bash.org archive

<Aegis> You know what's REALLY freaky about the game Black &
White?
<Aegis> When you're helping these guys in the beginning build
their boat...
<Aegis> They want meat to eat along the way, right? No
problem.
<Aegis> Well...when you give a sheep to them they're like
"Oooh, a sheep. Sheep have many uses...thank you."
<Aegis> Makes me wonder...

<@Witchlord> omg
<@Witchlord> I just thought of a website that I had to go to
<@Witchlord> and then for some reason went to hotmail instead,
when I havent needed to go to hotmail in over 5 years
<@Witchlord> and my first thought was "holy shit, i drove home
this drunk"

*** BlackNet21 ([email protected]) has joined #photography
<BlackNet21> anyone here wanna help me with a photo?
<pd_corax> A what?
<danno> wtf is a photo
*** BlackNet21 ([email protected]) has left #photography
<danno> sheesh, it takes all kinds...

<c-rOCK> that was sad though when I said "MAN WHAT IF D1
REALLY DID LOOK LIKE THAT" and hes like "Thats my real
picture"
<c-rOCK> i felt pretty bad after that

<hakan> I hate it when the girl looks into the camera during a
blow job. It totally destroys the fourth wall, which is so
very important in a porno flick.

<drunkers> hey what name am i under?
<[Piratez]> drunkers
<drunkers> what?
<[Piratez]> huh?
<drunkers> i asked what name am i under?
<[Piratez]> drunkers you fool
<drunkers> never mind ill ask someone else

<heyyohey> Im having a lot of lag here. i cant answer the
questions in time
<Damarr> Pressing Alt+F4 should help. It stops the client
sending useless information to the server
*** heyyohey has quit IRC (Quit: Client exited.)

<j0n> Let me tell you about the first time I ever made love to
a girl. We were out in a little meadow/park kind of thing, and
we laid down on the blanket, and afterwards we both just lay
there staying into each other's eyes. Neither of us said
anything, it was kind of creeping me out. Then finally she
looks to me and she says, "Baaaaaaa."

<auenf> boss: 'why is my computer taking so fucking long'
<auenf> me: 'its a Pentium 166'
<auenf> boss: 'since when has this computer been a fucking
pentium 166'
<auenf> me: 'since about 1996'

<^Melchior^> MY NAMES BUSH!... HELP MY FIND IRAQ'S NUCLEAR
WEAPONS, ORDER YOUR VERY OWN "FIND MR. SADDAMS WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION DETECTION KIT", Kit Includes: Darts and a Map

<Slime> Whenever hot chicks come up to me I always end up,
like, vomitting everywhere and somehow my pants fall down, and
then someone has a black eye, and everything goes wrong

youatemypancreas: Dammit.
youatemypancreas: Diablo won't work. it keeps minimizing
itself. >_<
Areku: *pats.*
Areku: Oh hey. I've got a great plan.
youatemypancreas: Oh?
Areku: I'm going to set up a murder. And just before I murder
the person, I'm going to ask. "Are you scared?" And when they
say yes, I'll reply "You shouldn't be, you're on Scare
tactics!" Then when they're all happy, and relieved they're
not going to die.. I'll stab 'em good.

<FadeJade> On the news tonight "SHOULD AIRLINE PASSENGERS BE
MADE TO BUY TWO TICKETS JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE OVERWEIGHT?!"
<FadeJade> Fuck yeah
<Phuser> hell yes
<FadeJade> Business, Economy or Fatty?
<FadeJade> I'll fly Fatty today, thanks

<neck> btw... bought an ice cream maker today :)
<qu4ntum> dont you mean a donut maker ?
<Lord-Data> very easy to get those confused ..
<neck> oh hell yeah
<neck> oh crap... it was a donut maker

<dot> *shrug*
<dot> i know most references
<dot> because i am ... whats that word?
<dot> i know stuff

<ic3m4n> i have 6 usb ports
<c00l_zero> what for??
<ic3m4n> modem, mouse, webcam, scanner, printer and 1 just in
case...
<ic3m4n> i was trying to find the modem one...
*** ic3m4n has quit IRC: (Connection reset by peer.)
*** ic3m4n has joined #cad
<ic3m4n> yep, that was the one...

Nezzie:  dude
Nezzie:  this is not cool
Nezzie:  my dealer/cousin got busted
Nezzie:  with fucking 5 pounds + intent to sell
Nezzie:  thats up to 48 years and prison
Nezzie:  A FEDERAL prision
Nezzie:  a federal-pound-me-in-the-ass prison
Nezzie:  and now i dont have a good dealer.

[12:10] <KeeperX> Uptime: 1w 6d 30m 27s 74ms
[12:10] <KeeperX> that is what you can do with windows uptime,
boys and girls.
[12:54] <KeeperX> HOLY SHIT, THE COMPUTER'S ON FIRE!

<Match> you shouldve seen the confused look on her face
<Match> it's like we dropped her in the middle of china and
asked her to find a mr. chang

<|WizZard|-Sleeping] I'm going to bed now, and you cant stop
me from thinking dirty stuff.

