bash.org archive

<fo0bar> I once has a (poor attempt) at a pr0n site, and was
working with iBill on a support issue, and this young woman on
the other end asks for what the site is so she can test it and
I say "uhh, www.pussy4less.com" -- didn't even phase her

<siq> so I was taking a shit in the engineering building
today...
<siq> and there was some force equation written on the wall.
<siq> below it someone wrote "who studies fluids on the
pooper?"
<siq> below that someone replied "someone with diarrhea"

<@Dave> a hooker that doesn't charge upfront is known as "a
girlfriend"

<typobox43> programming without arrays is like swimming
without trunks.  it works, but for most people, it's ugly.

* PotSmoker has quit IRC (Broken pipe)
<careyasd> that's why you smoke joints

<TrutHurts> o____o: Christ died for all and one day you will
acknowledge this fact
<wired> ORRRR you will die and be dead and you'll wish you
didnt spend all your time in an IRC channel preaching

<WhitePony> I want to upgrade my t3 connection to a cable
modem, where do i download the patch?

(^NaKeD^) snowburnt....my bf is a million times stronger than
me
(snowburnt) Naked: but smell isnt everything though :/

<@RuebiaYat> GoodScrat: has God spoken to you lately?
<@GoodScrat> I don't talk to myself

<_sdc_-> ok, so yeah. i think i set a new land speed record
for killing hard drives.
<_sdc_-> it's fucked, and i have a lot of data to back up.
<_sdc_-> like 80 gigs or so.
<qDotWork> Ever thought about just like, writing everything
down on paper?
<qDotWork> It's only 80,000,000,000 or so bytes.
<_sdc_-> yeah, those mp3s will sound great on a nice legal
pad.
<qDotWork> Winamp for the mind, man.

* Uman sets mode: +vvv Mode6Nine ostrich Raptor|Sleep
* Quits: ostrich (Quit: )
<Uman> So that's how to get rid of ostrich...
<[dZ]Thane> ..
* Uman sets mode: +v [dZ]Thane
* Uman crosses his fingers

<jebs> haha i thought the dude on this ad said 'MORE OF THE
WORLDS MOST TERRIFYING MULLETS'
<jebs> but he said moments

<Torontoye> Hi guys,. i have a P90 24mg Ram,.I would like to
make it a gateway,. how much Swap space should i give it??
<afterstep> Torontoye: 24 milligrams of ram?
<afterstep> oh, i'd say about an ounce or so of swap.

<c> I'm just not that creative at naming.  I name my computers
after dead guys who argued a lot.
<DrAppleseed> Is your next one going to be named Falwell?
<c> Somehow, I don't think it would get along with Turing.

<Eugene> Packets: Sent = 1000, Received = 455, Lost = 545 (54%
loss)
<Eugene> Minimum = 315ms, Maximum = 1127ms, Average = 592ms
<Eugene> geez, I don't even think this even counts as the
internet anymore.
<Eugene> I can probably get better responses with two tin cans
and a piece of string.

<[avon]> oh man
<[av0n]> even vc++6 rocks
<[av0n]> after install
<[av0n]> do you want to reboot now?
<[av0n]> no
<[av0n]> the system must be rebooted click ok to reboot
<[av0n]> and i bet you anything when i alt+f4 the box
<[av0n]> i'm gonna reboot
<[av0n]> just watch.
*** Quits: [av0n] ([email protected]) (Connection
reset by peer)

< euronium> i never understood the concept behind flavor
colored condoms
< Skarack_> do you suck dick?

<danhon> overheard in the lab:
<danhon> "try doing javac first before you do java"
<Cringer> hahaha
<danhon> "what does that do?"
<danhon> "dunno, but it works"

<Hawk> I'm gonna be tied up shortly...my brother and
girlfriend are stopping by
<Roman> ...
<Monk> so which one's tying you up? your bro or your gf?

<@Plaid> Somebody just came out of the bathroom across the
hall.... and this undeniable STENCH OF DEATH FOLLOWED THEM
OUT.

<Ash> look: I like python pretty well, but the syntax is kind
of annoying.
<AaronSw> this from a lisp programmer?!
<Ash> AaronSw: One type of brace is much simpler than a
bazillion!
<AaronSw> to write perhaps, but not to rfead
<Ash> Lisp's syntax is simple and efficient.
<Ash> With a proper editor, lisp is incredibly easy to read.
<look> OK, let's pretend we got past the syntax argument
<look> It's now 45 minutes in the future
<look> and we've agreed to disagree
<look> Hurray!
<AaronSw> I bet look's time machine is programmed in Python.
<duck />

<HamsterFuzz> damn it!
<HamsterFuzz> i can't register for classes online after
midnight
<HamsterFuzz> now i'm screwed
<Cat1013> that sux
<HamsterFuzz> the internet is supposed to be convenient! it's
not suppose to shut down at a certain time! there shouldn't be
hours of operation!
<Cat1013> "you don't have to go to your homepage, but you
can't stay here..."

