bash.org archive

<nikki> can you tell me what a clitoris is because someone is
asking me about mine and I don't know what the hell it is

<+KrazyKid> is there anything more American than a McDonalds
IN a Wal-Mart?
<+JitSpout> little cesars in a kmart
< Overand> KrazyKid: how about someone stealing from the cash
register in the mcdonalds in the wal-mark
< Overand> how about snorting coke in the bathroom of the
mcdonalds in the walmart
<+awed> haha
< pvah731> hahah
<+KrazyKid> Overand: hmmm.
<+JitSpout> how about snorting coke off a hookers ass in the
bathroom of the mcdonalds in the walmart?
< Overand> heh
<+JitSpout> a DEAD hookers ass
<+awed> dead from snorting too much coke off the last hooker's
ass
<+JitSpout> with her head in the toilet, getting swirlied
<+awed> CHOCOLATE swirlied
<+JitSpout> ohh baby
< pvah731> how about someone on welfare with 3 kids that
wieghs 300 pounds and is wearing a nascar shirt in mcdonalds
in a walmart saying "fuck them sand niggers"

<RaZ> I should burn my windows ME CD
<Thrawn> no piracy
<RaZ> I mean BURN it

<[Faer|eggs]> oh yeah, Easter
<[Faer|eggs]> which means I will have baskets of chocolate to
go with my bucket of candy and can of DIET soda
<LoneSamurai> hahaha
<Tremens> well
<Tremens> you have to watch to make sure you dont get fat
<Tremens> hence the diet soda
<[Faer|eggs]> This reminds me of a related, true, and funny
story
<LoneSamurai> uh oh, everyone run, here comes a Faer story
<Akuma> be less bitter lone
<Akuma> faer stories are really good
<LoneSamurai> hahaha
<LoneSamurai> if your 13
<[Faer|eggs]> When I worked at BK there was this woman who
would regularly come to my DRIVE-THRU window and order a
Whopper, an Angus Steak Burger, Double Bacon Cheeseburger
value meal, large Chocolate shake, large onion rings, lots of
sauce, and a DIET coke
<[Faer|eggs]> Each and every time, when I would hand her the
order, she'd make a fuss "Are you sure this is DIET?"
<[Faer|eggs]> So after about a month of this I finally got fed
up with the whole thing
<[Faer|eggs]> And when she came for her daily visit, and threw
the daily fuss, I said:
<Tremens> (this is where faer gers fired)
<[Faer|eggs]> "No ma'am, I'm terribly sorry, we're out of DIET
coke today. Instead I filled your cup with water, some bacon
grease, and a bit of leftover breakfast gunk from the cinnamon
rolls. I know it sounds strange now, but trust me, when you
drink it, it'll taste just the same as the DIET coke does
after you inhale all that fat and grease you order from me
every day."
<[Faer|eggs]> So she asked if she could see my manager
<Akuma> ROFL
<[Faer|eggs]> Of course, I smiled, and walked away to get my
manager
<[Faer|eggs]> Manager spoke to her a few moments, there were
some harsh hand symbols, and eventually the woman drove off
<[Faer|eggs]> My manager came back to me with the most PISSED
OFF look on her face
<[Faer|eggs]> And said "That woman has been coming here for
the past two years. She's been our most loyal customer at this
shop, and you just drove her away forever."
<[Faer|eggs]> The next day, I got a raise.
<Tremens> haha
<[Faer|eggs]> And that, my friends, is the end of my tale.

<Lord-Data> god damn faggot game
<Lord-Data> why the fuck would i wanna pick up a corpse when
im on 10% health, theres a minigun in front of me and im under
fire
<Lord-Data> when i push use i wanna use the god damn gun, not
fuck the damn corpse

<Silvercrush> I craved a little man in woodshop today
<Silvercrush> omg... carved :(

adam_afe > I just got a nice email from the most beautiful
woman in the world :~)
adam_afe >Laura!! :-)
Urthworm_afe > what does she say?
adam_afe > err..
adam_afe > "Fuck off and stop emailing me you stupid worthless
gimp."

<Freewill> please don't talk while I'm trying to interrupt you

<zhixel> I'd really like to meet a sane woman who doesn't have
to
constantly rely on me for emotional support
<far_call> and I'd really like to be able to drive my car to
jupiter

<knightmare> ugh
<knightmare> wasn't expecting the 'what makes you stick out
from other candidates' in a phone interview
<knightmare> I don't think 'I have an afro' was a good answer

<Maxstah> i had a cable repair call at this arian nation nazi
guys house today
<Maxstah> funny his name was joseph black
<Maxstah> i told him thats ironic
<Maxstah> he got pissed

[ Smitten ] My computer just asked me if i wanted to install
'Icons for blind users'....
[ Smitten ] HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK?!!?!?!?!

