bash.org archive

<skatoni> will some one please help
<shev> ya?
<skatoni> there is a guy hacking into my computer
<shev> unplug your modem
<skatoni> how?
<shev> see those wires behind your computer?
<shev> rip'em all out
*** skatoni has quit IRC (Read error to skatoni
[ppp012.rosenet.net]: Connection reset by peer)

<Animaga> so, there's this panda bear
<Animaga> and he walks into Pizza Hut, orders some pizza, and
sits down
<Animaga> once he's done eating, he takes a look at the bill
and just goes to walk out
<Animaga> manager and server try to stop him, saying "you have
to pay for your food"
<Animaga> so he pulls out a gun and shoots the place up
<Animaga> the workers are terrified, asking him what the hell
he's doing
<Animaga> he hands them a dictionary, and turns the page to
"panda bear"
<Animaga> it says "small black and white bear, native to
asia.  eats shoots and leaves."

<klerck> I've been wearing my immortality bracelet for a
month, and I haven't died yet

scykon: nope. no matter what you build with lego, if i build
the same with
duplo its guranteed to be bigger, and therefore better than
yours

<~DuDE~> My sister was driving home today
<~DuDE~> Somebody comited suicide by jumping of a bridge onto
the motorway
<~DuDE~> And landed on my sister's bonnet!
<Barnes> Jesus christ that's terrible!
<Barnes> She'll lose her no claims discount on her insurance!

<Spooky42 > was taking a bath with my son the other day.. and
he said.. daddy why is my penis different than yours?.. and i
said.. because yours isnt erect
<Ize > eew

<mrduck> there was a guy at my school who got caught
mastttturbating and when he ran for school president his
slogan was "i have a hand on the situation"

<bunni> your dick is small!!!
<bunni> i can't even see it!!!
<monkey> because i am girl!!!!

<sean> I could jack off to a barbie doll and it'd be the
equivilant to jerking off to the girls in playboy
<Ronwe> sean: you've jerked off to a barbie doll?
<iTM> wtf
<Ronwe> that' just pathetic
<sean> yes, many MANY times
<Ronwe> I mean, I've done it to Charsi's ass in D2.. but never
to a barbie doll
<Ronwe> and it was only once... too lazy to go find some
decent porn to smack to
<Astro> lol
<iTM> Charsi's ass?
<Ronwe> yeah... it's tight and firm
<Ronwe> I'm not going to explain any more
<Ronwe> I'm already afraid of this making it to bash

<jestuh>  But fans will have to wait a while for the maverick
director to complete his bloodstained trilogy as he won't
start filming Kill Bill: Vol 3 until 2019.
<jestuh> wtf
<edit_out> Is he going to breed actors for it?

Phil: dude
Daryl: wut?
Phil: I just found a pic of me when I was like 6, wearing a
red mcdonalds hat with canadian ear flaps that says "mc kids"
Phil: I want to punch myself in the face

<Aragorn^> I tried using the old "show me yours and I'll show
you mine" trick...maybe I should reverse it...show me yours OR
I'll show you mine.

<cruunch> i dont believe this
<cruunch> im tryin to phone sex this girl, the one i didnt go
to poker night with cause im poor
<cruunch> and i heard her roomate ask her who she was talkin
too
<cruunch> and she said
<cruunch> 'tripod'
<cruunch> i fucking kid you not
<cruunch> ego++
<Sean-> dude
<Sean-> just, no
<Biny> no!
<cruunch> ohhhh yaaaa!
<cruunch> hehe
<CeNo65> did you tell her thats not your name .. its just the
website that hosts your pics?

<Clyve> God... I swear this is the only place on the net with
any intelligence whatsoever.
<That_RPG_Guy> It is silly for a woman to go to a male
gynecologist. It is like going to an auto mechanic who has
never even owned his own car.
<Clyve> Well, if I didn't just put my foot in my mouth.

<Rajio> my friend's such a bastard, he wouldn't let me get my
quarter's worth with VF4, challenged me just for the sake of
beating me :P then he did the same with tekken, but then i
wipped paul out and owned his ass :P
<toNe> Rajio: paul? is that like a nickname for it?

<+slaitch> right then
<+slaitch> i need to be on my way
<+slaitch> you all will hear from me...... I dunno when
<+slaitch> not more than 10 days, though
* +slaitch goes to oregon
* +slaitch ([email protected]) Quit
(Quit: )
* @Esoteric immediately starts thinking 'slaitch has died of
dysentery.'

* Takeshi doesn't get the obsession with all the digits of pi
<rabid_si> It's like Mersienne Primes.
<rabid_si> Mathematicians get off on big numbers.
<Takeshi> Oh, so it's mathsturbation?

