bash.org archive

<Destruya> Women are like errors, they're usually annoying and
tend to fuck with your life right when you don't want them to.
<Destruya> Now, *girlfriends* are like fucking hard drive
crashes.  They happen unexpectedly, completely fuck your shit
up, and empty your fucking wallet.
<Destruya> But unlike most hard drives, women don't come with
warranties.
<Destruya> "This bitch isn't compatible with me.  I want a new
one."
<Japhro> 'look, you can't speak that way about my daughter,
get the fuck out!'

<Techdeck> note to self: www.manpages.com is NOT an online
resource to get *nix man pages

<Mr_Blud> That looks like a mosquito
<ThunderMax> I hate mosquitos
<ThunderMax> they're like the Jehovah's Witnesses of nature

(V_Audax) flip da flop da boing floygan
(d-_-b) v_audax has been possessed by the spirit of cosby~!?~@

<`Syntax> iListen to pink floyd: wall.modify(numBricks++);

<Typhlosion> In Spanish channels, do they use !list¡ ?

<vellox> goto Google, type in "French military victories" and
click I'm Feeling Lucky

<Mewten> video games are now making us nerds do things we
would never do in other situations: Dance (DDR), Play an
instrument (Samba de Amigo), and now, GO OUTSIDE. Pretty soon
we'll be like normal people

* Lexica-chan watches an ep of Yugioh. :)
<[chibi]> how come they can't tell when he magically doubles
in size
<[chibi]> "there's something a bit different about
him..more...confidence?"
<[chibi]> NO YOU FUCKWITS, HE JUST HIT PUBERTY IN THE BLINK OF
AN EYE

<the_stick> I finally managed to get rid of Linux
<the_stick> Unfortunately I got rid of windows and all my data
in the process
<the_stick> guess it didnt want to go down without a fight

<@_aa_> I need more friends
<@_aa_> good ones
<@_aa_> instead of bad friends
<@_aa_> but I guess there's no such thing as bad friends
<biVulate> aa: join a fraternity :P
<@_aa_> I said friends not people who will super glue my penis
to a milk crate when I'm asleep

<@keoki> If he is, however, constantly harassing you, then
report it to an IRCop.
<Rogue> Report it to chanserv
<@ChanServ> Report it to me? Bleh, I am just here to aid with
channel help, and op you silly mortals.
<Rogue> ChanServ doesn't normally talk back to me, he is like
the god on IRC, i believe!
<@ChanServ> And I said, let there be services! and it was so.

<clay> protocol defines that i place nothing less than a
television UP YOUR ASS

<Pioneer`> _raven: you couldnt configure a toilet

<Dorfl> I'm not Canadian, I'm just drunk.

<torm_> fuckin gay school tommorow
<Avram`> There is school for that?

<Synikal> i do lawns
<mikeyjone> plz no sexual preferences
<Synikal> i do like 2 every day almost
<mikeyjone> one day you'll answer the door and a small blade
of grass will be there saying "daddy?"
<Synikal> lol

<lalaloo> hjey ,anmyone her hagve a dell/
<MgicMastr> You really should take that dick out of your mouth
when you speak.

<McAnarchy> people live in utah??

<wusel>hey whasti do you make love to your woman in the other
hole?
<whasti>eww you sir are disgusting
<whasti>she could get pragnant from that

<Luigi30> let's play pong
<Luigi30> |   .
<pagefault> pong
<Luigi30> just go like "    .|
<smcn> no
<Luigi30> :(
<VirtuaIce> SORRY THIS IS A SIMULATION AND IS NOT ALLOWED X-O
<Luigi30> ?
<VirtuaIce> (MAME reference)
<Luigi30> oh
<Luigi30> let's play arkanoid then
<Luigi30> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<Luigi30> 
<Luigi30> 
<Luigi30>                   .
<Luigi30>                    ______

<dysfunctional-24> only idiot use computers
<neotek> i hardly like to point out the obvious irony, but...

<DigDug> and i *don't* need an absolute nerd like me. THAT's
when i will shrivel up and die, because i will never leave the
house then.
<Guilty> Yeah pen and his wife would just compete for first
post on slashdot
<Guilty> It would never end

<DAL9000> VB is like fingerpainting.
<Epitaph> except it's not fun.

<FireMoth> Tat: what were your grades like in the first
semester?
<tatsumizzz> Like, low.
<tatsumizzz> I suppose the fact that I told my English teacher
I had an erection one time didn't help.
<Ear> Yeah. You forgot to raise your hand.

