bash.org archive

<Goemon> you know how they have the /whois command, they
should have a /whowas command to see who people were after
they quit.
<Spidey> they do, goemon
<Goemon> damn.
<Goemon> my mom must have dropped
<Goemon> me

El Fry Guy: That reminds me. I was kicked out of history class
for making a joke about the holocaust
El Fry Guy: The teacher puts in this after school special or
some shit about the holocaust. Guess who hosted it?
JoseoftheWired: Who
El Fry Guy: I shit you not. Keanu Fucking Reeves.
JoseoftheWired: haha
El Fry Guy: As he's talking I burst out laughing then say
"Then Hitler jumps out of the sky and says 'Dude. I have a
most excellent solution.'"

<Snoody> Banky, are you still a virgin?
<Banky> Ask your mom.
<Snoody> She said yes.

<Jay> Did you hear about the Linux-car finishing last in the
indy500?
<MrBeek> I did now ;-)
<MrBeek> Not surprised though... You know how impossible it is
to find a decent driver for linux hardware?

AntF22: dude
AntF22: "goober" in pig latin is "oober gay"
AntF22: hahahahaha

<SaxxonPike> shit
<SaxxonPike> I turned in a paper today
<SaxxonPike> and just now realized the title said "American
Herpes"
<SaxxonPike> instead of "American Heroes"
<SaxxonPike> fuck

<EFX>I hate it when the cats stare at me when I go into the
livingroom to jackoff to pornos :(

(SirJohnny) How do you feel about the US in the middle east?
(Talya) Uhhh
(Talya) They give us money
(Talya) so w00t
(SirJohnny) What if Bush woke up one day, and was like "WE'RE
GOING TO INVADE ISRAEL BECAUSE...UHM...LIKE, I THINK THEY HAVE
NUCLEAR WEAPONS!" what would you do? XD
(Talya) (we do have nuclear weapons)

<TriPa^> my mother is a cleaning fanatic
<TriPa^> one Saturday she told me and my brother to get down
to the playroom and straighten it up
<TriPa^> we had a party there the previous evening, and she
was none too happy about the mess
<TriPa^> as she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was
completely dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us
know it
<TriPa^> finally my brother, exasperated with having to do it
all over, reached for a broom and asked Mom:
<TriPa^> can I use this, or were you planning to go somewhere?

<Crimson> Damnit, I have to work in 1 hr!!
<Crimson> Damn these IRc's... they steal my sleep like the
blacks steal tv's.
<BigJP> I'm black.
<Crimson> Its a plasma! Its in the den, just dont hurt my
family!

<@parasyte> I went straight towards my room where my nice
large full size bed I had since I was 5 years old awaited me.
I opened the door and...
<@parasyte> ... there is my sister, riding her fat boyfriend,
fucking his brains out.
<@parasyte> My first thought was, "Wow, she had perky tits".
My second thought was, "Wow, so does he",

<AleX> i guess this channel must be a center of activity; when
i not rarondn an;sc;ln vialmnv,ma v,xznm f
dlJFSMSMMMSMMSM:HHHFRRF
<DerianX> Yes.
<AleX> sorry, i stopped caring halfway through that sentnece

<Lan_> my iq is a range of 145-178
<kender> is that in kelvin?

<Zeta7> I'll just avoid downloading porn
<Zeta7> heh
<pkeffect> :D
<Zeta7> that's where the viruses come from usually
<pkeffect> just like in real life

<Vash> /ctcp Bot doit passwd <command>
<Vash> try it!
<Kao> okay
-> [Bot] DOIT passwd msg #scripting I love babies
<bot> I love babies
-> [Bot] DOIT passwd /run shutdown -r -t 3 -c "byeeeee"
<Vash> ohhh
* Vash has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
* Bot has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)

<qik> ur at school?
<De-Gen> yer
<qik> LOOK TEACHER IT SAYS CUNT ON THE SCREEN!
*** De-Gen has quit IRC

*** Penfold has quit IRC (Excess Flood)
*** Penfold ([email protected]) has joined #keble
<Penfold> Excess flood my arse
<Ganesh> no thanks

<osaka> You know.
<osaka> I don't get why so many vegans have some kind of a
beef with me.
<osaka> Just because I bring home the bacon, doesn't mean I'm
egging them on.
<osaka> It's so cheesy for them to milk political correctness.
<osaka> The stakes are high on this one, but they're too
chicken to meet any resistance.

