bash.org archive

"The cheek of every American must tingle with shame as he
reads the silly,
flat, and dishwatery utterances of the man who has to be
pointed out to
intelligent foreigners as the President of the United States."
The Chicago Times review of After Lincoln's Gettysburg
Address.

<slappy> I leave punk on for my cats so they'll get more
hardcore while I'm out

<shavenwookiee> SHIT!
<shavenwookiee> my sister is home now, with friends.
<shavenwookiee> so ends the walking around nude fun I was
having.
<Antiarc> Heh...sister comes home with friends to find brother
walking about house, nude.
<Antiarc> Sounds like the setup for a porn movie
<shavenwookiee> uh, gross?
<shavenwookiee> that's my sister, dude.
<shavenwookiee> I grew out of that.
<shavenwookiee> er.. I MEAN..

<pete_> Dude, if I ever become an emt
<pete_> I'm so driving the ambulance to a funeral home,
<pete_> Walk in and just be like, "Hey, sorry if I'm late..."

<@Rask> ... oh man
<@Rask> The next version of TCP/IP
<@Rask> Must replace SYN and ACK
<@Rask> with ORLY and YARLY

* Viperlin just got his toe stuck in a drive bay of a small
PC...
<@Viperlin> oh shit
<@Viperlin> please come out
<@Viperlin> fuck..
<@Viperlin> :( help

(Anon) I want to be a concert promoter...
(Anon) and sign Dave Matthews Band, The Strokes, and Tool for
the same show...
(Anon) and bill them in that order
(GiantRobot) yeah, because those three obviously have such
similar fans...
(Anon) No no
(Anon) I just want the ticket stub
(Anon) Dave Matthews Band Strokes Tool

<Bopo> 10mbit <-
<@swelt> thats nice for you, and we are all glad you brought
it to our attention
<@swelt> we admire your amazing connection, and assume that
your penis is proportionally large too
<@swelt> we can only hope to attain such large connections
(and genetalia) ourselves

<Jack> I hit a new low today
<Jack> I claimed lag when I tipped over a cup as I was
reaching for it
<Jack> out loud.

<PinkeyPooh> my wireless connection is going slower then 2
turtles fucking in jello

<@n30> my "m" key is broken
<@renetiq> evidently.

<Konsole> did your video card come in yet?
<pushit> nope.
<Konsole> those fuckers.
<pushit> my mother got a mop in the mail today though.
<Konsole> ah.
<Konsole> that should make up for it.
<pushit> yeah.
<pushit> it's a sweet-ass mop.
<Konsole> yeah.

<EK> Quentin Tarinto on the use of CGI in movies "'You know,
my guys are all real. There's no computer fucking around. I'm
sick to death of all that shit. This is old school with
fucking cameras. If i'd wanted all that computer game
bullshit, I'd have gone home and stuck my dick in my
Nintendo."
<Nikaji> o_O
<Chaosmeika> nintendo has a penis port?
<EK> I wish.

<naga> so how long can nicknames be?
<parnbl00d> pretty long
* naga is now known as nagaiseatingpie
<nagaiseatingpie> cool
* naga is now known as nagalikeslongdicks
<nagalikeslongdicks> nicks! nicks!
<nagalikeslongdicks> shit
<parnbl00d> ahahaha

<sugar> if superman and batman got into a fight, who would
win?
<muffins> well, superman wears his undies on the
outside...batman wears his on his head
<muffins> tough call

<tormy> hey when u burn games in discjuggler, under the
advance tab... should the block be 2048?
<DCBastard> leave the advanced tab alone
<DCBastard> if you were advanced you'd know how to use it

<Amit> I was going to commit seppuku but I accidentally
commited bukakke

<Guest17888> its me Where can i mk trilogy doiwnload???
<Garret> http://www.firstgov.gov/fgsearch/index.jsp?
dom0=www.fbi.gov&mw0=
warez+sodomy+porn+microsoft+illegal+
MORTAL+KOMBAT+TRILOGY+DOWNLOAD+FREE&rn=218&in0=domain
&
parsed=true&Submit=Go&domain=fbi.gov
<Garret> Just go here.
<Guest17888> garret its true or false
<Garret> It's true.
<Garret> I'm getting it at 400KB/s!
<Guest17888> garret its not true
<Garret> You clicked the link?
<Guest17888> yes garret and.....
<Garret> You do realize you just searched fbi.gov for warez,
porn, sodomy, illegal, microsoft, and mortal kombat right?
<Guest17888> fuck ya all
* Quits: Guest17888 ([email protected]=) (QUIT: User
exited)

<timmo> i got a lego fetish whats it to ya?
<iMike-> damn norwegian toy companies
<McMoo> it's danish
<iMike-> what the hell is that
<iMike-> danland?

