bash.org archive

<weeflig> i had a dream last night that i could switch back
and forth between being me and a superhot girl by changing
between two pairs of pants in the changing room at target
<Hallucination> ...
<Hallucination> lets not even break that one down
<Syntacs> Do you remember which changing room?

<+MrKite> I remember one of my teachers, she was a female
teacher, and it was hawaiian week and she had too lais around
her neck. Eric said to her "I see you got laid over the
weekend" which instantly made me think he was going to have
problems, she casually responded "Yeah, twice"

striker gossips: Lol. My girlfriend just called me and wanted
to hang out
striker gossips: I told her i couldn't, because my character
died and i had to get his stuff back
striker gossips: wanna hear the funny thing?
striker gossips: it didn't really die.
ivan gossips: lol, you're a f'ing loser.

<bfdd> i heard the mcdonalds commerical say special sauce
<bfdd> and i thought "ill give em some special sauce"
<kcl822> heh
<bfdd> and then i realized
<bfdd> i was talking dirty to a tv commerical
<bfdd> and felt ashamed of myself

<Sparky^> fucking perverts on Direcct Connect
<Sparky^> downloading all my porn

<Ten> My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to
scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell
them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

<Ryutaro> I liked it when things were simple
<Ryutaro> gravity wasnt known
<Ryutaro> things stuck to the earth because they loved it

<SierraSonic> the internet is made up of 3 things
<SierraSonic> 99.9% porn
<SierraSonic> .1% violence
<Crash2> and 0% of?
<Marcx> 0% intellect

<PunK> she was a fast machine she kept her penis clean she was
the best half woman that I ever seen

Guillaume: So you wnna bough me a dictionnary huh ?
Gila-Monster: lol Yep. An english one.
Guillaume: Nha nonsense I completely masterize the english
language.

<Spoon35> my girlfriend drew a picture of an orgasm once
<Spoon35> I didn't think it would look like that.
<SenorWeir> was it her with another man?

Dublyner: I was up in Winnepeg and some guy on the street
asked me if I had two loonies for a toonie. I thought he was
going to rape me or something.

<Ashley`> thats the first example of sex with a birdhouse ive
ever seen
<[Rabite]> second here
<[Rabite]> but definately the funnier of the two

<robot_touch> My town was too poor to have a priest.  Our nun
had to use a strap-on.

<@Aeriana> University union elections next week, there's this
candidate
<@Aeriana> Her poster is like...
<@Aeriana> It says "people + vision = change"
<@Aeriana> I'm thinking.....
<@Aeriana> It doesn't equals change, it will return a data
type mismatch.

<metroid23> i ask for whole milk and people look at me like i
wanna suck it right off the cow or something

(+sok|puppet): i loves my cereal
(+Harri): i'm hungry
(@Zaphod): Yeah, cherios should be just about the right size
for you to 'love' as much as you want
(+Harri): now i'm not

<tarheelcoxn> iank has trouble with English. his native
language is Python
<iank> Yeah
<iank>   I'm forced
<iank>     To indent
<iank>   My sentences

<MadTom> Man
<MadTom> Bob the Builder porn is hard to find

<Anatole> Drug money supports terrorism. Oil money supports
terrorism. Tax money supports terrorism.
<Anatole> I just cut out the middlemen and write a check each
week for ten dollars, made out to "TERRORISM."
<Ein> sweet
<Ein> where do I mail my check?
<Anatole> Wherever. The terrorists will find it.

<Berzerker> they gave christopher reaves a standing ovation
<Berzerker> and like
<Berzerker> he cant even stand up
<Berzerker> so hes like
<Berzerker> wtf

<dj`rayray[eN]> If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that
Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner

<SpudMuffn> I jack off in the shower so much that I get a
hard-on whenever it rains.

<MegaWorld> Anyone awake?
<hypr> shutup im trying to sleep

<decifer> you should've seen the chicks clawing each other at
the beach to get to me when they heard about my 231day uptime

<drev> how was your weekend?
<LaDyLoVe> amazing! my friends threw a surprise party for my
birthday :)
<drev> fuck the closest thing ive ever had to a surprise party
was a fucking intervention

*** WindDrake has quit IRC (well, LadyDrake awaits. «~{Polaris
IRC}~» v2.03 Alpha)
<|Ender|> ohh look Winds gonna go masturbate
<smcn> yeh, ladydrake is a weirdass name for a penis

<prick> "ALRIGHT LIVEJOURNAL FRIENDS IM KILLING MYSELF NOW! 
PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS TELLING ME NOT TO!  SEE YOU TOMORROW FOR
THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF "IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF [CURRENT
MUSIC: NIN]"

<matt`> It is illegal to use UNIX in conjunction with a member
of the opposite sex. This could prevent
copulation-2.1.3-20.i386.tar.gz from compiling correctly.