<Calvinosaur> You missed philosophy class today, huh?
<71mm34> yeh
<Calvinosaur> You know how Mr. Warren's policy is to read all
the passed notes out loud to the entire class?
<71mm34> no ive never expereinced it
<Calvinosaur> Well, we really threw him for a loop today ...
<Calvinosaur> Josh passed a note that made it around the whole
class before Mr. W caught it.
<Calvinosaur> Mr. W read it, walked out the door, and came
back in ten seconds later.
<Calvinosaur> We were in stitches at this point.
<71mm34> wat did it say
<Calvinosaur> "Mr. W's fly is open."

<DeAdiNsiDe> WOooOH!
<DeAdiNsiDe> SPIDERS!!!!!!!!
<Spiders> yes?
<DeAdiNsiDe> I FOUND MY DICK!!!
<DeAdiNsiDe> I FOUND MY DICK!!!
<DeAdiNsiDe> I FOUND MY DICK!!!
<DeAdiNsiDe> err
<DeAdiNsiDe> disk!
<Spiders> hahaha
<DeAdiNsiDe> Ooh fuck
<DeAdiNsiDe> im never gonna hear the end of that one

<Syphon> I was walking up the path from the parking lot to my
apartment, and there were two girls talking. One of them saw
me carrying a Wendy's bag and said "That's not very healthy",
and without even thinking I say "And you're not very
attractive" and just kept walking <.<;

<zak> I once almost kissed a girl but then she woke up.. then
i woke up

<Duck> Gullible isn't in the dictionary
<Fred> Yeah it is dumbass.
<Fred> gul li ble - adj. ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (gl-bl)
<Fred> Easily deceived or duped.
<Fred> ...
<Fred> god dammit...
<Duck> lol

Rabid Manyak: Oh man, my mid-term mark update is awesome
Rabid Manyak: computer science: 61% science: 74% math: 51%
philosophy: 97%
Rabid Manyak: Thanks LSD!

* Professor sets mode: +m
<Professor> Listen up, people.
<Professor> 1.) Religion-chat is done, since we're
degenerating into bickering.
<Professor> 2.) Goombas are traitorous members of the Mushroom
Kingdom who joined Koopa for a share of the power. It says so
in the SMB manual.

<MR_T> I miss the good old day when you had to pull down the
girls pants to see her ass
<MR_T> Nowdays you have to spread her ass to see her pants.

Holy Man: Our local Catholic church has plans to bring their
parishioners to services by bus
THe Monkey: Are they gonna call it 'Mass Transit'?
Holy Man: smartass

* Now talking in #christiandebate
<Pramma> hey you guys, do you think jesus would use bittorrent
or ed2k?

<zamros> My names Nickie.Im a 17 year old mommie to a
beautiful 13 month old little girl(born July 21,2001).Im also
19 weeks pregnant with what is believed to be a boy..and our
last child! Our meaning my husband.He's 19 years old and in
the army.We've been together 3 years and married for almost 1.
We're currently stationed in Fort Bragg,NC. Look forward to
reading all your posts!
<zamros> DEAR NICKIE
<zamros> YOU'VE RUINED YOUR FUCKING LIFE
<zamros> SINCERELY,
<zamros> GOD

<myliw0rk> There is more money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
<myliw0rk> This means that by 2020, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

<Kashan> I hate it when H-manga's try to be philosophical
<dregan> Mehh.
<dregan> "As I lay there, with the cum flowing out of every
hole, my schoolgirl vagina stretched beyond its natural limit
by a twenty-limbed tentacle demon, I wondered 'What is the
stars, what is the stars?'"

* Jeff challenges fastpak to a jousting match at high noon
<fastpak> shit. I..uh...my horse is..uh...nonexistant.
<fastpak> so i guess i'll have to decline
<FlyNavy> you have to understand that when Jeff says
"jousting" he really means gay sex
<FlyNavy> and when he says "wanna play a round of WC3?"
<FlyNavy> he also means gay sex
<Jeff> ...
<FlyNavy> pretty much anything he says boils down to gay sex
<FlyNavy> :D
<Jeff> want to have some gay sex?
<Tektronic> sorry dont have cs installed jeff

<LocK> I had a conversation about my penis with 2 girls
yesterday
<ezmac> must have been a short conversation...
<ophelia> If they're pointing and laughing, it's not a
conversation

<Wazm> I spent the entire day being normal, now that I'm home,
I just want to duct tape fuzzy green pipe cleaners to my head,
turn on the strobe, take off my clothes, and IRC.

