bash.org archive

<dizzy[subnova]> A YO WHERE MAH NIGGAZ AT?!
<P_40E> over there
<P_40E> take your stuff with you
<P_40E> never come back

(TRANCEBOY) But i'm joining the reserves.
(TRANCEBOY) Airborne Infantry
(^BiAnCoOcH^) really so da airforce in other words
(TRANCEBOY) No not the airforce,
(TRANCEBOY) Airforce is flying F16 jets etc.
(TRANCEBOY) Airborne infantry is ground combat deployed from
black hawks, hueys, chinooks,
(^BiAnCoOcH^) hmmm ok den caause i understood dat but n e way
(TRANCEBOY) Ok Bianca, i'll put it in your terms.
(TRANCEBOY) Me and Cletus run around dem bushes looking for
dem charlies and we's get put there by those dang cars with
wings ya hear?

<Guilty> Me: "I think I'll send a message" | ICQ: Wait wait,
wouldnt you like to search the web? The white pages? The
yellow pages? Want me to check your email? Your stocks? On
your dog?  Look someone on your list has a birthday coming up
oh shit go buy them a gift here. But first check your ICQ
Pager(TM) and make a few internet phone calls.  Go, do it,
I'll be here, moving myself to random parts of the screen so
I'm never in the position you left me

(PhAmInE) Easter is canceled this year. They've found the
body.

<Yaksha> I asked my brother what he wanted for Christmas.
<Yaksha> He said he wanted cold hard cash.
<Yaksha> So that's exactly what I gave him.
<Yaksha> I got 20 $1 bills, soaked them in water and put them
in the freezer.
<Yaksha> When he got it, it was just a block of green ice that
took a day to thaw.

* St-Lemur puts pasta next to antipasti
<KCaesar> You FOOL! You'll kill us all!

<TSPhoenix> You're so lame that you can encode mp3s.

<corncob> I was in networking class
<corncob> and the disccussion randomly turned to personal
freedoms.
<corncob> some girl said there should be a law against parents
smoking around kids to keep them from encouraging them to
smoke
<corncob> and someone else counters with "Well, I saw my
parents having sex all the time and I'm still a virgin!"

<Char> i think my favourite smooth move of his was when she
said in aim he was kind of being creepy
<Char> so he got her mobile number form somewhere and phoned
to apologise

<Birk> Today this guest speaker came to our class to talk to
us about the local college and the programs they offer.
<Birk> so he goes around the rooms asking people what they
want to major in
<Birk> one kid goes "Ii'm not sure yet, I'll either be a
Computer Programmer or a Priest"
<Birk> and I'm like " Either way you won't get laid"
<Birk> I got a 2 day suspension for saying that.
<Jaguar> LMAO !

<EggdropBot> {MoxQuizz} The question no. 24 by OllyPomm is:
<EggdropBot> (Sport) What sport do the following terms belong
to - "Toucher & Dead Length"?
<liz> ouch, my boobs hurt
<EggdropBot> {MoxQuizz} liz solved after 5 seconds and now has
<5> points (+1) on rank 3.
<EggdropBot> The answer was: Lawn or Indoor Bowls
<Reuven> Say what?
<liz> what?
<Ken> whaaaat?
<Ken> how...did...she...do...that?

<surfer_girl> hi
<negativepositive> your nick has "scary 40 year old naked guy"
written all over it
<surfer_girl> asl plz
<negativepositive> that just drives it home

<{LD}>  roses are red
<{LD}> violets are blue
<{LD}> in soviet russia
<{LD}> poems write you

<Dionysus> Intelligence is alcohol soluble.

<Clecky> hey
<SargeZT> Hey
<SargeZT> SEX?
<Clecky> sure
* Clecky sex
* SargeZT sex
<SargeZT> Done
<SargeZT> Cya
<Clecky> bye

<sheep--> haha
<sheep--> my mom got this knife at some asian store
<sheep--> i was gonna use it to make myself some food
<sheep--> but instead, i\'m gonna frame it and keep it for
ever in the wrapper
<Tick> ?
<sheep--> it says on it \"Warning: keep out of children\"
<Tick> lol

<k-rad-bob> i made an avi of me jacking off
<k-rad-bob> then i jacked off while watching it
* linKnee is afk: PUKING

<Sunny> Holy crap!
<Sunny> No wonder I'm always being stared at by the cat across
the way
<Sunny> There are two of them!!!
<Sunny> They must have been taking shifts...

<Hibashira> Tommah
<FraudulentTommah> what
<Hibashira> let's make a baby
<FraudulentTommah> out of what

<Asha`monkey> One time I was watching porn for like twenty
minutes. When I was finished, I took off my headphones and
found the sound blaring out of my regular speakers as well.
<Asha`monkey> My mom told me to turn it down.

