bash.org archive

<@Paul4x> So we have a electric pad to go with the electric
blanket. Shelby calls it the "George Foreman" bed.

<ruumis> this bitch I used to fuck with added me to her
friendster list... what is my testimonial supposed to say for
her? "gave good parking lot head. needs to talk less."

<Emmy> When I was in Helsinki, I couldn't stay at the house of
a friend, because they had - well, crawly things, too
<Azif> babies?

<Party> asians are cool, it's the closest your ever gonna get
to fucking an alien

<xjeff> its better that u dont
* Orca hands xjeff a strange grammatical device...called...an
APOSTROPHE!
<xjeff> ,,,,,,,,,,,,
<Orca> Pardner, that's known as a "comma" in this here parts.
<xjeff> excuse me for not having extreme intellagence
<Orca> Sorry, I guess I just expect at least basic grammatical
skills out of people.

<phatmike> wtf
<phatmike> i dont drink that much
<phatmike> wow
<phatmike> this coffee tastes weird
<phatmike> without the whiskey in it

<CheapSk8[RKI]> I am against drugs
<CheapSk8[RKI]> I look in the mirror every morning and remind
myself what they can do to a fetus beforth birth.
<tsingtao> your mom did drugs or something?
<CheapSk8[RKI]> No. She doesn't do drugs. I just happen to be
in front of a mirror when i remind myself.

*** mrBlond changes topic to "The QuakeFEST is....."
*** fern changes topic to "The QuakeFEST was yesterday !!"
<mrBlond> wow I must be REALLY lagged then

<Lincoln`s_Wax> Liberal Arts Quantum Physics: Light's damned
fast and not everything is as it seems. Space is funny like
that. The end.

<Z28`> first of all my dad has a pretty large penis

<fr3ak-> atleast when you lose your virginity you will still
have the box it came in

(eowzeiaow) do you gotta best friend that's not your ex?
(metalfrog) yeah
(metalfrog) he lives with my ex

cardrealmsk8: i made it to 2nd base today
Nck Tracy: nice.
Nck Tracy: I made it to third, but there was no one else with
me.

<malcolm> I would appreciate it more if I didn't have to set
JAVA_HOME and ANT_HOME and HILL_DEPTH and
AVERAGE_LIFESPAN_OF_INSECT and NUMBER_OF_LEGS and
DIRECTION_OF_PREVAILING_WIND and BIRTHDAY

<+Allahkat> Or say that you heard a rumour about some gays
having the female reproductive organs taken out of their dyke
friends, and insterted into their ass, so they CAN reproduce.
<+Allahkat> Or something as stupid as that.
<+Allahkat> See how many fall for it.
<@asshat> thats genius
<@asshat> imagine having a uterus in your ass
<@asshat> you could totally poop a kid out
<@bunnieWork> shit a kid.
<@bunnieWork> a shitday instead of a birthday.
<@asshat> then you have the right to call them little shits

<ltbs> SomeGirl: you have Pantera. It's a weird strain of
Anthrax. You should also watch out for Sepultura, Megadeth,
and Black Sabbath

<marlana> sorry had another contraction

<iND-RLM> i heard a good comeback by my friends 13yr old
brother the other day
<iND-RLM> his sister was talking it up
<iND-RLM> and he just comes in and says
<iND-RLM> u know if i made a mould of you out of shit.. it
would still only be as half as full of shit as you really are

* Malik_Ishtar begins to get impotent
<Malik_Ishtar> :O
<Malik_Ishtar> impatient
* Malik_Ishtar dies

<Sick_Silent> I think IRC is making me more USAian.
<Sick_Silent> Perverted, racist, sexist, retarded, dumb and
lazy
<ATXTheKiller> You forgot fat.
<Cosbydaf> *a tears runs down my cheek as I gaze into an
American flag waving in the sunset, while eating Mcdonalds and
watching a shitty movies*
<Sick_Silent> Oh I forgot! No taste for good food

(s|urpee) Ashley was like "Derek gimme a ride to work"
(s|urpee) and Derek responded "What do I get out of this?"
(s|urpee) and ashley said "If you give me a ride to work, I'll
give you Guin"
(s|urpee) and I was like "What the fuck kinda reward is that,
that's like saying "If you loan me $10, I'll give you herpes""

<MiddleSF2> wow 80 people eh? I thought irc would be closed on
x-mas eve ^_^

<Bmann> its supposed to be 60 tomorrow?
<brendando> its nice out here
<brendando> Not that I have been outside in 2 days
<brendando> But I'm near a window

<vim> heh, no wonder i cant hear shit... trying to play this
damn redhat cd.