<xavas> so i was on the beach wearing my speedo's the other
day
<xavas> and some chick walks by and goes "u got a roll of
pennies in there?!?!?"
<xavas> so i says "yeah, want me to knock some cents into
you?>

TRAICOVN: so what is your address?
NightEyes: One moment
NightEyes: 68.35.199.208
TRAICOVN: ummmm
TRAICOVN: no, your real address....
TRAICOVN: like, where you live.
NightEyes: That is my real IP address!
TRAICOVN: 911 address.
NightEyes: I don't have local phone service
TRAICOVN: right.
TRAICOVN: but you have a house
TRAICOVN: that you live in
NightEyes: Oh, where I live?
TRAICOVN: if the RIAA subpoenaed you, what would be the
address they would arrive at.
TRAICOVN: Right.

cmerc: "Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see
the shadows". - Helen Keller
cmerc: SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHES TALKING ABOUT

<nirgleNap> lol, i just put on Najma as i'm sitting here
wiring up a circuit board
<nirgleNap> i realized how "odd" this might look.. having arab
music playing as i'm soldering red and green wires to a board
full of ICs

<Setups> is it a forest fire?
<Setups> I CAN SEE THE SMOKE FROM MY HOUSE
<SneakyPete> wtf going on setups? what state?
<Setups> its in alberta
<Setups> canada
<Raider|FIRE> must be forest fire
<travelyan> they have fire in canada?
<Setups> fuck you
<Setups> eh

<+TlMMAH> hey gary
<+TlMMAH> what is porno that i should download
<+TlMMAH> i am putting my dick into your hands here
<+TlMMAH> not literally but, you know

<sano_> argh
<sano_> i just wrote a backup script
<sano_> and then i overwrote it
<sano_> and i dont have a backup of it

<Alwyn Aldarion> X are you deaf or what ?
<MegamanX2K> Yes. Yes, I am deaf. This makes it IMPOSSIBLE for
me to read anything written on screen, because I have trained
a parrot to read whatever is on my screen so I can browse the
web while at the same time spying on the cute girl next door
while she's changing AND her equally cute sister who is also
changing AT THE SAME TIME. So, yes, I was unable to hear your
enlightening post. I apologize.

<Jim Kuhn> I just think it is silly that if I live in certain
states in a 'free country' that I am not allowed to even read
a poker forum.
<DrSavage> What gave you an impression that you live in a free
country?
<bigalt> fox news

<Bork_Tanbey> pretty soon EA's creativity on expansion packs
is going to run dry
<Bork_Tanbey> then they're going to have to start thinking
retroactively
<Bork_Tanbey> The Sims: Text RPG
<Bork_Tanbey> "Buy Washing machine"
<Bork_Tanbey> "place washing machine north of dryer"
<Hotwire> "rotate east"
<Hotwire> "rotate east"
<Hotwire> "change color to red"
<Bork_Tanbey> "impregnate slutty neighbor"
<Hotwire> "slap neighbour and run from child support"
<Bork_Tanbey> "challenge everything!"

MonkeysMa: fuck that, if all chicks wanted was a huge dick,
asians wouldn't be the largest ethnic group on the planet

<+Starvin`Marvin> over here in my country , im a real sex
object
<+RonaldMcD|afk> looool
<+Starvin`Marvin> whenever i ask girls for sex ... they object
<+Bastaard> LOL!

(juslooken) i looked at the bouncer and said 'u dont need to
see my id'
(juslooken) and he said 'i dont need to see your id
(juslooken) it was very jedi

<r4v3n> there is just NO good excuse, if caught in my gfs room
in the middle of the night
<r4v3n> "hey mr c...was walking by your house and i dropped my
penis...it fell into your daughter, but i've collected it now
and will just be...on...my...way"

<Velk> I have my school pay phones on my cell contact list
<Velk> my friend and I plan to go to New York city and take
down as many pay phone numbers as we can
<Velk> and single out a person, and every payphone he passes
we'll call
<Velk> just to creep him out

* fo0bar has silverware now
<jk> is that a new kind of heatsink?
<jk> :D
<fo0bar> no, it's a metal-based bio-nutritional transport
system
<jk> the thing... you use to... dig... food.
<jwz> it's more of a food shim.
<fo0bar> appearantly the technology has been around for
awhile, but I haven't been able to afford the genuine metal
equipment...  I've had to use the plastic replicas
<fo0bar> though proper transport systems are appearantly a
requirement when an xx chromosome pair is introduced into xy's
atmosphere

<Carplos-Duck> You just killed 100 innocent civilians, how do
you feel?
<Pedro> patriotic

<chin|werk> its not video games fault that its a lot of fun to
kill people

<sphynx> crushes suck
<sphynx> i hate em
<sphynx> the dilemma, the desperation
<sphynx> the hopes dashed etc
<shirazz> the masturbation
<shirazz> hehehe
<bark> the masturbation is ok.
<Kyoto> hey.. the masturbation is good..