<@vorien> Finally fixed the bot to do real-time language
translation, check it out.
<@vorien> lum, translate to spanish I am unable to accept a
position at this time with your company. Thank you for your
interest but I am an english speaking individual.
<@lum> vorien: :(
<@vorien> damn
<@vorien> lum, translate to spanish I am unable to accept a
position at this time with your company.
<@lum> vorien: :(
<@vorien> wtf
<@vorien> lum, translate to spanish I like donkeys for sexual
purposes.
<@lum> vorien: Tengo gusto de los burros para los propósitos
sexuales.
<@vorien> Naturally.

whatshisname: Why does the media insist on calling intelligent
design an 'alternative' to the theory of evolution?
That's like saying pancakes are a good alternative to an
internal combustion engine.
What units do you use for measuring Godliness?
mediaho: Cleanliness?
whatshisname: I was thinking more along the lines of
Jehovahwatts: "It took 47.3 Jehovahwatts to turn that water
into wine"
MrNeutron: "Wha. . . what the hell is a Jehovahwatt"
Smallberries: About 103 Jews.
pwhp_67: Are Jehovawatts metric?
jimmyhaha: Commie.

<Kokanshu> does anyone else have the urge to call the
operators up and say 'I NEED AN EXIT, FAST!'

<jjccp> i broke my leg
<jjccp> masturbating is evil
<[Slaryn> O_O I hope to god those two incidents weren't
related

<LexMortis> have i told you about a dream i had?
<LexMortis> a lion attacked me
<LexMortis> and bit off my finger
<LexMortis> after the fight n all was over
<LexMortis> i looked at my hands
<LexMortis> and went like "great, now i can only count to 9"
<LexMortis> even my unconsciousness is retarded =

<Unspawny> The ultimate game would be a game sorta like The
Sims.
<Unspawny> Except it would be called 'Angst'.
<Unspawny> And you would see how many angsty people you can
befriend, screw over, and then befriend again.
<frog> you just described Livejournal: The Game

<my_ass_is_hot> So the vice principle was fucking like,
sweating because she was a fat bitch and it was lunch time
<uber_bob> lol
<my_ass_is_hot> so as soon as the bell rings she rushes out of
the office like a scud missle heading for a childrens daycare
<krazykillah> ROFl
<my_ass_is_hot> but when she comes back there are like 6 of us
there waiting for her and she says, "all right, whos my next
victim?"
<my_ass_is_hot> and I yell, "A CHEESEBURGER!"
<my_ass_is_hot> there was this huge silence and then everybody
in the room including some other teacher started laughing like
hell and the fat bitch is just staring like she wants to kill
me
<my_ass_is_hot> i got suspended :(

<zorba> man tesla was a cool guy
<zorba> he basically transmitted power over 30 feet without
the use of wires
<arpit> i can do it too :P
* arpit throws a battery

evilada: damn girls are too confusing about what they want
from guys
lantern: Well they certainly know what they dont want
lantern: see now i'm tall, but not athletic, i don't have a
full head of hair
lantern: so bam three strikes
evilada: girls dont work like baseball
evilada: if they did, everyone would cheer if you stole second
base when no one was looking
evilada: and thats the complete opposite of what happens,
trust me

<Bobo> what's wrong with being a homosexual?
<klong> it's gay

kooooorlin: dude I fucking backed up into this car today!
lhendz: what the hell. how'd you do that?
kooooorlin: There was this fucking seagull in the parking lot
at best buy like eating someones tire and I was watching it
while backing up.
lhendz:.....
lhendz: what'd you do?
kooooorlin: waited for the person to come back, and when they
did, they looked at their car, then at mine, and said "SOMEONE
HIT OUR CARS!"

* dal3 has joined #math
<dal3> anyone good with math? could you tell me what
10+10-10+10+10-10-10-10+10+10-10+10-10-10+10-10-10-10+10+10+10+10-10+10
is?
<zepelin-> 17
<dal3> really?
<zepelin-> yeah
<dal3> thanx
* dal3 has left #math

corner (19:08:21): how tall is a standard guillotine?
Andrick (19:08:33): This still concerns you?
corner (19:08:39): yeah, I really want to build one
corner (19:08:47): I have short ceilings
corner (19:08:51): I wanna make sure I can keep it in my apt
Andrick (19:09:00): I have to admit that I never have
committed that number to memory.
Andrick (19:09:06): But I can tell you they are *tall*.
corner (19:09:15): maybe I can make a kid's version?
Andrick (19:09:30): That is probably a wonderfully poor choice
of words.