<Gypsy> I'd give up my right hand to be ambidextrous

<nirosys> whoever decided it'd be a good idea to rar an iso
up, then throw it in a tar... then gzip it...
<nirosys> should be shot..

EvILpYRoMaNiA: my dad tried to sit on my lap: he tackled me
off my chair.
EvILpYRoMaNiA: dog*
EvILpYRoMaNiA: shit
EvILpYRoMaNiA: that was the worst typo ever.

<kisama> hold on we made charts of our class schedules
<kisama> WHERE THEY DON'T OVERLAP THERE'S WACKING TIME
<nyisles> thats why i didnt go away to college
<nyisles> i could never have a roommate
<nyisles> jerking off would be way too awkward
<Guilty> Ny, I imagine everyone does it in the shower
<Guilty> So hygiene benefits from awkwardness
<Guilty> Or just get a girlfriend
<nyisles> that 's so inconvenient when I 've got 8+ gigs of
video porn on my HDD!
<DrNick668> guilty: can u get waterproof pron?
<Guilty> Having sex with a girl wouldnt be nearly as awkward
in front of someone
<nyisles> it would be to me
<Guilty> Its called your imagination, nick
<kisama> hmm
<kisama> on mondays, wednesdays
<kisama> and fridays
<kisama> i can wack it
<kuro> i won 't be anywhere around
<kuro> i 'll be in class
<kuro> so he can do whatever the fuck he wants, as long as my
stuff is still clean when i get home
<Guilty> Snow is so honest
<Guilty> He says right in front of his roomate "On monday and
friday I'll be masturbating while you're at class"
<kuro> i won't come back early

<shithead1> it appears my computer just deleted all the
cookies.
<JustNoodle> now, all you have to do is rename it "cookie
monster"

<xcham> as part of my CS experience, I'm going to debug java
to try and meet geek chicks. :P
<xcham> then I'll e-mail Sun Microsystems and tell them "JAVA
GOT ME LAID"
<jimmiejaz> java and chicks only go together at starbucks.

Mr Brown> ill snip ur ass
<JD> I'll carry that flag so good, you won't know what hit ya 
<JD> Wait, that didn't sound very threatening...

<Kero> I'm so emo i wear square contacts.

<cagan> heh, my little sister bought vice city :)
<spanky> such a cool game
<cagan> i don't think my sister has any intention of
completing it
<cagan> she just likes driving around, and occasionally
killing people
<spanky> lol, dont we all?
<cagan> she has cars in her garage ... and if they get damage,
she carefully drives to a paint place, then keeps going in and
out till its a colour she approves off
<spanky> hehe

<MooFoo> Fuse, get yourself a shock rifle, that shoots instant
blue shit and slow moving blue shit
<MooFoo> Also, if you manage to hit the slow moving blue shit
with the instant blue shit, you will get an explosion of blue
shit, that will turn the enemies into red shit
<Fuse> That's a lot fo shit
<MooFoo> fo real

<dinarchvs> my friend sobel just had a great idea
<dinarchvs> fuck this 3d-accelerating game video hardware
<dinarchvs> we need smut-specific hardware
<dalias> ?
<dinarchvs> like an on the fly compression/decompression chip
that specializes in compressing fleshtones in images to save
bandwidth
<dalias> hahaha
<dalias> dude, go get some
<dinarchvs> or hardware-based algorithms to help render smut
faster
<dinarchvs> like a nipple algorithm to accelerate nipple
drawing
<dalias> you're developing a pr0n obsession
<dinarchvs> a special dick rendering chip
<dinarchvs> that can draw over 2000 dicks/second
<auspex_> there is pr0n specific hardware... gigabit ethernet

