bash.org archive

<Bayls> I'm downloading "two girls in the woods stop to kiss
and piss.mpg".
<Bayls> And it turns out it's an mpg of two chicks in thw
woods who stop to kiss, and then piss.
<Bayls> Dunno what I was expecting.

pAtRiCkAaRoN06: DUDE..you know what we r gonna name our band?
Jahwarrior06: what?
pAtRiCkAaRoN06: "the big glove"
Jahwarrior06: the big glove? wtf?
pAtRiCkAaRoN06: yea...that way when we get done playing and
the PA dude comes up there he can say "let's have a big hand
for The Big Glove"

JBdarnet: I've been told I'm not a bad looking guy here, which
is a red-light to hear from someone else in the Navy.

<Chard> 3x12=36
<Chard> 2x12=24
<Chard> 1x12=12
<Chard> 0x12=18
<Monkey> NERD JOKE

<@harb> Sith are like the script kiddies of Force users.
<@harb> They all have silly handles.
<@harb> "Darth Maul", "Darth Sidious", "Darth Tyranous".
<@harb> "d00d ur most l33t l3tz g0 own sum j3di lol"
< mdxi> <ObiWan> Do not turn ot the Dark Side, Anakin
< mdxi> <an4k1n> STFU F4G
<@harb> <tyr4nous> d00d j0in m3 w3 c4n pwn 2gether!!
<@harb> <ObiWan> I'll never join you, Dooku.
<@harb> <tyr4nous> suk

<EqD> How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
<Castille> 1 to cry about it, 5 to post to an indie rock forum
talking about how great the new lightbulb is, 15 to say that
the old lightbulb was just fine, and to wish they'd stop
changing their light and 25 to flame each other on typoes and
musical taste?
<Castille> so ... 41?
<EqD> Frankly, I don't care.  Let the little fuckers cry in
the dark.

<EVILteddy> a couple of morman missionarys came to my door
this morning
<EVILteddy> hehehe\
<Bakaneko-kun> whatd you do?
<EVILteddy> mum had a cows heart out for the cats dinner
<EVILteddy> i took it to the door and took a huge bite of it
<Bakaneko-kun> really?
<EVILteddy> yep
<EVILteddy> it tasted horrible
<EVILteddy> it was raw and bloody
<EVILteddy> they called me a heritec and ran soooo fast^_^
<EVILteddy> i was pissing my self laughing all day it was like
the best thing ive ever done to a morman

<vrit> oh god damn, that beer just suddenly snuck up on my
bladder all special-ops style
<vrit> it was all metal beer solid

<bludstone> so like, with anime now
<bludstone> some otaku dude in japan encodes it, uploads it..
it spreads
<bludstone> and its available before the airtime cuz of
timezone changes ermshtn
<SiamShade> haw
<SiamShade> l33t
<bludstone> dammit, i need to get laid.
<SiamShade> where the fuck did that come from
<SiamShade> you're talking about anime and how it spreads then
"i need to get laid."
<SiamShade> oh wait
<SiamShade> that makes perfect sense

<@Mord> u fucked yo momma last night shin
<@Mord> no...i mean i did
<@Mord> you did...
<@Mord> i mean the one thats most instulting :/
<+SHIN-SHIN> rofl

<Creeper> when they neuter a dog do they actually like remove
the balls or do they just cut a wire somewhere
<~Vash> NO NOT THE BLUE WIRE!!!!! *dog explodes*

<DJnerate> I saw the epitome of laziness today
<DJnerate> there was this family at the mall, they were pretty
overweight
<DJnerate> they were headed for the escalator but maintenance
had shut it down for the day
<DJnerate> and the mother exclaims, "Oh no, how are we gonna
get down?"
<DJnerate> i was laughing my ass off watching them trying to
figure it out

<Rain|BW> sbot jesus
<Sbot> Jesus Saves! But Gretzky Rebounds, He Shoots, He
Scores!
<Rain|BW> tee-hee-hee
<CrashCat> jesus saves souls and redeems them for valuable
prizes at the ticket counter
<gegi> Jesus saves, the rest of you take 5d20 damage.

