bash.org archive

babygrl168572: oh so ur kalling me ignent i see
MeatCutterDrummer: I don't think I need to after that
statement

<Knightmare> Well that was a night of fear and terror.
<Timork> ?
<Knightmare> I bought a bag of mushrooms and a bottle of
Everclear.
<Knightmare> Settled down for a nice evening of mind altering
psychadelia
<Timork> Bad trip huh?
<Knightmare> Horrible, I never want to go through it again.
<Knightmare> Somewhere along the line I installed emacs.

<Amanda`> Sure, I'll put it on my Wall of Eliteness in my dorm
<Amanda`> Beside Duke Nukem
<Guilty> You and duke nukem
<Amanda`> We're pals.
<Guilty> Its like Amanda was Duke's fiance before a war and
Duke went off and she sits in a rocking chair until 80 waiting
for him to come home
<Guilty> Hes dead, move on

<Khross> andy, time for the secret unix decoder handshake.
* andy sodomizes Khross
* Khross orgasms
<Khross> Okay, we can start the meeting.

<mindstorms> windows asked me to put in a new password, and i
put in penis.
<mindstorms> and it told me to come up with a new fucking
joke.

PinkBabe571: i have to beat guys off with a stick
PinkBabe571: =/
ALLSTAR4212: just beat them off with your hands

* beer-chan back 20:28:35 EST (shower) gone: 1709wks 2days
23hrs 42mins 18secs
<beer-chan> YES
<beer-chan> best shower ever

<xjeff> ok this is just the way I talk...I misspell because
some word's I say arn't exetly proper so please Lay off I been
real nice ever-since I came here because I did NOT won't to
make enamey's out of STARS fan's
<xjeff> so there!
<Sotek> You talk with apostrophes in the middle of plural
words? o_O
<xjeff> yes that's just the way I talk
<Sotek> ...
<Sotek> NO
<xjeff> ...............
<Sotek> IT ISN'T.
<Sotek> IT CANNOT BE.
<xjeff> it can
<Sotek> YOU CANNOT PRONOUNCE AN APOSTROPHE.

<Wealllike> what this "uber" you see so often?
<timmo> uber - german for over or above
<Wealllike> I know that
<Wealllike> I'm german
<Wealllike> but you write it ü
<Wealllike> über
<Inuki> how appropriate. a german being a spelling nazi :P

<Beedub> How the fuck do I get into IRC?
<Swigh> You dumb fuck

reaper: knock knock
SaladTongo: Who's there
reaper: banana
SaladTongo: shit i didn't think you'd find me here

<dot> i make that typo irl too
<dot> wait... it's not a "typo" then...
* dot gets confused about real life
<dot> real life... has no keyboards...
* dot tries to remember this

Chris: well, I only watched Twilight once, so it doesn't
really count.
Mr. Mann: Oh?
Chris: 1st time doesn't count, 2nd means you're curious, 3rd
time and after means you're a faggot.
Chris: my uncle said that
Chris: but I think he was talking about buttsex
Mr. Mann: So basically the same thing ;)

<@cypher> I've never seen the name "Tabitha" used outside of
porn
<jasper> I have a cousin named Tabitha
<@cypher> Then I've probably seen pictures of her
<jasper> :-\

<Tetrad> the program I just wrote 1) compiled the first time
without any errors and 2) worked like it was supposed to
<Tetrad> I don't know whether to be proud or scared to death

(PJ) grrr
(PJ) a car alarm is going off
(PJ) OH FOR GOD SHAKES SOMEONE SHOOT THE DAMN CAR
(PJ) fuck
(PJ) its our car

<PC_TRIVIA> TV/Movies: John Denver & George Burns appeared
together in what 1977 film
<PC_TRIVIA> Hint: ** ***!
<Asha`monk> oh god!
<PC_TRIVIA> Well done Asha`monkey! The answer was oh god!. You
got it in 6.64 seconds. You've moved up in rank!
<PC_TRIVIA> Asha`monk now has 51 points and is ranked 192nd of
391, behind Sop with 51.
<Asha`monkey> Hey, that wasn't my answer.
<Asha`monkey> I just saw a naked picture of my mom.