<Beowulf> ever since I switched to wireless I get disconnected
whenever I get a phone call
<Beowulf> :(
<squirrel_remote> What's your phone number?
<Beowulf> fuck you

<MadHatter> I've been using mirc exclusively for like 6-7
years or whatever
<MadHatter> I could get mIRC certified by now

<ChopLogik> ie ergo vis-a-vis concordantly ex thusly betwixt!
<Brass> Chop:  You missed a "therefore" and a "etc."
<ChopLogik> well i didnt miss YOUR MOM WITH A HUGE LOAD OF
SEMEN

<balistic> Do you guys know any girls whose names don't
contain .jpeg, .mpg, or .avi?

<Sorrow> DOWN WITH PANTS! UP WITH SKIRTS!

<homerj> a robot on Futurama
<homerj> "You know why they are using WIndows 3000 as a prison
guard?"
<homerj> because it always locks up

(Argent-) okay- I have like 20 windows open and my disk is
swapping like a hot couple during the 60's

<Tantalus|RO> No one can resist hot monkey sex
<Tovart> Except hot monkey females with a headache.

<JRJohn> At my high school we had a high school cop who would
walk around proudly displaying his 9mm glock.
<JRJohn> also, he had about 10 boxes of ammo in his desk.
<ZoFreX> that's a little unsafe
<ZoFreX> ammo should be locked up
<JRJohn> WHY would you need more ammunition than there are
kids in the school?
<ZoFreX> doubletap?

<ViolenceJack> i just became the escape goat and asked for
it...
<Ecliptik> What's an escape goat? Do you ride it?

<Zaratustra> I am an agnostic Jehovah's Witness. I knock on
people's doors, but I'm not sure why.

<bllllll> The instructions said to install Microsoft Windows
(tm) XP or better, so I installled OpenBSD.

(BudhaM0nk) i want hard drives so small i can snort them up
like powder and increase my brain capacity

<SwiftWrk> so... warcraft 3 in like 2 hours?
<fugimax> so...
<fugimax> my balls in yo' mouth in like 3 hours?
<LockeCole> erm...if I'm available sure
<LockeCole> damn

* RatWork hands Matt^^^ the cluephone
(RatWork) it's for you

<Jeff> god...yesterday morning sucked hard
<Jeff> I woke up and took a shower, when I got out to find
clothes, I opened the dryer and as I was rummaging around, I
saw a dollar, so im like yoink...then I found another dollar,
im like yeah! some sucker lost their dollars........then I
found my paycheck...then my wallet.

<arioch> Mario 69: Toadstool Gets Reamed
<fraggle> i'd love to give the princess a good bonin'
<aur__> sorry fraggle, but the princess is in another castle

<teh_xero> Elderly man robs pharmacy for the fourth time.
Makes off with full stock of Viagra once again
<OrgnGrndr> talk about a "hardened criminal"

(@xt) mexican independence day is sept 16th i believe
(@mitch) yeah
(@xt) may 5th has significance in pueblo mexico and those from
pueblo .. its not celebrated by most of mexico
(@mitch) day they defeated the french
(@RossH) dude.....if everyone celebrated on a day they
defeated the french it'd be a year-round holiday

<Snipe> you forget though, I have wayyy too much time on my
hands
<Snipe> wait, no i dont
<Snipe> fuck that project is due tomorrow
<Snipe> brb

<cpb> wonder if there's a strip club that needs a linux
admin...
<clockwork> i was about to balk at that but then i thought
about it and realized strip clubs don't have windows

<berkley> that was wierd
<angled-diamond> berkley: what was?
<berkley> i walked into my friend's dorms room, and it was
empty. but the computer was on, and it showed some chic
getting it in the ass. so i closed the door and dropped my
pants. midway into wacking off and i noticed something
<microfform> ?
<angled-diamond> ?
<berkley> there were no girls...and u know whats sad?
<angled-diamond> that you finished jerking off?
<berkley> ...yes

<F|uke> I like to have sex with Enya playing in the background
<F|uke> Enya doesnt mind it either.,....she just sits, watches
and plays

<durt> i don't believe if anything i can't see
<Spooky> Do you believe you were you born, durt?
<durt> yes of course
<Spooky> And yet you've never seen a woman's vagina...
*** Signoff: durt (Quit: Leaving)

<kethepoo> i remember the first time windows said "this
program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut
down", and i was worried that they found out about the porn i
had looked at

<fo0bar> fuck, how do I contact the IRS?
<egon> cheat on your taxes... they'll contact you.

<heroofhyr> Japan, China and South Korea team up to plan an
operating system to rival Microsoft Windows.
<heroofhyr> man i can't wait to try Rindows

renol07: yo whats up
renol07: yo what up
renol07: what happen yo click
wryterra: "what happen yo click"? what the hell is that?
wryterra: I'm afraid I don't speak moron.

