bash.org archive

<Roladex> i was just talking to some girl about bdsm
<Roladex> turns out she thought it was buddhism

<darklink570> at first i thought that "ping? pong!" was just
chanserv making fun of my chinese heritage

<^zauberer> I do not speak the english well but I will use a
translator
<Xanpony> Sure, I understand :)
<^zauberer> :)
<^zauberer> you are of which pay
<Xanpony> Okey, there is problems with your translator :(

<sweet_monica12> any nice boys wanna chat?
<TerrorByte> You know sweet_monica12, saying that on IRC is
like walking into a whore house and saying 'Any nice girls
want to fuck?'

wertis: im going to go pick up my brother
ubermensch: i perfer to pick up chicks but suit yourself
wertis: fuck you

<M3atwad> my dad's been actin really weird lately
<M3atwad> he comes up behind my while im doin homework and
gives me back rubs
<M3atwad> i don't know if it's sexual harrassment
<M3atwad> or if he's happy im doin my homework so that he
doesnt get arrested for me dropping out of school
<M3atwad> ...
<Kylie> your dads a perv
<magik8> ur dads a perv
<op_01001> your dad's a perv
<dysc404> your droppin out?

* GLE has joined #motl
<implode> if you want to blow the dealer, thats your option
<{Excabus}> If I was a girl, I'd totally give head for magic
cards.
* GLE has quit IRC (Quit: Note to self; stop coming here)

* Feren considers quitting his job and starting a small ISP in
the yukon by strapping wireless access points to grizzly
bears.
<JenWolf> That seems only slightly less dangerous than you
current job.
<Feren> I suppose.
* JenWolf can imagine the help desk calls you'd get. "Help, my
access point ate my little brother."

<DmDragon> all my cars are haunted
<DmDragon> i had one car where the glove compartment would
keep opening at random times
<DmDragon> so it opened once and i just finally said "fuck you
stay open" well the car stalled out the radio turned on and
off and the flashlights started flashing while the windshield
wipers started
<DmDragon> so i slowly reached over and closed it.. then the
car just went back to normal

<Kevyn> Man, I'd fuck Mary-Kate so hard that Ashley would get
pregnant.

<tsingtao> I met this girl at work that I'd enjoy having sex
with
<tsingtao> any advice on how i can bring myself closer to
doing so?
<TheBaskinator> Just pull down your pants and chase her
around.  She's bound to fall down sometime.

<natescape> There's a new soft drink that contains Viagra
instead of caffeine, it's called Mount-n-Do.

<GreyMantledWolf> the internet guy is out side trying to shut
off the internet to my neighbor's apt
<GreyMantledWolf> and they'res a hornets nest in the box
<GreyMantledWolf> they're stinging him like mad
<GreyMantledWolf> i should stop putting flowers and nectar in
that box

<@Unsavory> eggdrop1.4.0 is weird
<@Unsavory> its got just a different feel to it
<@Unsavory> like an anus and a vagina

<Sunil> Theoretically, if I were to know your password, what
would it be?

<aard> blackrose: you're so goth, you shit bats.

soulmata: i wish i could get rid of my nuthair permanently
Caffeine_: get the laser hair removal
soulmata: sure lets point a laser at my cock

<Moogs> Matrix Reloaded is a very different kind of film from
the original, both in style and theme. The first movie posed
the question, "What is the nature of reality?" The question
for this movie is, "Do French people ever stop talking?" -
MacHall
<WrexSoul> Or perhaps, "Why is Colonel Sanders sitting in a
room full of TVs?"

<Nerdpants> does any of the orginal characters die - Neil for
example
<Pat> its "neo"
<Nerdpants> thats his internet name, his real name is Neil
<Nerdpants> didn't u seen the original!
<Pat> no its "Thomas A. Anderson"
<Nerdpants> really, whoops, does he die??
<Pat> yes
<Pat> neos not gonner star in revolutions, he's dead
<Pat> the oracle is really a guy
<Nerdpants> thats pretty crap - hes the main character
<Pat> Yeah.. Agent Smith turns out to be a good guy. He's
actually the one.
<Nerdpants> yeah i know that... i figured it out

splibob: I think we have a conflict of interest
jenneh: what's that?
splibob: me not being interested in talking to you

