bash.org archive

<NuclearisWinterius> "Without the USA there would be no
France, just a greater Germany" and the guest on the show said
"Without France, there would be no USA, just a greater
England"
<Method> hurray for france!
<Method> without england, there'd be no USA, just a really big
canada where they all spoke french.
<Method> i don't know what's worse
<ari> Without Finland, there would be no IRC and this
pointless discussion would not be taking place :p

<Dark_Soul>Just because I'm from Canada doesnt mean I live in
an igloo.
<Ralts>What, you fucking homeless?

<Elly_May>  i'm so sick of fucking my father
<Shitshe>  you mean i'm so sick of MY fucking father
<Elly_May> whatever makes you happy you conservative piece of
shit

Lucius: so im stuck hangin out with this emo kid
Lucius: he goes up to this hot girl and says "hey baby, what
are you doing lateR?"
Lucius: she turns to him and goes "boy, i already have a
pussy, i dont need another one" and walks away
Lucius: i couldnt stop laughing
Lucius: then he gets this sad look and tells me to shut up
Lucius: i calmly pull out my sharpie and draw a tear on his
cheek
Lucius: he literally shrieks and runs away

<Pwnz0rz> What do you guys do after sex?
<D3v1lm4n> i like to cuddle with her
<Haxorz> i leave
<Dragneel> i Bury her again

<Thalog> is it just me, or has our society come to the
realisation of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451?
<Thalog> I recall being in a car filled with 5 people,
excluding myself
<Thalog> but no one was talking
<Thalog> everyone was doing things on their cell phones and
such
<UlsterResident> ah, yeah
<Thalog> and they might as well have not have been there
<Thalog> and when they did talk, they didn't really say
anything in particular
<UlsterResident> I'm gunna go watch some TV
<UlsterResident> bbl
<Thalog> ...

<RandalCalrissian> Who wrote an essay entitled 'Advice to a
Young Man on choosing a Mistress'?
<Jeegoo> Cassanova 
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 1st hint, B___am__ ____k___
<Jeegoo> no idea
<Randal> dr seus
<Jeegoo> hee
<Zwuh> Al Gore
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 2nd hint, _en_a_in _r_n__i_
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 3rd hint, B_njami_ Fra__lin
<Zwuh> Benjamin Frankin
<Jeegoo> Benjamn franklin
<Randal> benjamin frankls
<Randal> oop
<Randal> s
<Zwuh> haha
<RandalCalrissian> Time's up! The answer was: Benjamin
Franklin
<Zwuh> way to spell, team!

<stank> guys.. i went out tonight.
<stank> i pretended to be a normal college student.
<stank> and i stood uncomfortably on a porch with a bunch of
people i don't know.
<stank> but then i ran into bill and will, who were pretending
in the same way.
<stank> so we talked about networks and i felt better.

***  mrBlond changes topic to "Open party at Minko's, All
welcome. Place for 500"
<Minko> grrrr
<Minko> You can all come, but I'm not gonna be there
*** mrBlond changes topic to "Open party at Minko's  <Minko>
You can all come"
<Minko> Stop it guys, I'm busy this weekend
<Minko> I've got big things planned
*** mrBlond changes topic to "Open party at Minko's  <Minko>
You can all come <Minko> I've got big things planned"
<Minko> Aaargh

<daem0n_> i got new car radio the other day, its pretty cool.
you shout soul and it plays soul, you shout rock and it plays
rock. the other day some kids ran past my car and i yelled
"FUCKING KIDS" and it played michael jackson.

<+Radial> i think my mother knows i watch porn
<+Radial> i can't tell...
<Tsukari> Are you a male?
<+Radial> i am
<Tsukari> She knows.

Ben174: fuckin paypal.. they need new databases or something..
seems like every other day i get an email and have to go
update my account information.

<dArEn> I used to be bad at math, but I did a 360 in that

Unregistered> I think shes finally lost it...she sitting in
the corner going *beep* *beep* and pretending shes a computer
in the hope I will pay attention to her....

<dsully> please describe web 2.0 to me in 2 sentences or less.
<jwb> you make all the content. they keep all the revenue.

