bash.org archive

<Adjaro> i hate the internet
<Adjaro> i have spent 15 minutes looking for george bush with
a lightsaber
<Adjaro> and have found NOTHING

<Bowstring> Notice how people always associate mental people
with carrying knives? If they were really mental they'd try to
stab people with a hoover or something.

Wraith2041: Man, even soulless corporations are telling the
RIAA to shut their goddamn mouths. I'm betting soon Satan
himself will burst through the RIAA president's floor and say,
"Cease, minion. My Avril Lavigne songs are not to be trifled
with."

<ptgenera> do you agree that "baby" is an awesome unit of
volume?
<ptgenera> for instance: "That microwave is easily a six-baby
unit."

<Thrice> my computer has 400 NIGGABYTES FREE!!!!!!
<Deadbolt> niggabytes count as 3/5 of a byte, right?

<imp0rt> guys i got some new spanish neighbours anyone know
some spanish?
<niiiiike> im fluent :D
<imp0rt> K can you help me say
<imp0rt> I would like to welcome you to our neighbourhood
<imp0rt> sounds cheesy i know but they got some hot daughter
:P
<niiiiike> erm..
<niiiiike> Me gustaria chupar los senos de su hija
<imp0rt> You sreious?
<niiiiike> Yeh, got it off translater tho XD
<imp0rt> K ty :)
<imp0rt> brb daughter flirting time ;)
*** Imp0rt has Quit IRC (QUIT: getting spanish pussy)
<|t34b4gg1n|> That isn't right is it?
<niiiiike> Course not XD it means i wanna suck on you
daughters tits ahahahha
<|t34b4gg1n|> You, sir are evil XD
about 10 minutes later
*** Imp0rt has joined #Rand
<imp0rt> Fuck you nike fuckin tellin me bullshit
<niiiiike> WHAT?!?! Man you must have pronouned something
wrong
<niiiiike> cos like
<niiiiike> if you say "sen" "os" it means somethin like
rubbish
<niiiiike> so you would've insulted their house
<niiiiike> its pronouned
<niiiiike> "sien" "yos"
<imp0rt> oh, i didn't know :\
<imp0rt> ima go tell em again, hopefully they'll understand
*** Imp0rt has Quit IRC (QUIT: 2nd time)
<|t34b4gg1n|> i almosts feel sorry for him
<niiiiike> not me.

<Saruman> AAAAAAAAAAAAH TEH ENTS ARE COMING!!!!!!1
*** Quits: <Saruman> (Excess Flood)

<PovRayMan> Weee
<PovRayMan> some hot chicks asked if I wanted to go to the bar
with them
<PovRayMan> and drink
<PovRayMan> and dance
<PovRayMan> i said no
<PovRayMan> because star trek is on

<mrWoot> :(
Melindhra turns the frown upside down
<mrWoot> ):

<BradJ*hnson> OMG, I lost my mouse!
<Dilly4> Your cursor, or your entire mouse?
<BradJ*hnson> Um, both.  Isn't the cursor attached to the
bottom of the mouse?
<Dilly4> What?  Do you run your mouse around on the screen?
<BradJ*hnson> No, on the mouse pad...oh, I see.  The cursor is
the arrow, right?
<Dilly4> New to computers, eh?
<BradJ*hnson> You wouldn't believe it, but I'm actually really
good with computers
Dilly4 doesn't believe it.
<BradJ*hnson> How did you do that?  I got my mouse back!
<Dilly4> it typed "/me doesn't believe it"
<BradJ*hnson> "/me wants to make money with computers"
Dilly4 suggests that the best way for you to make money is to
sell yours.
<BradJ*hnson> Fucker.
GanGreen thinks he'll submit this lameness to Bash.
Dilly4 nods in agreement.
<BradJ*hnson> "/me wonders if this is working right on your
end.  What is Bash?"
<Dilly4> GanG, make sure you blank out his name so his family
(and future customers) don't see what a lamer he is.
<GanGreen> NP.  How about if I make it "BradJ*hnson"?
Dilly4 laughs his head off.
<BradJ*hnson> "/me goes "Just so long as no one recognizes
it...I DO sounds kinda stupid.  I'm smrat tho"
Dilly4 can't control his fits of laughter
<BradJ*hnson> smart.  you all suck hard.