<Jemm> I can't afford to 0wn, but I wonder if I could r3nt...

* twigvoy ([email protected]) Quit (Quit:
)
* LlNK is now known as HidingFromVoy
<hidingfromvoy> shhhh
*twigvoy ([email protected]) joined #fux0r
<twigvoy> where'd llnk go?
<hidingfromvoy> teehee

[@Unknown_Source] : Dogs are weird and dumb
[@djjason] : Agreed
[@Unknown_Source] : I mean, wave the biscuit, and the dumbass
dogs comes
* Unknown_Source waves a biscuit
[Join (#afterhoursdjs)] : [DJAngelicon
([email protected])]
[@Unknown_Source] : ...

<Kobe_Tai> guy comes in complaining of abdominal/rectal pain
<Kobe_Tai> all of his vitals look okay
<Kobe_Tai> no abdominal distension
<Kobe_Tai> no nauseau/vomiting
<Kobe_Tai> we go ahead and admit him
<Kobe_Tai> and during his initial body audit
<Kobe_Tai> I see scratches and tearing all around his anus
<Kobe_Tai> so I'm like "have you been raped? or eaten anything
unusual?"
<Kobe_Tai> and hes like "no"
<Kobe_Tai> so I make him an appointment with radiology
<Kobe_Tai> and send him down for an Abdominal Ultrasound
<Kobe_Tai> about 45 minutes later, they're calling me
<Kobe_Tai> and they're like "OMFG COME DOWN HERE"
<Kobe_Tai> so I go down
<Kobe_Tai> and theyre all like white as ghosts
<Kobe_Tai> I put the film up on the slidr
<Kobe_Tai> *slider
<Kobe_Tai> the guy failed to mention that he had ?AN ENTIRE
VLASIC PICLE JAR RAMMED UP HIS ASS
<Kobe_Tai> pickle
<Kobe_Tai> so, we sent him to surgery
<Kobe_Tai> and because the lid was off
<Kobe_Tai> it formed a vacuum
<Kobe_Tai> and they had a real hard time removing it
<Kobe_Tai> no, they drilled a hole in it to release the vacuum
<Kobe_Tai> when they did he hemorrhafed
<Kobe_Tai> *hemorhagged
<alex> all he wanted was to have a good time :(
<alex> first of all if i wanted to have anal sex with a jar i
would find one of those plastic ones

<Spurty> so, I learnt a lesson this morning
<Spurty> choose politicially correct passwords for systems
<Spurty> this _was_ my security password for test work here
<Spurty> 8=======D~
<Spurty> and there was a bug in the code, so it was spewing my
password into logs on servers all over the place
<Spurty> meh, embaressment factor 11 out of 10
<Spurty> ttfn, I have jism to clean

<Carp_AFK> i planned to dye my hair this weekend
<Carp_AFK> till i was told i was supposed to put vaseline all
round my forehead, and wear gloves
<Carp_AFK> and theres no way im going to a shop buying some
rubber gloves and a tub of vaseline

<EFX> is it strange to peel pieces of skin off your cock?
<EFX> am I shedding so my cock will grow bigger?

arucardegungrave: Yeah, Jesus tried to save me, but there was
no space on his memory card.

<Syncope> kris's birth certificate was an apology letter from
the abortion clinic

<skreid> so i was trick or treating right
<GODLY> arent u a little old for that?
<skreid> fuck no
<skreid> anyway
<skreid> so i went as a present this year, just a bigass bow
and some curled ribbons, and i go up to this door
<skreid> and a 75 year old woman and her husband open the
door, and the woman goes "what are you?"
<skreid> i go "a present", and she gives me candy.  just as i
start to walk away, she goes
<skreid> "who would want that??"
<skreid> and some little kid behind me just goes "OHHHH! 
BURN!"
<GODLY> loser.

<Kazz> Wait a minute... something about this is a little...
odd...
<Kazz> I believe this woman has more than the recommended
amount of penises.
<Brentai> My type of woman.

<[-will-]> damnit
<[-will-]> I cant find my video card
<Excors> Overclock it, then look for the source of the smoke

DeusXMac: sex?
themole: unzip;strip;touch;grep;grep;finger;mount;fsck;more;
yes;fsck;fsck;fsck;umount;sleep (Core dumped) general
protection fault... core dumped.