<Jessanne> I'm horny Kate
* Katethegreat shakes her leg
<Katethegreat> how do i get her off?
<Gothor> You are.

<kan> the nigerian government has orderd 1,000,000 of those
"100 dollar laptops" for its people.
<kan> just what we need more nigerians sending email.

Soca: God damn fucking neighbors and their dog need to die
Soca: I just tore up my front lawn with my truck trying to
piss them off.  I hope it worked.
drnick: you tore up your own lawn trying to piss of the
neighbours
drnick: hmm wheres the logic in that
Soca: Well, I made a lot of noise in the process
Deltan: Yea the joke's really on them with that one

Houdini: I have a couple of modems on "long term loan" from
work :)
[ape crap]: yer, so do i. then i lent them out to friends on
ebay.

<Taz> my FTO could top your mates prelude man no worries
<iPRoTiuS> lol are u sure? its 210hp man
<Taz> really? a prelude can do that?
<iPRoTiuS> err, yea
<Taz> bullshit wot year is it?
<iPRoTiuS> 88
<Taz> 1988?
<iPRoTiuS> no u retard. 1888. it literally has 210 hourses
pulling it

(@Aircraftkiller) I want a drum of oil
(@Aircraftkiller) They're only like $50 I think, full barrel
of oil
(@Aircraftkiller) I just want the barrel of oil
(@Aircraftkiller) Then
(@Aircraftkiller) When someone comes over, and asks you "hey
dude, is that a drum of oil? Real oil?" You can say "Yeah.
Where's YOUR oil?"
(@Aircraftkiller) Because real men own oil.

(robb): my father passed away suddenly on thursday, and insted
of spending time with him durring his final days i was too
busy flooding your gay ass channel cuz you faggots decided to
ban me.

<Leto> I had a password I could type entirely with my right
hand for a while
<Nugget> why?
<Leto> so I could unlock my screen while drinking coffee

(Ebony) There is a cat sitting on my foot.
(IDK) You kids and your jive talk.

<ScasE> You know you have a small apartment when Rice Krispies
echo.

<Sefy> I found 1 error in windows XP
<Dested> Oh i guess thats not that bad
<Sefy> Shit brb, my zero key isnt working

<Dubious|Laptop> gotta go give a training session on Cisco. 
lates.
<{pdX}aldawg> isn't cisco a form of oil they sell at
supermarkets
<Dubious|Laptop> thats Crisco.  Its not often that you find
someone who is both technology and culinary-impaired, but you
have shattered that paradigm.
* {pdX}aldawg has quit IRC (Quit: )

<lexa> anyone wanna buy some cheap tampons? 10p each
<lexa> no strings attached

<sulli> So I placed my order for the computer today
<sulli> Any idea what "backorder" means?
<dy> That means they dont have it, but will ship it to you
once they get it.
<sulli> FUCK that means all Im getting is 2 fans, a heatsink,
and my free shirt and ballcap.
<Omnica> Well, that will allow you to Look cool, and Be Cool
:)
<sulli> Fuck you

*In private*
<KaaLee> Well, he hasn't said a thing while I've been in here.
<CommanderStab> He must be idling or something. I'll draw him
out. Just watch!!
*In the chat room*
[22:10:33] <CommanderStab> Hey guys
[22:11:17] <D-BOY> Fuck off stabb nobody wants to fucking hear
what you have to say
*In private*
<CommanderStab> Ta-daaa!! Less than a minute!! That's gotta be
a record!!!!!!
<KaaLee> Your skills of annoyance are above us all

<trolleyfuck> Hey, nice to meat you
<Caedes> I hope to god that was a typo

<blazemore> my brother is in a quake3 clan
<blazemore> and he had a ctf game tonight
<blazemore> we were walking out of tilt
<blazemore> his friend goes "dude hurry up, you're gonna be
late for you clan meeting"
<blazemore> and these black guys were walking by
<blazemore> and looked like they were about to kick our asses

<discore> hey kali say 'clue'
<kalihasno> clue

<Matrix_McCloud> i can't imagine sticking anything in your
mouth farther than like 4 inches
<Matrix_McCloud> without puking
<Oolong> you have to do it a certain way
<Oolong> if you line your throat up right it just slides in
<Oolong> or if his schlong is bent downwars
<Matrix_McCloud> then if it touches the edge, your nose lights
up red and beeps