<SomeRandom> Looks like Operation Iraqi Freedom is almost
over.
<Diablo1399> Bah, "Operation Iraqi Freedom" is a shit name.
<SomeRandom> Well what would you call it then?
<Diablo1399> Why, "Operation Who's Your Baghdaddy" of course.

*** Joins: Nighters
([email protected])
<Temujin> NIGHT
<Temujin> Perhaps you can arbitrate this disagreement.
<Nighters> Temujin loses.
<Nighters> disagreement arbitrated.
<Temujin> GODDAMMIT

<lonelyfig> who here can name all the punk bands that have won
Grammy's?
<Lawd> u2 and umm
<Lawd> fuck thats it
<nXwetrust> u2 punk?.......
<lonelyfig> U2 = not a punk band
<Lawd> yeah they are
<blazemore> hahaha
<lonelyfig> no they arent
<Lawd> they started out as a punk band
<blazemore> michael jackson also started out as a black person
<Lawd> haha wtf :|

<ravedreamcast> well at least i had some fun in the back seat
<ravedreamcast> the true gift of partys
<Cryomancer> you brought your gameboy?

<Brentai> Do you ever wonder if Japanese people all laugh at
the zany translations they get of American games? "Did you
know that in America, 'Super Flamey Skull Man' is named
'Scorpion'?" "Ha ha! Scorpion!"
<gaspump> "Can you believe they wouldn't even LIKE commuter
train simulators in America!?!"

<@somegrrl> i'm 14
<@Blaxthos> somegrrl:  will you come help me find my puppy ?

<Moose> Is a girl I've been shagging for a few months but not
really 'going out with', as my heart lies elsewhere.
<Moose> Anyway, cut a long story short, she's moving up to
Glasgow in 2 weeks, and as a going away gift for her, my mates
between them have offered me £90 if I can film myself
performing a 'Spiderman' on her.
<Moose> FYI A 'Spiderman' is the art of pulling out just
before the vinegar strokes, chucking your fat into your hand,
then flinging it in the girls face whilst triumphantly
shouting "Go web go!!"

<rds|squall> im italian plz help me

<Spacetrash> there's this sign at the bottom of the stairway
that is bothering me
<Spacetrash> it says "floors are slippery when wet"
<Spacetrash> well no shit
<Spacetrash> you put the fucking sign up when the floors are
wet to alert people they are wet and therefore slippery,
putting up that sign is like getting rid of the fire alarms
and putting up signs that say FIRE IS HOT

<pR@y4m0jo> Man, i have to take a huge dump, I have such a
backlog of shit I could be a bash moderator.

mcilhemnny: see, this is why I like bittorrents
mcilhemnny: Family guy, Seasons... 1-4 + the movie
mcilhemnny: Now thats fucking organisation
mcilhemnny: I don't have to do any work
mcilhemnny: I just sit on my fucking ass and wait...
mcilhemnny: for
mcilhemnny: 196.5 days...
mcilhemnny: awww... the simple life

<Mrs_Grima_Wormtongue> My dad once said that we should just
combine Hanukah, Groundhog Day and Easter.  We spin the
dreidl, and if it lands on "Nun" Jesus has to stay on the
cross for 6 more weeks.

<sheep--> people at my work are weird
<sheep--> i was washing my hands.. and this guy walks out of a
stall with no shirt on, goes to a urinal, does his business,
and goes back into a stall :\\

<zfact0r> I was playing Monopoly last night when I was drunk
and I paid a chick 500 bucks in Monopoly Money for a blowjob.

<ecks> I'm so virgin, there isn't even a word to describe how
much sex I have not had.

