bash.org archive

<demalavor> w00t!
<jdrolet> w00t!
<Zhuzhen> w00t!
<CecilPL> w00t!
<Valvados> w00t!
<demalavor> we need a new word

<ZiggyPopFoo> does anyone know how to install OpenBSD i hav ti
on disk and i cna load it and everyhtin but i dunno how to
install it properly without wiping over windows, plz help lz?
<notick> buy a unix help manual.
<ZiggyPopFoo> i dont have unix in have openbsd u fucking def
bastard.
<notick> oh, my bad! (idiot)
*ZiggyPopFoo forgives notick
<ZiggyPopFoo> dont worry i have had nowledge about openbsd for
yers its just open bsd is the hardest one of them all, ull
learn as mich about as i know some day.
<notick> Shower me with your god-like wisdom, ZPF
<ZiggyPopFoo> wisdom??? I HAVE OPENBSD!!!!

<fcastle> I HAD A NIGHTMARE
<fcastle> IT ALL STARTED NORMAL
<fcastle> 10101010
<fcastle> 10110011
<fcastle> THEN ALL OF A SUDAN
<fcastle> 1100102
<snooz> GAAAAH

dee: mute do you ever talk
mute: No, I never say a word.
dee: why
mute: I think you missed the joke there, dee.
dee: what do you mean
mute: ...nevermind.

scuttlemonkey: This [face recognition] technology should speed
airport check-ins, but it could also be used in banks or for
checking ID cards as it allows full identification in less
than one second.
mcc: Great, I can't wait until the day when I get punched in
the face, and suddenly I can't use ATMs anymore.

<Amanda`> I just went out to the parking lot in my bathrobe to
exchange warez CDs.

<razorjd1> But i know what's first person shoter better than
any body here!!!!
<razorjd1> why ppl think that 14 years old boy can't
understand in computers???
<razorjd1> what the fuck is ur prob, son tof the bitches???
<razorjd1> i play UT all day and u say that i don't know
what's first person shoter is???
<razorjd1> i overclock since i was 10 so don't call me stupid,
i understand in computers better than any one here.
<razorjd1> Beware, or else i will hack to ur computer...
<razorjd1> Fuck u all!!!

<McGrue> The truth, like a penis, sometimes slips out at
inopportune times.

<`-X-> how i can disconnect without the usual commands? (/
quit, /disconnect /exit etc )?
<`-X-> help me pls
<@Splodgey> /msg <insert name of ircop here> you suck cock

<Abstruse> Bush: Iraq, you'd better get rid of your nuclear
weapons or we'll bomb you!  Iraq: We don't have any nuclear
weapons.  N Korea: We do.  Bush: Well then get rid of your
chemical weapons!  Iraq: We don't have those either!  N Korea:
Ummm...we have nukes now.  Bush: We KNOW you've got chemical
and nuclear weapons!  Get rid of them!  Iraq: Even if we did,
which we don't, we can't even hit the USA!  N Korea: We can
nuke California all we want.
<Abstruse> Bush: Shuddup North Korea, no one cares!  Iraq,
you'd BETTER disarm!  Iraq: But we don't HAVE anything!  N
Korea: Oh fuck it, blow up Los Angelas...  Bush: Iraq, I'm
warning you...  *BOOM*
<doppelganger> bush: "we are sick and tired of your missiles
hitting us, iraq...but we cant understand why they are flying
in from the pacific ocean!"  north korea: "he CAN'T be that
stupid."  saddam: apparently he is.  i myself havent even made
any missile that goes beyond walking distance."

<ignatz> You are carrying one half-empty Anchor Steam beer, a
GameBoy, and an angst-filled heart.  You are in a clearing in
the woods near a technology company.
<zebulon_y> w
<ignatz> You fall into the Pacific Ocean.
<zebulon_y> e
<ignatz> You are in a clearing in the woods near a technology
company. There is a dwarf here with a hat that says "QA" on
it.
<zebulon_y> drink beer
<ignatz> glug.
<zebulon_y> say hello to dwarf
<ignatz> FUCK YOU, THAT'S MARKETING'S JOB says the dwarf. He
hits you with a memo and you die.