Thunderscreech: My nephew just got his black belt in Tae Kwan
Do yesterday. Note: Apparently, it's not entirely accurate to
call the ceremony a 'bar mitzvah for ninjas'.

<brian`home> so im takin my shower
<brian`home> then i whip out the old hockey shampoo
<brian`home> I WAS LIKE OMFG I LOVE YOU HOCKEY SHAMPOO
<brian`home> so i take a swig of it
<brian`home> cuz it smelled so f'in good
<brian`home> dude it tasted nasty

<Sukato> Once again
<Sukato> my firewall successfully blocked hack attempt from
192.168.0.1
<Sukato> Then some programs get kicked offline
<Jed> I know that IP address
<Jed> He's a mean bastard.

<ToastyGhost> Is that a roll of pennies in your pocket, or do
you just have an incredibly small and slender penis?
<TheVortex> you talking to toen? more like dimes.
<Toen> actually it's a roll of pennies in my pocket. But that
ain't a gatorate bottle in my other pocket.
<TheVortex> Ah. Powerade.
<ToastyGhost> Powerade.
<Toen> penis, actually
<ToastyGhost> Yes, severed penis of someone else, in a
gatorade bottle.
<TheVortex> dude, that's pretty sick, cutting someone else's
penis off like that
<ToastyGhost> DAMN! SAME THOUGHTS!
<Toen> I HATE YOU BOTH ;_;
<TheVortex> GET OUT OF MY HEAD TOASTYGHOST

<MosServ> Katto: They will keep fighting, they think that
dying in battle for their God is the greatest honor. But they
also think they'll go to hell if they have pork in their
stomach. Solution: Pork bullets.

<aaronx`> anybody got a serial number for nero burning rom?
<maff> J0-0MU5-T-B34W-4R3Z-D0-0D works
<aaronx`> dosent work for me...
<aaronx`> bah
<aaronx`> thats not a freakin serial

[Hive] You know what really pisses me off? People who point at
their wrist when asking for the time. Yeah, buddy, I know
where my watch is. Where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my
crotch when I ask for the bathroom?

* Snake is now known as Snake|Food
* Magus steals snakes food
* Snake|Food is now known as Snake|
<Magus> lol
<Magus> score!
* Snake| is now known as Snake[[Food]]
<@Snake[[Food]]> it's in a cage
<@Snake[[Food]]> leave alone
<Magus> fux

<Pat_The_Bunny> my dad is such a pimp
<Spacechimp> ROFL  what?
<Pat_The_Bunny> back in the day....he had these red satin
sheets that are currently on my bed
<Spacechimp> um
<Pat_The_Bunny> so he walks into the room...
<Pat_The_Bunny> and pats the sheets
<Spacechimp> lol
<Pat_The_Bunny> and says, "you should see how good these
sheets look with two blondes between them"
<Pat_The_Bunny> i cant sleep now

<BlazeHedgehog> For a few seconds when AOL first loads it
displays the wrong image with the wrong headline on the front
page
<BlazeHedgehog> So it's got this guy kneeling at the WTC
Memorial, crying, headline reads "HILLARY DUFF'S NEW CD
RELEASED"
<Waffle-X> lol
<Sz> I'd be crying too

<MaoistBanker> The Olsen Twins Announce Where They Will Go To
College.............
<MaoistBanker> NEW YORK UNIVERSITY, You can bet they will be
getting a torrent of applications for the summer and fall
semesters.
<WhatTheChrist> lol remember last time new york had a set of
twins
<Smackbilly> Yeah, they went down on a lot of people.

<Maduin> Is it weird if you recognize a girl in your inbox
porn from your highschool?
<TheUpstairsProTHAway> I think the most comedic answer would
be, "It depends what part you recognized."