Manghuntr9: i am taking a piece of KRAFT cheese to church with
me in the hopes that i can get an extra piece of jesus and
make a sandwich

<Ron> Just for the hell of it the other day, I went into Word
and typed out the alphabet with a whole bunch of fonts...then
practiced copying them so I could handwrite in like, seven
different fonts.
<Fire3n3rgy> ...
<Fite3n3rgy> go masturbate or something

<Pseudoof_The_Goat> can somebody help me?
<Pseudoof_The_Goat> i know linux is more secure
<Pseudoof_The_Goat> but i can't run linux because i still need
windows
<Pseudoof_The_Goat> i want to install the linux version of
firefox on windows
<Pseudoof_The_Goat> anybody know how?

<Time With A Wounded Hand> I'm downloading Naked Pictures Of
Your Mother
<Jax184> great
<Jax184> shes 56
<Jax184> but whatever floats your boat
<Time With A Wounded Hand> It's a song.
<Time With A Wounded Hand> Electric Six - Naked Pictures Of
Your Mother

(@[UGP]SirSteam) ITS ALL FUCKING FUNNY TIL YOU ARE MARRIED
(@[UGP]SirSteam) THEN THE LAUGHTER FUCKING ENDS GENTLEMEN
(@[UGP]SirSteam) BE WARNED
(@[UGP]SirSteam) oh hi honey i was just talkin to the gu
?? quit: ([UGP]SirSteam) ([email protected])
(Read error: EOF from client)

<atariboy84> I'm a little discouraged, I went to match.com and
typed "sane." It came back "sorry, no results."

DibbLe: ive come to a realization
Daemonite: ?
DibbLe: violent games like cs, bf1942 and quake DO influence
kids to shoot people and commit violent acts
DibbLe: but not because theyre imitating the game, its because
everyone who plays them acts SO FUCKING STUPID YOU HOPE THEY
ALL DIE

<DusK> python is pretty easy to learn
<DusK> you write pseudocode, and you indent it correctly :)

Viki: chris.....say NO to peadophiles
Epo: um..
Epo: NO
Viki: oh fuck.. I walked into that

<Theanine> Getting high also impairs judgment, which can lead
to risky decision making on issues like sex, criminal
activity, or riding with someone who is under the influence of
drugs or alcohol.
<Theanine> haha :D
<Theanine> i get high all the time but im not getting laid...:
(
<Theanine> this weed isnt working correctly

<+|neo|> FUCK!!!!!!!!!
<+|neo|> fucking donut
<+|neo|> this is gay
<+|neo|> i bit my lip while eating this donut
<+|neo|> hurt like a bitch
<+|neo|> bout 5 secs later i bit it in the same place again
<+|neo|> then it started bleeding
<@Decco> lol
<+|neo|> then about 20 secs ago i bit the same part again
<sic6sic> neo....dont move
<sic6sic> just....dont move

*** Now talking in #jesus
<God> Ive come before you today, to say Im calling it quits.
<God> Ive created the universe..
<God> It was a mistake
<God> I didnt really like it from the beginning..
<God> This is just to inform you, the 'universe' project will
be terminated shortly, it was long overdue.
<God> Sorry for any inconvenience caused.
<God> ta.
*** Parts: God

[+Duds] brb phonesex
[+Duds] well not really
[+Duds] depends who answers i suppose

<redial> read me the contents of your q3key file and i'll tell
you if the upgrade will work
<faz> my q3key says P00R 4773MP7

<iNoah> "hi, I'm a lisp virus.  please read me with an emacs
mail reader and eval me."
<moof> (defun email-virus-hook 'my-virus)
<iNoah> s/defun /add-hook '/
<kermit> Noah takes defun out of everything.

<htedrom> o youz b3 1 d3d m0th4fuck4
<Cyrus> ladies and gentlemen, i point out the product of
today's society
* Cyrus points to htedrom
* nullroot slaps a "As Seen On MTV" sticker on htedrom

(+|STE|) Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency
Room doctor.
(+|STE|) The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car
accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is
she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need
help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her
life."
(+|STE|) Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
(+|STE|) The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

<Joshua> how's the recording going?
<Joshua> or the whole band thing i guess... haven't heard much
as of late...
<Lexx> like a dead paraplegic snail, nailed to a dead
paraplegic badger that has been cemented into the foundations
of a building
<Joshua> umm... was the snail dead before it was nailed to the
badger?
<Lexx> they were both stillborn
<Lexx> as were their parents
<Alamias> Sounds like my sex life
<Joshua> wow...

<underground> someone grabbed my ass today in physics
<Ludvig> that's not too bad either
<Ludvig> unless it was a guy
<underground> ...i go to an all boys school

<Warhead> call off, everyone: boxers or briefs?
<Enargy> depends
<Warhead> ......control problems?

<dithi> i've answered every single penis enlargement email,
and the home finance ones, and the inkjet ones.  Now I have
500 houses that i owe money on, my penis is long enough to
reach all of them, and it shoots inkjet ink.