bash.org archive

<Vincerific> woot my AVG and my Ad Aware finished. I am now
virus and trojan free
* Spartacus^ has joined #Chatzone
<Vincerific> damn and another Trojan just came in
<Skiah> lmaoo

bp: how did my collar get popped
bp: srsly my neck felt weird so i felt it and my collar was
popped without any physical intervention from me
esch: you have a douchebag poltergeist

* jitspoe attempts to go back to his paper
<DaveMan> BWAHAHAHA
<DaveMan> ALL YOUR CONCENTRATION ARE BELONG TO IRC
<DaveMan> YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO PASS MAKE YOUR BURGER FLIPPING

<bloodeu> Outback Steakhouse has ridiculous prices
<bloodeu> i'm here now with my date
<bloodeu> palm pilot + wifi is cool
<bloodeu> i got my keyboard
<jomomma> ...

<axel026> i need help please
<^cell^> do you have an appointment?
<axel026> im french
<^cell^> i see... thats a terrible disorder

<LeoDV> Don't fight for fuel, stroke your tool!
<KANG> that's the worst slogan anyone has ever had
<LeoDV> Touch your sack, not Iraq!
<KANG> I stand corrected.
<LeoDV> War is heinous, thumb your anus!
<LeoDV> http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/ This is where
heroes go when they die
<KANG> I hate you more than anything

<Nobuyuki`> I just asked a chick why she liked tentacle porn
so much
<Nobuyuki`> and she said to me "variety is the spice of life"
<Nobuyuki`> I asked her "could you be... less vague"
<Nobuyuki`> and then she said "the worms are the source of all
spice"
<Nobuyuki`> fucking nerd chicks !!!!!!

<Archie> as long as their nail polish is drying, women are
practically defenseless.

<JBurna> lol you got free AOL knowin AOL sucks ass
<Demi> Its
<Demi> Free.
<@Prowler> So is gum on the bottom of chairs.

-!- WetWired has joined #linux
< WetWired> Wow, how... boring.
-!- WetWired has left #linux []
<@supruzr> he's gone. bust out with the clowns and the drugs
and the hookers.

<concubine> NO CAPSLOCK! I AM UKRAINE

<CommanderStab> I remember once this girl was stalking me
<CommanderStab> Some french girl named Olivia
<CommanderStab> And whenever I went online there she was on
ICQ or MSN or whatever going "RARGH HELLO ^_^_^_^__^_^" and
like being ultra-friendly and like doing nothing but
complimenting me on whatever the hell she'd come up with for
that day
<CommanderStab> And I was like, whatever but I'll put up with
it, praise can be hard to come by
<CommanderStab> And then finally she said she was gonna send
me a picture and I was like, YES! My patience has payed off =D
<CommanderStab> And I got the picture and I was like WTF?!
This is a guy!!
<CommanderStab> How could I have gone 4 months and NOT
realised that the guy's nick was "Oliver", not "Olivia" I'll
never know >__<

<Geese> Did you know that some people say "niche" instead of
"niche"?
<ChupaChups> no way

<scalar> ok, UPS guy came, now I can shower :P
<Keneto> famous phrases to remember not to take out of
context?

<Blowjob-Queen> Is she still internet dating him?
<Fizzly> They were in the middle of a "harsh break up" last I
remember.
<Fizzly> Text was flying so fast.
<Fizzly> Emoticons ran wild.

<NtG> people beta test a MS product every time they boot
windows

<Roderick> the book I am reading, You Shall Know Our
Velocity!, is one of those books you can't rush
<ninda42> is the subtitle for that book But you Shall never
know our Position! ?

<SWM> catholics are stupid
<SWM> "masturbation is a sin"
<SWM> I sure showed them

<Jelena> Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

<Bonz> Paracelssus couldn't get a clue if he were drenched in
clue pheromones, dancing in a clue field in the middle of clue
mating season, wearing a clue suit, and shouting, "Clooo!
Cloooo!"