<TFH> I'm going to start a band called Dial Up, and we are
only going to play slow songs.

<^head^> A nine year old boy asks his mother, "Is God male or
female?"
<^head^> After thinking for a moment, his mother responds,
"Well God is both male and female."
<^head^> This confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God black or
white?"
<^head^> "Well," she says, "God is both black and white."
<^head^> This really confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God gay
or straight?"
<^head^> Feeling a bit out of her depth, but wanting to be
consistent, the mother answers, "Honey, God is both gay and
straight."
<^head^> At this the boy's face lights up with understanding
and he triumphantly asks...
<^head^> "Is Michael Jackson God?"

<[FU]HiTechOutlaw> ;o :(
<[FU]HiTechOutlaw> :O*
<Nomad> I swear if I ever see you "correct" a smiley again,
I'm going to kill you.

<outcaste> When I was single, I used super sensitive condoms.
<outcaste> They were so sensitive that they'd stick around and
talk to the chiq
for an hour after I'd gone

Sui Kiogi Az: you have such a succinct way with words you know
RuShKiN AsS: Damn skippy i do
RuShKiN AsS: I"m a fuckin magician with words
RuShKiN AsS: Ask amy!
RuShKiN AsS: Watch... you see the word fuck
RuShKiN AsS: I'll cut it in two
RuShKiN AsS: FU
RuShKiN AsS: CK
RuShKiN AsS: Now i will make it disapear
Sui Kiogi Az: you're a true wordsmith
RuShKiN AsS: 
RuShKiN AsS: WHERE DID IT GO
Sui Kiogi Az: I...don't know ::cries::
RuShKiN AsS: Oh whats that behind your ear... **pulls fuck
out**

tohayer: My windows machine crashes scarily
tohayer: Whatever audio is playing, slows down
tohayer: Like when Dave is disconnecting Hal's memory
tohayer: "Ted... Ted... why are you opening the task manager.
You're scaring me, Ted"

JDR-TSS: I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know
that you're afraid... you're afraid of unrestricted internet
access. You're afraid of not being fed content to you like AOL
does. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you
how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's
going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm
going to show you customers what you don't want to see. I'm
going to show you an intarwebs without holding your hand. An
intarwebs without netnannies and content filters, without
borders or boundaries. An intarwebs where anything is
possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.
BBuie-TSS: you really dont have a life do you?
JDR-TSS: There is no life.

<RedMercury> i just checked easyspace for the domain
fuck.sport
<RedMercury> and it said its not available and recommended
fuck.kids

<StrangelyUnoriginal>So I was at Walmart, being the financial
transaction overlord of register 21.
Rite, and this kid walks up, I ring up his items and he says,
"So I heard you like mudkips?" so I acted all confused like he
expected me to andhe had a little faggoty giggle then he asked
me what his total was and I said, "Your total, IT'S OVER NINE
THOUSSSSSSAAAAND!" and my manager was like, "lol wtf?" then I
grabbed the pricing scanner and crushed it in my hand.

<B-HAX> damnit my neighbor enabled security on his wifi router
<B-HAX> i am so annoyed
<B-HAX> i probably shouldnt have stuck the antenna right in my
window pointing at his house
<B-HAX> i don't give people very much credit sometimes

<echeese> Man
<echeese> I think I befriended a pedo sting
<echeese> This chick's been 14 for 2 years now

<Ch0|sen> fuck I made a fake Myspace account posing as a bi
blonde to get horny desperate internet guys to get me a free
ipod and now all these hot lesbians are messaging me with "we
should fuck"
<Ch0|sen> WHY CAN'T THESE BUXOM BI CHICKS LOVE ME AS I AM
INSTEAD OF THE 20 YEAR OLD BLONDE COLLEGE STUDENT I PORTRAY ON
THE INTERNET

sumgirl4eva12: you are the whitest person i know
sumgirl4eva12: stop
holdmeback3322: collaborate and listen

<f|ywork> 1 of our students has got himself in a spot of
bother. He booked out a dv cam and a firewire hard drive from
the helpdesk, then videoed some chick giving him head and
forgot to delete it from the hd when he returned it
<TBBwork> do u have a copy of this video?
<f|ywork> it's rendering in premiere as we speak

<CharoNoMe> Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in
the same way that hanging around tall people will make you
tall.