<Fotomat> hey all...
<rife> brian, shouldn't you be in school?
<rife> it's wednesday
<Fotomat> i got suspended
<rife> how come?
<Fotomat> well i wore my history channel sweatshirt
<rife> uh huh
<Fotomat> the one that says "THC" on the front for "the
history channel"
<Fotomat> so they suspended me for "drug paraphernalia" :/
<rife> ...
<rife> dumbass

(Bass_EXE): reminds me of this one time.. this girl said 'HA!
and what would you guys do without us women?!' I just replied
'domesticate another animal.'

Strategy: what the fuck
Strategy: shipping cannot be 27$
Alpha: it better come in a wooden crate with a midget cradling
the harddrive for that price

<[NCA]Spank> I was pretty dumb about computers. <[NCA]Spank>
Then I learned you could get porn on them. <[NCA]Spank> 3
years later I'm a system administrator.

<Jim_McNeat> Is there like a way to put a compiler in "Just
trust me on that one" mode?

spoonsucker:  I ordered pizza today (not from Pizza Hut
because they're not open for lunch on Mondays or something)
but the delivery driver was a 45 year old Italian-looking lady
with six times too much makeup on. My dad was home on his
lunch break and saw her leaving. Then he came storming into my
room demanding to know if I'd just had sex with a hooker =

<partyman> hallo
<partyman> hei
<sara> ?
<partyman> hallo
<sara> what?
<partyman> kæm e du?
<sara> i don't want to talk, i am not norwegian, i have a
boyfriend, i don't want to cyber, i'm not someone you know, i
have had this nick for 5 years so i didn't steal it, i have a
boyfriend, we are happy, i don't want to netsex
<partyman> okei
<partyman> do you want netsex?

<the_muss> New Game!  add the word "anal" to the beginning of
car names. Anal Jamboree, Anal Explorer, Anal Pulsar, Anal
Prelude, Anal Adventurer, Anal Legacy, Anal Nexus, Anal Swift
<pyrophoric> lol, Anal Jazz, Anal Ram, Anal Probe
<iuqcaj> Anal Bandit, Anal Forester, Anal Laser, Anal Escort,
Anal Sovereign, Anal Beetle, Anal Golf, Anal Samurai
<the_muss> Anal Eclipse, Anal Discovery, Anal Wrangler, Anal
Ambassador, Anal Vanquish, Anal Vagrant, Anal Diablo
<pie> Comedy Gold... Anal Trooper
<the_muss> lol
<pyrophoric> lmao

<ascian> why do you guys need a car?
<Odat> cause people look at you funny when you run down the
highway making vroom noises with your mouth

<hailz_b> pepsi is gayyyyyyy
<hailz_b> gayyyyyyyy
<hailz_b> give me cock anyday
<hailz_b> i mean coke!

<Booyaah> There's something making a noise outside my window
<Booyaah> Should I go check out what the heck is making that
noise or just leave it alone?
<Booyaah> it's like a low sort of moaning
<Elzie_Ann> :/
<ViewtifulJosh> call the cops, heh
<Frozen-Solid> moaning?
<Booyaah> That's what I'd call it Frozen
<Elzie_Ann> So is this like a "People are having sex outside
my window" type of moaning or a "there's an injured cat
outside my window" type of moaning
<Frozen-Solid> could only be one thing... promiscuous sex...
you could go out and watch if you want
<Booyaah> I'm gonna go with the injured cat thing
<ViewtifulJosh> haha
<Stormrider> It might be an injured cat having sex
<Booyaah> If people are having sex outside my window then it
sounds like only one is doing a good job
<Frozen-Solid> hahaha
<Elzie_Ann> hahahaha
<Stormrider> That may be the greatest thing you've ever said,
Booyaah
<Booyaah> It's getting louder :|
<Booyaah> ok, I'm gonna go check
<Booyaah> I don't really want to have things like that going
on in my yard
<Elzie_Ann> Haha.
<Elzie_Ann> I don't have any other ideas
<Booyaah> I'm thinking there's a good chance it was a kitty
<Frozen-Solid> or carl's idea...
<Elzie_Ann> That's what I would think
<Elzie_Ann> Some kind of cat
<Booyaah> but my cat would notice...
<Booyaah> My cat = me
<Booyaah> It just lays around doing nothing
<Booyaah> you know if people were doing it outside my window
<Frozen-Solid> you'd have a camera Booyaah?
<Booyaah> Frozen, you're scaring me
<Booyaah> lol
<Frozen-Solid> heh
<Booyaah> I suppose I could've taped it though
<Elzie_Ann> haha
<Booyaah> lol
<Booyaah> it's starting up again
* Booyaah is away : Outside with flashlight
--- Booyaah is now known as Booyaah-away
** Time Passes **
<Booyaah> People in this town scare me.
<Elzie_Ann> Did you find out what it was, Booyaah?
<Booyaah> sure did
<Elzie_Ann> What was it
<Booyaah> some dude
<Elzie_Ann> o_O
<Frozen-Solid> 0_o
<Booyaah> me: "What the fuck are you doing man?" him:
"...nothing" me: "you aren't playing with yourself out here
are you?" him: "Maybe" me: "well...I really think you should
do that in your own home, not my bushes ok" him: "ok" me: "get
the fuck out of here"