<Acero> i'm going to try natural penis enlargement ok?
<Acero> if it works i'll let you guys know and we can be the
channel with the biggest penises on efnet
<WwMrTwW> penis pump!? weights? implants!?
<Acero> it's some excercise you do with your hand

<T|gz> Ya know, it'd be kinda cool to taste with your hands
like flies...
<t-f-i> ....
<T|gz> You can just stick your hand on someones food, and you
can taste it.
<t-f-i> Have fun, guess you'll have to give up masterbation.
<T|gz> Oh fuck, nm.

<F4T4L_3RR0R> I swear... I don't need to see commercials for
tampons while cartoons are on
<F4T4L_3RR0R> "IT'S SO SMALL I DON'T NEED THE APPLICATOR! IT
FITS TO MY CONTOURS!!" "YES!! MY LABIA JUST GRABS IT LIKE A
BIONIC CLAW AND TRACTOR BEAMS IT IN!!"

<bhlaab> One time in high school I was talking to a girl who
was SUPER NAZI feminist, and she was going on and on about the
double standards against women in society, and how men have no
double standards against them.
<bhlaab> That's when I brought up the fact that lesbians are
looked upon as "fine", wheras gay men are always getting the
complete <censored> beat out of them for no reason. She got
pissed off at this comment, and snapped at me "What, are you a
fag too or something?!"
<bhlaab> Go equal rights!!

* Secuerity ([email protected]) has joined #guns
* Secuerity ([email protected]) has left #guns
<MrSk8r> wow a bad spellet
<MrSk8r> peller
<MrSk8r> speller
<Marcus`> lol
<MrSk8r> severs me right
<MrSk8r> serves
<MrSk8r> fuck

<Poinky> so, there is to be war between us...
<brett1479> war?
<p3nt4g0n> huh?
<Mororvia> good god ya'll
<p3nt4g0n> wha?

(skankman) oaid, halo is when two gay guys put their dicks in
each others mouths, but the rule is it cant touch the lips or
tongue or anything. the only thing it can touch if anything is
the tonsil, and they both do it at the same time, and they
dont have sex until they do it perfect.
(Emo|Cuomo) GROSS SKANKMAN
(Emo|Cuomo) I MEANT THE FUCKING XBOX GAME
(skankman) yeah whatever, you sick fuck.

italy4me: i hate fucking people.
italy4me: wait.
italy4me: reverse that
italy4me: i fucking hate people.

<Poo> norp I will scan you now
<norp> poo so what ports do i have open?
<Poo> I am not looking at ports I am looking at services
<lukeiyo-e> i've run a scan on both of you... i'm not
detecting girlfriends

<matt> Can anyone help me solve a two body problem?
<dsk> Id sink them in the ocean or feed them to pigs
<dsk> but if you do the pigs make sure to remove hair and
teeth first
<matt> Umm i meant in physics...

SpOoNmAn· man, one time i had a Mr Heros roman burger...that
fuckin thing passed thry my bowels in about 5 minutes...i was
in the mall and had enuff time to run to the closest bathroom.
I was about to sit down and my ass erupted, i blew shit all
over the toilet and a guy was in the next stall....he screamed
and ran out.

<Ich> broadband sucks in the sense that goatse loads before i
can close the window

<HandyMan> i didnt set tahat
<HandyMan> *say
<HandyMan> *that
<Hyperbyte> *I
<Hyperbyte> *didn't

<shortyz> call your isp
<shortyz> god help whoever has to help your sorry ass
<bette> how do i call internet explorer?

<Temujin> Will Ferral is cool.
<SpecOps> Ferrel, dumass.
<horsefly> dumbass, dumbass

<bumr> maybe he makes mad love to the penguin
<dys> Perhaps Cathy wears a Tux the Penguin suit for him.
<dys> And then he "debugs her code" all night long.
<bumr> cunnilinux

<mem-out> .=~
<mem-out> flea with a flamethrower
<wob> ^- idiot with a keyboard

<Vellius>  ... I wonder if the really nerdy Klingons learn how
to speak english

<@NeoMinder> Hey cloud! Get off my you!
<nightrunner> You ate paint chips as a kid, didn't you?
<@NeoMinder> you mean wall candy?