*** Swish changes topic to '"I never pirated it....it was
donated.  by the file fairy.  I put a blank CD under my
pillow..."'

<frenzaldude> I can't believe that around 60% dont want an
XBox!
<frenzaldude> I couldn't wait to get mine. XBox is the best
gaming console of all time, even look at the stats: http://
www.xbox365.com/xp_consoles.shtml
<Flashman> To quote www.maddox.xmission.com, "Saying the Xbox
is a good system because it's powerful is like saying you made
a great painting because you used the best set of paints."
<frenzaldude> not really, coz u might be a crap painter
<frenzaldude> anyway xbox has the best graphics and stuf, and
u can put it onto the internet!!! thats my fav feature

durandal: see, a whore is a girl who sleeps with everyone... a
bitch is a girl who sleeps with everyone but you

<Coldfeet®> having sex after 20 beers is like playing pool
with a rope

* +ramoth4 slaps politik with an unsigned long double
* +politik comes back with a _uint64 uppercut
* +ramoth4 pulls out a struct and returns fire
* +politik corrupts ramoth's heap
* +Fire_Elemental-Coding- ducks to avoid leaked memory
* +politik pops Fire_Elemental-Coding- square in the stack
* +ramoth4 stuffs politik's face in the bitbucket, and begins
to operate on nil pointers
* +politik throws uncatchable exceptions around the room
* +ramoth4 dodges skillfully with his try-catch block
* +politik cuts off ramoth's private member
* +ramoth4 encapsulates the wound in a protected class
* +politik destroys all foes with up-casts to inappropriate
derived classes!
* +politik is out of ideas
* +politik :: ~politik();
* +ramoth4 declares flipcode his namespace!
<+ramoth4> I win!
* +ramoth4 beat C++.
<+ramoth4> The last guy was hard.

<theGaurav x45>  yo i got
<theGaurav x45>  Microsoft Office 2007
<theGaurav x45>  greatest thing ever invented
<theGaurav x45>  so amazing
<theGaurav x45>  it took me 15 minutes to find spellcheck
<theGaurav x45>  but still
<theGaurav x45>  amazing

[blergh`] so i went to this fight and a damn hockey game broke
out

<archaios> I WAS A VIRGIN TIL 21
<poonTheta> archaios i thought you are 20 :|
<archaios> poonTheta: I am still a virgin
<archaios> I expect to get laid next year

<infinitySPZ> Pong is probably the best designed shooter game
in the world.
<infinitySPZ> It's the only one that is made so that if you
camp, you die.

<Chelly> What is your biggest fear?
<JasonRene> living long enough to become isolated from anyone
who cares about me, and then dying alone.
<Chelly> :(
<JasonRene> You asked  ;)
<Chelly> I know
<Chelly> I was expecting something like spiders.

<AnalInvasion> my dick is so big it has feet
<NinjaInThePants> my dick is so big popcorn now comes in
small, medium, large, and my dick.

<+Inca> Lydia: Why did George Bush cross the road?
<+Inca> Lydia: Because his penis was stuck in the chicken!
<+Inca> I have strange friends
<+spock1104> he fucked the chicken and didn't have an exit
strategy >_>

< 12@Great_Teacher_Musashi > damn
<@Great_Teacher_Musashi > myspacebardoesn'twork 
<13@Nemian|Stuff > haha
<@Great_Teacher_Musashi > crap
<@Great_Teacher_Musashi > Ican'tentercommands
<@Nemian|Stuff > wth happened to your kb?
<@CrimsonAngel|AtLibrary > heh
<@Great_Teacher_Musashi > spilledsodaonit
<@CrimsonAngel|AtLibrary > l o o k i c a n u s e s p a c e s w
e e e e e e = )
*** CrimsonAngel|AtLibrary was kicked by Great_Teacher_Musashi
( don'ttauntmeIstillhaveright-click )(  I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n  )

<GrndZero> "China has already cloned human embryos"
<GrndZero> Go china
<xscope> yeah..thats what China needs..more people.

