bash.org archive

<crfh_> I just witnessed the weirdest threesome ever
<Invictus> ?
<TheBlackCupid> ...
<ShadesFox> oh?
<Strangeone> Larry, Moe and Curly?
<Reltzik-CodingForDearLife> .... Ooo..... kay....
<crfh_> My cat, another cat, and a POSSUM

<inetd_> so many people at work are homophobic
<inetd_> so i'm gonna ask random peoples "if you were on a bus
full of gay guys, would you get off?"

MicrowavedPuppy: I was detailing etc on the car today
MicrowavedPuppy: and this like 6 year old comes up all timid
MicrowavedPuppy: she says,hi i like your car alot
MicrowavedPuppy: i might want one just like it when i grow up
MicrowavedPuppy: then she goes
MicrowavedPuppy: APRIL FOOLS!
MicrowavedPuppy: and runs off laughing her ass off to her
friends in the street

<DotSPF> man, my mate is a complete div.
<DotSPF> he asked for my help coz he'd forgotten his hotmail
password - I go round to see if he's put in a secret question
so I can resurrect his account.
<DotSPF> what a prick
<DotSPF> his secret question was 'what is my password'
<DotSPF> i'm gonna go out and see if I can find him a cheap
iMac

<Logan> oh shit, i just got coffee stains and meatball sauce
on this guys grandma's death certificate

<Kahlzarg> Jesus dies i get chocolate.. jesus is born I get
presents.. works for me..

<Baa7121> She's not underage, she's just fun-sized

*** ^TheTruth^ has joined #catholic
<Devilution> What's the truth doing in a Catholic chatroom?

<Angst> I don't see why you can't just get a paintball mask,
dress up in green, and grab a shotgun
<Angst> plenty of demons to blast the 31st
<oobey> there's something funny about the idea of going around
as stealthy as possible with a paintball gun on Halloween
playing real life doom against 5 year olds
<oobey> now now
<oobey> kids dont respawn in real life
<Angst> yeah they do
<Angst> it just takes 9+ months

* rax humps Arwen`
<Arwen`> rax: down boy!
* rax humps lower

<Lucent> there should be a netflix for books
<Lucent> read 'em, send 'em back
<antiscout> there is
<antiscout> it's called 'the library'

<DigiB0t>  Coming Up : ' Linkin Park - Nobody's Listening '!
Your current DJ is : MaxxSpawn!  We currently have   0
listeners.

<godgrrl43> killing babies before they're born is murder!
<azlo335> I think abortions should be allowed up until two
years after the baby is born
<greggk> the splatter pattern on the wall is more satisfying
after they're out anyway
** godgrrl143 has left the room

Chutt: my wife drops an earring down the bathroom sink
Chutt: so i take the sink apart and get it back
Chutt: while i'm hooking everything back up, she helpfully
cleans out the bucket i used under the drain
Chutt: of course, i called out "it's in the bucket" after she
took it
Chutt: but apparently that didn't register.  so i got to take
apart the basement drain

<Thiefmaster> Fucking hell man
<Pegster> what?
<Thiefmaster> my brother just blew a mouse up in the microwave
<Thiefmaster> he thought he could warm up his mouse for
feeding the snake
<Thiefmaster> iam glad stupidty passed to the youngest in the
family
<Thiefmaster> godamm the whole house smells like death mouse

<Yusaku> "God dammit mom, why the fuck did you buy me an xbox?
" "What, how can you tell?" "Well, that present under the
Christmas tree is either a coffee table, or an xbox...I'm
hoping it's a coffee table."

<AesteroidBlues> what is it about every ninja gaiden game that
makes it so it has to be IM-FUCING-POSSIBLE
<Ph33rESP> because ninjas gots to do intense fucking difficult
shit
<Ph33rESP> thats why they're ninja
<Ph33rESP> if everything was easy then it would be called
business major gaiden

<@icono> i need to lose 60 pounds, my doctor is getting pissed
at me
<@LinkDJ> do you happen to be holding a small mammal?
<@orpal> "as your physician, i strongly recommend that you let
go of that 60-pound badger"

<frubsen> NEVER tell a girl that your dad just died so she
feel sorry for you and go out with you
<frubsen> cause when she comes to your door and your dad
answers
<frubsen> you got some major problems
<frubsen> FUCK i'm screwed