<bl00d|straitjacket> dude i pissed my boss of soooo bad today
<bl00d|straitjacket> i was late for work saturday because i
was waiting for the DSL tech to show
<bl00d|straitjacket> so i get in today and he asks me why i
was late
<bl00d|straitjacket> i told him about the dsl tech and all
<bl00d|straitjacket> he goes "What internet not workin so you
cant look at porn all day?"
<bl00d|straitjacket> and i says: "What can i say your wife
looked good in her college years bro"

<trav> Christians have Jerusalem
<trav> muslims have mecca
<trav> stoners have amsterdam

<Apoc|Sharger> how do you masturbate when a blind man is
watching you?
<Apoc|Sharger> quietly.

<a_passerby> vmware should really sell t-shirts
<a_passerby> they could call it vmwear

<railed> this channel is like an escher drawing
<railed> we're all condescending assholes, but nobody's at the
bottom

<Sandie> http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/
wesleys-anal-ordeal <- Sci needs to see this
<Sandie> "As Wesley opened his mouth in agony Kor slid the
gigantic head of
<Sandie> his Klingon cock into his soft boy-mouth. Wes's
scream became a gurgle as
<Sandie> he began nursing the head in compliance with Kor's
bellowing order to
<Sandie> please his warrior dick with his pussyboy mouth.
<c_thur> ...
* Tomko slits his wrists and welcomes the sweet red death

<tic`zZz> I was lovin that pussy while she was lovin this
dick, I was shovin it in her while she was yellin dont quit
<MGS-_-> Then you realized you were dreamin that shit - in
real life your a no-pussy gettin prick

<Speck> being able to type doesn't mean you're a computer
nerd.  It just means you have a higher intelligence than a
turnip

<angst> i want a relationship with more depth.
<angst> and no, i don't mean a deeper asshole.
<angst> i mean someone who can deep-throat.

<Nuclear> I can imagine watching TV while giving you head, but
during sex???
<Nitronium> How can she watch TV while giving you head?
<MegaDeth> He must be a tellytubby...

<Gudrow> being a virgin at 25 is one thing, being a FEMALE
virgin at 25 is...unheard of...except in cases of gross
physical deformity
<Al> I don't know any 25 year old male virgins either
<Gudrow> you're sitting in a channel full of people who are
well on their way
<Al> Gudrow: good point

<Lucent> stupid fucking mirc filling the filenames with
underscores!
<Lucent> WE ALL HAVE OPERATING SYSTEMS THAT SUPPORT SPACES IN
FILENAMES, YOU PIECE OF SHIT

<zdog> Cuz you're stupid.
<boo> ah, the crux of Internet Debate.

*** Quits: tubgirl (Excess Flood)

<cheesewad> I want to take nunchuck lessons so when I go to
jail I can bust out with the soap on a roap and beat up all
those ass fuckers.
<Allen4> What are you going to jail for?
<cheesewad> stealing soap on a rope.

<LesVoix> i want to start the straight pride parade
<fubar-42o> yah
<fubar-42o> what kinda flag would we have
<fubar-42o> since the gay ppl have a rainbow
<fubar-42o> we should
<fubar-42o> have 2 chicks doin it
<LesVoix> LOL
<fubar-42o> cuz thats what every straight guy wants to see

<TcShBoY> where is the /etc/passwd located?

<Al> vasectomy is a foolish barbarism
<Al> it would be completely unnecessary is men weren't so
stupid to keep having sex with women
<jre|away> It's not that.  The odd sperm cell can cling to air
particles and accidentally get sucked into a passing vagina
<Vodex> like an extraction fan but in reverse
<Al> damn those vaginas, is there no depravity they will not
commit

<Heinz89> seen alric
<Plaidhawk> [email protected] was last seen by me in
#stars! 11m 22s ago saying: !seen heinz89

<dd> who wants to fight me?
<i8b4uUnderground> not me
<i8b4uUnderground> or not i, should i say
<i8b4uUnderground> or i should say, i should say

<DJMonty> Shit
<DJMonty> Just fell over holding my guitar, and accidentally
played every song One Direction have ever written

* Omnifrog finds a flat thing to pass out on
<pastafareye> Kansas?
<IronAngel> moms chest?
<pastafareye> Bush's EEG?
<pastafareye> Cheney's EKG?
<IronAngel> obamas abs?

<BigFagShittyFaggotBastard> I fucking hate spam, im going to
murder the guy who made it and rape his children, I sure hope
this mail isnt spam it doesnt look like it HOLY SHIT SAVE ON
INK CARTRIDGES!! IM GLAD MY FILTER DIDNT BLOCK THIS, TO THE
COMPUTER STORE

<^Matt^> I didn't win the lotto btw
<^Matt^> :/
<Windogg> doh
<^Matt^> yeah I really thought I had a chance this time
<^Matt^> like this was the one
<^Matt^> :)
<Windogg> Kinda like the time I felt this one girl was "the
one"  I got a tight queasy feeling in my stomach, my heart
started beating faster, my breath quickened, I started
sweating, and I got all weak
<Windogg> Turned out to be undercooked hamburgers

<Icereaver> how do i go afk?

