bash.org archive

<+blotch> howcome you never see a black santa
<@SantaReul> what are the chances of a black man breaking into
people's houses to *leave* things

<root66> so, I was contracted to write a text messaging client
for windows. I said I wanted $250 upfront and $250 upon
completion. He only sent $200
<root66> so I completed it but made it crippled and put "demo"
in the titlebar
<root66> and he told me "this is just some demo you
downloaded. I am not giving you any more money"
<root66> so I changed "demo" to "cheapskate version - that
means you dave" and sent it again
<root66> now he won't answer my emails

<bTm> I swear to God, if you ever say that to me again, I will
remove each and every one of your limbs, including your tiny
penis, with a rusty spoon, shove your bleeding stumps into
buckets of rock salt, then force you to eat your way out of a
hole filled with your own feces and body parts.
<Xeonspire> Er. All I said was, "Hi".

<azathoth> why can't alyssa milano live next door to me, be
lonely and need the satisfaction and fullfillment that only a
20 year old computer programmer can provide...
* azathoth shakes his fist at god and goes back to his
debugging

<@terminal> dudes i must say
<@terminal> it's interesting to start your day off with a
morning BJ
<@renounced> you should probably tell the police your step
father is molesting you

<tC-CS|royce> man
<tC-CS|royce> the guy at mcdonalds didnt react at all when i
ordered fillet o fish, no fish, no cheese, extra tartar sauce
<tC-CS|royce> and i gotta tell you
<tC-CS|royce> this thing is disgusting.

<&Dynamic_Inc> ive decided to play a huge prctical joke on my
friends
<&Dynamic_Inc> ima slip 2 of them the date rape drug when they
are REALLY drunk
<&Dynamic_Inc> then with the help of my other friends, strip
them naked, and put them in      bed together, spooning
<&Dynamic_Inc> beat one of them on the ass, so when they wake
up its sore
<&Dynamic_Inc> and smear some blood and poop on the sheets
<&Dynamic_Inc> there gunna wake up and be like "O.O fuck."
<&Dynamic_Inc> one of them will turn gay because of it
<&Dynamic_Inc> and they will both act wiered for years
<&Dynamic_Inc> then like 5 years down the road
<&Dynamic_Inc> ill tell them the truth
<&Dynamic_Inc> and then run like fuck
<&Dynamic_Inc> its gunna be great
<%Airegorne> can i help?

pinano: The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to
the
pinano: heat of the meat, as augmented by the thrust of the
bust,
pinano: and inversely so to the mass of the ass, so long as
the
pinano: bore of the whore remains constant.
pinano: God, I love being an engineer.

<Random> No one knows what it's like .. to be the bad man
* Nebi has kicked Random from #deltaanime (Sorry to interupt
but I just wanted to say what Beyonce had one of the best
video of all time)

tom: lol
tom: bbspot rocks
tom: http://www.kiddiekingdom.com/media/apr02/mpg/
2yr_sucks_dad.mpg
tom: err
tom: fuck
tom: http://www.bbspot.com/News/2002/11/fired.html

<iretch> i love how the only way i can tell which family
members are home
<iretch> are which lights are lit up on my hub

TAAK24: you gamecube like yes?
gamecube4789: may i ask who you are?
TAAK24: i use aim
TAAK24: i find name in directory
TAAK24: you know where i get cheap gamecube?
gamecube4789: how much money do you have?
TAAK24: no much
gamecube4789: at least 100 right?
TAAK24: no :(
TAAK24: i need save for 3 months for 100 us dollar
TAAK24: i work at factory during week
TAAK24: money not good
gamecube4789: you talk like a baby
gamecube4789: lol
TAAK24: my english no good
TAAK24: why you make fun
TAAK24: i take this insult
TAAK24: i get factory friend slit throat
TAAK24: you no fuck with I!!!
TAAK24: YOU AMERICAN COCK
TAAK24: I KILL YOU FUCK
TAAK24: i ask friendly you make fun
TAAK24: YOU FUCK
TAAK24: DIE
gamecube4789: what? i don't understand what you are saying

<@Rize> hmm nice, after installing IE7 and booting, I got 4
messages saying the system has recovered from a serious
mistake.
<@Rize> is windows telling me something here? :D

Jeffrey: Heh, what an ass. My friend Vann just beat me at
Chess, and he checkmated me by putting my king in check with a
pawn...Then saying PAWNED!!1!