<myne> has anyone else seen the mpeg of tubgirl?
<myne> It is the closest I have ever come to throwing up on a
screen
<myne> it is sooo much wronger than the jpeg
<myne> it was in my sisters inbox of all places
<@toe2toe> a) you dont have a sister
<@toe2toe> b) you ARE a sister
<@toe2toe> c) i hate you
<myne> I'll opt for C as it is the most correct answer
<@toe2toe> they werent options

<Watcher7> Want to eat stuff off my chest?
<space> erm
<space> is it hair

<+BarkerJr> why is 'crontab -r' one key away from 'crontab
-e'?
<@Paladin> Natural Selection

<Thanatos> Let me touch your bountiful lips once more ere I
plonge into the emptyness that the world is without your touch
<Musashi> translation: suck me, woman

<jre|away> * Hitler , circa 1933 | <Hitler> WHAT DO YOU CALL A
FARTING JEW?  GASSED! | * Audience is silent | <Hitler> FUCK
YOU ALL, IN 10 YEARS THAT'lL BE HILARIOUS

<Necron> man, can't even start an op war in here anymore.
<Necron> :(
*** Necron was kicked by Conskill (Conskill)
<Conskill> Op war won.

<Sierro> I took her out for lunch...
<Sierro> to McDonalds
<Sierro> I feel like a 15 year old
<phantom> hehe, where ya gonna get one at 4am?

<tek231> you guys hear about that lady who layed down on some
subway tracks, then the train hit her
<tek231> she sued and won 10 million
<Mysteri0> tek231: The train hit her and she's not a blood
sprinkler?
<Cap0ne_> did she lose any body parts?
<pac> Damn.
<tek231> I'm not sure, just caught the end of the story
<tek231> on tv, let me see if I can find it
<Knighted> tek231: You hear about that guy who tried to convey
news on irc without a url?

<Ear> ARSENIC IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY BECAUSE IT KILLS
CHILDREN.
<Khross> YES
<Ear> DEAD BABIES EQUALS PROFIT.
<Khross> LESS MINORITY KIDS = LESS WELFARE
<Khross> MORE PROFIT
<Ear> IT ALSO PROVIDES FREE BACON.
<Khross> YES, OF COURSE

*** Now talking in #dapcentral
<Boinger69> i think so janx, but how are we going to get the
monkey in spandex?
<janx> yes. quite the conundrum
<Fancia> ... This is *quite* a conversation to wander into.

<Arkangel> If I caught my mom performing at a strip club I'd
cheer her on. You know, pay her back for all those times she
cheered me on at little league baseball games.
<Arkangel> It's just good karma, ya know?
* [TMBJ]SensoryOverlord makes no little league comments about
getting a good grip on your lumber.
<[TMBJ]SensoryOverlord> 'cause that'd be wrong

<Agent_M> hey, i bet $10 that r0f is masturbating right now
<Spud-Alt> what odds?
<Agent_M> 1-10000

<@kikazz> anyone want a copy of Windows 3.1 in Russian?
<@Nfs> may i ask why you have it?
<@kikazz> because its 8 megs, and it looked better than the
polish version
<@kikazz> my options were arabic, catalan, czech, danish,
finnish, greek, hebrew, hungarian, japanese, korean,
norweigan, persian, polish, russian, simplified chinese,
traditional chinese
<@kikazz> .. no english in there :P
<@Nfs> hebrew!
<@kikazz> "shalom, new user"

<Hydric> packing sucks
<Hydric> i 'could' have it done in a day...but i'm not that
motivated
<Hydric> hehe
<zoidberg> you gotta take drastic measures
<zoidberg> pack your computer, then you'll have nothing to do
but finish packing

<piccchic4ever> oh boy
<piccchic4ever> listen to some of the email's i got today
<piccchic4ever> Lose weight with hypnosis!!
<piccchic4ever> Get FREE Condoms, Lube, T-shirts and more!
<piccchic4ever> why is tshirts in that sentence?
<GoalMstr22> haha
<GoalMstr22> to wipe yourself with

<@Loki^> damn birds
<@Loki^> make too much noise
<@_zOmbIE_> watercool them

* Tschech0w tries to phone anyone on site ...
<Tschech0w> ah.
<Tschech0w> oh.
<Tschech0w> ugh.
<RichiH> Tschech0w: the telephone attacking you?
<Phoon> sounds like it's raping him
<Isle> ohhhh
<RichiH> bringing phone sex to a whole new level