* Quits: Serge (Connection reset by peer)
* Joins: Abe
<Locke|Away> Have you considred sacrificing a pig to appease
the evil spirits plaguing your internet connection, Serge? 
Western medicine seems to have failed you.
<Abe> well, right now it all comes down to the network
engineer's bad back. if he hadn't hurt his back, he would have
fixed it by now; as it is, he's off until monday
<Locke|Away> Well, have you considered sacrificing a pig for
his back?  An evil dab may have followed him home from work. 
It might be eating his marrow.
<Locke|Away> Look, I'm hungry and I want some fucking bacon. 
Just kill a pig already.

<rAJ> wooo, i had sex tonight :D
* pikkle holds back another "my mom" joke
<pikkle> argh. YOUR mom, not mine. :(

<ReFFi|Work> I don't like condom's as it is...
<ReFFi|Work> But I use them faithfully
<ReFFi|Work> I don't want to be that statistic, being the one
time I didn't wear it, she got preg...
<Aronnyn|Work> Reffi - I have a friend who affectionately
calls her three kids pill, condom, and diaphragm. Nothing
worked for her ;)
<Endymion> i'd be worried if she calls her fourth one
vasectomy

* Zed used to teach idiots how to 'hack' in Diablo.
<Zed> I mean, I'd give them an axe, then lead them to the
dungeon.
<Zed> Tell them to hit a skeleton.
<Zed> They didn't appreciate that :p

<Luthandrel> is anybody in here like, super good with
computers?
<Luthandrel> because im having some complicated problems
<Luthandrel> i asked all of my friends who are good with comps
but none of them know how to fix it.
<Luthandrel> so is anyone here insanely good with computers?
<Techno-Fab> I don't know if I'm INSANELY good, but I'm
willing to give it a shot.
<Luthandrel> Ok thenks.  Do you know how to set the time and
date here?
<Techno-Fab> ....

(Scorpion): hi
(Scorpion): do you spek englýsh
(Scorpion): do you spek turkish
(Scorpion): admýn
(Scorpion): #zurna canal for sale ?
(Zaphod): You want to buy the channel #zurna?
(Scorpion): okey
(Scorpion): #zurna canal for sale ?
(Scorpion): what good is
(Zaphod): Sorry, i dont quite understand you
(Zaphod): You want to pay money for the channel?
(Scorpion): what good is
(Zaphod): what good is ?
(Zaphod): that doesnt make any sense
(Scorpion): how much
(Zaphod): How much will you pay, what is fair you think ?
(Scorpion): do you speek turkihs
(Zaphod): no
(Scorpion): hýms
(Scorpion): sop to add
(Scorpion): alo
(Zaphod): Hi
(Zaphod): how much will you pay?
(Scorpion): 10$
(Zaphod): make it $30 and you have a deal
(Scorpion): 10$
(Zaphod): No deal
(Scorpion): 15$
(Scorpion): ?
(Zaphod): $30 is the price
(Zaphod): that is a good channel
(Scorpion): 20$ ?
(Zaphod): ok, ok, its your lucky day, im feeling in a good
mood and i just got a new shipment of channels in, £20 is fine
(Scorpion): end money
(Zaphod): How will you pay
(Scorpion): give me check number
(Zaphod): lol
(Zaphod): im joking with you
(Zaphod): Channels are not for sale
[(Scorpion): ?
(Scorpion): £20
(Scorpion): okey
(Zaphod): No sale
[(Zaphod): Not selling
[(Scorpion): why ?
[(Zaphod): Channels are not for sale
(Scorpion): oky.
(Scorpion): insistenly canal
(Scorpion): ?
(Scorpion): insistently canal to want?
(Scorpion): pls
(Scorpion): alo
(Scorpion): to speak
(Scorpion): plssss. :(

<Gwindor> how do you save a log?
<Rimbaud> don't flush

< SnPz> skal jeg gå inn på den siden??
< SnPz> er du norsk??
< [Mosh]> I dont have my secret decoder ring on

<Cypher_Dyne> I feel like ipizza tonight.
<Nakoo> Ipizza?
<[Smoke]> That's the pizza for Mac users
<[Smoke]> iPizza
<[Smoke]> It's semi-transparent and comes in at least 5 colors
<[Smoke]> Also, iPizza is in no way compatible with your
current pizza cutting tools

<^wigus> fuck me
<DJ_Random> now?
<^wigus> its up to you
<DJ_Random> k
* DJ_Random looks up his book on how to "cyber"
<DJ_Random> asl???