<Nassty> So we were playing a peaceful game of Trivial
pursuit...
<Nassty> and the Question is "What are the first 3 words of
the bible?"
<Nassty> Before I even finish the question, my friend jumps in
and says, "Once upon a time..."

<blaxthos> so tonight i got roped into going to some
evangelical church christmas dinner theatre
<blaxthos> "oh christmas, carol!"
<cue> evangelicals are morons
<blaxthos> it was absolutely godawful
<blaxthos> until the last musical number, where the main
character realized she has a hole in her heart
<blaxthos> and sang a song entitled "i'm going to fill my hole
with jesus"

<ensis> Well folks, I'm off to the farm
<ensis> I can actually say that too, how funny
<Bomp> They're lying
<Bomp> You're going to be put down

<Moot> wanna hizack AOL?
<Chrix> i already did, i made it a horrible isp

*** Haggis has quit IRC (Quit: Sometimes I try to masturbate
long words into a conversation. Even if I dont know what they
mean.)

* God
([email protected]) has
joined #ssboards
* God was kicked by Satan (Satan)
<Satan> No.

<@cougem> at 4am this morning i got a call from another
hospital saying they were sending in a patient with a hole in
their aorta
<@cougem> which as emergencies go is about 1 level below 'his
head has fallen off'

<Dezmo> man, a coworker of mine had a blind date, so I offered
to call him right after he met her so if she was ugly he could
act like some emergency had come up and had to go
<Dezmo> so I call, and she answers the phone "is this the
emergency phone call in case I'm a skank?"

<@ataribaby> did you know birds actually have sex?
<@ataribaby> that disturbs me
<@shagman> you didn't think they did?
<@shagman> they just divided into new birds?

<Ettin> Heeey, Lyrai
<Ettin> Hypotheeetical queestion for you
<Ettin> If you geeeet seemen on thee keeyboard, wwould it
breeak it?
<Ettin> (Sorry, my "E" keey is sticky)

<philtwo> mmm... smoked clams in a can
<philtwo> only get to feast upon this delicacy when the wife's
not around
<PhrkOnLsh> women, eh?
<philtwo> indeed
<philtwo> some men cheat on their wives in their absense... I
eat clams in a can

( PuffinFreshWog ) I gOT a NeW wINAmP Vis, it MAKEs my
KeYbOaRd liGHTS FLaSH IN bEAt WIth tHe MUsIc... TOo Bad IT
ActUAllY effecTs tHe CapS LoCk :O(

<GoAt> "change your body shape overnight!"
<GoAt> these claims are getting worse every day
<peasant> i call dibs on triangle

<zip`> sorry my mom just delivered taco bell
<Amanda_> I wish my mom was trained

[Bwafflz] <Veritas|jackals> if u know how to get ur dick out
of a beer bottle (dont ask) PM ME plZ immeditately!!!!

<Kami_XX> i think rape sounds to severe.. It should be called
surprise sex..
<Neme2> That's an old joke! You suck! Stop stealing jokes!
<hunt_23> He didn't steal it he surprise took it..

<L-dawg> lol, I was 10 years old and figured out how sex works
from the electronic coupling naming convention
<L-dawg> damn electrical engineers

Rabidplaybunny87: A Touching Story of Love and Marriage
Rabidplaybunny87: An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In
death's agony, he suddenly
smelled  the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies
wafting up
the stairs.  He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted
himself from
the bed.  Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out
of the
bedroom, and with even greater effort inched himself down the
stairs,
gripping the railing  with both hands.
Rabidplaybunny87: With labored breath, he leaned against the
door frame, gazing into
the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have
thought
himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers
on
the kitchen table, were literally  hundreds of his favorite
chocolate
chip cookies.
Rabidplaybunny87: Was it heaven? Or was  it one final act of
heroic love from his devoted
wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? 
Mustering one
great final effort, he moved himself toward the table.  His
parched lips
parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was almost already in
his mouth;
seemingly bringing him back to life.
Rabidplaybunny87: The aged and withered hand, shakily made its
way to a cookie at
the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a
spatula
by his wife.
Rabidplaybunny87: "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for
the funeral."