<+PeterFA> I'm naked.
<+zinx> whoever invented text-only communication
<+zinx> ruled

<p_digga> oh god i'm dumb when i'm stoned
<j3r3miah> why
<p_digga> i lost something on my desk, and i couldn't find it,
so i moved my ssh window on my computer desktop to see if it
was under it
<j3r3miah> oh god

DaLady Firestorm: hm... nother random question: if you could
do one video game character, who would it be
DerBrystar522666: now that is a tough cookie
DaLady Firestorm: :-P
DerBrystar522666: First thought is Max Payne
DaLady Firestorm: lol
DerBrystar522666: second thought is Justin from Grandia. Or
maybe Roman from Armed and Dangerous
DerBrystar522666: another thought is the Master Chief
DaLady Firestorm: so, I ask which video game character you'd
have sex with, and all your choices are men... :-P
DerBrystar522666: oh... shit!
DerBrystar522666: I read that one completely wrong

<Royall> My "e" k y is brok n
<Royall> Oh wait.

[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  I just got fucking attacked my a huge ass
spider.
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  *by
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  I looked up to see this huge spider on my
monitor.
[Kendros]@::  lmao
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  THE MOTHERFUCKER JUMPED ONTO MY FACE
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  I FELL OVER BACKWARD
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  As I was typing randmo gibberish I hit
ctrlatldel two times or something.
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  My computer was off after I killed it.
[boner] ::  nice
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  Nice my ass.
[Doctahluuuvvv] ::  I punched myself in the face :/

<Kyr> When i was in psychiatry it was so funny when the
psychologist tried to make me do this Rorschach test.  I said
"that's a Rorschach test innit?" and he was like "yeah but
you're not supposed to know that.  Now the test 'll be
useless"
<Kyr> So I said the drawings looked like dead people and
vaginas to console the guy.

<Biz> i just finished cleaning 8 rolls of toilet paper off my
car
<Biz> at least it wasn't malicious, like my car getting broke
into for the 17th time
<wiff> are you keeping in valuables in the car that are
visible?
<Biz> absolutely nothing
<Biz> because it gets broke into so much
<Biz> one time someone stole it from the park and ride
<Biz> so i report it, and i get a call that night
<Biz> my car has been abandoned...in another park and ride
<Biz> like 20 miles away
<Biz> it's like, just take the bus, dude

<Torgina> so wtf is up with mirc saying I have 7days left?
<Azathoth> It's the tape you watched.

a_spank_horses: Bro
i_spank_horses: I was driving in a passenger seat of my
friends car
i_spank_horses: piss wasted
i_spank_horses: He was driving like 45 mph
i_spank_horses: And there was a mexican guy getting in a truck
i_spank_horses: Close to my side
i_spank_horses: I stuck my hand out the window and smacked his
ass
i_spank_horses: and he screamed so loud
i_spank_horses: he thought he got shot
i_spank_horses: I hurt my elbow
i_spank_horses: It was so sick
muzzleflashed: AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
i_spank_horses: I couldn't breahte for 2 days
i_spank_horses: funniest thing ive ever done

<sh4ve> hehe, i wrote a assembly proggy to convert normal
numbers to roman ^^
<GodOfGoats> You are so MCCCXXXVII

<patteam717> If Neo got into a fight with Aragorn, Neo would
win hands down
<kissmeimtoxic> that may be true but if Agent Smith got into a
fight with Elrond that would just be dumb

<b0b> fucking hell dude
<b0b> i hate when the salsa in the jar gets low
<b0b> and I try to get it out with a chip and it gets all of
my fingers
<b0b> and i just end up crying myself to sleep with my fingers
covered in salsa

<karl> where is everyone?
<Kayote_G> Well I'm trying to explain to my (now ex)
girlfriend why I own a porn site.
<Kayote_G> :'(

<orlando> There's no such thing as reverse racism; racism
doesn't have a direction.
<justin> So it's a scalar.

<LazyWulfran> i've watched enough asian porn to discern that
when 2 asian people have sex, semen goes everywhere except
where it needs to go for conception.  therefore, they must
have an alternate method of reproduction

<@Phil> Hey, not saying your vagina isn't mighty. I mean,
people LOVE the grand canyon...
<@Squash> Well guys like it when they can go in deep.
<@Phil> Yeah, but not when they'll fall in and die.

