bash.org archive

<FuzLogic> I never did figure out how to open the damn doors
on the landing boats.
<mirth> "how i survived normandy" by FuzLogic

<TheFoundation> the statue of liberty was never meant as a
peace offering
<TheFoundation> the french just forgot to build an exit for
their troops
<Slash0> :D

*** wolex has joined #lockergnome
|wolex| hi
|wolex| Anyone active at this time?
* nobody is
|wolex| thanks
|wolex| but I need some help
* nobody can help you
|wolex| thanks again
* nobody wants to help you
|wolex| have a great day then
|wolex| oh thats better
|wolex| and why is that
|wolex| oh. nobody is a name!!!
|nobody| hahaha

<walt> So I play Tony Hawk Pro Skater all the time right
<walt> And I'm thinking
<walt> That's so awesome, I should learn how to skate!
<walt> So one of my sister's friends left her skateboard here,
and I started to dick around on it
<walt> Long story short, I fell over and broke my wrist
<walt> Now I can't play Tony Hawk.
<norl> lol dumbass

(ComradOtter) "A train station is where a train stops. A bus
station is where a bus stops. On my desk I have a
workstation..."

<s4xton> "fo shizzle ma nizzle" is a bastardization of "fo'
sheezy mah neezy" which is a bastardization of "for sure mah
nigga" which is a bastdardization of "I concur with you whole
heartedly my African american brother"

<WickedClown> well one night after sex i was lazy and left the
condom on the floor till morning
<WickedClown> her dog ate it
<WickedClown> and her dad found it hanging from the dogs butt
the next day

<Fabrice> GNAW ON NO WANG.
<Fabrice> This message brought to you by the Society of
Lesbians for Palindrome Advancement

<Kira> Tuesday was Groundhog Day and the State of the Union
Address.  As Air America Radio pointed out, it is an ironic
juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we
look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication
and the other involves a groundhog.

<nepredi> i was watching doom in the cinema today
<nepredi> there was a very exciting scene where it was matter
of life or death
<nepredi> and some guy behind me screams "SAVE IT, IDIOT!"

* qwerty- wonders why Home and End aren't yet implemented
<qwerty-> pretty useful keys, for me at least
<Mike`> The Home key works for me; everytime I press it, I
look around and I'm at home.
<Mike`> I haven't had the guts to try the End key yet.

<Neo-Tokyo> wouldnt you say suicide is a permenant solution to
a temporary problem?
<`[6]> I'm a Buddhist, I'd say suicide is a temporary solution
to a permanent problem.

<Bwaa> I tend to do stupid things when I panic
<Bwaa> Like when I accidently poked my friend in the eye,
panicked and poked him in the other one.. because it seemed
the sensible thing to do

<fraseyboy> you know what i just realized?
<fraseyboy> I can be anyone i want on IRC!!!!!
<fraseyboy> ...
* fraseyboy is now known as fraseyman

<jude> First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing
because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the
nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.

(@der-carsten`) tim? no school today?
(@Alucard`) it's saturday...
(@der-carsten`) no, it's thursday
Alucard` is now known as Alucard`school

<m[e]ntor> Does anyone know where I can buy 100 m of wireless
lan cable?
<insight> Well, you could try NASA's "things not yet and never
will be invented"-department or something.

<Jesse> hello, I am Jesse, male, 28 years old, caucasian, and
am looking for friends to chat with. I hope to see you online
<Amanda`> I HOPE TO SEE YOU FACE-DOWN IN A QUAGMIRE WITH A
NINE IRON LODGED BETWEEN YOUR SHOULDER BLADES

Alittleredhead16: why'd you get off yahoo
LamontOfnazareth: Because I got bored.
Alittleredhead16: ooohhhhhhhhhh
Alittleredhead16: yea sure
Alittleredhead16: dont lie, its becuz you think i'm ugly
LamontOfNazareth: No. I closed your webcam because I think
you're ugly.
LamontOfNazareth: I got off because I got bored.

<Locke|Away> Listen, this is purely theoretical, but is it
dangerous to get a cat high?
<Boko> only one way to find out o_O
<Locke|Away> Like, not making him eat it or anything, but
let's say there is a cat around the smoke.
<Locke|Away> That's not going to hurt the cat or anything,
right?
<Odyslep> don't think so
<Odyslep> unless it ODs
<Odyslep> prolly give it a cough too
<Locke|Away> Let's say it hasn't coughed but it keeps trying
to jump on top of the TV set and it keeps missing. 
<Locke|Away> Would that sort of cat be in any trouble?

