bash.org archive

<seekm> this was a call someone had that i was helping them
with
<seekm> "is you caps lock key on?"
<seekm> "i think so, the keyboard is in all capital letters"

<joshua_> C ECE DBRY AOT URP YDAY TCBE RU YRPYGP.!
<joshua_> BRYDCBI CO ,RPYDF RU YDAY TCBE UR YRPYGP.!
<joshua_> AaAAAAAAAAAAAAAACC.............................!
<joshua_> AND FUCK YOU TOO MR. DVORAK

<hitman> I met some dude at the last meet
<hitman> and I'm like
<hitman> "do you ever go on irc?"
<hitman> and he's like
<hitman> "I did once, but this dude hitman kept talking smack"

thejew: omg i just found a memory leak that has existed since
the dawn of time
PlasmaHH: hm, this would explain why the universe is so big...

<boster> what is a good crapy digital camera
<ares> the oxymoron 500

<@ScuzleBut> I was an athiest until I realized I was God.

<kevin> Good Morning, nigga!
<kronix> ...
<Dinyctis> good morning to YOU, niggaaaaaaaaaaa!
<kevin> lmao
<kronix> Dinny is a wigger
*** kronix was kicked by jark (Unallowed word/phrase - wigger
[#38492])

<copernicu> what are bad noises for hard drives to make?
* copernicu has quit IRC (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by
peer))

<Last_of_the_Brunnen_G> Arafat is in his office, alone, when
his bodyguards hear a loud explosion inside his office.
Rushing in, they see him on the floor, face bloodied, and they
ask, "What happened, Mr. Chairman?"
<Last_of_the_Brunnen_G> "A letter bomb" exclaimed the injured
despot. "But a letter bomb would have wounded your hands, not
your mouth," replied one of his experienced men. Arafat
replies, "I was sealing it."

<maywood> Has a PC ever been known to start mysteriously
working after it was thrown out a window?
<kevin> Nope, I've never known throwing a PC out the window to
help. However, what I did find while I was working at my last
job was that intimidation *does* work. When I was having a
particularly bad day, I used to take some old equipment that
we wouldn't have been able to sell outside, and go Office
Space on it. Then, I'd bring the carcass inside, and leave it
in plain view, to serve as a warning for the other computers.
It worked remarkably well.

Zeon> if we lived together
<Zeon> wed be like.. stephen hawking
<Zeon> merge our combined genius;s
<Street_Prophet> yeah, you'd contribute the retard in a
wheelchair part

«single_14yrold_male» any1 wanna cyber? im almost 16

<Shinji>  I have a riddle: What type of dog doesn't bark?
<Shinvega>  Your mom?
<Tanya>  A hotdog ^_^
<Neopanda>  my penis.
<Shinji>  The one I hit with my car yesterday!

<chrisj> american kids are all "oh gee mom I didn't mean to
take a tip of dads bud light while he wasn't looking. i'll
never get drunk again, I swear"
<chrisj> and australian kids are all
<chrisj> "AHH CHEERS CUNTS, GIVE US A SQUIRT FROM YOUR GOON
BAG, DAD... AHHH CHEERS CUNT"

<ilifin> Crazy idea.
<ilifin> Keanu Reeves as Sauron
<ilifin> Hugo Weaving as Isildur
<ilifin> Keanu: How about I give you the finger.. and you give
me back my ring.

<JesseW> How do guys in porn last so long in bed? I can't even
make it to the end while masturbating.

<Rasix> I like tits and I don't want anything rammed up my ass
nor do I want a cock in my mouth. I'd say that makes me
hetero.
<Rodent> Heh.
<SirBruce> Honesty is the best policy
<SirBruce> Rasix - What about your cock in someone else's
mouth?
<NephKa> jesus
<Rodent> Well, I for one don't belive Bi is the natural state.
<Rasix> Female, yes, man no.
<@Technogeek> Hey, if I'm getting a blowjob, I don't care who
it's from as long as they don't bite it off.
<SirBruce> But blindfolded you wouldn't know the difference
<NephKa> i care, it has to be a chick
<Rodent> Unless you felt a beard by the balls.
<NephKa> lol
<SirBruce> Only because you've been trained that way by
society.
<Rasix> that's not an issue, when the fuck would I stand
around blind folded waiting for a blowjob

Maybe_Factor: C++ doesn't have a compiler, it has a
complainer.

<+usrbingeek> NBC has announced it will air a three-episode
marathon of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy opposite the Super
Bowl on February 1st.
<+usrbingeek> So, if you get tired of watching a bunch of
buff, sweaty men in uniforms patting each other on the ass and
bending over to pass something between their legs, you now
have the choice of watching something really gay.