(Mutiny) I'm talking to my mom online and she just said "i
could use a good vibrator. i know you dont want to hear that
but a woman has needs"
* Mutiny runs and washes his eyes out with bleach

<infoe> silmaril: what about jesus on the cross
<infoe> and he calls to peter
<infoe> and peter tries to approach
<infoe> and the roman guards prevent him with violence
<infoe> they blacken his eye
<infoe> and scuff him up pretty good
<infoe> and jesus calls him again
<infoe> <jesus> peter.
<infoe> and peter cries "i'm coming lord" and throws himself
at the guards
<infoe> who beat him roughly and break his arm
<infoe> at which point he whimpers off
<infoe> again jesus calls to peter <jesus> peter...
<infoe> peter yells to christ "i am coming!" and he throws
himself at the guards again
<infoe> putting up a vicious struggle but not laying a hand of
violence on the guards
<infoe> finally they concent to let him pass
<infoe> and peter .. his broken arm.. badly bruised and
slashed makes it before jesus and kneels and says "i am here
father what is it that you want of me?"
<infoe> <jesus> peter, i can see your house from here

<Beeth>  Progress (n.):  The process through which the
Internet has evolved from smart
<Beeth>  people in front of dumb terminals to dumb people in
front of smart terminals.

<Ulm> Sigh. I've lost my cow.
<Ulm> I think she's learned to open her gate and she's gone.
<Ulm> Been looking for about 5 hours now.
<dal-X> Need more cowbell.

<VFR8> Omg
<VFR8> I was driving home today and I saw the best license
plate
<VFR8> 56K SRY

<Shaft> i was just reading a news headline and i thought it
said "double amputee conquers everquest" and i was like whoa
<Shaft> but is said everest
<Shaft> which is far less impressive

<BlackHawk> LULU: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got
nothing to put in it.
<LULU> You wear pants don't you?

<Maky> Women do:
<Maky> - Piercings in the strangest places
<Maky> - Tatoos everywhere
<Maky> - Face liftings
<Maky> - Cesarian Birth
<Maky> - Liposuction
<Maky> - Chirurgial reduction of the abdomen.
<Maky> - Plucking of facial hair and eyebrows
<Maky> - Depilation with hot wax
<Maky> SO HOW CAN THEY DARE TO TELL YOU "IT HURTS" WHEN YOU
ASK FOR SOME ANAL SEX?!?!?

<shaqzilla> I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is
for black people.

<dil-hole> Today I was at a restaurant and was waiting for my
food. 
<dil-hole> Then I started to play my DS on pictochat see? And
I found someone that was playing it too. 
<dil-hole> We started to draw pictures and thinking it was
some older guy and everything, I was joking around and drew a
penis.
<dil-hole> I looked up to see who it was and about 20 feet
away, I heard a gasp. I look up and it s a 10 year old girl
with a DS in her hands.
<dil-hole> I immediately closed my DS and hid it. That was
freaken scary.

<Travis> Why don't you just keep your hair brown?
<Alex> It's not brown
<Alex> It's auburn
<Travis> What the fuck is Auburn?
<Alex> ...
<Rex> He's a guy, he only sees like 10 colours or something,
don't do this to him.

<Blabber> i just started working out, to get me some muscle
and feel confident
<Blabber> so after the first time, i come home and look at
myself in the mirror
<Blabber> to see if there is already improvement
<Blabber> my mom steps in and says "you look good enough to
play in a warmovie"
<Blabber> so she boosts my confidence and i say thx! like a
sergeant you mean?
<Blabber> and i swear to god then she says: no like a
concentration camp victim
<Blabber> she left the room laughing her ass off...

<Ashley> No, believe me... my job SUCKS.
<Ashley> We have to clock out to go to the bathroom. What kind
of shit is that?
<Robert> The kind you don't get paid for.

<Deffy> Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies,
I get candy.

<QJ> your grandma opened the shower door
<QJ> while you were wanking?
<knox> yep
<knox> it was worse than that
<QJ> she finished you off?

<LkTruth1> I am the most intelligence person in this channel.