(nexxai) char *peopleOnEarth, *peopleMyHoes; if (sizeof
(peopleOnEarth) == sizeof(peopleMyHoes)) { printf("Hi.
"); }
(nexxai) Hi.
(nexxai) <-- not a geek.

<Chr1stina> This girl I went to high school with is writing me
emails through classmates.com
<Kancer> I reply to those people, "big whoop our parents just
happen to bone at the same time and in the same location, it
dosen't make you special"
<Alex> I'm pretty sure my high school class wasn't the result
of one giant orgy in 1978.
<Kancer> Alex: are you sure? it was the 70s

<Wegs> I can get my 2Kb/sec, so it must be working
<Gothmog> wow 2K a second!!!
<Gothmog> i got better than that on our old 33.6 :/
<Wegs> yeah...
<Wegs> I am connected at 26.4
<Wegs> so blow me
<Gothmog> lol
<Gothmog> at those speeds, i could start blowing you now and
you wont feel it unil saturday :P

<jstepka> there is nothing about you a complete personality
change couldn t fix.

<maff> yoga fire!
<timmo> yoga flame!
<maff> if you were dhalism right now, I bet you'd get stopped
in the airport.

[Amanda_] No way, Chris, I had real food for dinner
[`michael] squirrels
[Amanda_] dude
[Amanda_] Squirrel is good

<darkrift> 10 bucks I'm gonna be the only one wearing hobbit
ears and strapped with my ork sword at lord of the rings 2.
<Cano> and u'll get beat down
<darkrift> uhm no
<darkrift> hello
<darkrift> ork detecing sword.

<rdragon> command.com was the filename of the shell in dos
<ih8uungr8> oh i see its on the internet
<@PMP> What does the internet have to do with any of this?
<ih8uungr8> for www.command.com
<rdragon> *slaps his forehead*
<@PMP> Oh god
<ih8uungr8> how do you type
<ih8uungr8> i tried making it fullscreen but that doesnt work

<Q-Ball> Average Ejaculatory Speed
<Q-Ball> 28 miles per hour (45 km/hr).
<Q-Ball> you could kill a small mammal with that

<illfates> the first time I had an orgasm
<illfates> i had my dick buried all the way into a stuffed
animal
<illfates> a kangaroo named "Fred"

<angelwhisper> what fucken os does linux run on???

<A|exander> i bet aguilera would be as dirty as fuck
<DarthJesus> I dunno'
<DarthJesus> I think she'd be too self involved to want to do
anything for you
<A|exander> not if i knocked her unconscious first.

<GreenFux> gym music always sounds like porn music for some
reason
<Rakekniven> Same with 60's and 70's educational film strips.
<Rakekniven> Whoever would've guesed that Oxygen and Hydrogen
enjoy bonding to the same music as Bunny Love and Brock
Stiffy.
<opie> heh
<GreenFux> i think that i will formulate a theory that the
universe is powered by hot steamy sex
<GreenFux> it makes more sense than string theory right away

<Ickypeww> i ain't eating no girl untill they genetically
engineer one with a watermellon flavored pussy that gets
sweeter when she gets exited

<Fishfood> hey when we are all grown up and have kids we
should all meet up and pit our kids against each other in a 5
day battle royale
<Prick> "Kid Rancher"
<Fishfood> my kid will kick all your kids asses
<Prick> Mine will be pixies. They'll strip seductively and
distract your kids.
<Fishfood> all my kid needs is his wits and his amazingly
large penis
<Prick> I think you're assuming that the Big Ogre Penis Gene
skips a generation.

<jerk> napster's death kinda ruined it for me.  I don't trust
any of the programs out there now...too much spyware
<bloke> ahhh
<jerk> backdoors bigger than a transvestite's
<bloke> theres an expression that u just don't hear enough

<apoc> my girlfriend called me a fag, jokingly.
<apoc> i think jokingly

<ttyR2> mebe I'll hard wire an external modem to make DTMF
tones and hook it to the phone line for those pesky sales
calls
<MtDew> just get an air horn
<ttyR2> I happen to have one
<ttyR2> runs off a bottle of CO2 from my paintball gun
<MtDew> my parents used to have a small one sitting next to
the phone
<MtDew> any telemarketer got a blast in their ear
<Magus> "Good day, sir, I represent the Hotsy Totsy Aluminum
Siding Co., and...." HOOOOONK! "AAAGH!"
<MtDew> exactly
<Magus> nah, telemarketers are fun to play with
<Magus> my favorites are the credit card guys
<Magus> once I let one go thru his whole pitch, he thought
he'd made a sale, then I asked
<Magus> "I just got out of prison 2 weeks ago for credit card
fraud, will that hurt anything?"
<Magus> *click*

<nonzero> do you have a vagina?
<cisco_gal> yes :p
<nonzero> sweet

<cams> red: yea, well i'll take your land
<cams> then lie to you
<cams> and give you deseases
<reddiwhipper> that was the native americans
<cams> no, actually, im doing my impression of a woman

<Kharn> D'ya think colouring my eye ball with a permanent
marker will hurt?