<AirMonk> I'm still looking for a girl that can get aroused by
the sound
of a hard drive spinning down

Pika98765: then stick it in the center and it won't be so ugly
:p
Amarok: ...
Amarok: My father just woke up screaming "Suck my scrotum you
cocksucking chink whores."

<Biff> News of the World is reporting that Angelina Jolie is
planning to adopt for the fourth time, just weeks after she
adopted a 5-year old boy from Vietnam.  She has also adopted
Maddox from Cambodia and Zahara from Ethiopia and she of
course has Shiloh, her natural daughter with her boyfriend
Brad Pitt.  Now Jolie wants to adopt a girl from Chad to
"balance the family."
<Biff> she's collecting kids from other countries as if they
were pokemon

<Luke> spammers probably love receiving spam. "Grow your penis
150% overnight? Why didn't we think of that one!"
* delYsid has mortage, opportunity and penis in his score
file.
<delYsid> thats pretty effective against spam
<Luke> aren't you worried about missing opportunities to
mortgage your penis?

Shere Khan: kill all humans
jager: I for one welcome our new robotic overlords!
Shere Khan: I for one zero zero one zero one one

<PONGO> ok... this is my first time on IRC
<PONGO> how do I start my own channel?
<Optikal> just join a channel that doesn't exist
<PONGO> nice try
<PONGO> =)

<Frodo1234> Although it turns out that "non-toxic" isn't
synonomous with "great for snacking" when it comes to toys
<Frodo1234> Even though they say that bubble blowing fluid is
non toxic, apparently you're still not supposed to chug it

<Funk> I need money fast.
<wildkarrdex> ok I have an idea
<Funk> What?
<wildkarrdex> well you send me £100 by cheque
<Funk> And then?
<wildkarrdex> and then what?

<Coyote27> They see me chocoboin'
<Coyote27> they be hatin'
<Coyote27> tryin' to catch me ridin' birdy

<Conskill> That kinda gun brings out the raving gun loving
American in us all.
<The_Tick> Over and under shotgun.  Three throwing knives. 
The ability to hide. 
<Rain> yeah, seriously.
<Rain> The_tick - Huh?
<The_Tick> That's all you need.
<The_Tick> And it's cheeeep.
<Twinkcide> Rain: The bullets are embedded in cakes of
propellant instead of casings.  It was designed to overcome
the problem of recoil pushing the barrel off target while
firing in bursts
<Twinkcide> Has an insane ROF while in 3-round burst mode, and
no recoil until the third round has left the barrel
<Pander> Tick:  That won't kill a velociraptor.
<The_Tick> On the other hand, I'd sleep with that thing if I
had one.
<Pander> I base all gun purchases on "Will this kill a
velociraptor?"

<@Afterglow> what's the point of irc anyway
<@Afterglow> everyone idles
< destruct> the "point" is that if you take the third word
spoken on the second tuesday of every month of the the third
person down in each channel you visit on irc, they will form a
description of the path to the lost city of atlantis

<fireside> cum is teh nasty
<died_in_sleep> and you know this how?
<fireside> ive (accidently) and unfortuntly licked some
<died_in_sleep> you shouldt know those things, unless your dad
rapes you :/
<fireside> i can cum bitch
<dragondyne> how is that possible?
<fireside> um
<fireside> it comes out... on finger... i put finger in mouth,
it taste bad
<dragondyne> ...
<dragondyne> I thought you said "accidently"
<fireside> I WAS HORNY GIVE ME A DAMN BREAK :(

<Raven> YOU LIAR ENJOI
<Raven> gayanal.com not a warez!

* Ksu eats a bowl of crappy generic macaroni
* SSL_Eefui idly drinks arsnic.
* Nigelenki stops fui o.o
<Nigelenki> arsenic isn't edible o.o;;
<Shadow> Yes, it is
<Shadow> But only once

<ckx> i get a bunch of scrambled porn
<ckx> one time i was jerking off to this channel
<ckx> 102
<ckx> and like then i realized it was two guys
<ckx> cuz 102 was a gay channel
<ckx> 101 was the good hardcore porn
<HomerJ> HAW
<ckx> but by then i was already into it
<ckx> so i didn't change it

<d1giPhux>  ME AND TYL0R WILL HIJACK ALL THEIR CAMELS
<sm0ke>  and crash them into tents

<beretta> lets say you clone yourself
<beretta> and then you become attracted to yourself..and wind
up having sex with your clone
<beretta> does that make you gay, or are you just on the
forefront of masturbation technology?