<Ivyshaur> No, we've been informed that listening to Rammstein
is the best way to learn German.
<mrPants> You learn it very quick
<mrPants> The problem is that you only know how to talk about
sodomy, canibalism, incest, and death
<granola> there are other things to talk about?
<mrPants> Not in germany

<Blaxthos> any fat bitches with inner beauty wanna chat ?

<three> why the FUCK do we say TUNA FISH
<three> we don't say CHICKEN BIRD

<Gerard> Damn bitch fuck damn.
<Tom> PG-13 Gerard
<Gerard> Dang gosh golly dang

<chodapp> Girls don't have penises, xooz98
<xooz98> chodapp - i thought that too UNTIL I GOT KAZAA

<jamz> hmm
<jamz> I have a bottle of waterless hand cleaner
<jamz> for car work and grease and stuff.
<jamz> It's almost empty.
<jamz> So, in order to stretch it out, I added some water to
it.
<jamz> In retrospect, not the smartest thing to do.
<dan0_> this had better end with an explosion of some kind
<jamz> and there was a huge explosion that could be seen from
space.

<digamond> was a dude in a school that installed Firefox
<digamond> the girl next to him asks what he is doing
<digamond> he told her .. that he is installing a new web
browser..
<digamond> after that
<digamond> when he started up the Firefox and went to google
.. she looked at him and said..
<digamond> that was not so nessesery .. it still shows the
same websites

<Saber> I had a full can of soda
<Saber> and I slipped
<Saber> and dropped it above my KB
<Saber> and I caught it
<Saber> but THOUGHT it was upside down
<Saber> so I  inverted it
<Saber> and it turns out
<Saber> it was rightside up

(Omorpheus) I think rappers are the noobs of the music world
"OMGZ YO I R GANGSTER"

<`DE-Throwdown-e-> if anyone knows how to unclog a toilet when
there is no plunger available pm me please...hurry their is
shit on the floor already
* `DE-Throwdown-e- has quit IRC (Excess Flood)

<hypr> ¿
<LkTruth1> hypr is confused in Spanish.

<Redbeard> I declared my undying love to someone.
<Redbeard> I told her that my love is like the skeleton
turtles in Mario.

<Hendrix> Its fun to go out in the cold weather and watch
smokers pass out becuse they dont know when they're done
exhaling

Niall: "There is no "I" in team." "There's no "we" either.
However, there IS a "me". So piss off, you micromanaging
twerp."
DMac: there's also meat
Niall: And meta.
DMac: and meta
DMac: .. meta-meat?
Niall: Transcendental sausage?
DMac: tame meta-meat
Niall: Farm-raised transcendental pigs.
DMac: tame meta-meat mate?
Niall: Female farm-raised transcendental pig.
DMac: better than mate meta-tame meat
Niall: Bestiality involving a pig raised on a transcendental
farm.
DMac: team mate tame meta-meat .... /shudder
Niall: Gangbang bestiality involving a pig raised on a
transcendental farm.

<bansidhe>Last night my wife and I are having sex (me on top)
and just as we hit the big 'O', I accedently slip out and make
a mess on our stomaches.
<bansidhe>After we catch our breath, she starts laughing and
gets this playful/evil look in her eye. Then she gets all
serious and says...
<bansidhe>"Honey, I need to tell you something.... I feel
something has come between us."
<bansidhe>Hehe... My wife rocks!