<Dante> so this cinco de mayo bullshit right
<Dante> all the mexicans go cruising in their lowriders all
decked out with beaner crap down a certain avenue here
<Brian> haha
<Brian> yeah
<Brian> that would be today
<Dante> so when we got off work, an associate and i
<Dante> we went and bought a big fucking french flag
<Dante> and berets
<Dante> and the french national anthem CD
<Dante> and draped the flag over his Charger
<Brian> HAHAHA
<Dante> and cruised with the mexicans wearing berets and
blaring the french anthem
<Dante> we got so many bad looks
<Dante> and whenever we'd pull up at a stop light
<Dante> we'd starting talking about pastries and perfum in
french accents to the car next to us

<CorranFox> we didn't have sex though
<CorranFox> she took the route of saying "I might be a
lesbian"
<CorranFox> I didn't drive her into it though
<mightyflo> you didnt drive it into her either

<Mercestes> ...omg, that reminds me...I made a faux pas at
work..:(
<Mercestes> My boss was talking about this new "religious
video game."  (he's catholic).
<Mercestes> and I went off on a tangent and I was like,
"oh...wow, what happens when you lose?"
<Mercestes> and he turned his back and I threw out my arms
like I was on a cross and went "Game Over!"
<Mercestes> and my other co=workers were like, "OMG!  I forbid
you to do that ever again!" and he turned back around and went
"what'd I miss?"
<Mercestes> no one would tell him.
<Mercestes> and then when it got quiet, I went "Continue?" and
everyone started laughing again.

< tmbg_> anyone given thought to using accelerometers from
laptops as entropy inputs?
< tkoskine> "Generating a new encryption key, please shake
your computer" ? :)

<Sharkey> Always had that trouble at libraries. "How much to
buy this book." "This is a library, not a bookstore."
"Alright, what happens if I lose it?" "You have to pay for
it." "Alright, I'd like to borrow this book. Oh! Where did it
go?"

<BADGER> I wonder what Shakespeare would say if he ever was
transported to our time and discovered goatse. "HIS ASS! This
beige monstrosity mocketh me at every turn. Woe is my eyes. I
owe apologies to my retinas, for such a curse have I endured
on them. Woe! Woe!"

<melvin> you need a mullet piccolo
<piccolo> [Jan Johnston - Unafraid][3m52s/192kbps/stereo]
<piccolo> :/
<piccolo> [DeVision - Heart-Shaped Tumor (Icon Of Coil Mix)]
[5m38s/192kbps/stereo]
<melvin> don't make me turn my mp3 script back on >:|
<piccolo> [01 - Martyr][4m06s/224kbps/stereo]
<piccolo> [Fear Factory - Martyr][4m06s/224kbps/stereo]
<melvin> that's it assmunch
<melvin> prepare to be assaulted by fagotry
* melvin IS SENDING WINAMP DATA TO MIRC!! HE IS PLAYING
Dillinger Four - Mosh for Jesus OMG OMG OMG!! I HOPE THIS
ISN'T ANNOYING ^_^ KEKEKEKE HUK HUK HUK - NOW GET ON YOUR
KNEE'S AND BOW BEFORE ME!! Dillinger Four - Mosh for Jesus !
Dillinger Four - Mosh for Jesus ! Dillinger Four - Mosh for
Jesus !!!
* melvin dances! :D|-< Dillinger Four - Mosh for Jesus
* melvin dances! :D/-< Dillinger Four - Mosh for Jesus
* melvin dances! :D|-< Dillinger Four - Mosh for Jesus
* melvin dances! :D-< Dillinger Four - Mosh for Jesus
<melvin> Please note as I (melvin) am playing Dillinger Four -
Mosh for Jesus. It is currently 19:25:19 - 18/09/2002
<Kitsa> melvin: fuck off
<melvin> <3

<kyle> I'm trying to get this girl to go out with me but every
pick up line i use sucks.
<kolby> next time you see her, ask her what the difference is
between a pile of dead babies and a BMW
<kolby> then tell her that you don't have a BMW in your garage

<trivy>  019.168. Acronym Soup: DAP ?
<trivy>  1st Hint: ******* ******* ********    BONUS Question
Value : 55000 Points
<trivy>  2nd Hint: par**** ******* ********   46.7 secs &
55000 Points Remaining
<tobrie> ...
<tobrie> thats not right
<abigale> hmm
<trivy>  3rd Hint: pare*** a*ai*** ****e*ia   23.3 secs &
55000 Points Remaining
<Halffast> maybe it's foreign
<trivy>  Times up!  The answer was -> 
parents against dyslexia  <-