<steeg> "when there is grass on the field, play ball" my coach
used to say
<steeg> he is in jail now, guess what for :)

<msngchmbl> OH MY GOD
<piardog> ?
<msngchmbl> I JUST DROPPED MY XANAX INTO MY BAG OF LUCKY
CHARMS
<msngchmbl> FUCK
<msngchmbl> IT'S THE SAME COLOR AS THE FUCKING SHOOTING STARS
<piardog> it will be even more magically delicious now

<HEIST> I hate early am with no sleep. I hear the voices
inside my head..
<HEIST> The flashbacks.. the urges..
<HEIST> Like I'm dropping down a well into a pit of
something..
<HEIST> I can LITERALLY hear voices whispering in my ears
<HEIST> saying things
<HEIST> wicked things
<HEIST> telling me what to do
<Vortex> what are they saying now?
<HEIST> "drink more ovaltine"

* Rage slaps phucker with his glove
<@Rage> i challange you to a dule
<@Phucker> I challenge you to a spelling-contest.

* larra has joined #Hentai
<larra> u people are terrible!
<larra> my brother attacked our aunt becuae of hentai!
* larra has left #Hentai

<digidug> i love it when geeks take every chance they get to
brag about their hardware
<digidug> so i was lying in my bed and my DUAL ATHLON 2GHZ
SERVER was keeping me awake with its 5 SUPER HIGH THROUGHPUT
FANS so i went downstairs and played a SPECIAL SUPER BETA
VERSION OF QUAKE 3 (FOR WHICH I AM A BETA TESTER) on my
PLEXIGLASS-COVERED TRANSPARENT TOWER WITH FIVE INTEL PENTIUM
4'S RUNNING A CUSTOMIZED VERSION OF LINUX
<digidug> so i didn't get much sleep last night

* Mootar is away, watching porn [Pants:OFF] [Hands:ON]

<Shanaynay> HEY FAGS
<oval> Shanaynay, how in the HELL are you gonna say "hey fags"
when your nick is Shanaynay? ;)
<Shanaynay> OH NO YOU DIDN'T
<Shanaynay> I KNOW YOU DIDN'T JUST DIS THE NAME MY MOMMA GAVE
ME

< hunterr83> my penis is this big: 8==========================
==============================D
< Pokute> That's fewer than 6 inches on my screen, man.
< Pokute> and your balls are tiny
< Pokute> I don't even know what's going on with your head,
there.
< Pokute> It's all out of proportion
< Pokute> you should see a doctor

<kritical> the doctor made me piss in a cup and i had wacked
off like an hour earlier...he then walks in and tells me i
need to cut back a bit on masturbating..im like, "WTF"

[sp00n06] i don't get math
[vinyard] you get even?
[sp00n06] ??

<Rewt> oooh
<Rewt> panic room is on.
<Rewt> I'd have wireless internet in my panic room
<Rewt> except with my luck, my plea for help would end up
posted on bash.org

< teferi> I lost the office pool
< teferi> damn
<+res0> aww, no more swimming at work

<@amoeba> hey, what's the keyboard shortcut to discard the
current buffer in emacs?
<@thatguy> do you have 12 fingers

vampiriclord98: sup
trevmaniscool: my day was horrible, i lost a 20 dollar bill,
got beat up, and was late for all my classes
vampiriclord98: dang
vampiriclord98: why u get beat up?
trevmaniscool: For stealing a 20 dollar bill when I should
have been going to class

<Biff> man. 3 bigwigs from the rival company we just bought
came here to visit
<Biff> they didn't seem happy AT ALL
<hekman> well they just got owned
<hekman> literally

<Sceleratus_Angelus> definition of canada = beer, hockey, bum,
aboot
<n3o> definition of USA: mcdonalds, war

<Overlord> That just pooped into my head.
<Overlord> Ack, one of my worst typos.

robuofw: my roommate has been gone since friday night
robuofw: and I have no idea where he is
cyateon: do you think he's alive
robuofw: I hope so
robuofw: rent is due tomorrow

<Orthodox> deutschland 11e hier is 18, haltet mich gefaelligst
davon ab glei zu verschwinden und die chinesische wodkaflasche
zu exen
!kick!: <Orthodox> was kicked by <Pidda> [I don't know what
your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.]