[2nd_law_of_thermodynamics] why are the vaginas always blurred
out in hentai?
[dsgasdsa] vaginas can bend light
[dsgasdsa] 'the black hole'
[2nd_law_of_thermodynamics] they must do it just to piss me
off
[dsgasdsa] it's because you should be focusing on their
personality
[dsgasdsa] shallow cunt

<peng> NOT JUST A PEN
<peng> A LIGHT UP PEN
<peng> IT GLOWED
<peng> IT WAS AWESOME
<peng> IT GAVE ME JOY
<Amanda> SHE WANTED IT AS A TOKEN BY WHICH TO REMEMBER YOU
<peng> I think she used it as a dildo.

[Rascal] : Well, fuck angelicon, he's weird
[@Unknown_Source] : Dogs are weird and dumb
[@djjason] : Agreed
[@Unknown_Source] : I mean, wave the biscuit, and the dumbass
dogs comes
* Unknown_Source waves a biscuit
[Join (#afterhoursdjs)] : [DJAngelicon]
[@Unknown_Source] : ...

* Berzerker gets hungry 
* Berzerker eats his e's 
*** Berzerker is now known as Brzrkr

<stormo> im watching the best movie atm..
<Aurian> why is it so good??
<stormo> any film where a clown fingerfucks a nun has got to
be good
<Aurian> okay, i now consider myself lucky for not watching it
<Aurian> isn't it meant to be about ninjas???
<stormo> now they're having actual sex
<stormo> yeah
<stormo> the nun is a ninja in disguise
<Aurian> ahh
<Aurian> and who's the clown?
<stormo> another ninja
<stormo> look, i'm not watching this film for it's complex and
involved plot

<DaWiteBuddha> im leaving for your house now
<AlazrianLeth> take your time, i have to bathe
<DaWiteBuddha> how long does that take
<AlazrianLeth> depends
<DaWiteBuddha> ballpark?
<AlazrianLeth> wrigley field
<DaWiteBuddha> ...god i actually shook my fist at the
screen...

<mbg> if a paintballgun doesnt kill people, and is thus called
a marker
<mbg> so is a regular handgun a permanent marker?

<Nirvana000> So I went to Wal-Mart today to try and buy a copy
of San Andreas.
<Nirvana000> I couldn't see any copies on the shelves so I
went to the counter to ask. The girl didn't speak a word of
English. I tried asking her "Do you have San Andreas for sale?
" in a REALLY slow and clear tone, but she just shrugged her
shoulders. Then she said something in Spanish over the
speakers.
<Nirvana000> I was REALLY getting pissed at this point.
<Nirvana000> She must have called the manager, cos he came up
to the counter and started asking me in poor English what I
wanted.
<Nirvana000> Me: "Do you have San Andreas? SAN ANDREAS!"
<Nirvana000> Him: "SAN FERNANDO!?!?!"
<Nirvana000> Me: "WTF? SAN ANDREAS!"
<Nirvana000> Him: "AAH, SAN FERNANDO!"
<Nirvana000> He went into the back muttering something about
San Fernando. WTF?
<Nirvana000> Couple minutes later he came out with a copy of
Madden NFL 2004. He was waving it around, and he wouldn't stop
saying "SAN FERNANDO! SAN FERNANDO!"
<Nirvana000> And then I just left.

<joey`> mcdonalds fired me for trying to install irc on the
teleprompter

<Thuryn> a standard laptop battery would also be a great idea
<Thuryn> cell phones.... *maybe*.  the phones themselves are
still changing too much
<Thuryn> pretty soon, the damn phones will be so small that
the air movement from your speech will also power the phone
<Thuryn> but then you couldn't talk to your g/f, because
*you'd* never talk, so your phone would die

<Disko> I USE CAPS LOCK BECAUSE I WILL BECOME NOTICED,
POPULAR, AND GOOD IN BED

<Ndi> i have a local lan at work
<Ndi> and it has a nat
<Ndi> and it nats to the net
<Ndi> and the net is at home
<Ndi> and I have a vpm that vpns over the net to the lan at
work which is natted
<Ndi> and I have a VM here that has the ability to NAT into my
real home lan
<Ndi> that can be output to the net
<Ndi> so I defined the NAT there
<Ndi> so then I have access to work
<Ndi> so the packet, you see, from 192.168.88.3 to
192.168.3.22 is output, and then gets routed to 192.168.88.2,
then 88.1, then my IP, then to my gateway, then net, then the
work gateway then to the VPN device, then to the local
gateway, then to the target pc.
<Ndi> i wonder if I can get tech support for this.

strummer126: Fucking asshole said this was going to be a video
of an elephant sticking it's trunk up a rhino's asshole.
Fucking Rickrolled again today. fuck this shit.