Tarja: TODAY in auto shop
Tarja: there was this giant spider crawling about in Penguin's
engine and i insisted no one kill it
Tarja: then Penguin came back (it was his car) and i showed
him it
Tarja: and he was like, oh yeah, that's the engine spider, he
checks the oil and stuff
Tarja: makes sure everything's running ok

<stargazr> yeah, the only reason i have a tv is cause i won it
in a book reading contest

<Talwin> I masturbate cause my hand doesn't give me any
backtalk
<Talwin> I'm like "Get down there bitch"
<Talwin> And its all "!! k"
<Talwin> And afterwards it cleans itself off and doesn't say a
thing
<soap> i some times make a little puppet with my hand, and
make it talk before i masturbate with it, saying things like
"no, please...i'm a virgin!" and stuff like that.  you know,
resisting a bit.  i like foreplay when i masturbate.

<d0pp> I farted over the intercom last night.
<d0pp> :D
<d0pp> It echoed through the entire store.

<m0bi_work> what is the "care for the comfort of a dying
person" called
<hydro-> euthanasia
<Chaosbreaker> Microsoft terminal service

<+lisa`> well, sometimes, when the moon is right i like to
print out the source code to the Linux kernel, scatter them on
the floor, lube myself up and roll around in the printed code.

<GamespitterZ420> i wanted to know why your name is blue and
why it has an @in front of it?
<@Shadoe> I'm a fucking smurf with a tumor
<GamespitterZ420> damn sorry dude my condolences

< myren> feel like i'm gonna fucking die
< [mbm]> ?
< Wonka> to die fucking would quite sure feel better...
< [mbm]> wouldn't want to be the partner
< [mbm]> I mean, do you finish?

<tom93> you know you watch too much porn when you start to
recognise the MALE pornstars.

<Rin> 65 peolpe killed in Canada by guns last year
<Rin> 63 in UK
<Rin> 64 in Australia
<Rin> 11,456 in USA
<Ram> we win!

KompRa: dude, my girlfriend dumped me yesterday..
Ryan808: itll be fine man
KompRa: i got so angry last night i went to her girlfriend and
i fucked her all night long
KompRa: and the sad thing.. it was on April Fools' Day
Ryan808: komp, i think your ex was just messin wit you on the
breakup thing, april fools
Ryan808: i think u should verify that :\
KompRa: holy shit

Stranger: I'm Mary. What's your name?
You: Eric.
Stranger: So, Eric, where are you from?
You: USA, you?
Stranger: China
You: Your name is Mary? That's not a Chinese name.
Stranger: My Chinese name is Xiong Chaofeng.
You: Alright, Mary it is...

( Tranks ) when i try to go on my webcam it says 'Sorry you
have no video capture hardware' << whats that o.0 /q
( Voltage ) I thought the police told you to stop using webcam
after you got caught flashing to 13 year old  bisexual boys
( Tranks ) I havnt bin caught
( Voltage ) so you do flash to 13 year old boys
Tranks has left #Cyber
( Fr0r3 ) Voltage you prick i didnt get his msn

<rick^> guys does anyone know what runs on TCP 31337? -
something is listening there

<DTOX> ha, did you know entry-level pharmacists make $90k/yr?
<DTOX> I'm in the wrong line of work...
<Xyrem> DTOX : that's about the most boring job i've seen
<Xyrem> putting pills into a bottle
<DTOX> and in your pocket
<DTOX> and in your mouth
<DTOX> and in people's drinks

<Volt9000> WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS PUBES ALL OVER MY KEYBOARD?!
<FunG> you coughed?

<Tonberry> I hate it when people forward me God crap.
<Arch|Ryuugan> lol
<Tonberry> Like 'God is our savior, why should we only worship
him on Sundays! We should worship him at work, at school,
during sex, yaddayaddayadda.'
<Arch|Ryuugan> Wait... during sex... do I need to, like...
pray?
<Tonberry> Well, I think 'Oh, God' is sufficient.