<Nate>  The Americans spent 5 years and 10 million dollars to
develope a pen that would write in space, freezing cold,
extreme heat, and in zero gravity.
<Nate> The Russians used a pencil

<VillainSede> I've always wanted to be on the receiving end of
necrophilia. Even in death I'd be getting some
<VillainSede> I want a shovel attached to my tombstone with
the inscription "For a good time, dig"

(jesdynf) I want an emulator that, every time you try to load
a game, there's a 6% chance it pops up a dialog that says
"It's not loading! Tap the A button to blow the dust out."

<Kevyn> So if black guys like white girls, and white guys like
asian girls... what do the asian guys like?
<etoilet> hentai

<fred32> wtf is the deal with bash.org?  they don't approve
any of the quotes i post.
<h0tm4m4> you're not doing it right. 
<fred32>  eh?
<h0tm4m4> basically if you post quotes that use the word fag
at least once, talk about anal sex between men, make
references to nazis, refer to women in the context of rape,
allude to child porn, or any form of adolescent sexuality or
violent graphic behavior, essentially just limit the quote to
anything that a 14 year old boy would say to his 14 year old
friends, then it'll get approved. they don't even have to be
funny or clever.  hope that helps.
<fred32> sure does, thanks. you FAG.
<h0tm4m4> fred32: just get your dick out of my ass so i can go
back to looking at nazi child pr0n and that will be thanks
enough mang.

<RobbiePaul> I'm going to work on an econ paper which states
that walmart has hurt america, but not the way most people
think
<RobbiePaul> i say by keeping prices low, people that
shouldn't survive are able to

<Jubei301> So I walk into the room with the cat on my
shoulder, facing backwards, and my stepdad is trying to watch
TV, and I step in front of him, point at my cats ass, and say
"ARG! shiver me timbers, its me one eyed parrot" and he
laughed for a long time....my mom was just staring at me like
im some kind of pervert.
<Jubei301> What? doesnt everyone use their cats brown-eye for
their punchlines?

(royshen) I have a headache
(MrWhite) i have a sandwich but i dont go around bragging
about it

<JohnnyZZ> my friend use to put his cat in a pillowcase and
throw it down the stairs when we were little. the cat's name
was Oscar. i use to to call him Oscar the grouch, because he
was grouchy a lot of the time.
<Padijun> Maybe he was grouchy because you fucking threw it
down the stairs in a pillowcase, genius.

<VIVI> Xbox already has the following games:
<VIVI> Microsoft Word
<VIVI> Microsoft Excel
<VIVI> Solitaire

<Epoch71> you know, for some reason, this reminds me... the
other day i was playing ping pong and thought, "damn, this'd
make a great video game... i wonder if it's been done yet"
<Epoch71> god i felt stupid 5 seconds later

<XaSer> what's the word for NOT independent? unindependent?
<travly> yeah
<XaSer> thanks!
<travly> no problem, really =)

<Volt9000> here's soemthing really mean to do to a random fat
person on the street: if you're approaching them from the
front, as you get near, start drifting towards them, going
"woooaaaH' then start circling around them, screaming "I CANT
BREAK ORBIT, CAPTAIN!!"

<HC-Marine> yeah one time this windows & doors company called
<HC-Marine> and my dad answered it
<HC-Marine> they asked if he wanted to have his windows and
doors replaced
<HC-Marine> he responded with "I don't have any"
<HC-Marine> they were so confused

<Sukato> What does it mean when you search google with one
word and only get one hit?
<Xenogenesis> You have a very specific fetish?

<@[S]W|Supey|Around> what the fcuk? a DVD enlargement system?
did my two spam senders mix their titles?

<Kasran> did Jesus heal a bunch of people? Possibly
<Kasran> also apparently he was sin-free
<Kasran> but we don't hear much about his ciildhood
<Kasran> it's just
<Kasran> 1. Birth
<Kasran> 2. ???
<Kasran> 3. Prophet!

<sweendOGgRH07> One year Dad decided he was going to take us
on a "surprise vacation." We wouldn't know where we were going
until we got there. We were all real excited when we piled
into the station wagon early one morning. We went about five
blocks, then we got in an accident at a four-way stop. I guess
it was a pretty good surprise, but why did we need all that
camping gear?
<gamgames> hahaha
<sweendOGgRH07> I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and
I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way
Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap
around" Rock, leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do
this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to
people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper
constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes
in class? I'll tell you why,because paper can't beat anybody a
rock would tear that shit up in about 2 seconds.
<sweendOGgRH07> When I play rock/paper/scissors I always
choose rock.Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with
their paper I can punch them in the face with my already
clenched fist and say Oh shit, I'm sorry I thought paper would
protect you Asshole

<na-dragon> Who would win in a fight?  A Z-Fighter from dragon
ball z, or a jedi master?
<jonblake> Well, thats a good question, there are alot of
things that need to be factored in
<jonblake> Z fighters can fly, shoot big balls of energy, go
really fast, and releport etc
<na-dragon> Yes but a jedi master can see all of that happen
before he does it, and he has a light saber..
<jonblake> I guess this is one of those things in life we will
never really know
<Vyse> GOD DAMNIT, Has either one of you ever even SEEN what a
pussy looks like?