<gaspump> It takes more than tits to impress me.
<gaspump> Lord knows everyone in here should already know
that.
<Richard_D_James> It's hard to masturbate to intelligence,
though.

<Kitsa> heh, you want to see something funny, closed-caption
the news.
<Kitsa> "twenty people were taken to the emergency room after
touching debris"
<Kitsa> translates to
<Kitsa> "twently people were taken to emerge in see room after
touching the brie."
<Kitsa> the deaf must think we're insane.

< lithium> btw, i'm selling a CD-RW drive if anyone's looking
for one
< atlas> Damn. It's a pity you didn't ask me in 1997, I'd have
been interested.

mdvb: Matt, you not watching the State of the Union?
strestout1: ill tell u the state of the union
strestout1: we're losing jobs, the economy is going to shyt,
the whole world hates us
strestout1: god bless america
strestout1: the end

<psychicbug> ok, take the bible in a .txt document and open it
in notepad. shift every first letter to the right 1, and save
it as an .avi. turns out, its a cumshot vid

<THE_RAVEN> asl?
<BlackstarII> 41/m/neverland
<BlackstarII> wanna sleep over?

(Angelus): If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand
grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe
it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they
are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

<Litzer> I bought a $3200 escort to take me to the movies last
night
<mechanicvirus> a car or a hooker?

<Gladiator> Jesus christ, my mom is so fucking stupid
<Gladiator> She was complaining to me about how "all the
french stereotype us"

<RedRaptor> I am the terror that flaps in the night
<Fruit> ......XXXL womens underwear on a clothes line?

<EK> What if the war in Afghanistan was fought with midgets!
<Jei> With midgets as infantry, or as ammunition?

<Korru> Quite friendly hacker/account thief
<Korru> Returned my account, got a message in email with the
password.
<Korru> "Thanks for the loan"

<Scofco> I neeeeed to gain weight
<Scofco> speaking of which, gonna go make dinner
* Scofco is away: making lasagna L:on, P:on
*** Scofco is now known as Scofco-away
*** Scofco-away is now known as Scofco
* Scofco is back from making lasagna. Awaytime 1min 14secs.
<Scofco> so much for that plan
<Jason> Wow, that was quick.
<Scofco> opened the freezer and saw some ice cream
<Idioteq> MASTER CHEF

<dw> wtf is bukakke?
<Nightfly> dw: Allow all of us to demonstrate.

<Fustard> i should take a picture of my penis like orion, and
give it away as a present
<w3nis> maybe you shouldnt
<DigDug> yeah, maybe you shouldn't
<Fustard> yeah maybe i shouldnt

<shigelojoe>I played poker with tarot cards once
<shigelojoe>I got a full house and three people died.

<Lith> im tellin ya.. im sitting on a land mine
<Lith> err
<Lith> gold mine

<Personman> So pieces of binary information are bits...
<Personman> And ternary ones are trits...
<Personman> But that's far enough, I think.
<Personman> When we get to base 4, we should call it quits.

Exar Khan 666 : there are certain aspects about me that i want
exactly the same in a potential mate and there are things that
I would never want her to have
Yesterday Dying : like a penis
Exar Khan 666: I'm talking personality wise but yes that would
be at the top of the list

[freshestprince> wtf i just downloaded crono cross disc 2 from
u and it dint work, y
[_ry0suke_> UHH IT WAS 32KB, DIDN'T YOU THINK IT COULD'VE BEEN
INCOMPLETE
[freshestprince> ur a fuckin deceptive bastard
[freshestprince> ur banned for life from downloadin from me
[freshestprince> have a nice day dickhead!!!
[_ry0suke_> UH OH I'M DOWNLOADING YOUR JAY-Z MP3S, BAD BOI
[freshestprince> fuck u! ill hack u if u do that again
[_ry0suke_> I'M STILL DOWNLOADING IT
[freshestprince> stop it now