<StmChser> Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of
a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole?
<Trilky> heh?
<StmChser> It's called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible
for giving people a shitty outlook on life
<hanzglo-> wtf?
<StmChser> If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your
asshole and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye

<Krasny> I have a bet with a friend he claims Sydney is not
the capitol of Australia LOL
<PsychoFreak> Uhhh
<BasTyra> HAHAHAHAHA
<PsychoFreak> Sydney isn't the capital of Australia
<PsychoFreak> you're fucked
<BasTyra> HAHAHAHAHA

<eva> hey guys, guess what im eating right now!
<Ed> big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.
<eva> starts with a 3
<Ed> three big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.

<Kio> Blizz.
<Kio> I submitted the Titanic quote to bash.
<blizz_away> Er.
<blizz_away> Kio.
<blizz_away> The titanic quote is from bash.

<Mazroth> A girl waved to me once before making out with her
boyfriend, does that count as scoring?

<rob`> <Satanic0> vai toma no cu filha da puta
<rob`> _________________________________________
<rob`> I'M GETTING HACKED FROM BRASIL
<rob`> HELP ME

[Guilty] Jean-Claude Van Damme made a movie named "Replicant"
in 2001?
[Guilty] When did that come out
(McMoo) 2001

<xanex> xmms manages to skip about 90 songs in my playlist and
keep playing the same 5 over and over
<xanex> its a new feature, they call it 'MTV mode'

<Jaice> I just got a gummy bear stuck in my nose!
<Divination> 100,000 sperm... and you were the fastest?

<drdink> hey
<drdink> who's good at graphics and logos and crap?
<xanatos> drdink; I'm pretty good at crap (I make my own)

deusnoctum> I love online pharmacy spam that offer "discrete
shipping."  Does that mean they ship every pill individually?

<_0wn3d_> N-E-1 no how to download the internet
????????????????

<jestuh> and i'm 14k in debt on CCs
<jestuh> ;[
<synth3tic> STOP BUYING SHIT

<eXeLoR> My gf was all like, "you havn't made eye contact once
this evening", she was hell pissed
<sILLA> You should have told her that breasts don't have eyes

<uTi|Veridian> my HLTV tops out at about 30 people - then lags
like your mom
<cyde> so tell me... if i used my mom in conjunction with your
server... could we top 60?
<uTi|Veridian> can your mom handle 30 teenage boys?
<cyde> the question is....can 30 teenage boys....handle my
mom?

<P1E> greetings, IRCMonkey
<IRCMonkey> Hi, I'm just wandering here, irc 1st timer!
<P1E> there's first time for everything I guess
<P1E> =]
<IRCMonkey> :-))
<IRCMonkey> Good bye! See you!
<-- IRCMonkey has quit (Client Quit)
<P1E> wow, that was, er, short
<CharlieG> the first time usually is

<conrailto> any German speakers here?
<issq> i own a set of harmon kardens

<@ANARCHEY> LOL [email protected] intentionally sent me a few
mails with a virus in it.. luckily my Norton picked it up...
now i was gonna subscribe his e-mail address with some gay
porn sites... first site i tried he was already subscribed to
:P

<Snowy_Duck> Intellegence - the new minority.

<Nangijala>   activists in copenhagen have really figured it
out this time
<Carrots>   whats going on now?
<Nangijala>   now instead of throwing rocks and rioting
<Nangijala>   they have climbed up in a tower
<Nangijala>   and will jump out if the politicians doesn't
listen to them
<Astral\afk>   :D
<Nangijala>   now there's a problem that solves itself if i've
ever seen one

<@Cidsa> I NEED THE CRACK NOW
<@Pyroman> Cidsa, I have a crack, but it's for a two year old
virgin
<@Pyroman> version

<enderin> anybody knows what to do with freeCell other then
watch the king's head move?
<kailus> enderin: move the cards around and hope for victory?
<enderin> what cards?
<shoonra> try starting a new game
<enderin> 1 sec
<kailus> Press F2
<DarkGildon> lol
<enderin> wow! full of cards!
* DarkGildon knows how play o.o
<uhuf> This didn't just happen...
<uhuf> Let me guess, he has no idea what the numbers in
minesweeper are used for either, right?
<enderin> okey, too complicated..
<enderin> so, what do you do with the numbers at minesweeper?
<lphnt> XD
<ifireball> XD indeed
<lphnt> wow, and we didn't even get to hearts
<DarkGildon> Press F1
<enderin> where?
<lphnt> on the keyboard!!!