<srty> Light travels faster than sound.
<arilsotil> WRONG
<boya> This is why some people appear bright until you hear
them speak

<parnbl00d> I've been questioning my sexuality for a while,
but my family's all conservative and stuff, so I don't wanna
come out with it to them
<naga> parn: go to goatse.cx
* parnbl00d goes
<parnbl00d> thanks, that'll keep me straight for the next 20
years
<naga> no problem

<Inignot> here is a magic trick Mordecai - think of a card in
a stardard deck and type done and I will tell you the card.
<Mordecai> done
<Inignot> 10 of diamonds!
<Mordecai> I was thinking 'blue mana'

<rosonowski> Hah! I love slashdot sometimes.
<rosonowski> You know the old manta "Fighting for peace is
like fucking for virginity?"
<rosonowski> Someone replied to it "If you know of a better
way to make more virgins, I'd like to hear it."

<Cducharme> My clock be off bigtime
<Cducharme> k
<Cducharme> fixed
<Ash> Same here, but I'm going to try to get a doctor to look
at it when I scrape up some cash.
<Ash> Oh, clock.
<Ash> N/m.

<MattLing> I just had a genius idea
<MattLing> DVD rewinders
<MattLing> it spins and whirrs and stupid people buy them

<Langly1> Bash.org is like an IQ test, All those who get on it
have low IQ's
<Langly1> and if anyone submits that quote ill track them down
and kill them

<The_Spaniard:> The White House had an egg hunt today after
which they had to admit that there were never any eggs to
begin with.

<leif> well I used to go to a "special" school for troubled
kids, so our classes were really easy and pretty dumb. One of
them was "work study" and I remember one day a few kids were
playing jenga on the main "study" table, and i got the most
exellent idea to grab a small model plane from the teachers
desk, throw it at the blocks, then after they fell over I
shouted " HEY GUESS WHO I AM?!?!".... 
<leif> That's why i'm home schooled now :-(

<Tal> Psh
<Tal> Our chem teacher said it didn't really matter how we
titled the graphs and tables in our semester prac
<Tal> but i still lost marks for having a Table of +2 Undead
Slaying and Graph of Destiny :(

<Darius> What's a round number?
<Archy> 0

<SPLURGE> bitch tells me i got a drinkin problem
<SPLURGE> i tell her she has an ugly problem and im tryin to
make it less obvious
<SPLURGE> we dont get along so well after that

<Thomas> if women think they arent meant to cook
<Thomas> why do they have milk and eggs inside them?

<jamariquay> I never understood the need for people to kill
for their religion. Then I remembered, "Wait. If Optimus Prime
tells me to gack someone, that fucker's going down."