<Redden> you know what you shouldn't take on planes?
<Sealab> Leslie Nielson?
<Bagel> Box Cutters?
<Dodge> William Shatners?
<Scotty> Gameboys?
<DotTom> Babies?
<The Amazing Rando> Wesley Snipes?
<seander> Flaming torches?
<Gib Yob> Vials of smallpox?
<Kelvin> Zombies?
<Tomuber> Mutha fuckin snakes?

<TC|crapping> I AM HOMOSEXUAL AND SHOULDN'T LEAVE MY STUPID
GAME LOGGED IN WHEN I GO TO THE RESTROOM.
<TC|crapping> Love, TC's wife.

<wasted> fuck
<wasted> lol
<wasted> apperantly transparancy can go 100%
<wasted> invisible
<wasted> i have a window somewhere. in my screen.
<wasted> god knows where ;
<sc0tt> LOL

<s3ph>      ^_^              <-----<<<
<s3ph>      ^_^            <-----<<<
<s3ph>      ^_^          <-----<<<
<s3ph>      ^_^        <-----<<<
<s3ph>      O_o      <-----<<<
<s3ph>      o_O    <-----<<<
<s3ph>      O_o  <-----<<<
<s3ph>      O_O<-----<<<
<s3ph>      O_x----<<<
<s3ph>     <x_x--<<<
<s3ph>   <--x_x<<<
<s3ph> <----x_x<
<s3ph> ----<x_x
<s3ph> --<<<x_x
<s3ph> <<<  x_x
<s3ph> <    x_x
<s3ph>      x_x

<sthmnstr> So I was in this restauraunt with my gf the other
day and she wanted to emberas me.
<sthmnstr> I had eaten too much and was holding my stomach
moaning and then she's all like 'aww, is the baby kicking?'
and i said 'Yup. Thats the last time I eat one of those
whole...'

<phil> ok ok ops quiz
<phil> what's the command to leave an irc channel?
* Garron has quit IRC (Quit: )

<@Pie> unemployment rocks
<@Commander> you got fired?
<@Pie> long story
<@Commander> well, you're not going anywhere

<sutna> You wouldn't think that not knowing the difference
between a cupboard and a drawer could break apart a family.
<Seeker> It can?
<sutna> When I was like 6 my mom bought my grandmom a present
on my behalf for her birthday. She told me it was in the
cupboard and I should go fetch it for granny.
<Seeker> I can see where this is going..
<sutna> So granny is sitting on the couch waiting for her
present and I looked in the drawer instead of the cupboard , I
came running out the room holding a huge black ribbed dildo.
<Seeker> Well I feel sorry for you but you won't be offended
if I piss myself laughing?
<sutna> spose not
<Seeker> WA HA AH AAHA AHA AHA AHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

<ShadowFury-> whats command for new nick name
* ChoBo is now known as gaynamehere
<Whitehorn> '/nick
<gaynamehere> err shit

<Skane|Insane> some idiot has the admin pass on his porn site
as admin/admin
<Realjones> link
<Kraglar> LINK
<Skywier> url
<tran> link plz
<tran> :P
<Previa> link skane~
<ben-> HAHAHHA
<Realjones> if you dont link you are banned

<PigsCantFly> SO MY MUM WAS LIKE "CLEAN YOUR ROOM" AND IM LIKE
"NO WAY FACIST" IM THE PUNKEST
<@K0ffing> THEN I SAID I'M 12 NOW MUM I CAN STAY OUT AS LONG
AS I LIKE AND SHE SAID GO TO YOUR ROOM SO I STABBED HER WITH
MY LINKIN PARK PEN
<PigsCantFly> D00D MY MUM SAID SHE DOESNT WANT ME SKATING IN
THE HOUSE BUT I WAS LIKE NO WAY HITLER AND I KICK-FLIPPED TO
INDY GRIND ON THE CAT

<@Laplie|Gone> I just don't place periods at the end of my
sentences every time.
<@TacoMaster> Periods are important...
<@TacoMaster> You start missing periods...
<@TacoMaster> Next thing you know...
<@TacoMaster> BLAMMO!
<@TacoMaster> Babies.

Amul Muzz said:
Why do I get the feeling that this is really a mob, just
waiting for someone to say something they do not agree with?
chrismjr said:
That's the best description for the internet I've ever heard

<Amanda`> We're going to have matching motherboards and
processors
<timmo> AMANDA: NOW THAT IS THE TYPE OF WEIRD SHIT IM TALKING
ABOUT
<timmo> MOST WOMEN WANT MATCHING SHEETS AND SHIT
<timmo> weirdo

<cali310> I heard the most ridiculous comment ever made by a
newscaster last night on fox........
<cali310> He said, "the Iraqis have hundreds of seasoned
suicide bombers"
<cali310> How in the fuck does one become a seasoned suicide
bomber?