<Admiral_Payne> One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said she was almost out of typing paper, and
asked she should do
<Admiral_Payne> "just use copier machine paper," the secretary
told her
<Admiral_Payne> You know what she did?
<Admiral_Payne> she took her last remaining blank piece of
typing paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make
five copies

< smith> right, I just opened the yellow pages at random to
the "scaffolding" page
< smith> and there's an advert saying "ENSURE YOUR NEXT
ERECTION IS IN SAFE HANDS"

<Homer> OMG!!!
<Homer> OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
<Homer> OWOWOWOOWOWOW
<Homer> SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK AHHH MOTHERFUCKING HELL THIS
HURTS
<Homer> AKINFINAasnloannSANFINADFNfANfaNfafa
<Homer> FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
<Homer> AOISMFASINASINISNAIMDMASDMA
*** Homer has quit IRC (Quit: )
...time passes...
*** Homer has joined #hackers
<Homer> whoever said that shaving your balls is fun, is wrong
<Homer> very, very wrong... :(

(@OriX): "Shaggy, you Scoob and Velma go downstairs and check
the basement; Daphne and I'll go upstairs and check the
bedrooms".
(@OriX): Freddy, you magnificent bastard.

<Tom> i put my username in as tom pocock, and when they sent
me the confirmation email, my login name is Tom PoMrWinky

<vogon> abortion should be mandatory if the child possesses
the goth gene.
<vogon> and how do we know what the goth gene is, you ask? 
it's the one that's all robed in black and writing bad poetry.
<vogon> "Here I sit / trapped in my double-helix cell /
polymerase taunts me with every mitosis / I want to die."

<hydro`> i had this weird dream
<hydro`> someome broke into the house
<hydro`> and changed the wallpaper on the computer and left

<justie> i did something stupid
<justie> chmod -x chmod
<justie> anyone knows how to fix it?

<Codi> Windows is unprotected sex. Linux is using a condom,
the pill, a vasectomy, and the Berlin wall.

<piman> DAMMIT NETSCAPE!
<piman> DO NOT FREEZE WHEN MY MOTHER WALKS IN AND I AM LOOKING
AT PORN!

<NSNick> NSNick's Thought of the Day:
<NSNick> When people commit suicide, their notes are always
sad and depressing.
<NSNick> If I were ever to write a suicide note, it'd be funny
<NSNick> Like "I wanted to kill the sexiest man alive"

<Vigrel> Woah, if my shit was a nuke aimed at Hiroshima,
Russia would get blown up
<Kor1413> It was That big?
<Vigrel> No, i missed.

<Agent_grey> Scanner works! scanner wooooorrrkss!!
<artforz> how did you make it work?
<Agent_grey> its very very technical and scientific, involving
the introduction of organic substance interfacing with its
structural integrity
<Agent_grey> i whacked it really really hard

<SomeRandom> It looks like operation Iraqi Freedom is almost
over.
<Diablo1399> Bah! "Iraqi Freedom" is a shit name.
<SomeRandom> Well what would you have called it then?
<Diablo1399> Easy: Operation Who's Your Baghdaddy.

<Amanda_> Alright
<Amanda_> Are multiple people paying attention?
<Amanda_> Here's what I freaking want for Christmas
<Amanda_> Someone find me a friend
<Amanda_> A FEMALE FRIEND WHO IS NOT A DUMBASS

<Anagon> IT'S UP! I GOT IT UP!
<Anagon> (no, not like that)

<Md0za> HI MEN
<MadHattr> Men is plural, I'm singular
<Md0za> >:
<Md0za> u have botnet?
<MadHattr> no.
<Md0za> <:
<Md0za> i have botnet
<Md0za> u want flood?
<MadHattr> I know your IP and I work for your ISP. Want
internet disconnect?
<Md0za> no
<Md0za> <:
<Md0za> u heck?
<MadHattr> no
<Md0za> <
<Md0za> <:
<Md0za> i am hack
<Md0za> heck
<Md0za> i am 14 yers old
<MadHattr> I've noticed

<Dregan> 3y3 4m l33t h4x0r
<Dregan> j0! 3y3 4m t4lking to j00!
<Dregan> fux0red 5cr1pt k1dd13.
<Dregan>    -"l33t h41ku"

<Fenris> Man..
<Fenris> I need to get a monitor
<W1N9Zr0> yeah, stop guessing what's on the screen

<@Methical> did anyone else hear about the new dual-proc board
for low-end AMD processors? it's optimized for playing 80's
mp3's.
<@Methical> They call it the Duron-Duron.

<Detrafilia> One time i was so tired, i had asked 'how are
you?' in rpgamer, and then i looked in a diff query, went back
to rpgamer, saw the 'how are you?' and i go 'oh fine, just a
little sleepy. thanks. You?'

<defproc> i made a program that crashed once. i put it in my
resumé and sent it to microsoft.

<ChaosReactor> RIAA is tricksy try to tricks us.
<ChaosReactor> Try to take away our precious!