<c-rock> Whatever happened to sex drugs and rock n roll? Now
we just have aids crack and techno.

smack: get that .45
NOFX: looks nice
smack: it's the nicest gun i have ever shot/owned
NOFX: wtf 7 rounds
smack: it's a .45 man
smack: if you need more than 7 .45 rounds, you either can't
shoot, or are in WAY over your head

<oneo|SUMMER> the US has some of the best schools in the
nation

<kolby> dude...true story...Jacob was masturbating in our
bathroom and the light doesn't work so instead of grabbing
lotion, he lubed up his dick with ben-gay. I had to take him
to the fucking hospital. It was like a movie.
<Wes> hahahah
<kolby> yea but hey, don't make fun of him, it's been a rough
fuckin night
<Wes> Ah come on
<kolby> nah man, seriously
*** Jacob has joined #e/n
<kolby> HAHA! How's your red cock feel you fucking idiot?

<Miro-kun> An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and
generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around
the lumbering old bomber.
<Miro-kun> The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you
can do, I can do better."
<Miro-kun> Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that
he would rise to the challenge.
<Miro-kun> The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level,
however.
<Miro-kun> Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did
you do?"
<Miro-kun> "We just shut down two engines."

<jab> I just installed some windows updates
<jab> and then Windows Update told me I had some security
vulnerabilities in my windows software
<jab> I click OK and the list of vulnerabilities comes up and
one of them says "Internet Explorer is not your default
browser."

<Pyrol> So, I was in Foods today and we were making pasta and
my teacher came over to me and says "Your pot is hanging out".
My hand immedietly went to my sweatshirt pocket to make sure
my baggy was still there and then she pointed to the pot with
the pasta in it. I realized then that the handle was facing
out over the edge of the stove. She gave me the weirdest
look....

<jeffrey> Starting from:  1 Penn Plaza, New York, NY
10119-0001
<jeffrey> Arriving at:   1535 Broadway, New York, NY
10036-4077
<jeffrey> Distance:  2835.0 miles  Approximate Travel Time: 
43 hours 36 mins
<jeffrey> GO GO MAPQUEST GO

<Node> i think the person who came up with the a b c d f
grading scale failed english

Inflames: Dude, my sister had sex with some guy 15 minutes
before he was 18. Then she called me and told me.
Inflames: I was like, wtf? I don't wanna know that.
Sandman: wow
Sandman: She doing anything February 17th at 11:45pm?

<denshuu> I just spent the better part of four fuck hours
trying to get on IRC from campus
<denshuu> just to talk to you artards
<Desu|Away> rawsome
<whereisJ> What would you do without us?
<denshuu> graduate

<NiTro> i gonna go test for hiv
<NiTro> bbl
<Impolite> think positive

<Lurker> one time my mom fell asleep on the couch, no joke, I
switched it to a porn and started fwappin it. I later found
out she wasn't asleep
<Lurker> :(
<Dan> your kidding right?
<Lurker> no

<Apollyon> I was at a store and some little kid comes in and
says "Do you buy Pokemon cards?"
<Apollyon> The owner looks at them, he responds "No, but I'll
take them as trade. Would you like anything in particular?"
<Apollyon> And the little kid goes "Money?"

<coldXfire_> i need a slogan for an abortion clinic
<coldXfire_> ideas?
<p0lska> "If he doesn't pull it out, we will."

<Jaayy-EOC> Yeah.. I stole 5$ from Mike when I was at his
house, but the funny thing is he doesn't know.
<Derid-EOC> I do now, you dumbass.
<Jaayy-EOC> Shit. When did you log on?

* Hawk boots up Windows
<Beyonder> It's like a million mac users cried out in pain and
were suddenly silenced...
<suds|finals> lol
<Beyonder> wait.. make that 5000 mac users, let's be realistic
<Evs> LOL
<SysError> XD

* Bobber lights up the crack pipe and takes a hit
* Bobber passes it to Jesus
* Jesus takes a hit
<Jesus> Argh, my dad is gonna KILL me

<evildemi> what's your yearbook quote gonna say?
<helveti> "TRAPPED IN A YEARBOOK FACTORY PLEASE SEND HELP"

<@Sprache> what do you guys know about the company that makes
RealPlayer?
<@KtuLi> I'd tell you, but the information is still buffering