<Quizical[GSF]> I am considering changing all the voice files
in Half Life to wavs of women orgasming
<TheMaestro> hehe
<Doc|KillinReds> HAHAHAHA
<Quizical[GSF]> I'd never stop using the scientists
<TheMaestro> hahahah
<Doc|KillinReds> Hell the first 15 minute of the game would be
crazy
<TheMaestro> ALRIGHT, I GOT THE SHOTGUN!  DIE HEADCRAB!  OHH,
UHH, OHHH OH OH OHHHHHHHHHH
<Quizical[GSF]> "We might stand a better chance if we OHHH! 
OOHH GOD!  OOHH GOD YES!"
<Spankz> It'd be pretty damn hilarous, considering the lip
synching software would cause moments when the scientits would
just open up like goatse.

<APC> I steal from the automated checkout all the fucking time
now
<APC> Well, I still pay
<APC> I just lie about what I bought
<APC> for instance
<APC> 2 pounds of bananas costs less than say, 2 pounds of
hustler and playboy

(nexxai) Five seconds later, I'm getting the upside of 15Kv
across the nipples. (These ambulance guys sure know how to
party).

[XClaireX]: i was masturbating the other day
[Childzy]: uh.. okay
[XClaireX]: i think i did it wrong
[XClaireX]: ..
[XClaireX]: i'm pregnant now :' (

<greggk> will somebody please tell me why, in our
self-proclaimed conservative society, do homophobic parents
teach their children "rub a dub dub, three /men/ in a tub"?
<greggk> not only does it endorse homosexuality and
promiscuity, but it also implants children with the false
stereotype that all butchers and bakers are sodomites.
<joshmunki> what about the candlestick makers?
<greggk> actually, the rhyme is right about them. they're all
assdildo fags.

<Mojojojo> omg
<Mojojojo> there was some poo on my bedroom floor
<Sureshot> yours?
<Mojojojo> I DONT FUCKING KNOW

<CommanderStab> I once knew a guy who impersonated a teenage
girl on the Internet
<CommanderStab> He tricked married men into believing he was a
14 year old Swedish girl and then said that "she'd like to get
a call from him but Dad woudl get suspicious if he heard the
phone ring".
<CommanderStab> So they'd give him their phone number and he'd
use it to trace their addresses down and find out information
about them.
<CommanderStab> Then he'd blackmail them into giving him their
bank account details.
<heythere> ... did he get caught? ^^"
<CommanderStab> Apparantely the cops came around a couple of
times investigating him. He always told the cops that he had
got the information pretending to be a 14 year old girl that
the men had wanted to get in contact with.
<CommanderStab> Apparantely nobody ever pressed further
charges =D
<heythere> damn ... i gotta try that!

SeanieG123: I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of
America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need
for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you
would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable
to you.
SeanieG123: Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA
and college fund account numbers and those of your children
and grandchildren to [email protected] so that we
may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I
receive that information, I will respond with detailed
information about safeguards that will be used to protect the
funds.

* Curt stabs Stinger in the face with a generic object
<Curt> whee.
<The_Stinger> hey why do you find it neccesary to stab me in
the face with a generic object
<The_Stinger> o_O
<Curt> because I didn't have a specific object at hand.

[talking about kuwait]
everbong: i almost got blowed up back in the day.. thats how i
got the name everbong
MaxGripper: really?
MaxGripper: what happened?
everbong: this lady came up to a small group of us, saying
something, and i was like "everbong?? wtf??" we started to
walk away and she exploded
everbong: apparantly she was saying "i have a bomb" in fail
english

(Sporq) i gotta take a linux.
(Blaxthos) don't forget to flush.

<@jjsff8> I wanna find a girl who loves me for my money, but
doesnt understand math.

<GodofDeath> Do you people think that racism is funny or
something?
<GodofDeath> You are so dense because you are naive to what
it's like to have racism effect you.
<slick> I'm aware of it when a black person assume I have it
good because I'm white, and that nothing bad happens to me
because I'm white. WHITE PEOPLE HAVE FEELINGS TOO!
<Alice> How dare you say I don't know what it's like to be a
victim of racism, I was walking down the street yesterday when
a blackie bumped into me. I had to run home instantly and
wash. Don't fucking talk to me about being a victim.

<Bubbles>What are you, fucking 15 years old?
<Spoons>no, im fucking 15 year olds ;]

<Jess> When I asked my Gyno if he could make it feel good,
<Jess> he looked at me in a really weird way and moved his
hand back out.