<[Matt]> the only thing about mullholland drive that didn't
confuse me entirely was the lesbian sex scenes
<[Matt]> other than that, i was lost

<danh> interviewing a fat guy
<danh> do we hire him
<pbuckley> does he have a beard?
<danh> nope
<pbuckley> then no

<UBeR> If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy
her friends?

e l i t e m r p: you think you're so smart cause you go to
"school"

<+ajrez> same job when i moved across the street the cubes
were lower, typical gray, and huge, 8x10 or something
<+ajrez> at that location i ran some 2x4s up to 7' and covered
my cube with camoflage netting
<+ajrez> so in the middle of this giant room filled with cubes
there was this bunker in the middle of it
<+ajrez> CEO would give tours to investors... "and that over
there is the security team"   "ohhhhhhh" /knowing nods/

<Ludious> I think it's delightfully ironic that the aisle
across from the valentines stuff at Walmart features family
size bottles of vaseline.

<maff> i know how to curb your childs videogame addiction
<maff> buy them a mac

<homeslice> <Arbo> I'm making a personal call to tell someone
I'll be working through lunch, and I get fired for it.
<kitten> A PERSONAL CALL
<kitten> YOU MONSTER
<kitten> YOU SHOULD BE HANGED
<homeslice> He's going to hell now.
<homeslice> That's like the 14th commandment.
<homeslice> On the tablet that Moses broke.
<kitten> I think the 11th was "Thou Shalt Not Pay A Lot For A
Muffler".

simplisteartiste_sanguineaskew: Hey love. How did the
Valentine's treat you?
le_tedious: Like a rape victim.

<cornbeef> 8? i didnt even know what a vagina was at 8
<Scofco> I didn't learn to masturbate until I was 17... up
until then I always thought 'masturbation' was a type of pasta
dish they served in fancy restaurants

<izi_> I like my servers like I like my women. monochrome and
text only.

<CptSage> Awesome error message
<CptSage> Best one ever
<CptSage> A network error has occured. This computer's
Internet connection appears to be online. (-66559).

<gee> i made $52 at busch gardens saturday
<iban> in a bathroom stall?

<Ashen> NP: [bangles - eternal flame.mp3]
<Ashen> k, i feel really gay right now
<Ashen> NP: [Lords Of Acid - Show Me Your Pussy.mp3]
<Ashen> there we go

<Grimmel> STICKING YOUR PENIS INTO ANOTHER DUDES ASS IS
DISGUSTING
<Grimmel> UNLESS ITS MARDOM
<Mardom> what?

handler.: germans like american wrestlers
nos-spec: yeah cause american wrestlers look like german girls

<Hito> This girl at school asked me a really wierd question
today.
<Hito> "What's the best ecperience you've ever had while
masturbating? Explain why. After, tell me what the worst
experience you've had masturbating is, and explain why."
<Jin|Cool> I got that once as an essay question on my SAT.
<Jin|Cool> Mostly why I got a 1200.

Jersey Seven: 2DAY IS NATIONAL PRESENTS DAY!!~! SEND THIS
MESSAGE TO 30 OTHER PPL AND YOU WILL RECIEVE MANY PRESENTS FOR
XMAS AND UR TRUE LOVE WILL FINALLY START TO LIKE U!!!~
U ONLY HAVE 10 MINUTES SO U BETTER HURY!!!~
Chant320: Hey. Tomorrow is national shut the fuck up with the
stupid chain letters day. It never hurts to get a head start.

<crazymaninvan> boobs on the life channel!
<Spamalope> What species?

loofaspunge: for(int food = 0; food < worldhunger; food++)
worldhunger--;

<sluggy> my essay kinda sucks, its not long enough
<Stooert> talk about fight club
<sluggy> Both Caesar and Brutus had good intentions and good
qualities about them. However, they both contained flaws that
led to their downfall, thus making them both "tragic heroes"
in the Shakespearian sense. Self improvement is masturbation,
and you are not your fucking Khakis.

<MartinBr> LOOK AT MY IDLE!!!
<MartinBr> Uh.... d'oh!

<@Cain> i
<@Cain> am
<@Cain> ALIVE
<@Cain> yes iam
<@Cain> but no sleep
<@Cain> in days
<@Cain> makes me sad
<@Cain> and not here
*** Cain has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<@Domino_> was that a poem?
<@Domino_> cuz i hate drive-by prose :\

<Basketcase> Spliffy I got a kitty today!
<Basketcase> Paris gave him to me!
<Basketcase> he's the cutest little thing
* Basketcase sighs
<Basketcase> I love that man
<Spliff> lol
<Spliff> pussy for some pussy
<Spliff> cute
<Basketcase> Shut up

*** Mode change "+b *!*@24CBE824.816AE85.502C52D6.IP" for
channel #s*p by Spazz
<Spazz> Typo.
<amishjosh> typo? YOU BANNED HIM!
<Spazz> b and v, they're right next to each other

<+timovgod> I had a penis transplant but my hand rejected it