<C-B0> i put a toad in the freezer... it peed then froze to
the bottem...
then my mom like screamed at me for a week or 2.. it
ruled

<Pryk> I am so fucking h0nry today, I don't know what's wrong
with me. It's like someone is licking the crotch of my voodoo
doll.

* Quits: FuTar0 (Quit: and /part were sitting in a tree and /
part fell off, who was left?)

<·@PH·> im gonna skip psych today
<·@PH·> so i can study for macro
<·%Neppy·> macro?
<·Namek·> polo

< Stalin> You could put out ads in magazines and online and
such, guaraunteed 25-30 lbs weight loss overnight or your
money back
< Stalin> and then send them instructions on how to amputate
one of their legs

[bigya] I am Tawain
[bigya] so
[bigya] I don't english
[Ccmods] Obviously.

<h0ward> it began with the forging of the great servers
<h0ward> three were given to the geeks, immortal, wisest, and
fairest of all beings
<h0ward> seven to teh jock-lords, great football players and
craftsmen of the locker halls
<h0ward> and nine, nine servers were given to the race of men
whom above all else desired PRON
<h0ward> within the servers was a power that could govern each
class
<h0ward> but they were all of them deceived
<h0ward> for another server was made
<h0ward> stile, the deceiver, forged in secret a master server
to control all others
<h0ward> one server to rule them all
<h0ward> one by one the people of the servers fell to the
great power of the master server
<h0ward> but there were some
<h0ward> who resisted
<h0ward> a great alliance of geeks and jocks marched against
the fanboys of stile
<h0ward> and on the slopes of blogwars
<h0ward> they fought for the freedom of good, and only good
pron
<h0ward> AAAHHH
<h0ward> FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP
<h0ward> victory was near
<h0ward> but the master server could not be stopped
<h0ward> the dark lord stile killed brunot son of brunob
<h0ward> and as luck should so have it
<h0ward> brunob cut the wiring of the master server
<h0ward> stile the enemy of good, decent pron of the earth
<h0ward> was wanked out of existence

<ToastyGhost> Yo.
* Brentai joyously rapes ToastyGhost.
* ToastyGhost enjoys it also.
<Defcon> Toasty you fuck.
<ToastyGhost> No, Brentai did. I just stood there.

<Mormi> Fucked my girlfriend up the ass last night...
<Sp[A]rK> no shit...
<Mormi> Well... some..

<|an> ok so whos got some nice anagrams of their name then?
<|an> ian hamilton
<mark-> him into anal

<ExplosiveTwinkies>  Ok, my sister calls Compuserve to cancel
my net(thank god), but unfortunetly, only the account holder
(Me) can speak to the operator. But I'm a 'minor' so I can't.
<ExplosiveTwinkies>  So I can't speak to the operator AT ALL.
I can't give my sister the 'authority' to talk, cause I cannot
speak to the operator.
<ExplosiveTwinkies>  Then... suprise suprise, the operator
asks for my WIFE.

<Rachessa> By viewing porn, you're giving pages hits which
lets them pay the models a little more.   Those girls might
not have much and you're helping them support themselves when
they might not have anyone to turn to, allowing them to get
by.
<Rachessa> In a sense, every time you whack off, you're
actually saving lives.

<Coma.> I'm drawing a pony for my friend
<Coma.> Except I can't draw so basicly I am drawing a horse
only making it look small.
<Coma.> Because a pony is basicly just a little horse.
<Fish> wtf?  No they aren't!
<Fish> That's like saying a midget's a person!!

< [Syntax]> woah, I just cracked open my fortune cookie and it
was dead on..
< Feenyx> how so?
< jonnyv> "you will eat a cookie"?

<RaveZeroX> stupid me put the square root of 50 as 25 instead
of 7.1......
<GuiltySpark> o.O
<GuiltySpark> Temporary retardation?
<RaveZeroX> i guess u can call it that.... >_>
<GuiltySpark> That would SO be a good card for a "Hax0r: Teh
1337 trading card game"
<GuiltySpark> Temporary Retardation: Target creature becomes
AOLer