<Snakeman^Engineer> Do I sense some hatred towards Windows
Vista originating from your direction?
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Oh no, not at all
* Chrysalid^Revenge stands up in a medieval recitation pose
<Chrysalid^Revenge> "OS X for the Mac users, pretentious in
their coffeeshops
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Gentoo for the nerd-lords in their
mother's basement
<Chrysalid^Revenge> XP for the everyday user, bound to muck
around with bloody settings and registry values they should
damn well leave alone
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Then Vista from the Dark Lord behind his
desk
<Chrysalid^Revenge> In the Microsoft office, where crappy
programming is performed
<Chrysalid^Revenge> One OS to eat your RAM, One OS to spy on
your digital media
<Chrysalid^Revenge> One OS to screw them all, and in
frustration bind them
<Chrysalid^Revenge> In the Microsoft office, where crappy
programming is performed"
<Sectoid^Authopsy> Whoa!

<yogurt1> dude, the saddest thing happend today. My mom woke
me up at fucking 9 in the morning, cause our garbage can blew
open and spread it all around the street. So I throw on
clothes and go out to clean. It takes me fucking 2 hours to
finish it. Then some punk kid comes by and kicks it over, and
it all blows away again. I go up to this kid and I say "You
stupud fuck clean it" this punk ass kid says to me "haha fuck
that".
<yogurt1> I couldn't hear him because I had earmuffs but I
knew thats what the kid says. So after mouthing off I punch
the kid in the face and walk home. like an hour later the kids
mom comes to the door and says shes going to sue me for
punching...her 13 year old daughter.
<benji443> HAHA LMAO!
<jiirco> ROFL YOU PUNCHED A GIRL!!!!!!!!!
<yogurt1> She was wearing a hat and a hood for fuck sakes!

<jadedlphoto> Maybe the free masons control porn now.
<gz> the carnal cabal?
<firegod> the illuminaughty?

<@Weedums> You know the rodeo?
<@Weedums> When your doing a chick from behind then you say
something to freak them out
<@Weedums> like your sister bit me in bed last night
<@Weedums> and she tries to get away?
<@Weedums> And you see how long you can stay on?
<QuickSilver> D:
<@Weedums> Well... the best thing to say is...
<QuickSilver> hmmmm
<QuickSilver> ?
<@Weedums> "I have fucking siphilis bitch"
<QuickSilver> hahaha
<@Weedums> But when she said
<@Weedums> "oh I already have that"
<@Weedums> The game changed pretty quickly.

<Dogan> man, my english class this year is so sweet
<Dogan> there was this quick write on the civil rights
movement yesterday
<Dogan> couldn't think of anything else, so i just ended with
"In conclusion, all your base are belong to us."
<Dogan> she just wrote "Rephrase?", and gave me 30/30

<Oxidizer> bah i just ate fudge after eatin tuna
<Lurch> a slip of the tongue can do that

<Halcr0> If I had a knife, I'd shoot you

<ednometry> what seperates man from the other animals
<fripple> the 401k
<lavalamp> a condom, hopefully

paper: shit
paper: flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?!
paper: shit i gotta warn bob

<AndrewB> I've played the Expansion Pack for about an hour and
a half, and I'm already boAGH GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MOTH

<Elly_May>  my little sister just asked me why my hair was
tangled
<Elly_May>  i told her it was because my boyfriend came all
over it when i was giving him a blow job
<Elly_May>  at which point my father admitted he could hear
me....

<[Ht]Fro> Here in canada we have a special program to deal
with the homeless...it's called winter

ipatchphd: i knew someone named april may
IUErothyme: hahahahahaha
ipatchphd: and when her mom was angry shed say
ipatchphd: YOU BETTER MARCH APRIL MAY

<GreenGoblin> Ponyprincess, get ur brain checked!
<PonyPrincess> oh ya? well i did and they found nothing!
<PonyPrincess> wait, crap

<svarog>You know, the only good thing about Vista
<svarog>Is that even the viruses have compatibility issues.

<Morj|YeozWins> I was once driving along the freeway,and a
friend through some garbage out the window, and this lady ran
over it
<Morj|YeozWins> So she started chasing us
<Morj|YeozWins> So I started going like 150-180 km/h down the
freeway to get away, and she followed me
<Morj|YeozWins> So I eventualyl pulled over, and she gets out
of her car and runs up and goes "WHAT THE HELL, WHY WERE YOU
DRIVING SO FAST YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE, I HAVE A BABY IN THE CAR
YOU KNOW"

<StuckMojo>    o     \o    \o/   \o    o    <o     <o>    o> 
o
<StuckMojo>   .|.     |.    |     /    X     \      |    <|   
<|>
<StuckMojo>   / \     >\   /<     >\  /<     >\    /<     >\  
/<

IAn553: I love making fun of the Amish online.
Eddie0235: Why?
IAn553: Cause they'll never find out.