<MakoClause> shit
<MakoClause> i am so dead
<MakoClause> there is this huge dent in our christmas ham
<MakoClause> where i decided to liberate some of it for a
sandwhich
<MakoClause> but i liberated too much
<Zappy-Holidays> dude
<Zappy-Holidays> ham raeper
<Zappy-Holidays> where are your morals
<Zappy-Holidays> I know why you really carved out a little bit
<Zappy-Holidays> *nudge* *nudge*
<Zappy-Holidays> *wink* *wink*
<MakoClause> dude
<MakoClause> i didn't fuck the ham
<Zappy-Holidays> U FUCKED THE HAM
<Zappy-Holidays> HAM FUCKER
<MakoClause> I DID NOT FUCK THE HAM!
<Zappy-Holidays> UR FAMILY WILL EAT YOUR SEAMEN

<wangschlong> So i was walking by some house
<wangschlong> and some hot girl was staring at me from the
house
<wangschlong> so i go closer and shes still staring at me
<wangschlong> it turns out
<wangschlong> IT WAS A FUCKING LAMP

I am Jeremiadine: i just left a message on smith's cellphone
in binary
Sela: Fun.
I am Jeremiadine: yeah
I am Jeremiadine: the best part is even if he decodes it it's
in french
I am Jeremiadine: ...i'm bored

Britt: I do have a boyfriend, his name's Scotty, and I touch
him ;)
Frag_Fandango: Dare you to ask him for anal sex with the line
'Ream Me Up, Scotty'

<+JimBastard> you wouldnt believe what just happened
<+JimBastard> i've been tracking my macbook all day on fedex,
gets signed for by "One CHILETA" at 3pm...while im at work
<+JimBastard> turns it was misdelivered....TO THE MARCY
PROJECTS IN BROOKLYN
<+JimBastard> A BRAND NEW LAPTOP
<+JimBastard> so what did jim bastard do?
<+JimBastard> I put on a button up shirt, black leather
jacket, kakhis, and a dress shoes
<+JimBastard> went to the address
<+JimBastard> and pretended i was a detective
<+JimBastard> laptop is sitting on their desk
<+JimBastard> "Maam I'm here about a misdelievered package"
<+JimBastard> "We know its here"
<+JimBastard> "We just want it back, or else I'm going to have
to come back with a warrant"
<+JimBastard> "and no one wants that"
<+JimBastard> never underestimate the power of a well dressed
well spoken white man in the hood
<+JimBastard> the guy took one look at me as he was walking
towards the door....turned around and came back with the
package

<cheapo> haha, this screen appeared on my windows that said
"time before shutdown: 60 seconds"
<cheapo> so i turned the windows clock 2 years backwards and
now it says "time before shutdown: 729 days" :D:D
<cheapo> i just love windows :D

<rzrblade> Yeah so my therepist told me the other day I had
"skeptical realism."
<rzrblade> I looked at him like, "what the fuck?"
<rzrblade> And he says, "yeah i just made that up."

(mike): HEH, THIs Is AMuSINg
(mike): I Got a WiNAMP pLUgiN THAt BLInKS THE KEYboARD ledS tO
THE MUSIc
(mike): BUT IT acTUALLY turNs THe CAPsLOcK On AND oFF iNSTEad
OF JuST the LIGHt

<pronto> i like my women how i like my filesystems ... FAT and
16

<DRLEGO> OH THAT FUCKING IDIOT
<DRLEGO> my gf bought me a xmas gift
<DRLEGO> off amazon
<DRLEGO> but she used my account to do it
<DRLEGO> so it charged ME
<tuffguy> haha
<tuffguy> owned

<zalzane> I wonder how long it will end up taking for all this
pony shit to blow over
<Mutagene> too long
<pkmnBlue> 2 years
<zalzane> sailor moon took like 10 years
<zalzane> and every once in awhile I still hear fags harp
about sailor moon
<pkmnBlue> DUDE
<pkmnBlue> SAILOR MOON IS AWESOME
<Mutagene> sailor moon was good though :(
<pkmnBlue> Kuraitou: SAILOR MOON
<zalzane> oh my fucking god

<phenom> would you bang the queen
<phenom> for $10000
<nacho> i dont have that kind of money

<Spyro> Dude..
<Spyro> The other day, I was smoking some weed and got into
the car to go and drop my sister off to the bus stop. I
thought some prick stole my steering wheel....
<Spyro> But I was in the backseat

<billiam> crap... some one knocked over my recycle bin...
there's icons all over my desktop...