<@maddox> hehe.. man, Norton Antivirus sucks. All it does it
bog everything down, I clicked on the "optimize my computer"
setting and it just uninstalled itself.

depletedsoul: Dam, my in car CD player has broke!, ive been
forced to use the dreaded tape deck, gosh it sounds rubbish.
Anyone wanna buy me a new cd changer?, cheers.
Boonjam: tapes are shit
ninav: i don't really like tapes but i gotta use them for
french and german ¬_¬
ratnerstar: Make sure you keep them separated or pretty soon
all your tapes will be German.

<LadyAerowen> I'm allowed to have my own opinion, burra :P
<burrahobbit> i dont know where you got that idea from but it
is wrong

<Isajeep> in fotr when gandalf first goes to see that other
gay wizard what does he first say to him?
<NickBlasta> stfu noob
<Setzer> stfu noob
<CRC> he says: "sup dawg, i r g4nd4lf da gr3y!"
<CRC> we should get the script to LOTR and make it l33t
<DC4ever> CRC - and then add subtitles to the avi of it, and
rename it "L0rd of teh r1ngz0rs!"
<CRC> legolas: chex0r this out! *stabs orc in eye with arrow*
LOL! di3 f00l! *shoots another orc with arrow* pwned!
<[H]Slacker> divx?
<NickBlasta> orc: CHEATER CHEATER WALLHACK!!1
<CRC> (when pippin/merry/whichever the fuck knocks the armor
down the well) Gandalf: omg, noob!

<@Firebird> Anyone want the mpeg of the ABC special about
pirating movies and tv shows?
<Psy> ...

<Oiseau> I like how word puts my last name as mistake when I
type it
<Zig> even word processors know you were an accident

(Brodie) If I go see a doctor and tell him I can't maintain an
erection, will he give me Viagra?
(Brodie) I need viagra for my paln
(Samadhi) He may check you though
(Samadhi) Like give you a HJ to make sure you're telling the
truth
(Brodie) Sweet
(Brodie) This is win win

<@Pr|cK> oi shan on sunday last week at footlocker when i was
buying new shoes
<@Pr|cK> there was this REALLY HOT chick working there right
<@Pr|cK> anyway i went in to buy shoes, and she saw my $500
sunnies
<@Pr|cK> and she gave me her number
<@cray> pfft that's nothing...i went into this shop and waved
around my expensive gun, and the chick behind the counter gave
me all her money

<WrmSlayer> The AI in the matrix got it all wrong
<WrmSlayer> they should have just used cows instead of humans
<WrmSlayer> no chance of rebelion
<Reverend> yeah
<Reverend> stupid AI
<WrmSlayer> and the mootrix would have just been a big sunny
infinite field of grass

<hafiz> <b>hello</b>
<hafiz> I NEED ZEND EXPERT!!!!!!!!!!!
<zomg> <blink>that so</blink>
<DASPRiD> <marquee>what for?</marquee>
<zomg> <font size="1337">Please ask your question on the
channel, not in my PM</font>
<zomg> I really, really hope his irc client actually displays
html

<thegreatgazoo> umm kfc and beer great irish din din
<^Bret^> thegreatgazoo: Your Colon just sent me an e-mail...it
wants a divorce.
<thegreatgazoo> it already got all my shit
<thegreatgazoo> what more does it want ?

<Evilution> I was at 7-11 today and this girls comes up and
talks to me and stuff (dont ask me to define stuff)
<Evilution> except for the boobies she was wrong in every
possible way for me..
<Evilution> after a while when she says "I'll give you my
number so we can meet up again"
<Evilution> then I said "No, that wont be necessary, I wouldnt
call you anyway"
<ImperioN^> lol
<Evilution> that kinda ticked her off I guess, cause then she
said something like
<Evilution> "what kinda moron are you? cant you tell when
someone's flirting with you?!?"
<Evilution> I grinned and replied "what kinda moron are you
who cant tell when you're being dissed?"
<Evilution> that's one of them moments you just cant help
feeling proud of..

<Mooseka> IF GOD IS SO POWERFUL, WHY DID IT TAKE 7 DAYS TO
CREATE THE EARTH.
<Mooseka> AND IF IT DID TAKE 7 DAYS, HOW LONG HAS IT TAKEN TO
CREATE THE UNIVERSE?
<Mooseka> A PRETTY LONG TIME I'D THINK!
<Cef> to god a day is like a thousand years and a thousand
years is liek a day
<Cef> thats in the bible
<Mooseka> SO IT TOOK GOD 7000 YEARS TO MAKE THE EARTH?
<Mooseka> HOW THE FUCK IS HE POWERFUL THEN
<Mooseka> I COULD MAKE THE EARTH OUT OF LEGOS IN 7000 YEARS.

me:what color bulbs should i get for my new headlights?
brother:get one red and one blue so everything is in 3D

<[noam]> you know, i just came to a conclusion
<ryo-ohki> Really? I just came to some porno.