Walbanger: i got the greatest pick-up line ever
Walbanger: But i cant tell you because you're a girl
nekofairy: ...
nekofairy: Harvey, are you gay?

*** Chimerasame is now known as MissScarlet
<Foxworth> ...
<Foxworth> must...
<Foxworth> resist...
<Foxworth> urge...
*** Foxworth is now known as MrGreen
*** Signoff: MissScarlet (Killed (MrGreen (in the ballroom
with the knife)))

<Nickster> Time for me to make some breakfast! :)
<Nickster> Is anyone from England? I have a question.
<Speck> Im from England and if your asking about english
muffins Ill kick you.
<Nickster> nvm then.

<Queued-W> Of course, there are already puzzles without
pictures on the front
<Minstrel> Queued: you have to turn the pieces over
<Queued-W> I'll be damned, it's a kitten

insomniac: why is it that if you grind corn up into mush, eat
it, it shows up as a full kernel in the toilet a few days
later?
Steelix: He's right.
insomniac: what happens in my stomach...
mindule: insom: that's very interesting
PixelGuru: damn
PixelGuru: i pity you when you eat applesauce
insomniac: haha

<CoMBo> haha, dude i can kill u
<CoMBo> with my bear hands
<refujee> you're a bear?
<refujee> or did you just get bear hands grafted onto your
body?

<Toazt> "Too few women on the internet?
<Toazt> There are lots of women on the internet,
<Toazt> only most of them are naked and in JPG-format."

* tania has joined #maths
<tania> if i had a line on a graph, how would i know points
(x,y,z) lie on the graph?
<LackLustre> ERR HERR HERRR SUB THEM INTO THE LINE EQUATIONS
<tania> and then what?
<LackLustre> MASTURBATE INTO A PAPER CUP!!!!!
<LackLustre> no, you're done, truthfully.
<tania> lol
<LackLustre> let's say i got a totally fucking crazy line like
y = 3x + 2
<LackLustre> it sickens me to type it, but there we go
<LackLustre> is (2,1) on it?
* sabamacx rofls :D
<LackLustre> does 2 = 3.1 + 2
<LackLustre> NO IT FUCKING WELL DOESN'T
<LackLustre> SO FUCK YOU, LINE, FUCK YOU, POINTS
<sabamacx> we need more people like LackLustre, he's my golden
ray for the day :D

<Maniaman> so lets say i have a date
<Andares> Who's the lucky girl?
<Maniaman> if that date occurs between 2 dates in a single row
in a database

<studmuffn> ive been to one star trek convention, and i was 14
<studmuffn> it was cool. patrick stewart was there
<studmuffn> they told us not to ask why they cant fix baldness
in the 24th century

<Drychtnath> csn hold sm u ajcp;pjp
<Drychtnath> *I cns hdol mu alclhoo
<Drychtnath> *can, *hold, *my, *alcohol
<getoutofmygalley> You should really go to bed, Dan. You're
way too drunk.
<Drychtnath> butr i'm not
<Drychtnath> least i don't think dfo
<Drychtnath> dfo = spo
<Drychtnath> spo = os
<Drychtnath> os = so

<Dashiva> i wonder if crips get pissy if someone picks out the
wrong shade of blue
<Dashiva> 'I know you ain't frontin' with that periwinkle'
<^Asphyx> "Cyan? Niggah please."

<blazemore> my brother is in a quake3 clan
<blazemore> and he had a ctf game tonight
<blazemore> and like
<blazemore> we were walking out of tilt
<blazemore> his friend goes "dude hurry up, you're gonna be
late for you clan meeting"
<blazemore> and these black guys were walking by
<blazemore> and looked like they were about to kick our asses

<jre> One time I went into a stupid donut shop to take a
pee-pee.  They had a sign that said: PLEASE "FLUSH TOILET"
BEFORE LEAVING.  Flush toilet was in parentheses.  So I
assumed it was code for something
<jre> So I "pissed in the sink"

<jaymeekae> i feel so american
<Moonman> you shot someone?

[16:56] <van|go`eagles> btw
[16:56] <van|go`eagles> your gf sucks at cs
[16:57] <en4cer> lol
[16:57] <en4cer> shes better at other things
[16:57] <Grifter-> like quake?
[16:57] <en4cer> lol

<dreamer> Gargamale: a girl that posts on the local goth forum
used to think lol meant lots of love, and got a rather rude
awakening after someone's mother died - "how was the funeral?
lol"
<Jesterace> haha
<Gargamale> LOL