<cSk|Sperry> There were 2 people on a boat: /hop and /quit. /
hop got off, who's still on the boat?
* nipple_frog has quit IRC

Seppukakke: You know, in the Old Testament, God was full of
Wroth and Vengeance. You did bad stuff, he rained brimstone
down on your ungrateful ass or harrassed your people with 7
plagues.
Seppukakke: In the New Testament, its like he has turned over
a new leaf, you don't hear some much of the nasty things he
did to his people (because if you believe in it, everyone on
earth is his creation)
Seppukakke: You know what happened around the time between the
New Testament and the Old Testament?
Seppukakke: He got laid.

<Jesus> a black baby died and went to heaven
<Jesus> and god looked at him and said, "you've earned your
wings"
<Jesus> and gave the black baby wings
<Jesus> the black baby look up and said, "am i really an angel
now"
<Jesus> and God looked down and said,
<Jesus> "HELL NAW, NIGGA, YOU A BAT"

<n909> cool the girl across the street has her window on
<n909> and it's light enough that i can use binoculars
<n909> brb
<jack|ass> n909: you are a horrible person.
<jack|ass> n909: a gentleman would set up a webcam so all
could enjoy.

<Ben> good weather for mowing my ass...
<Ben> er...
<Ben> "good weather for mowing" my ass

<Geologist[afkr]> knock knock
<thebigmike1983[FARK]> who's there?
<Geologist[afkr]> 9/11
<thebigmike1983[FARK]> 9/11 who?
<Geologist[afkr]> YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!

< Rei> who lived in a pineapple under the sea, SPONGEBOB
SQUAREPANTS
< Rei> who died in an oil spill because of bp, SPONGEBOB
SQUAREPANTS!

<nOmAd93-8> oh, I've lost a ke.-button on m. ke.board... which
is after "x" and before "z"!!
<68-bbb> there aren't any keys between z and x, dumbass

<watashi-wa>necrophilia is dead boring
<chersucks> wtf?!?
<watashi-wa>try incest instead
<watashi-wa>it's only relatively boring :p

Steve: I was buying condoms for a friend of mine at the beach
in a drug store
Steve: and I also picked up one of those freezable ice packs
cuz I hurt my knee surfing that day
Steve: I put both of the items on teh counter
Steve: the big black guy behind the counter looks at me and
says quite loudly
Steve: son, what are you gonna do to that poor girl
Steve: this older couple that was checking out looks at me and
then hurries out fo the store

sdrawkcab yekim: tomorrow i'm going to drink 10 gallons of
water
revmoo: why
sdrawkcab yekim: i wanna see how long i can pee for one time
revmoo1: that's it, I'm done with the Internet

<artof tanz>God i'm a loser.
<artof tanz>Some commercial for a sitcom said this
<artof tanz>wife: "what color are my eyes?!" husband: "34C"
<artof tanz>and I'm like, wtf thats not an RGB value

Nexion: Dustin is so stupid
Nexion: i told him, there is no real proof of god
Nexion: and he goes there doesn't need to be
Nexion: and i said "well then im god"
Nexion: and he goes "prove it."
Nexion: ...

cromar: If there is a God, why does he/she allow disasters
like earthquakes and Microsoft?
dvice_null: Are you comparing a disaster that causes billions
of dollars financial losses and thousands of people to lose
their home every year, to a natural movement of tectonic
plates? That's low.

<M[at]> know what I hate?
<M[at]> when you download shrek 2, and find its in german
<M[at]> then download it again and get it in french
<M[at]> then download it again and finding its a different
film
<M[at]> then do you know whats worse?
<M[at]> when you download debbie does dallas
<M[at]> and get the english version of shrek 2 :(

<fenriz> my mother found some of my porn the other day
<fenriz> I'm not sure which folder she found, but I can safely
assume she only scratched the surface
<fenriz> because she complimented me on my taste

<Rei> What's Microsoft Works?
<K> An oxymoron.

[Lord-Data] Id like to know.. Who discovered cows could be
milked, and WTF WAS HE DOING!?

<Orajim> I was in the bathroom today and written above one of
the urinals said "The joke isn't on the wall, it's in your
hands"
<Orajim> I never felt so small in my life.

<RushMore> fuck yuo
<RushMore> fuck yuo
<RushMore> fuc kyou
<Diablo1399> okay rushmore, you've tried to say "fuck you" 3
times now
and you still can't get it
<RushMore> twice
<RushMore> the seconds was a repeat of the first
<Diablo1399> whatever, you're still retarded
<RushMore> fukc you

<Trin[awah]> I was dyeing easter eggs, and I said, "my eggs
came out all ugly!"
<Trin[awah]> and my brother said to me, "well, now you know
how your mother feels."