Jentsu13: i just had an idea for a cool picture
Jentsu13: that would be highly offensive and inappropriate
Jentsu13: twincest jesuses
Jentsu13: titled
Jentsu13: jesus fucking christ
Jentsu13: yeah i'm going to hell for that one

<nzc> actually
<nzc> i need to msg quat
<nzc> there we go
<nzc> and
<nzc> i have to eat
<cj_> and
<cj_> you have
<cj_> to take off
<cj_> your return key
<cj_> and only
<cj_> use it for
<cj_> special occasions
<cj_> like
<cj_> when you finish
<cj_> a sentence

<Silellak> Do you remember the good old days, when bottle caps
said "YOU WIN" or "YOU LOSE", rather than giving you some lame
code you redeem at their ad-filled website?
<Silellak> I miss being told I'm a loser by a corporate
product :(

<Freezer> crap whered i put my assignment paper for the access
thing
--> twentydead has joined #linux
<twentydead> in ur butt
<-- twentydead has left #linux
<twentydead_serv> man who was that
<Freezer> i wonder

<JD> I, or one of my teammates, shall cause you to become
electroencephalographically challenged.
Mr Brown> ill kill you
<JD> No, I like the way I say it better

<[0FXTCJ|U> are you excited now?!?!?!
<[0FX|nw> yeah
<[0FXTCJ|U> do you have an erection?!
<[0FX|nw> no
<[0FX|nw> hmm
<[0FX|nw> ¨cant say this in english
<[0FX|nw> i tooked my hand on my cock and drew forwards and
backwards
<[0FX|nw> what do u call it?
<[0FXTCJ|U> jacking off?
<[0FX|nw> oh
<[0FX|nw> in sweden we call it runka

<Guest56750> Hi how do you change your name?
<Guest56750> iam new to mirc
<Guest69> type "/nick nickname"
*** Guest56750 is now known as nickname

<psIRE> I had sex once, very tiring
<Mulder> lol
<Snipe> yeh me too.... oh wait no that was the time i
installed linux

<Masharoni> after that i vowed to clench my ass when barfing

<ds4l> Tried to beat off today when mom was at the store
<ds4l> It s just me and mom living in this house
<ds4l> I popped in my fav porno and it started in a different
place then where I left it.

[ @Kruegel ] CharCoal69 what version of mIRC do you have?
***Approximately 18 Minutes Later***
[ +CharCoal69 ] NINETY
[ +Hammer[pth] ] haha, I don't know what was funnier
[ +Hammer[pth] ] the latency of the reply, or the reply itself

<Gorgoroth> can u read dutch?
<PimPFISH> only if its in english.

<AlmightyBob> I built a tesla coil for electronics in high
school. It worked once. It's entire construction connsumated
in one arc of electricity to to my lab partners left ass
cheek.

<sandor> to a certain extent I prefer guys over girls. Guys
rather punch you when you say something wrong, but with women
you have to find out first what you did wrong, then apologise,
then explain why you are a bastard, and then buy her a gift

<Whammo> I lost my virginity to a ham sandwich
<WeblionX> That's not losing your virginity.
<Whammo> baloney

<Diamond> But what's truly awesome is my new Radeon 9500 Pro.
<tidalblaze> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<Diamond> That I will treat as if it were my first-born child.
<tidalblaze> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
<Diamond> ...Apparently when I have kids I'm going to stick
them inside a small aluminum box.
<Diamond> And have them process numbers for me all day.
<Diamond> So I can watch porn.

<Zonkto> I'll bet you could ski through a revolving door if
you timed it really well.

<Ancalagon> We have here a message from the National Pancake
Institute: Fuck Waffles

<demonotaku_> hate when you fall asleep and your cat jumps on
your keyboard
<Facemaker> Yeah, they always talk about you on irc behind
your back

Dan: we went to "the store" in our lunch break today
Dan: there was this shop with the sign "coffee corn" above it
Dan: it was meant to be 2 different signs but it looked like
one
Dan: and this girl that was with us asked "WTF is coffee corn"
Dan: then later we walked around the other side and the other
part of the sign said "nuts juice"

<LocalDescriptorTable> Hey Russia I just met you and this is
crazy but our space agency is broke launch our shit maybe?