( dogbert ) how do u do those action thingies?
( cams ) alt-f4
·· Quits: dogbert (client exited)
( cams ) ...
( mmmalice ) haha
( cams ) are you kidding me?
( Psy ) hahahaha
* dogbert has joined #pacult
( dogbert ) haha funny
( Psy ) It's alt f4
( Psy ) you hit alt f5
·· Quits: dogbert (client exited)

* Joins: Pronto ()
<MSminion> PRONTO!! YOUR BACK!!!
<Pronto> I brought my front, too.
<MSminion> Whoa! Both of 'em? Wow.
* Pronto bows.
<MSminion> What about your left?
<Pronto> Nope. It got left, right over there.
<MSminion> Right.
<Pronto> No, it left.
<MSminion> No left or right, then?
<Pronto> Damn straight.

<David> Finally. It works. My Palm is working.
<schnorks> Now you can hold stuff

<Kury^> the other day i found out that my Uni's fire
evacuation policy for ppl with wheelchairs is to 'push them
into a room, close the door, escape and then give the room
number to the firemen'

Trauma Kittten: OMG
MY CAT JUST JIZZED ON ME
Trauma Kittten:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
lordviram: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
lordviram: wtf didi you do to it?
lordviram: i didnt know you were into all that
lordviram: lol
lordviram: wow
Trauma Kittten: well he's a longhair cat
Trauma Kittten: and sometimes his pants get matted
Trauma Kittten: so i was holding him on my lap
Trauma Kittten: and he was purring with his eyes closed and i'm like
trying to untangle them
Trauma Kittten: then i realized one of the bunches wasn't a tangle, it was
his nuts
Trauma Kittten: they both kinda feel the same
Trauma Kittten: then my hand gets a glob of clear stuff on it
lordviram: wow
Trauma Kittten: i'm gonna kill myself
lordviram: that's just
lordviram: hahahahaha
Trauma Kittten: i just jerked my cat off
lordviram: i'd say something but nothing can really add to the effect of
admitting you just jerked off your cat
Trauma Kittten: heh....
Trauma Kittten: i'm surprised that one didn't make it to your profile heh
lordviram: that's cuz i'm gonna post that to bash.org
lordviram: LOL
Trauma Kittten: !
lordviram: ....wow
Trauma Kittten: OH NO
Trauma Kittten: the cat is back
Trauma Kittten: heh
lordviram: maybe it wants to return the favor
lordviram: heh
Trauma Kittten: well there was one site i saw where it recommended putting
whipped cream on your clit and letting em lick it off
Trauma Kittten: but i wouldn' go that far, i don't think
lordviram: you dont think?
lordviram: o.0
lordviram: well. you did just jack off your cat.
Trauma Kittten: BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
Trauma Kittten: i was just trying to make him have nice pants
lordviram: you are one freaky chick

<nerd> my wife installed IE7
<nerd> because she felt like it
<ct> where did you bury the body?

<Chirako> You know what cereal is really nasty?
<Chirako> Gravy Train.
<Chirako> It's like, these little hard pieces of bran and
crumbly beef flavored crap.  You pour water over it, and it
gets soggy and makes gravy around it.
<Disco_Ernie> Chirako..that's...dog food..
<Chirako> It was NOT dog food!
<Chirako> Mommy wouldn't feed me dog food!
* Chirako looks at Mommy
<Chirako> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
<Chirako> IT'S DOG FOOD!
<Chirako> http://www.gravytraindog.com/
<Chirako> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
<Chirako> She's always been obsessed with me eating dog
food... >_<
<Chirako> When I was little, she told me the Jerky Treats were
real jerky, and I kept eating the whole bag
* Chirako gags
<Chirako> If there's one thing dogs love, it's rich,
<Chirako> beefy gravy. That's why every nugget of
<Chirako> Gravy Train is basted in real beef juices.
<Chirako> Just mix it with warm water, and you can
<Chirako> give your dog a warm homestyle meal,
<Chirako> dripping with the delicious gravy he loves.
* Chirako graons
<Chirako> Oh, man.... I'm gonna kill her
<Disco_Ernie> At least Chirako will have:
<Disco_Ernie> Healthy skin
<Disco_Ernie>  Glossy coat
<Disco_Ernie>  Strong teeth and bones
<Disco_Ernie>  Builds and maintains body tissue
<Disco_Ernie>  Efficient digestion
<Disco_Ernie>  Clear eyes
<Chirako> ..I should have known.
<Chirako> She NEVER makes me breakfast