< Ergo^> Six Stages of Debugging
< Ergo^> 1. That can't happen.
< Ergo^> 2. That doesn't happen on my machine.
< Ergo^> 3. That shouldn't happen.
< Ergo^> 4. Why does that happen?
< Ergo^> 5. Oh, I see.
< Ergo^> 6. How did that ever work?
< MatthewWilkes> 7. svn blame
< miniwark> 8. one day we will write tests

<Xeph> fuck
<Xeph> i meant to create 2 rar files at 200000000 bytes a
piece
<Xeph> not 200000000 files
<Xeph> at 2 bytes a piece

<cave> what does stfu mean??
<nso> shut the fuck up
<cave> sor-ry.. it was a simple question.. no reason to get so
mad..

<DigDug> i think i'm gonna walk to the movie theater and see
dinosaur...
<kimy-> and be surrounded by like 10 year old girls?
<Amanda_> He said Dinosaur, not N'Sync.

<@DemocracyDan> 5 votes to get kyhx banned!
<@DemocracyDan> fine if you are all going to spit in the face
of democracy by not voting we won't allow talking at all
* DemocracyDan sets mode: +m
* DemocracyDan is now known as NaziNorm
<@NaziNorm> this is what happens when you don't allow your
voices to be heard
<@NaziNorm> they get taken away
<@NaziNorm> think about that for awhile

<Fade_> heh, truent, you have a big fat dick up my ass 
<Fade_> err your ass

donchongo: i wonder what possesed some one to invent play-doh
and silly putty
Wildfire: poop dries out to fast
donchongo: that really put a screeching halt to my thought
process

<Clinton> "Here in canada, we have a special program to deal
with the homeless, its called "winter""

<[Midgard]Reynard[50DRG]> a friend of mine once commented that
huamns are the only species to go out of our way to obtain
milk after we've been weaned, I replied that we were the only
species with cookies

<monarch> the other day i skipped church and went to get
something to eat at 7-11
<monarch> i paid with a 10 and recieved $6.66 in change.
<monarch> am i going to hell?
<qbert> almost certainly
<monarch> fuck

<KJ> I was in a shop in Britain, when an American tourist in
front of me tried to pay for something in US dollars. The shop
keeper politely told her that this was Britain, and you can't
use U.S. dollars here. The lady replied... "But I had no
problems in other third world countries"

<Spazz`> I know that I'm supposed to respect my neighbors'
culture because they're hispanic, but I wish that wifebeating
was a little quieter.

<wahnsinn> $4000 for a couch?
<griff> you could feed some kid in africa for TEN YEARS for
that couch
<Mo> but could you sit on him afterward?

(Deranged): I like my women like I like my coffee.
(Jet): Black?
(SteveTheImpermeableHamster): full of your cream?
(mistik): hawt?
(Jet): Columbian?
(Aimee): hot?
(Jet): From McDonalds?
(SteveTheImpermeableHamster): in a cup?
(Jet): Spilt all over your lap?
(mistik): cheap?
(Deranged): No..
(Deranged): Ground up, and in the freezer.
(mistik): oh
(mistik): lmao

drool: i did a bit of an audit one month and discovered i had
spent $600 on alcohol so i gave it up
drool: the auditing, not the alcohol

<cygnus> oi
<cygnus> in windows
<cygnus> what it mean
<cygnus> if the folder has a hand underneaath it
<Sephiroth> means it is shared
<Sephiroth> across your network
<cygnus> how did you know that
<cygnus> i thought it meant itwas heavy
<cygnus> or something
<cygnus> like
<cygnus> it's got 10 gigs in it

<wenko> today in java the prof asked the class for a simple
iterator where we can  use some math
<wenko> so this one guy pipes up and says "Make it an address
book, and It will calcuate the percentage of girls that slept
with you"
<wenko> the prof looks up and says "I can't do that", meaning
its not appropriate
<wenko> so the guy yells back "why not?"
<wenko> and the first thing that came to mind i said "You get
an error when you divide by zero"