<Static> uhh... wow, my mom walked up and saw that I had three
windows open in firefox: Incest Wikipedia Entry, Republican
Party (United States) Wikipedia Entry, and a Guide on Becoming
an Evil Overlord
<Static> she just looked at me and walked away

<xxx> I think I'm having some problems with my sexlife...
<phunqe> oh? :/
<xxx> Yeah, yesterday my girlfriend and I wanted to have sex,
but I had a... hmm.. well you know.. problem..
<phunqe> Ah, no ping reply?

*** Now talking in #tZrhj26trDS4yurgrCNR4eyd
*** Topic is 'The Only Channel With A Name Created By
Head-Butting The Keyboard'

<noddy> this nekkid gurl is a cutie
<noddy> she's very nekkid now
<noddy> and playing with a carrot
<noddy> or a dildo
<noddy> not sure
<Mortarion> remind me never to eat anything you cook

<ISO_Girl> i need to trim my hair
<Anarchy_Creator> meh short hair on a woman = no
<Anarchy_Creator> i think shoulder length is good
<ISO_Girl> wrong hair buddy
<Anarchy_Creator> ...

<adam1> my gf supposedly has "issues" with me
<Hiroe> Heh, my ex didn't have just a few issues, she had a
fuckin *Subscription*

Gr8Hamster: what's the thing I type to see the commands the
ftp can do?
Jeff: ?
Gr8Hamster: there was a thing I thought that you could do that
would show the commands you could do with something.....
Jeff: ?
Gr8Hamster: nevermind
Jeff: dude, it's a question mark.... type a question mark :-D
Gr8Hamster: oh.. OH!  :(

<dbanks> does anyone know what DS would mean if someone said
"you are DS"
<@kellogs> <dbanks>: you are a dumb shit
<dbanks> fuck you, i come in here asking for someeno to hepl
me and you abuse me fuckin cunt
*** Parts: dbanks ([email protected])
<petey> lol dumbass
*** Joins: dbanks ([email protected])
<dbanks> oh shit i just got what you meant sorry
*** kellogs sets mode: +b *!*@138.21.122.92
*** dbanks was kicked by kellogs (banned: whoever said that
about you was right)

<Sai> Sometimes I threaten to black male my sister

<WTM2K> i accidentally turned on auto-catch, and everytime
someone says a url it pops up in explorer
<Supachikn> www.superchicken.com
<|Cheez|> sorry about this but www.goatse.cx
<Supachikn> www.tubgirl.com
<Dekkon> www.dekkon.com
<WTM2K> i hate you all

<schmidt> i can kill a person with no hands
<SirBlack> so can I, when they don't have hands it's hard for
them to fight back :P

<Phryss> Sometimes, I sit back and think about what my father
used to tell me about the birds and the bees: "Stop fucking
the dog.  The neighbors are watching, and it's their dog."

<Cas> I used to enjoy going into Best Buy back in 95, do a
search on them for *.exe, *.bat, *.com it always came up with
a few thousand
<Cas> drag all of them to the startup folder
<StarManta> ROFL
<Cas> walk away and watch :)
<mystic_1> rofl
<Cas> act innocent
<Cas> always worked for me, they never suspected a girl would
do that :)

Pugsley: someone called me from a bar last night and I don't
know who
Pugsley: the song hip hop hooray was playing
Pugsley: so they may have been calling from 1992

* MouLDY_LLaMa is now known as JohnnyDepIsCrap
<JohnnyDepIsCrap> :
<I_Am_Great> you spelt it worn
<I_Am_Great> g
<I_Am_Great> *worng
<JohnnyDepIsCrap> i know
<I_Am_Great> *wrtong
<I_Am_Great> *wrong
<I_Am_Great> damn
<JohnnyDepIsCrap> hahaha
<I_Am_Great> talk about spelling thing worng
<I_Am_Great> fuck

* TheRiff bricks _404notfound
* _404notfound dodges the brick and throws a ? at TheRiff.
* TheRiff makes a ! barrier
* _404notfound destroys the ! barrier with a &.
* TheRiff traps the & inside a #
* _404notfound summons the % and disperses the #.
* TheRiff opens a @ and sucks in _404notfound and all his
weapons
* _404notfound throws down his stupid ASCII symbols and grabs
a Glock.

pi4arctan1guy: I cam home from grocery shopping and there
wasn't enough room for all my food and I thought "This isn't
fair! Most people never have to deal with the frustration of
not being able to fit all their food in their refrigerators!"
Then, I put my hands on my big white belly and laughed a very
deep laugh, while my top hat bobbed up and down and my cane
leaned against my stack of property deeds and hundred dollar
bills.