<kuhbaert> Yoda: The other side is dark.. very dark.
<kuhbaert> Obiwan: Quit whining and eat your toast already

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babaobuey: well, ok
babaobuey: that was like watching lemmings run off a cliff or
something

<Cross> I was at the kareoke bar last night
<Cross> and i was talking to this hot chick for like 20
minutes
<Cross> and this other girl walked over right in the middle of
my conversation
<Cross> and said "Are you talking to my sister? Cause she's
deaf"

Banjax: dude, totally hilarious, I'm walking down the street
and around the corner I see these people protesting outside a
coat shop that sells fur coats. They had buckets of red paint
TurboJesusDELUXE: oh boy
Banjax: this one woman comes around the other corner wearing a
fur coat of her own. The whole crowd turns on her like wolves
on a lamb, and the closest girl with a bucket of paint throws
it on her
Banjax: so she's dripping with paint and starts screaming like
she's been shot, and then she's like "it's a fake fur coat,
you dumb bitch!"
Banjax: and without missing a beat the other chick says
"that's okay, it's fake blood"
TurboJesusDELUXE: HAHA, awesome

<Epic> how are^things?
<Epic> I've been up 48 hours now ;_;
<Dr_Ian> is that why you typoed the space bar as shift and 6?

* C|3avag3 has quit IRC (Quit: Wh0 Am |? U sure u wanna know?
If somebody told u i was just your average ordinary guy, not a
care in the world, somebody lied! This is my gift! It is my
curse! Who am |? |'m Spider-Man!!!)
<Seaker> And lamest quit message of the day goes to C|3avag3
* Att|tude^ has quit IRC (Quit: I can't go on, I know not what
to do, My heart is worn, I feel as If I'm through, Please
believe in me. 'Cause what I need is for you.... To believe in
me.)
<Seaker> Woah, tough competition today ... I think today we'll
have to call it a draw.
* Love-snack has quit IRC (Quit: Quit playing games with my
heart cause baby you're breaking my heart , I LOVE YOU FOREVER
XXX)
<Seaker> *DING DING* WE HAVE A WINNER!!

<[prefix]> hahahah
<[prefix]> I just read the funniest shit
<[prefix]> this guy's sister got her laptop stolen, so her
brother broke into it and replaced the dialup phone number for
the ISP to his phone #
<[prefix]> when the person dialed it up he had their name on
the caller ID went over to their house, took it back, and
kicked their ass

<FLoYD>  CHILD: Dad, where did I come from?
<FLoYD>  DAD: Okay, we had to have this conversation some
day!.. Listen........
<FLoYD>  Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a
meeting with
<FLoYD>  your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber
Cafi. Then,
<FLoYD>  mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and
when dad
<FLoYD>  was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no
firewall. Seeing
<FLoYD>  that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried
on doing the upload.
<FLoYD>  Nine months later, the virus appeared!.
<FLoYD>  CHILD: Huh?

<inertia> i was looking up russian shirts on ebay
<inertia> my lithuanian friend has gotten lots of marxist/
socialist stuff off of there
<inertia> they sell red beach towels with a yellow insignia of
the sickle and hammer for like 20 bucks
<inertia> i might buy one
<Bl1tz> lol
<Bl1tz> that is sweet
<Bl1tz> although painfully ironic
<inertia> how??
<Bl1tz> paying 20$ for a towel that has a symbol of everything
that was wrong with paying 20$ for a towel

<MegaDeth> family pack of condoms
<MegaDeth> hehehe
<MegaDeth> that's amusing on so many levels

<Zardoz> cool. calculated pi to 18 decimal places.
<Trucci> know what would have been cooler?
<Trucci> ANYTHING

<mrphilez> how many inches is 69mm?
<GLHTurbo> let me measure my penis
<Avram> how would that help? you have a 69mm penis?
<GLHTurbo> yes
<_neil> 69mm = 6.9cm = 2.71"
<GLHTurbo> yes i do
<GLHTurbo> oh wait