<Defcon> dude my new microwave owns
<Defcon> you put the foods in and then the time and then start
<Defcon> then beep beep and yum
<ToastyGhost> No shit, Captain Microwave Handbook

(anuj) Strangest thing happened today.
(anuj) I saw one of those Progessive Insurance SUVs heading
towards an accident scene.
(anuj) And the SUV got smacked by an 18-wheeler because it ran
a red light.
(anuj) The irony didn't hit me until just now.

<Eriya> I need some new and exciting way to prepare chicken
legs
<IamMercy> Put on a french maids outfit!
<IamMercy> And play circus music
<Eriya> thanks Mercy, I can always count on you to be
completely unhelpful

<r0bert> you are officially a complete and utter moron.
<Evil_Girl_55> no u are beacause moran is spelled m-o-r-a-n u
dope

Philips.com "live chat"
Please wait for a consultant to assist you.
mfennell will be with you momentarily!
mfennell says, "Thank you for contacting Philips USA Webchat.
My name is Maurice. How may I assist you today?"
You say, "yeah.. i was looking at your digital camera keyrings
and had a question"
You say, "i couldnt find what resolutions that were available
to take pictures in"
mfennell says, "I will be more than happy to assist you with
this information but first , please may I have your first and
last name, zip code, city and telephone number so as to create
a case file ?"
You say, "i realize it is 1.3 gigapixels and it comes in
either 128 or 64 meg memory capacitys, but i dont know what
res it will take picutres in"
You say, "er... do you really need all of that info? im not
sure if im going to buy it or anything.. i just wanted to know
the resolutions.."
mfennell says, "We would like this information so as to keep a
record of each customer contact."
You say, "but im going to talk to you for all of like.. half a
minute.."
You say, "my name and email address was allready submitted..
that should be more than enough"
mfennell says, "May I have the model number of the unit
please?"
You say, "KEY008"
You say, "and KEY007.. if there is a difference"
mfennell says, "Thank you."
mfennell says, "With an issue like this what we suggest is
that you contact us at 1-800-531-0039."
You say, "er.... lool.. ok... im not gong to give them my info
either"
You say, "how bout i just look around for a different
manufacturer that is less creepy.."
mfennell says, "With an issue like this what we suggest is
that you contact us at 1-800-531-0039."
You say, "wow.. generated responses.."
You say, "really makes me feel i have a genuine connection w/
the person helping me"
You say, "well thanx for spending a good 15 min of my time"
You say, "have a nice day...."
You say, "try not to seduce any 13 yr olds over the net..."
mfennell says, "Thank you."
mfennell says, "Thanks for contacting Philips USA. "
Your consultation has ended
mfennell leaves.

<Boxthor> They call me Hadoken 'cause I'm down-right fierce.

lml-mike: i love to speak just after people saying : "...or
not"
lml-mike: it's compatible with EVERYTHING people says
Quinten: you arent gay
lml-mike: ...
lml-mike: almost everything

JunoRulz: Know what would suck?
JunoRulz: Falling down an up escalator.

<mojo> I want me a pet monkey.
<Synthetic> My aunt had one, the smell was ungodly. It was
allways beating off and if it got scared it would deficate in
it's hand a throw it.
<mojo> I know, that's why I want one. If it can beat it's self
off then I can teach it how to do it to me.
<synthetic> ...
<Capin> Um... so anyway I went to the zoo this one time and
one of the gorillas stole my dad's wallet!
<Synthetic> That was no gorilla, it was a black guy in a fur
coat. The son of a bitch has my shoes.
<mojo> I still want a monkey if anybody cares.

<melol2> wapityyy, so you are giving up computers, for a girl
you hardly know, even when you dont know she has a problem
with it?
<wapityyy> yeah
<wapityyy> thats totally me
<wapityyy> follow your instinct
<melol2> hmm. Sounds good :)
<r3v> if i followed my instinct
<r3v> there would be streets littered with dead babies
<r3v> and the word virgin would not exist
<wapityyy> what the FUCK

<amb> let's make a coloring book
<amb> and then sue kids for unauthorized derivative works

<AwwJeah> I want to fill a super soaker with cheap vodka and
spray down other drivers.
<AwwJeah> Then call the police and tell them I think they're
driving drunk.
<AwwJeah> Because, seriously, who would believe that story?

