3.1 on them
THEJRC[work]> naah you can get 98 and 2k to run on a 486
<THEJRC[work]> just runs like christopher reeves

<Guilty> I had lilo and stitch all along
<Mass> you have it ?
<Guilty> I just didnt realize its 1 fucking CD
<Mass> ohh dood send
<var> ill pretend both of you didnt just say that
<var> and we can still be friends

<Yawgatog> If I were two I'd try to eat everything in sight,
just in case it's a boob in disguise

Retrace: so what is she?
Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001
cryptic: shes like an 8
Retrace: whoa
Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8?

<Beltz> This condom in my drawer, it's about to expire. Two
weeks left! And those things last for 5 years.
<Dindrane> ... wow.
<Dindrane> Tell me it's a family heirloom or something, passed
down?
<Mickster> Just tell me it's not used
<Dindrane> Ya, cuz keeping a used condom as opposed to a
packaged one makes you more of a loser?
<Kyatoru> I'd say so. That's a disgusting trophy.
<Beltz> My last 2 or 3 were in my wallet for so long they
eventually had holes all over them and were brown inside due
to dust. I started carrying one in my wallet at all times due
to my last near-sex experience. I have such a wild
imagination.
<Dindrane> Beltz - I hear of people having near-deather
experiences... but near-sex? Holy shiznit, man.

<ArIck> mann
<ArIck> i sure am getting a porno addiction
<ArIck> i mean, i feel empty in the morning if i haven't found
good porno

<doctorb> i want a  microwavable dildo. i'm sick of the cold
plastic.

Cyber J: I've always known my parents hated me, after all...
my first toys were a pair of scissors and running shoes...

<Pinkie2> some guy pissed me off today so i sat on my scanner
to send him picture of my ass and the glass broke i just got
back from getting 15 stictches
<Louey> pinkie you serious?
<Pinkie2> yup
<Dk__> lol
<Louey> and what was your excuse at the hospital?
<Dk__> you had a really bad day
<Pinkie2> sittin on one cheek right now
<Pinkie2> i told em i sat on a drinkin glass my kid put on
chir
<Louey> ahhh
<Dk__> we'll probably be seeing flatbeds with weight
restrictions now on
<Dk__> or warning labels, do not sit on glass
<Pinkie2> hehe
<Pinkie2> im gonna sue
<Louey> and now your out a scanner and no retribution for the
fuck who made you sit on your scanner
<Pinkie2> next time i will just shit on the scanner and send
that to him
<Dk__> ROFL
<Dk__> good idea
<Louey> haha
<|Korombos> Pinkie2 Sometimes man, it is best to remain quiet
and thought a fool, than to do what you did, open your mouth
and remove all doubt!
<Dk__> heh
<Louey> kor=confuscious
<Dk__> a inspirational quote from kor

<reuben> my dad claims that he got his first piece of ass from
a cow.
<reuben> i had a great upbringing

[dodgelap ] fuck
[dodgelap ] work didnt put my pay into my account
[dodgelap ] wtf is goin on ?
* Synoptica thinks of 'Milton' from office space