[loucura] yummm... french fries and gravy
[Crysanna] you need cheese with that
[loucura] Yeah, but I don't feel like melting any cheese.
[loucura] That, and all I have is american cheese, I'm afraid
it'll go to war with my french fries

<+SnoFox> DON'T TURN EMO. This message brought to you by the
blood society of America. There's better things to do with
veins. DONATE BLOOD.
* SnoFox was kicked by Booter (Banned)

<timh> okay, kraken- you don't need to know a person before
you talk to them.  otherwise there would be severe
bootstrapping issues with human interaction

<Stormscape> If computers get too powerful, we can organize
them into a committee -- that will do them in.

<_SnakeMan> do the clocks change tonight?
<AlbinoLov> I think they do sunday/
<MiL0> yes
<MiL0> unless you live in some parts of indiana or arizona
<_SnakeMan> sometime in the early am of sunday, right?
<Argent-> The clocks change every night... into fierce blood
sucking imps that chase me around the house until I fall over
exhausted, then they mock me about my small genitalia.

<m0nk3h> *Italy has quit euro.2004.com (Read error: Connection
reset by Scandinavia)*

~ tiko wishes he was part of this seceret club known as "jew"
(tiko) but when the entry fee is part of your cock, I think
I'll pass

<aurikan> i got a pre-broken AOL cd in the mail today
<aurikan> how considerate of them
<aurikan> they saved me the trouble of breaking it

<Ryou> 360's are great but their hardware quality is pretty
lol
<Kuraineko> it's called 360 because of the trip it takes
<Kuraineko> from microsoft, to you, back to microsoft, to you
again

<moes_19> my computer is about to die
<moes_19> its telling me i need to back up my files asap
<moes_19> its like bill gates is fucking me in the ass and is
telling me I might want to video tape it

ArmAndLeg03: I need to think of a better gay-bar name
ArmAndLeg03: I mean, "Dick's" works for now, but still
Mazuki Projidy: haha
Mazuki Projidy: well you could use...
Mazuki Projidy: Manhole
Mazuki Projidy: it's an actual gay bar (remember from The Most
Disturbing Conversation Ever?)
ArmAndLeg03: I remember
ArmAndLeg03: But I like Dick's better than Manhole,
unfortunately
ArmAndLeg03: Though Manhole was a gay dance club
Mazuki Projidy: oh whatever
ArmAndLeg03: I could use that for the gay dance club in my
story lol
Mazuki Projidy: Dick's isn't a good name for a gay bar
Mazuki Projidy: I know what to call it
Mazuki Projidy: "The Mouthful"
ArmAndLeg03: ...Evan
ArmAndLeg03: I hate to say this
ArmAndLeg03: But you are a fucking genius

<livin> your cousin is a titerope walker, rite?
<luckyest> he committed suicide by jumping off during a
performance two months ago.
<livin> maybe he was a bit *imbalanced*
<luckyest> you're a dick, you know that right?

<|Chris> how many straight edge kids does it take to drink a
six pack?
<|Chris> 1, if no one's looking

<Dave> Question: Is it "right" to stop registered sex
offenders from registering on social networking sites?
<highvoltage> Dave: where do you register to become a sex
offender?
* Vhata falls off his chair laughing
<Dave> highvoltage: at your local school...
<MrKen> Dave: No, that's where they hold the auditions

<aorie> shit slashdot STILL down
<MrP-> yeah, im crying now
<MrP-> whats wrong with it?
<aorie> this sucks
<aorie> this totally fucked up my day heh
<MrP-> me too
<MrP-> some girl asked me if i wanted to have sex with her all
day, but i said "after i read slashdot"
<MrP-> GOD DAMNIT!

<locust> Hey phil how do I get rid of my ip number

<tiger_YAMATO> hey V, do u believe in karma?
<V.A.> karma? yeah
<tiger_YAMATO> really?
<V.A.> totally
<V.A.> its just like science, you know, every action has a
reaction, but in this case, regardless whether its opposite or
not.
<tiger_YAMATO> ok, well in that case...
V.A. was banned from the channel by tiger_YAMATO(you called me
a fag yesterday).

<DJ> I like riding my dog after rain. Rain makes her frisky,
so she's faster.
<DJ> ...riding my dog around the block.
<DJ> ...on a bike
<Jinjo_Eagle> ...
<DJ> Because it's faster, and she can keep up easier when
she's frisky
<DJ> That first line came out all wrong
<Jinjo_Eagle> You can't make that look better.
<Jinjo_Eagle> Yes, yes it did, and there is nothing you can do
about it.
<DJ> I don't walk my dog, I have the leash around my wrist as
I ride my bike around the block!
<MewMewtwo45> Hehehe
<DJ> And my dog gets hyper after it has rained!
<Jinjo_Eagle> Okay, sure.
<DJ> :(
* Jinjo_Eagle pats DJ on the back