<FlourescentGerbil> My mom is going to kill me
<FlourescentGerbil> I was supposed to be watching my little
brother, but while I was jacking off to porn, my brother
wasted a quarter pound of beef trying to create a beef
milkshake

<shwatta> never drinking again
<shwatta> went out yesterday for a few lunch time beers in the
city right
<shwatta> those 'few' turned into lots
<shwatta> woke up at 9am the next day in a park down by the
beach which is 30 kilometres away from the city... no phone,
no wallet, no memory, blood all over myself with no obvious
wounds
<shwatta> the weirdest thing was that in my hands there was
this little statue of a hindu god with a massive grin on its
face

<TheShadowHunter> I wish I wore an eyepatch
<TheShadowHunter> itd give me that air of mystery that the
ladies find irresistible
<Saria> Ahahaha
<Saria> Wtf
<Saria> Yeah, eyepatches totally up teh sekz0r fact0r
<TheShadowHunter> psssh you say that now
<TheShadowHunter> but wait till youre milling around at a
party
<TheShadowHunter> and all of a sudden the doors open and I
walk in wearing a tux and an eyepatch
<TheShadowHunter> and people gasp
<TheShadowHunter> and an uncomfortable buzz fills the room as
people try to return to their former joviality
<TheShadowHunter> "I heard he lost that eye defending an
orphanage from a killer!"
<TheShadowHunter> "I heard he lost it deep in the amazon!"
<TheShadowHunter> "Hes so mysterious!"
<TheShadowHunter> "So sexy!"
<TheShadowHunter> and all the ladies would want me
<TheShadowHunter> till I tell them I was running with
silverware and stabbed myself in the eye with a fork

<prence> oh
<prence> my
<prence> god
<prence> i just hit the print button
<prence> instead of save
<prence> on some porn
<prence> and its printing out on my moms printer
<prence> and im upstairs
<prence> and cant do anything about it

<Brinstar> If it wasn't for C, we'd be using BASI, PASAL and
OBOL.

<thefwf> I just realised soemthing while watching spongebob
with my mates
<thefwf> They were like "wtf, how come the food stays on the
plate underwater"
<thefwf> and I was like
<thefwf> "WHY IS THERE A TALKING SPONGE LIVING IN A FUCKING
PINEAPPLE"

<BlastuR> i'm new to C++ (and C), and I want to learn C++.
I've got Visual C++. It seems to me that a lot of stuff
compiles even if you mix C and C++ code.. is there any way I
can set the compiler in strict C++ mode, I don't want to learn
C/C++ mix mode ;)
<qDotWork> BlastuR: You need a segregating compiler
<qDotWork> I think the KKK has one on their website.
<qDotWork> Also, name your functions things like "NoCHere" and
"CGoHome" and "CIsTheImpureRace", to let C know that you'll
have none of it around.
<qDotWork> I'm actually working some concentration camps for C
right now.
* qDotWork is now known as CppHitler
<kewk> BlastuR, you can't compile only C++, as C and C++
overlap a lot.
<CppHitler> NEIN
<CppHitler> DAS C++ IST DIE ABSCHLIEßENDE LöSUNG
<cynic_X_> HEIL

<Fluidmist> so, who wants to come to mexico with me?
<technophobe> i would, but i dont speak mexican
<Fluidmist> i thought you spoke spanish.
<techophobe> i do, i dont speak mexican though
<Fluidmist> are you serious?
<technophobe> what? yes
<Fluidmist> who wants to be the one to explain this to him?

<Andries> jesus if i can run this myspace page i could probs
run crysis

<Ich> Why are you hosting on port 666?
<Texasdex> just for the hell of it

Yakuza: We get telemarketers all the time calling my house
Yakuza: So one night me and my friends got together and waited
for one to call
Yakuza: When one did, I picked it up and was like talking to
the guy, giving him that false hope
Yakuza: Then I had my friends ring the doorbell, and I was
like oh hold on
Yakuza: I went to the door and had my friends like shout shit
like "There he is! Get him!"
Yakuza: And we started popping balloons and had a movie on
full blast in the background
Yakuza: And then I let out this gut wrenching scream
Yakuza: I let the line go silent, and the guy on the other end
was like "uhh... sir?"
Yakuza: Then my friend ran over and picked up the phone and
was like "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS!?"
Yakuza: I guess he hung up like instantly :D

<Beerman> I demand random linkage! link me to strange things,
and entertain me
<tate> http://www.goatse.cx/
<ecs> i was just gunna say that...
<Beerman> my word, whats wrong with that mans bottom?