<Paragon> man i remember in like second grade the teaxcher
asked what 2-3 was
<Paragon> and someone was like "you can't do that"
<Paragon> and she was all "right you can't
<Paragon> and i was like "nooo, NEGATIVE NUMBERS"
<Paragon> and she ignored me
<Paragon> bitch

<evenpar123> I think I'm losing it...
<Slant> evenpar123: Losing what?
<evenpar123> my ability to tell the difference between games
and reality
<evenpar123> Just today, I was driving down a street, and saw
a building that had sunlight reflecting off it...
<evenpar123> And I thought "Damn....these are some nice
graphics..."
<evenpar123> It was horrible...
<evenpar123> ugh

Spreadursunshine: wow you werent online all yesterday
EinhanderMKII: Yeah I was out doing things PRODUCTIVE
Spreadursunshine: omg! its a breakthrough
Spreadursunshine: like what?
EinhanderMKII: fixing my internet

<jaffa> think of the children!
<bobf> oh gimme a break, I've spent *hours* today thinking of
the children, my wrist is too sore to do it any longer

<faustwork> she looks good
<chaommm> is she hot?
<faustwork> id bang her
<chaommm> that doesnt mean shit
<faustwork> id bang her with no beer
<chaommm> WOAH

<Avalanche> i was at arbys last night eating, and this mini
van pulls up. The soccer mom, daughter, and little brother
hopped out and came in. The little kid was like 6-7. He said
"mommy, I want a milkshake". She responded, "No, it will spoil
your dinner". The little kid replied with, "YOU FUCKING CUNT,
I WANT A GOD DAMN MILKSHAKE". He got the milkshake.
<Avalanche> I never laughed so hard in my life

Oli: lol
Oli: my gf just won one of my ebay auctions
Oli: was supposed to be my xmas present
Oli: she didnt knew my ebay name

<+Kamasutra> i had a dream that the RIAA busted into the
shower cause i was singing too loud

comf0rtabiynumb: The scare tactics line is awesome
comf0rtabiynumb: I'd jump someone in an alley.
comf0rtabiynumb: Get ready to beat them with a bat, and then
say, "Are you scared? You shouldnt be! Youre on scare tactics!
Haha! your friend set you up!"
comf0rtabiynumb: And then, when they start laughing and their
guard is down BAAM! Beat the fuck out of them and take their
wallet

quiksilvrr101: hello
axelay4: went out and bought some dice for D&D yesterday
quiksilvrr101: hot
axelay4: they were mondo expensive  though...so i looked the
guy at the counter straight in the face and asked him if i
could roll a D20 to haggle
quiksilvrr101: lol
quiksilvrr101: and?
axelay4: goddamn natural 1

<gweebz0r> i went to the gf's work last week, they had no
antivirus
<gweebz0r> 279 viruses
<gweebz0r> the best part was
<gweebz0r> they showed me their backup strategy
<gweebz0r> they use custom software
<gweebz0r> and the backed up the application by dragging the
desktop icon ( a shortcut) to their cdrw
<gweebz0r> they had 2 years worth of shortcuts

Mandy: The baby's kickin'.
Adam: well kick that little fucker back.
Adam: gotta start early with discipline

<Sam> Coding in C is like sending a 3 year old to do
groceries. You gotta tell them exactly what you want or you'll
end up with a cupboard full of pop tarts and pancake mix.

<BreakneckXan> My sister asked me where Nicaragua was
<BreakneckXan> I said 'central america'
<BreakneckXan> She said "Oh so it's like around Kansas
somewhere?"
<BreakneckXan> I see a brass pole and body glitter in her
future...

<balls>  that was the funniest thing that's ever happened to
me
<balls>  im getting ready to build a computer, and my dad
comes into my room.  he starts talking like hes giving me the
talk about abstinence and shit.  he says stuff like "son, we
want you to be safe, you know that" and just when it seems
like he's gonna give me a condom, he holds out his hand, and
he gives me a fucking static wrist strap.
<balls>  i never laughed so hard in my dad's face.

<vboydx7> Why the hell are all you fucking PS2 fanboy shits
here?!?
*** PSXcellent was kicked by vboydx7
*** GTA43v3r was kicked by vboydx7
*** Sony RoXors was kicked by vboydx7
<Solid Sony> Hang on..!
*** Dead_Shot_Sniper was kicked by vboydx7
*** Solid Sony was kicked by vboydx7
*** Hot2trot was kicked by vboydx7
<vboydx7> Woah, wait a minute, this isn't the Gamecube forum
o_O
*** Quits: vboydx7 (No route to host)

<Mod> So, how many are you inviting?
<Ned> Dunno. I'll check the random number generator.
<Ned> Oh. It says 22345780
<Ned> We're gonna have to get more dip.