<ck2k> i tap her car's bumper
<ck2k> and she has this estimate
<ck2k> 200 bucks
<ck2k> fuck you
<ck2k> for 200 bucks i can hire someone to kill your bitch ass

<darko``> Heh, funny how ignore doesn't completely ignores
certain nicks/masks. Some kind of messages still pass by.
<Ashe> Guess you have a crappy client
<darko``> Maybe it's just my client though :/
<Ashe> Guess I'm the one ignored

britt: And that the only reason we PMS is because our uterus
is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a
baby.
britt: and it makes us angry.

<Dram> XP is basicly 98 with a lot more extra features to hunt
down and disable

Fairytalehero: ok, so someitmes me and kel shower together
Fairytalehero: and i'll have to pee. so i go "hey kel, look at
this" or something, and start PEEING ON HER
Fairytalehero: she gets so mad and tries to block it
Fairytalehero: but i'm like HAHA I'M PEEING ON YOUR HAND

<Brando`> NEXT THING YA KNOW SHE WAS LIKE FUCK OFF AND LEFT
<Brando`> HAHA SO I CALLED HER SHE WAS LIKE WHAT TOOK SO LONG
<Brando`> AND I SAID I COULDNT FIND A SAVE POINT
<Brando`> NOW IM SINGLE

<kroike> oh sweet jesus
<AcidReign> threatened me and said I wasn't sharing enough
<kroike> semen feels horrible in open wounds
<@Knights> ...
<@|00Kevin|> wtf
<AcidReign> ...
<@|00Kevin|> that deserves more than a "..." people

<Teratogen> The French Government announced today that it is
enforcing a ban on the use of fireworks at Disneyland Paris. 
The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display
at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused
soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender to a
group of Czech tourists .

<DawnG>I was forced to attend a seminar on leadership. We were
broken into small groups and each was asked to state what
skills a good leader possesses. I wrote, "Needs to be good
with elephants and crossing Alps." The others at my table were
amused, but the seminar coordinator didn't get it. I said it
was a reference to Hannibal, known for his leadership
qualities. Her reply: "What leadership qualities? He was a
cannibal, and anyway, it was lambs, not elephants."

<Sheppard`> Anyone know a good socks wrapper class?
<capisce> shoes

<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> Here's your 1st hint: audre_ _______
<jaGuar> !next
<san`> audrey hepbourn
<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> Winner: san` Answer: audrey hepburn Time:
12.219 Streak: 1 Points: 12 WPM: 13 Rank: 7th
<aenima> !
<jaGuar> wtf
<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> 48.  Category:
Trivia : What is the square root of -1?
<aenima> googled >.<
<san`> close enough i suppose
<Ownage|Josh[Owner]> Winner: san` Answer: i Time: 1.532
Streak: 2 Points: 13 WPM: 7 Rank: 7th
<san`> WHAT

<thou> yeah he isn't really that hrd..
<thou> *hard
<arak0n> lern sum grammer u fuckin noob
<thou> damn if I were you, I wouldn't be worrying about other
people's grammar.
<arak0n> it jus annois me when all them fukin noobs cum in
here, an u cant unerstand anytin they r sayin. it make me wana
just leve the channel
* thou has left #wii (me too man. me too.)

<Foxie> "My family was asking me all these nosey-ass
questions, 'When are you going to find a woman?', 'When are
you going to get married?', 'When are you going to have
childeren?', then my grandmother was like "Maybe he donesn't
like chochate..." and I was like "it's not like I don't like
chochlate, it's that I don't like it without nuts."
<Foxie> "So my uncle was like "You're gay?! You don't look
gay!!", so I said "Yes, I'm one of the newer models, I'm a
stealth fag."

<FlashMan> nethack is installed
<Jon2> An IRC chick stands in your path.  She wears a +5 ring
of decreased mental stability.
* sQurl kicks jon2
<sQurl> I AM STABLE GOD DAMN YOU
<sQurl> DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU
<Jon2> The IRC chick attacks.  She misses.

<MerryXmouse> My mum and dad were just yelling at each other
and I walked up and said "Can you two stop being wankers?" and
my mum hit me on the head and goes "I'll wank you!...... No I
won't..."

tayla: lol, who's that pic of?
grrowl: mysql
grrowl: myself*

* XS slaps the crap out of someone with a larger than
ordinary, non-standard, frames compatible, Microsoft trout.