<Brett> Sara, if two trains depart from Chicago an hour apart
at 55 mph and 80 mph respectively.... how good would you look
in a bikini? [ ] Hot [ ] Very Hot [ ] Who needs a Bikini?
<sara> do i get new shoes if i answer?
<Brett> For the shoes, you have to answer this question:
Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of
individual free will in the light of the deterministic
theories of neurochemical medicine modern behaviourist
psychology. - Just Kidding!!!! Seriously though... Do you like
leather miniskirts? [ ] Yes [ ] No

*** Joins: teh_wofl ([email protected])
<duk> hunyrg liek teh wofl

<Etir> I want to see Clinton versus Rice in 2008 just to see
if a 3rd party candidate can win on the "I'm Male" platform

<phunqe> As I was walking home from work the other day, I saw
a funny ad in the subway. Instead of laughing quietly for
myself I actually said "lol" quite loud. The high voltage
tracks seemed very inviting at that point.

<dodge> fuck, thought somthing was wrong with my 's' key then,
it kept repeating, looked down and it turns out i had my
finger on it

<Sic> I seen a story about a guy who took the horse cock up
the ass but it was angled so it pushed in all the way, he died
from internal bleeding.. There was a whole video. :p
<LLora> your ass is designed for poop
<LLora> not for horse cock
<antek> i wonder what the last thing going through his head
was
<antek> BESIDES A HORSE'S COCK

<Zee-sleep> i got full marks for answering "what would
encryption be used for?" with "KFC's 11 secret herbs and
spices"

<Pac>: When we were watching The Bourne Identity my roommate
turned to me and said, "You and I should be assassins.  It
would be awesome traveling around the world to assass
people." 
<B-Love>: don't you mean "assassinate?"
<Pac>: No, he said "assass"

<Antioch> My penis is annoying.
<Antioch> "Ugh."
<Mitch> Howso?
<Antioch> "Morning sir! How are you today sir?"
<Antioch> "Shut up."
<Antioch> "I've got your coffee, sir."
<Antioch> "Shut up, I said."
<Antioch> "Slept well, sir?"
<Antioch> "Can you just stop standing up like that?"
<Antioch> "Can't, sir. I'm too happy, sir."
<Antioch> "Damn you!"

<@Raekiel> .....just had a very blonde moment
<@Raekiel> was lighting the stove and accidentally burned
myself
<@Raekiel> and for a very brief moment
<@Raekiel> wondered why the fuck the flames were so hot, as I
had it on low....

<AnimeFreak> ginger tastes like processed ejaculate
<chendo> AF: You KNOW what processed ejaculate TASTES LIKE?
<AnimeFreak> THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER

<+Tre> how do I get girls to have sex with me?
<+sp00n> show them software you have written..woman go wild
for that kind of stuff
<+Tre> for real? how should i show them? do I carry my laptop
around and show random woman??

<TheOffspring326> Do you ever get the feeling that someone has
mis-understood you?
<TheOffspring326> but you're not sure
<Motorbreath151> WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN,
ASSHOLE?

<Darth_Blade> Wow.
<Darth_Blade> Word crashes whenever I try to quote the
constitution article about human rights. Conspiracy theories
anyone? %)
<aetherspoon> heh
<Darth_Blade> But it's really really weird.
<aetherspoon> try openoffice.  It only crashes when you quote
Microsoft License Agreements.  :P

<D-BOY> MK, you shouldn't assume so much
<chockoman> YEAH
<chockoman> YOU KNOW WHAT ASSUMING DOES
<chockoman> IT MAKES AN ASS OUT OF YOU
<chockoman> AND SOME GUY NAMED MING

<mrm> i hate realplayer
<lummie> its good for cartoons
<mrm> yeah
<mrm> but it crawls deep into the anus of my computer
<mrm> and hides there eternally
<mrm> until i least expect it
<JtHM> your computer has an anus?!
<Fesh> realplayer installs it

<Psifire> I got out of the shower and put my universal studios
shirt on.
<Psifire> And something occured to me.
<Vykuzich> pants?

milkmanjb2000: We're talking in biology about dominant and
recessive genes in reproduction
milkmanjb2000: and I said "I'm white because I have all
dominant genes"
milkmanjb2000: and Matt said, "um, actually, black people have
all dominant genes"
milkmanjb2000: looks like someone's genes haven't read world
history

<Klaatu> Man, I don't know why your g/f has sex with you so
much.  With your micro wang and all.
<Hl1> Psh, it's not the size of the hull.  It's the motion of
the ocean.
<Klaatu> Aye, but it's mighty hard to cross the Atlantic in a
dingy.