<Evilspoon> Legalize cigarettes!
<Evilspoon> wait nm

(@Big_Daddy) that reminds me, Beer i've lost 30 lbs :D
(@nwar) thats like throwing a deck chair off the titanic :P

<CAMeRON> i have the best new insult - cockgoggles
<CAMeRON> aaHAEHaeH aeHaeHaeHaehaeH
<KEiRAN> thats pretty pisspoor cameron
<CAMeRON> SHUT UP, COCKGOGGLES
<KEiRAN> yeah, i didnt see that one coming

<Rjx> Running Virus Decector Version 1.0.2 - Type ? for
disinfect help
<dadadada> ?
<Rjx> The irc.infect.bears.you virus has been detected from
your IRC client
<dadadada> how can i clean it?
<Rjx> To disinfect type "/timer 0 1 /msg <channel you are in>
bear.be.gone"
<Rjx> End of Instruction -|
<dadada> ok
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
*** dadadada was kicked by Snes9x (flood)

<Erth2rst> I'm seventeen years old, I'm home alone, sitting
here naked, and I'm rubbing my nipples.
<Erth2rst> If only I were female..

Lindsay: I have a gaydar, and your sending off a strong
signal...
Dustin: Well, I have a whoredar...

< mine9> 231,212 people or communities on LJ that list
"sleeping" as an interest
< mine9> 1.03 million for music
< mine9> 324,420 for computers
< mine9> and a measly 196,490 for sex
< mine9> talk about boring people...
< nub> that's because they're on livejournal. look up
"masturbation"

<faustwork> the gf wants underwear for xmas
<faustwork> i cant stand going shopping for em tho
<faustwork> i feel like a goon
<faustwork> maybe its because i rub them all on my face

<Shiggy1> OMG
<Shiggy1> Ive just discovered something
<Shiggy1> !
<Shiggy1> !
<kFraction> the exclaimation key?

* @Super-Vipeo [Super Mario Brothers Theme Song-Nintendo] -
[0.65mb; 1:24; 64kbps; 44khz; mono]
<@Cockroach> I saw a quicktime movie of a guy playing that on
the piano
<@Cockroach> and about every other mario song
<@Cockroach> was kind of scary... then people on the CS forum
started posting about learning sailor moon songs on their
clarinets
<@Cockroach> and suddenly the Mario guy was normal again...

<Don> scyth, I come here for the loving people and atmosphere
happy.gif
<scyth> I come here because I forgot to remove it from my
auto-connect list

[-=VU=-] i wish i had enough space to breakdance :(
[XwHR] delete some stuff

<phazonfox> Mario Kart is socialist.
<phazonfox> People in last place get better items.

<Dss-tester> nuke u have a real bad additude
<@NitroX> no way, not nuke
<*Nuke> Im a sweetheart you stupid fuck

<ckx> when i worked at the sub shop
<ckx> whenever a fat person would get a sub and a regular
pepsi
<ckx> i'd be like "umm wouldn't you rather have a diet pepsi?"
<ckx> and they'd get all offended
<skmt> haha
<ckx> but they'd still get the diet pepsi instead

<slacker> drunken sex is cool because your mind wanders
<slacker> you think about shit like...mountains

(alchemist) does a ps2 gameshark let you play burnt games?
(Victor`) the short answer is: yes, you can play burnt games
with a ps2 gameshark.
(alchemist) long answer?
(mojo) it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

<digitz> I really hate it when girls think it's sexy to stand
up and pull there cunt flaps apart and make it look like they
have the predator between there legs

e l i t e m r p: http://www.worldpowers.net/canada/
reverend ine: 404
e l i t e m r p: yea =)

<gr0undh0g> I spent an hour and a half once trying to tie a
hair to a fly
<kritical> whyd you do that?
<gr0undh0g> so I could have a pet

<eX|NYC> wtf my mom tells this lady to come over then she
leaves 10 secs b4 she comes so im stuck here with this lady
like uhh dude i dont know wtf she went leave me alone let me
play my computer games >_<
<PJ> its called a baby sitter.

<pingboy> COUNTER STRIKE CURED MY PORN ADDICTION

<mogo-> my middle school got a blue ribbon for acheivement...
<natural> my school got a rainbow ribbon for homosexuality

<SCVirus> John Stamos is getting divorced just as the Olsen
twins turn 18.
<SCVirus> Coincidence?  I think not.  I think someone is going
to be entering
<SCVirus> the backdoors of two little houses very soon. 
Harder, Uncle Jesse!
<SCVirus> Harder!
<TucksMa> LOL
<kdub> haha

*** ^o_0^ sets mode: +o ^0_o^

<yarokod> does alcohol remove permanent ink from a cd?
<defused> dunno...it does remove clothes on young females tho

<%pain> let's do some al quida jokes. anyone? /:
< baggy>  well has anyone ever noticed that The War Against
Terrorism is never abbreviated as TWAT ?