< crschmidt> No software is bug free
< FrankW> #/bin/sh
< FrankW> echo "Hello World"
< FrankW> That's pretty bug free.
< crschmidt> FrankW: you missed a !

<@Infinik> Hehe.
<@Infinik> I just took a call for the Samaritans
<@Infinik> Our phone numbers are one number apart
<@Infinik> So this guy was talking to me about some charity
shit
<@Infinik> And I interrupted him
<@Infinik> "Would you excuse me for a moment?" "Sure." "HEY
JULIO! I SAID DON'T LET THE JEWISH KIDS IN WITH THE HUMAN KIDS
YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
<@Infinik> He hung up :)

<@Bojangle> My mom tells me I need to get laid

[D1] You know, I started the slammer routine.
[D1] when everyone was playing for pogs
[D1] I put down my slammer
[D1] and it started a huge trend
[D1] then EVERYONE played for slammers
[Guilty] You put it on the pile?
[D1] yeah
[Guilty] Thats just stupid
[D1] I was a high roller.
(McMoo) are you guys discussing pog tactics?
[D1] yes

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ...
and the
only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
-- Wernher von Braun

<Joe> so if somebody said "I did your momma" what would you
say?
<Eric> Daddy?
<Joe> okay, you got me there, that was a good one

<SaxxonPike> Had some crazy kid running around flailing his
arms around come up to me and shout "GUESS WHAT! I'M ONE IN A
MILLION!"
<SaxxonPike> One million is a small portion of the world
population. So I shouted back "THAT MEANS THERE'S ABOUT 7,000
MORE OF YOU HYPER FUCKS RUNNING AROUND"

Aaron|SYS> Hello
<Aaron|SYS> I am Aaron, a System Operator (SYSOP) for
Mindspring
<Aaron|SYS> I will be monitoring the activities of Mindspring
and Earthlink subscribers this evening
<Aaron|SYS> Have a pleasurable and enjoyable day or night!
*** Quits: Aaron|SYS (Killed (SFC (hi, I'm an ircoperator, and
I will be regulating your activity monitoring)))

<knucklz> i have to say i think i'm completely out of touch
with porn these days
<knucklz> i heard 'inside the porn actors studio' on howard
stern they other day and they played a clip from this girls
porno
<knucklz> she said, and i quote, "yeah, stick your big cock in
my shit locker"
<knucklz> call me old fashioned, but the term "shit locker"
doesn't exactly get my motor going

slackerdann: hahahaha
slackerdann: my sister is so dumb
slackerdann: she got pissed off at me
slackerdann: then came over and pulled out the power cable for
the laptop
slackerdann: and i was just like "it has a battery you know"
slackerdann: and then she was just like "oh"

<EFX> does the cum in an australian girls throat go down
counter clockwise?

<worldie> I just blew my load
<W13> ugh I cant believe I ate the whole thing. 8(
<miner> ......
<W13> oh crap that didnt come out right
<W13> I just ate a whole 12 inch pizza
<Marc> Surrrre ya did.

<Nor> i found my 1st grey pubic hair the other day :(
<Nor> It was in a BigMac

<WHEELJACK> it's against my religion to drink
<bf> what religion is that
<WHEELJACK> poverty

KeithX: Yes, firefox is indeed greater than women.
Keithx: Can women block pop ups for you? No.
Keithx: Can Firefox show you naked women? Yes.

<AlexMax> holy hell
<AlexMax> i just spent 3 hours working on what's essentially
the equivalent of "if then"
<bioXar|K0Li0> AlexMax, i kno i guy who had an exam. the
question was "what is bravery?".
<bioXar|K0Li0> he had 4 hours for that exam
<bioXar|K0Li0> he sat 4 hours without writing anything
<bioXar|K0Li0> and in the last minute he wrote
<bioXar|K0Li0> "THIS IS BRAVERY"
<bioXar|K0Li0> and got an A
<bioXar|K0Li0> :)

<Rjx> they really need to make formatting a laptop easier, for
lazy people like me
<Rjx> they could make them like etch-a-sketches
<Rjx> you just turn them upside down and shake them
<Rjx> and BAM, new install

(@ThinG|webbing) how do I zoom in with internet explorer?
(+|Sonic) move your face closer to the screen

<Jeffwey> i will buy a camoflouged condom so u wont see me
coming

<limited7> i have for(n = 1; n < 99; n = n /2) why is it
loopin forever?

<tralamat> microsoft donates 5 million dollars worth of
software to the rescue effort in new york
<devilish1> 5 mil of software
<tralamat> shit i see cops diggin rubble with an outlook cd