<standby> i'm moving to my own office tomorrow
<standby> i feel so cool
<standby> i'll be able to mastrubate while i work
<standby> well i allready do but it will be easier

<+MrKite> ah, no more obvious sign of intense boredom than
taking a bendy figure of Mickey Mouse and making it look like
he's pointing at his crotch

<@arp> Importance: Normal
<@arp> INCREASE YOUR PENIS SIZE BY 1/4 INCH IN ONE WEEK!
<@arp> Guaranteed!!!!!!
<@arp> YAY!
<argoth> thanks for sharing
<j0ker> hell I can do that in a few seconds

<@Avalanche> The other night, I was at a friends house. And we
had a bon-fire. I turned the lights out, got a marshmellow,
set it on fire. Then began to run around the yard, with the
marshmellow on fire, waving it in the air. Everyone was like
"wtf are you doing". I said "guess what I am". They replied "I
dont know". I replied "space shuttle columbia". I thought it
was funny joke, if you take away the sick tragedy of losing
human life.

[KillerGeek] Everyone thinks I can pull computer equipment out
of my ass on demand.
[KillerGeek] Ah well.
[KillerGeek] If I could shit new P4 systems, I wouldn't be
here.
[KillerGeek] Fucking sell the GoatsePC.

<+izua> !toolbox.lmd5 639bae9ac6b3e1a84cebb7b403297b79
<@nanobot> Result: you
<+izua> !toolbox.lmd5 a181a603769c1f98ad927e7367c7aa51
<@nanobot> Result: all
<+izua> !toolbox.lmd5 a195a27d1c96dbc7ea4aa9928d914673
<@nanobot> Result: suck
<+izua> !toolbox.lmd5 9268d0b2d17670598c70045b0c7abf38
<@nanobot> Result: cock

<evilpie> P.S. oblique, since both you and your girlfriend
live with your parents, how in the fuck do you manage to bang
her?
<jre> It wasn't so much of a bang as a dull thud."

<ExS> McDonalds
<ExS>  "Mick-Don-Ulds"
<ExS> A handy substitute for food, in the same way that piss
is a handy substitute for fresh drinking water.
<ExS> Dude: "Why are you holding a turd in your hand? OH MY
GOD, DON'T PUT THAT TURD IN YOUR MOUTH!!!!"
<ExS> Other dude: "It's McDonalds."
<ExS> Dude: "Oh! Can I have a bite?"

neiras: "Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians!"
ennoia: Fuck
ennoia: I need cable

hbkshowstopper75: For only 15 grand, we could have our own
music veriety show. it could be revolutionary televison even
it its on at 2am
hbkshowstopper75: i was just pondering the idea today
ianepson: need 15k first
ianepson: and if we saved that much up i can think of much
better uses
hbkshowstopper75: it\'s only one thousand 500 dollars
ianepson: uh
ianepson: yea u could buy urself a calculator with whats left
over

<Azif> Somehow, getting lucky with google isn't as satisfying
as it sounds...

<prozac420> 9
<prozac420> oops
<prozac420> was trying to change tv channels
<Kimaroo> lol...............
<Kimaroo> if you try to change tv channels on IRC... you might
be a junkie

<Encapsulate> So
<Encapsulate> I was going to say you should name thechild the
next word I
heard over the cube walls.
<Encapsulate> Unfortunatly, the next word I heard was
"Auschwitz"

<glasnost> kkf: we should get married, so you can be kkk.
<kkf> hmm...  wow, another reason not to marry you :)
<glasnost> ouch, that backfired

<zx64> ducktape is merely a physical manifestation of regexps

<ic0n0> i love the midwest
<NecroMort> ilke gurls with big fat titties.
<ic0n0> what does that have to do with the midwest?
<polar> you have something against titties?

<Ryuhou> bravo is pissing me off with its "movies that changed
the world!" crap.
<Ryuhou> they keep saying "men stopped having affairs in 1987
after fatal attraction."
<Ryuhou> i'm sorry.  what world are you from?
<Ryuhou> of course
<Ryuhou> they follow that up with a
<Ryuhou> IT STAYS IN VEGAS commercial