<Sefy> Dude, if the FBI ever came to my door
<Sefy> Im just gonna put in my other harddrive and boot in ME
<Sefy> Just so i look like a complete retard

<phx\afk> i spent the past hour doing leet network diagnosis
<phx\afk> i flexed every single last one of my skillz
<Diz> to what end?
<phx\afk> i meditated on the problem
<phx\afk> i consulted the big book of hardware
<phx\afk> i consulted oracles, farseers, nearsighted witches
and trolls
<phx\afk> what i shouldve done
<phx\afk> is PLUGGED THE FUCKING NETWORK CABLE INTO THE
FUCKING SERVER

<barnaby> TheMage: jess was hinting that i should ask her out
:/
<TheMage> barnaby: ask ExZippo for advice.
<ExZippo> barnaby: Punch her in the tit.
<TheMage> barnaby: or not.

<NellagnehC> My computer's so fast it finishes an infinite
loop in 5 minutes.

<gangstagurl> u wanna fuck with me then lets take it to the
streets u little hore u woludnt last two seconds
<comfort> nor would you, in a library

<mixi_dk> Im such a perfectist
<mixi_dk> *pefettionist
<mixi_dk> *perfectonst
<mixi_dk> God dammit!
<mixi_dk> perfrecsist
<mixi_dk> OKAY! I give up!
<MikeClassic> Why? perfectionist is easy to spell..?
<mixi_dk> How did you do that?!

<[GSF]Pyronus> CAPSLOCK IS AUTOPILOT FOR COOL

<tanuki> FunkyMonkey: I have a friend who tried shitting out
of a tree stand while hunting
<tanuki> he dropped his coveralls, hung his ass over the side,
and let fly... but when he was done, he went to zip up the
coveralls, flipped the hood up...
<tanuki> *thwack*
<tanuki> he ended up shitting in the hood of his coveralls
without realizing it

<Fiction> man, I LOVE Sigue Sigue Sputnik so MUCH!!!!
<Fiction> they're almost as good as Catholic Discipline
<MaCk> then why don't you marry it
<Fiction> cause I want to marry you, Mack
<MaCk> ewh
<[enki]> I think you had that one coming, Mack.
<[enki]> Besides, I told you he'd get the wrong impression if
you sent him those chocolates.
* Fiction makes moon eyes at mack
* [enki] shakes his head.
<[enki]> I knew this would happen.
* Fiction writes bad poetry about his love for mack
* [enki] preps the firehose.
* Fiction buys a harley and a tshirt that says: "if you can
read this, Mack fell off" on the back
<Fiction> someday I'll buy you a cubic-zirconium ring and we
can move to a trailer in Rock Springs Wyoming
<Fiction> we'll be so happy!
<[enki]> And you'll drive a 78 Camaro to work.
<Fiction> YEAH!
<Fiction> only "work" is hanging out at the local high school
selling crank to teenagers
<MaCk> SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT
UP!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
<MaCk> someone is going to die
<Fiction> and mack can learn how to make casseroles with
potato chips in them
<[enki]> And get denim fringe jackets.
<Fiction> and we'll drink coors
<MaCk> I hate you guys
<Fiction> cheer up, I'll get some real wood panelling to put
up in our trailer
<Fiction> or at least I'll tell you it's real
<Fiction> and we'll live on food stamps but have 300 channels
of DirectTV
<MaCk> I hate you all
<Fiction> c'mon baby, you're hot with a capital HO!
<[enki]> LOL
*** MaCk has quit IRC

<Glen> hi, I am explorer.exe. sometimes when you are doing
anything at all, I will just freeze for ten minutes. All of my
brother and sister windows will also freeze, because they are
sad for me. Maybe we will come back, maybe not, it will be a
surprise!
<Alex> Ohh the suspense
<Glen> it is like a thriller novel
<Alex> A race against time
<Glen> a twisted web of deceit
<Glen> a woman without a past, a detective without a future
<Glen> a file browsing application without proper thread
isolation

<^0_o^> i'm a girl's dream!
<^0_o^> if only i had a chance to prove myself...
<DooD> a paper bag will give u many chances
<DooD> if they cant see the face, they cant use the mace