<Hat> Someone explain this to me.
<Hat> On an 80 minute CD
<Hat> I somehow recorded 1 hour and 15 minutes of music
<Lobot> That's 75 minutes.
<Hat> .....
<Hat> oh.  right.
<Hat> Goddamn time.

<IAX> You can't spell manslaughter without laughter.

<khamosis> oh man... i had typed "hey! anyone awake?" in
another channel about 20 minutes ago
<khamosis> and just now i saw it and typed "yes!" not
realizing it was me

<quintessential> HOLY SHIT! SOMEONE JUST FIRED A FIRECRACKER
ONTO MY BALCNONY
<kuntraver> heh
<quintessential> i should close teh door, but its not a noisy
one, its just a sparkler on steroids i tink
<kuntraver> anyhoo, how are the submissions going?
<quintessential> ok, i just uploaded a batch yesterday
<quintessential> wtf
<kuntraver> ?
<quintessential> CRAP MY CAT IS ON FIRE!!!!!!

<G-Nat> i love the graffiti in the physics toilets at uni
<G-Nat> a physics student wrote "Arts Degree Dispenser" on the
toilet paper dispenser

[ Skip ] my mum told me she deleted "that program that you
have obscene conversations on"
[ Skip ] i came on and irc was still here
[ Skip ] yet my winamp is gone :S

* Therapist is now known as TheRapist
<Zvorg> ...
<JebusCrip> ...
<Stateobv> dotdotdot
<TheRapist> What? I like capitalizing random letters..

<Sollen> so were walking back to the lab I m distracted and
paying attention that were coming up to the street and I go to
put my foot down and the curb isn't there any more.
<Sollen> and I actually realize I'm starting to fall, and I
could of tried to stumble and keep walking; except I have my
laptop in my bookbag and after the trouble I had I'm not about
to risk banging it around.  So my geek impulses say "save the
computer; sacrifice your body"
<Sollen> I guess all the martial arts helps because I managed
to do this nice slow controlled fall to the ground, at the
last minute I let go of my soda to throw my hand to the ground
and somehow the soda  manages to fall  so it's standing face
up without spilling a drop.
<Sollen> so there I am lying in the middle of this road in
center of campus with everyone staring at me after I just did
this perfect drop from standing position to lying position
completely uninjured without spilling a drop
<Sollen> so I decide to play it cool, I just lie there like
"yeah I meant to do that, I was just getting tired so I
thought I would take a nap right here"

<glyph> For example - if you came in here asking "how do I use
a jackhammer" we might ask "why do you need to use a
jackhammer"
<glyph> If the answer to the latter question is "to knock my
grandmother's head off to let out the evil spirits that gave
her cancer", then maybe the problem is actually unrelated to
jackhammers

<Razhal> The internet is a beautiful place....
<Razhal> Because no matter what kind of twisted freak you are,
you've got a friend out there :D
<Razhal> You could ask the internet "Find people who have sex
with goats on fire."
<Razhal> And internet will ask you, "What kind of goats?"

*** UndErX has joined #help
<UndErX> sup lamer newbies
<UndErX> answer this if u r not newbiez:
<FiEsTy-> well, ask
<UndErX> no newbie lamer
<UndErX> lamerz
<FiEsTy-> hey please dont type /quit fiesty- because it makes
me quit IRC.. please
*** Quits: UndErX (Quit: fiesty-)

<headlessj> i dl winrar, and it came in a .rar file

<Ariela> I want a man that is like a purse: looks good on your
arm, carries your things, and hopefully matches your shoes.
<Nap> I want a woman who's like a good pair of shoes: looks
good, provides support, and doesn't recite stupid analogies.

<Potato> I've known her for years and I've always wanted to
fuck her.
<Potato> But her last boyfriend was a 6 foot 7 black man.
<Potato> So I just don't try.
<Potato> I'm above average, but he was a giant black man.
<Potato> I mean, c'mon.
<Potato> He was like Godzilla, but black.  Like Shaftzilla.
<memo> Did he smash Japanese skyscrapers with his dong?
<Potato> Yes.
<Potato> Yes he did.

Iridium24: If there is one thing i can do, its multitask