<LZ> when I was like 8
<LZ> I was trying to make this fanfic
<LZ> where Mario met his twin sister Maria
<Elmoogle> And they sexx0red?
<LZ> I was 8 ;_;
<LZ> Yes
<LZ> They did

crwuidth: It's going to be hilarious if i ever live long
enough to have grandchildren.
crwuidth: "Wait, Gramps, so you guys used to drink ethyl
alcohol? Isn't that what's in jet fuel?" "Yep. Great stuff,
that. Shame they banned it when the synthetic stuff got made."
"Wasn't it bad for you, drinking jet fuel?" "Made you feel
like hell the next morning if you got hold of too much, that's
for sure."
crwuidth: they may be psychics and cyborgs and shit, but we
are going to be hardcore in ways our grandkids could never
dream of being.

<MunInFull> Back in a minute. Gotta speak to the Evil One and
negotiate the release of the chocolate hostages.
<Prometheus> because god forbid the man could say "take a
shit"

ShaZam: been here nig
ShaZam: except for my cell phone contract expired and i havent
gotten a new one yet
Serrin: Who the FUCK did you think you were talking to?
ShaZam: oh wrong IM tab
Serrin: "nig"? You know you're a white kid who plays WoW all
day right?
Serrin: You going to load up your 9 and go defend your turf at
the mall from the bloods now? I hear they're moving on the
yogurt stand...

DengShouxin: The next best thing to a girl that likes sex is a
girl that likes to play video games.

<Maxim-> these fortune cookies are lame
<Maxim-> mine says "You are going to have some new clothes."

<+phunk> i have to send 8 photos of myself in
<@fraggle> one for each angle
<@fraggle> they're going to make you into a doom monster

[Sh0t]: i want to win the homo dominatrix torture chamber
contest
[Sh0t]: homo=home
[Sh0t]: FREUD GOT ME AGAIN

[BrntToast] #amish can't join channel (you're banned!)
<------- they banned me when i asked for the secret as to how
a computer runs without electricity :(

<Zeion> mints must be very profitable
<Palmetto> what are you talking about?
<Palmetto> mints are government institutions
<Palmetto> they don't make any money
<Zeion> yes they do

<harb> Shee.. I search for "linux unix bsd" on dice.com and it
returns ONE job that's a sendmail admin. wtf.
<acestus> What a sick job.
<acestus> "What do you think you can bring to our company as
the sendmail admin?"
<acestus> "qmail."

<Brass> Yaku:  It was hacked...  by aliens!
<Brass> *gasp*  They're invading the channel now!
<Yaku> are they the dick sucking kinda aliens?
<Yaku> or the brain eating ones?
<Brass> Yaku:  Either way, I don't think you have anything to
fear.

dmwit: You know, my first year at college they gave me a
whistle.
dmwit: They told me it was a rape whistle.
dmwit: But no matter how hard I blew, I never got raped. =(

<leoboiko> I wanted to search for that flamewar in which Linus
called the Gnome guys "fucking idiots"
<leoboiko> so I googled for "torvalds gnome fucking"
<leoboiko> luckly, google still doesn't give you exactly what
you ask for

<Erin> No manners these days ...
<Mitch> yeah
<Erin> like, this policeman last nite
<Erin> there was a breathaliser thing, so we had to stop, n
this policeman came up to my mum's window and shone this light
right in her eyes
<Erin> and was like "can u see this lite"
<Erin> she like ... "yes sir your shining it in my face"
<Erin> so he goes, "thats what your lights are doing to us,
turn them down madam"
<Erin> "its an offence"
<Mitch> HAHAHAHA
<Erin> and didn't even breathalise her.

{Plag} i liked women at 13
{Plag} even 11
{Pest} i liked woman since third grade
{Beat-Boy} ive liked men since i saw your sister

<eva> In Thailand, Police believed a young girl committed
suicide after getting stuck on a level of Bomberman.
<eva> ahhaha thats gold
<Spacecow> 09 Oct 02
<etoilet> i hate suicide bombers

<nutkase> i need to schedule an eye exam
<nutkase> with a different doctor who wont cuss me out and
tell me i need ritalin
<hateful> lol, did you jump when he was putting in the drops?
<nutkase> no
<nutkase> but when he was asking me which one was better
number 1 or number 2 i was like how come there numbered and i
only get 2 options
<nutkase> and then he was telling me to read the lines, and he
had the radio on in the background and i was asking him to
turn it up cause i liked that song
<nutkase> finally he said god damn it can you pay attention so
we can get this over with and i responded with sorry i wasnt
paying attention
<hateful> lol
<nutkase> and he proceeded to tell me i needed ritalin

<Murphy01> If i cloned myself, changed the y chromosome to an
x chromosome, and then had sex with her, would it be
masturbation, or incest?
<DS> how about fucking nasty?
<Murphy01> Well, that too.

<RST> you suck huge donkey dick
<RST> and not only you
<RST> but your sister too
<RST> !
<Felon> what happens in Tijuana stays in Tijuana
<Felon> you know the rules