-> *Sea* I'm making services talk and he's so stoned that he
thinks he's imagining it :)
<OperServ> WE'RE COMING FOR YOU, LIFESPIKE, YOU TERRORIST
BASTARD
<Lifespike> OPER, NO
<Lifespike> dude IM INNOCENT I SWEAR
<@LagServ> YOU'VE BEEN A BAD BOY
<Lifespike> nooo
<Lifespike> SOMEBODY CALL KEN
<Lifespike> SOMEBODY HACKED HIS BOX
<Lifespike> THE SERVICES ARE ATTAKING ME
<LagServ> GREETINGS, JUSTIN! I AM YOUR GUARDIAN SPIRIT!
<Lifespike> really?
<LagServ> YES. I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU OF YOUR QUEST.
<Lifespike> what do i have to do?
<LagServ> You must travel into the wilderness, naked. You must
stay there for 18 days. You must fuck every goat you encounter
and carry around a bucket of green Jell-O.
<Lifespike> holy shit, i never knew this was real
<Lifespike> i'm gonna do that soon, i swear
<OperServ> DIE!
<MemoServ> DIE!
<NickServ> DIE!
<Lifespike> THEYRE TELLING ME TO DIE
<Lifespike> FUCK THIS IM OUTTA HERE
*** Quits: Lifespike
<Ariakas> Wow.
<Ariakas> I'd make a hell of a psychologist.

<polaris> haha... mozilla rocks... I accidently clicked on
horse pron on stileproject and it crashed before displaying it

<goltrpoat> 'britney spears' is an anagram for
'presbyterians.'

ieyeasu: Many college students are liberals.
ieyeasu: But liberalism != communism.
vinnie: I know, I was just lumping everyone together in a
convenient group
vinnie: gah... has my text gone all italics?
ieyeasu: Ack!
ieyeasu: ITALICS!
ieyeasu: Ironically, in a convo about communism, you've
started slanting right.

<hawkman> my friend had a huge bloody nose in 11th grade, and
he just shoved toilet paper up his nose until it stopped. 
then my friend grabbed a coat hanger out of his car (i'm not
really sure why he had one), then we went into the girls
bathroom and spread blood _ALL_ over one of the stalls, left
the coat hanger there, and put up a sign that said "please
dont flush my baby"

<deh> fuck
<deh> man lead singer of hanson
<deh> fuck shes so hot

<Daniel> Spongebob is a tampon.
<Daniel> He's a sponge who lives in bikini bottom with Mr
Crabs.
<Nictheman> lmao

<Weirdo_God_of_Insanity> Communism is like Spandex. Good idea,
but then real people started using it. Things got real ugly
from there.

Daniel: heh i met this chick online who had laser eye surgery
today, she lives in California
Nick: and?
Daniel: and there was also an earthquake in california today

<Sp3cial> STEP 1: Spout retarded crap about beardy guys and
overlords.
<Sp3cial> STEP 2: Live in a time when people are retarded.
<Sp3cial> STEP 3: ?????
<Sp3cial> STEP 4: PROPHET!

<@Aureal> Wow, free web space for only $15.

<Tonitrus> My biological clock says 12:00 and blinks.

<deltabravo> ughh, this beer is terrible.
<deltabravo> it's a bad sign when the beer company isn't
running any sweepstakes, yet all the lids
say 'SORRY' underneath them :<

<LS_Nick> :o
<LS_Nick> there appears to be arse-cheek marks on my
scanner...
<des1re> wtf
<LS_Nick> strange...
<LS_Nick> tastes like my sister =

<Blarrrg> so my CD drive stopped working a couple days ago
<Blarrrg> i figured it must have just been the drivers
<Blarrrg> i looked around but couldn't find any, so i emailed
the company requesting them
<Blarrrg> today i go to check my mail, and guess what i find
<Blarrrg> they mailed me a CD with them

[kisama_] and no, amanda, my favorite monoply symbol is the
cannon
[Amanda_] Because it symbolizes all the high powered ass
pounding you do?

<Berzerker> we had a blackout in our neighborhood the other
day, until the cops came and took him away