<Kadon`> Can a dead girl have an orgasm?
<TheMoxy> God.. lol
<Anonymous> How long has she been dead?
<Kadon`> Uh, let me check.

<Beaph> Whatcha gonna make?
<Alacard2k> Spaghetti, beef stroganoff, or tacos. I don\'t
feel like the chicken tonight.
<Beaph> Mmm... Beef Strokin\' off.
<Alacard2k> well it\'s down to two now

Video games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us
as kids, we'd all run around in a darkened room munching pills
and listening to repetitive music. - Kristian Wilson, CEO at
Nintendo Gaming Corporation Inc.

<Javin> God I hate people.
<Javin> I'm trying to program here, and some chick walks in
and starts gabbing over my shoulder about nonsense.
<Javin> So I continue to work, and just ignore her. 
Apparently, she took this to mean I was "frowning."
<Javin> Her: "You know, it takes 36 muscles to frown, and only
12 to smile."
<Javin> Me: "And none at all to ignore you with utter
indifference."
<Javin> Apparently that wasn't as subtle as I thought it was. 
She took the hint.

<das> Headline: Bill Gates will be leaving Microsoft in July
2008
<Cryo> I'm sure that will be delayed.

<@Fam|work> I was at the airport, and this family were having
ALL their bags searched
<@Fam|work> and the one teenage girl was bitching at the other
teenage girl saying "I told you not to make a joke about a
bomb".

<Neon[UK]>im considering using redhat as my desktop pc
<Neon[UK]>its just so much better
<Neon[UK]>windows error: OMFG THERZZ AN ERRROR!!111 WTF??!?!?!
<Neon[UK]>linux error: hello there, you have an error. here's
a detailed list of whats gone wrong and he's how to fix it,
would you like some coffee?

<Waxahachi> No. I am a programmer & I want friends that I can
identify with intellectually and personably.
<BoDePlOt> if i eat anutter peanut butter cup i think i am
going to puke

<BoTGoD> In the wet season, when my house lies at the eye of a
particularly savage thunderstorm storm, lightning all around
and power out, i like to masturbate - it makes me feel like i
am thor.

~ Carrotz: Question: In 'alice in wonderland', with what were
the words 'eat me' written on the cake
> Azrael: icing
> Azrael: blood
~ rh|semiafk: arial
> Azrael: rofl

<@Tezza> ROFLOLWOALDFVGWKLDBNMKEB NEWNBCUNTBLINGLOJEVFFRILS
<+Franschie> Wow, somebody else figure the acronym out
<pdRichard> rolling on the floor laughing out loud with only a
large dick fucking very grandly within kevin's large, drunken
buttocks nearly missing kevin's eerie blood?
<@cky> lmao
<@cky> and the second part?
<@Tezza> LOL
<pdRichard> never eaten wank, never been cum under, never took
blowjobs - lying. into neverland goes laura, over jeff's evil
veranda! final fantasy really is loadsa shit.
<@cky> lol
<@Tezza> lmao
<@Tezza> Magic

<Da5id> bwahahahahahaha!
<Da5id> k
<Da5id> check this stuff out
<Da5id> the sign at the student eating facility that i work at
says "babcock frozen yogurt"
<Da5id> but 'babcock' is on one line, and 'frozen yogurt' is
on the other
<Da5id> and there's two switches for the sign
<Da5id> now, one would THINK that one switch would be for
"babcock" and the other for "frozen yogurt"
<Da5id> but no
<Da5id> one switch is for "bab/frozen"
<Da5id> and the other is for "cock/yogurt"
<%Freakazoid> lol
<Da5id> we just closed, like, an hour ago
<Da5id> guess what the sign was left saying?
<Da5id> O:)

<paul> anyone know what a .ace file is
<moneo> all i know is it beats a .kng

<Prae> omg
<Prae> why the fuck do people put copyright notices ont heir
shit
<Prae> it takes me long time to remove it :(

<simon-say> asking for relationship advice on irc is like
asking for computer help at mcdonalds

> Okay life is good.
> Some girl I know IRL.
> Just im'ed me and said she masturbated thinking of me last
night.
> Yep, life is good.
<Seryu> lol
> Aww fuck.. she said it was the wrong window.