<synthmesc> is it narcassitic to jack off to a picture of
yourself?
<Digested> synthmesc: it seems to fit the definition
<synthmesc> :/
<Digested> synthmesc: is it a picture of yourself fucking
someone else?
<synthmesc> it's a picture of me jacking of to a picture of
myself
<Digested> INFINITE LOOP

<iMike> what excuse do you use when you skip school
<c-rOCK> say you have a fat migraine
<c-rOCK> and cant see straight
<Guilty> Speaking of fat and not straight, wheres D1

Skecchi: me > you
Knolly: Got it the wrong way around
Knolly: you > me
Knolly: Wait
Knolly: Damnit
Skecchi: thank you~
Knolly: ...
Knolly: I hate you

<Cliff> man, the way I wanna die is as an old man getting a
heart attack from the excitement of having two 18-year olds
riding me
<Zael> wtf man, might as well go with 14 year olds. you're
gunna die anyway!

Travis: you know i'm part native american right?
Scott: which part?
Travis: small part
Scott: your penis is native american?

<|HashBot|> Geography: Name a country which has the same name
as a bird?
<jms> soctland
<jms> ireland
<jms> wales
<jms> kuait
<|HashBot|> Here's a hint: t**k*y
<jms> tuckey
<|HashBot|> The answer was turkey. Try and get the next one...
<jms> wtf

<@ITV|VimAtWk> oops
<@ITV|VimAtWk> just heard a kid fell off our local
multi-storey car park today
<+chrisss> how high?
<@ITV|VimAtWk> high enough for some natural selection

<`michael> pink floyd - wish you were here is the best goddamn
song
<w3nisT> i disagree while it is a very good song I think the
donkey kong theme song is better

<kng^hem> jävla kattkräken satt å käka på min inplastade
baguette ja just köpt..
<kng^hem> dom fick straffsitta på kökslampan ett tag :P
<Robbat> hahah
<kng^hem> faans jävla okynnes feta små as ibland
<orion> ï dønt kñõw  wëèdï h

<Dogan> but I knew this one mathematician guy in college
<Dogan> he tried to apply for a grant to get funding for his
project
<Dogan> and on the form he said his project involved "studying
the effects of tropical vacations on mathematicians"

<Silversong> Anybody ever wonder what would happen if we were
suddenly flung into a weird dimension and we were all
physically in a room together?
<Brentai> I'd have to pull my pants up real quick, most
likely.

<monkey216> FUCK! im dead
<wrenchy> why?
<monkey216> Im sitting here hitting my bong and my dad just
imed me from korea and was like, I can see you in the webcam
<monkey216> I forgot I had the damned camera turned on
<wrenchy> LMAO see you next year dumbass
<monkey216> fuck.....

<yadrisil> Quit being emo.
<alexsavage> i'm not emo, the glass is half full
<yadrisil> Half full... with tears.
<alexsavage> ;_;

<blue_tetris> 1 in every 5 people are born in China.
<CF|sick> That's why you should never have more than 4
children.

<dream|away> Harry Potter's hot.
<dream|away> And every book he gets closer to legal age. 
Oooooh yeahhhh.
<dream|away> ...
<dream|away> Someone else say something.

-Global- [Logon News - Dec 29 2001] Welcome to Evolnet!  Where
the men are men, the women are men, and the boys are fbi
agents.  but some of the men are really women.  Enjoy!

<Kattar> jesus christ my dish washer sounds like it's going to
explode
<Kattar> I have never heard a dish washer make sounds like
this before
<Arkantos> Better take her to a hospital

* Xian just heard a loud bang out side
<Xian> OMG
<Xian> THe pizza boy hit our car!
<Valv|tuba> WHAT?
<Boko> Is the pizza okay!?!?

<EmpressMay> When I was 5, I was in Radio Shack's battery
club.
<RegEdit> The first rule about battery club is you do not talk
about battery club.