<RockWolf> one time my friend tried to kill himself by taking
30 advil.
<RockWolf> i was like dude...why take 30 advil when you can
take 3 aleve? =D

<IceWizard> What the HELL is up with these candy companies?
Little teeny bars are called 'Fun Size'.. Damn, Whats so fun
about a smaller candybar?!?

<@straylight> ARGH
<@straylight> how can the AIM name "shotbybothsides" be taken?
WHO THE FUCK WOULD TAKE THAT?
<@straylight> ...
<@straylight> other than me?

<homework> oh god.. i just hit ctrl+s after putting down my
pencil

<SomeGuyYouDontKnow> theres a fatal error between the keyboard
and the back of the chair
<Yomanman> Norton Crashguard had to shut downthe chair. all
unsaved comfort settings have been lost
<SomeGuyYouDontKnow> hit any user to continue

<Snacktify> what happens if a girl who is in the olympics is
going to have her period during competition?
<deltax> then they put off the 100m cunnilingus for a week
<deltax> "this event cancelled due to bad turf" etc

<Shun2> woot
<Shun2> I found the last GTA3 hidden package
<slm> wow, welcome to two years ago
<The359> lol
<slm> Are you gonna beat bowser next?
<Shun2> dude
<Shun2> he's tough

<Dabz> I'm currently sat outside in the garden on a laptop, in
85 degree heat, in the shade, with a cold beer.   If I lost
the laptop I could almost pass as a normal person

<AlmtyBob> k funny story tiem
<AlmtyBob> there's this guy at work
<AlmtyBob> and back in the days
<AlmtyBob> I would tell people to ask him how fast his dad can
run
<AlmtyBob> and they would
<AlmtyBob> and he'd say, 'dude that's kinda fucked up, my dad
lost his legs in a construction accident'
<AlmtyBob> and he's a total straight-faced mf, so it got the
best reactions from people
<AlmtyBob> (it was a joke, his dad was fine)
<AlmtyBob> I got this new dealer to do it to him today, he's a
supervisor
<AlmtyBob> I was talking to my friend later and I told him to
go up to this chick and ask the same thing
<AlmtyBob> little did he know, her father was murdered a few
years back
<AlmtyBob> joke's on him!
<AlmtyBob> well, you had to be there

JonTG3: ever since i learned internet speak
JonTG3: i've wanted to turn in a 600 word paper that consisted
of my name, the date, a title and 300 instances of OMG TOASTER

<ThaNoise> you know i saw something funny last night. an asian
guy wearing a jerry rice jersey. was it wrong of me to laugh
at an asian persion with "RICE" printed on the back of his
shirt?

* Evil-PR-Director changes topic to 'IRC - Where the men are
men, the women are men, and anyone under 18 has a .gov ident.'

<Staunchy> wet suits are cool..... i lost 3 pints of fluid
today
<Sureshot^> lol
<Sureshot^> they're class for cold sea
<Sureshot^> and avoiding jellyfish stings
<Staunchy> no I mean girls in wetsuits

-!- DuDeR has joined #friends
<DuDeR> i love this channel
<DuDeR> people are so friendly here
<DuDeR> unlike that one channel where the people shout vulgar
insults at me usually involving testicles and people with
white hair
<T-Z-O> get the fuck outta here you gay ass albino nut sucking
bitch

«+ Ryutaro » has anyone ever dreamt that they were food that
was being eaten?
«+ Ryutaro » I cant find anyone else thats had a dream
«+ Ryutaro » I was mashed potatoes once
«+ Ryutaro » I felt like little bits of me were being
swallowed and stuff, it was weird
«+ Ryutaro » then a week later I was jello
«+ Ryutaro » but nobody ate me
«+ Ryutaro » I just stood around jiggling
«+ Ryutaro » this was when I did drugs, lol

<CrackyMcZap> I'm pathetic.
<Chriso> Cracky: I'm a 17 year old pimply FAT bastard living
with his parents while in college who has no money, a 3.0 gpa
which means it goes up .5 next semester or ELSE i lose my
scholarships, i cant buy my own smokes, i cant legally look at
porn, I cant drink cuz of my medicine, i have a
university-issued restraining order preventing me from
entering the dorms at school, and to top it off, I'm bi but i
dont like it up the ass. So yeah. Who's pathetic?

<Santa_Claus> FOR YOU, LEMMER... A LOT OF BEER
<lemmer> HOORAY
<Santa_Claus> FOR YOU, COOLZX... A GIRLFRIEND
<coolzx> NOW I HAVE 34
<Santa_Claus> FOR YOU, BENCO... A BOYFRIEND
<Benco> ^_^

<cait-sith> being in love
<R0y> i wish
<R0y> it's all just confusing emotion
<R0y> one minute you think you love her, the next minute
you're on yahoo masturbating with girls in the united states

(`KGB) I'm going to #jamaica I've always wanted to visit