bash.org archive

(jesdynf) If you could do it, though, you could hire kids to
pedal bikes if your uptime meant that much to you... though
watt for watt, you'd be better off having them steal car
batteries.

<ChrisV82> If you're hiking and you get lost, can't you just
eat your own semen for a week?
<ChrisV82> I mean, it has no nutritional value, but at least
you'll be masturbating

<SDHawk> I tried to go to dictionary.com, but I can't spell it
right.

<britney> shut up, you're SO retardeder than me!

<glasnost> i just talked to some girls on this hall.
<glasnost> they're like, female and stuff.

<Ad0> anyone got monsters inc?
<Ad0> my gf wants to see it
<Idler> Ad0: No, but I got a monster in my pants
<Idler> and I bet your girlfriend wants to see that

{[FoF]}Draegos: no, I dont jerk off
{[FoF]}Draegos: i never jacked off and never will
xceptional: your nuts must be the size of bean bag chairs

(cutey) what you upto, cmang
(cmang) cutey: Nothing much. :) Just squeaking.
(cmang) And waiting for an email response from my employeer
(cmang) to find out if I get to go to work today. Hmm.
(cutey) :]
(cmang) cutey: Nothing too interesting, really. How about
yourself? ;)
(cutey) :>
(kyr) you DO realize you speak to a bot, right?
(cmang) :(
(cmang) I'm going to cry salt mines now.

<bigboss> I just got a popup ad that used the ms voice agent
thing to talk to me.
<bigboss> It was like stephen hawking selling me mutual funds.

<Magicka> wtf my carrier sucks my dick
<Xerei> nice
<Xerei> mine doesn't even touch me

<oreth> ever thing to yourself "Hey, it might be fun to go
fuck a turkey?"
<AshPlississkin> no
<oreth> yeah.   me neither.

<Wiecker> Running in the open just gets me killed.
<Semp> What game?
<Wiecker> Barbie detective

ùíù You're now known as
<@> wtf
<@> what nick am I

<JonnyBlaz> shit i was just beating off to some lesbian porn
on my comp, i thought my mom was gone, but i had the volume a
little too loud and didnt hear her come in, and the phoen
rang, an di went to get it with my dick in my hadn and she saw
me and was like "ahhh" and i was like OH FUCK , dude this
sucks, she just like ran to her room and now i dont know what
the fuck to do.

<error[dw]> you are a SICK SICK MAN
<GuyIncognito> It's delicious.  Can only find it in
Philadelphia/Delaware area.
<GuyIncognito> About two years back, they ACTUALLY HAD ON THE
LABEL of Hormel Scrapple "No pig anus!"
<AvatarADV> Man, how poor do you have to be to voluntarily eat
something that has "no pig anus!" on the label and consider it
a selling point?

<amped> f7 then :D
<Pockets> lol
<Pockets> yup
<amped> heh
<Pockets> bye bye cruiser :P
<amped> a3?
<Pockets> miss
<Pockets> i3
<VanJeans> there's something very sad about IRC battleships :/
<Pockets> yeah ur in the middle of it biartch! :D
<amped> miss, a4
<Pockets> sunk :/
<amped> woo!
<VanJeans> ...sad ... very sad

<comiclover333> oh man today in english we were talking about
wld std stuff and my english teacher said that all americans
thought we were invincible and then 9/11 happened and now we
know were not invincible or something and she said now people
are scared and stuff, i dont really know, but then i quoted
some rapper and said bullets to our nuts only make our balls
fatter
<comiclover333> u know i had never met our assistant principal
until today

<Abby> nice language
<Abby> you kiss your mother with that mouth?
<nether> no, i kiss yours

·protanos· Having sex is like being level 1. Sure, it's
exciting playing a
new class, but it doesn't really get fun until you _know_ how
to play the
character.
·Siv· protanos, that is possibly the geekiest analogy i've
ever had
the displeasure of hearing

xlegoLASelfx: lifes a bitch
x0xsmeagol1x0x: but if it were a slut, it would be too easy

<Fentom> i hate ICQ
<Fentom> every few seconds it's a Telytubby "oh-oh" and some
message saying "Hi, I'm Katie, and just got my webcam up and
I'm a horny virgin. Sometimes I just love to play with my
pussy and did I say that I have a pet horse in my room?"
<Chubbzilla> give me their icq numbers plz

<ZXPKNOBB> I should make a cereal, where it is potato chips.
<ZXPKNOBB> And you must eat it in water, not in milk.
<ZXPKNOBB> It'll be called Gross Flakes.

<CheeseSteakJim> i like porn because it doesnt laugh at my
penis

· Primate · how do you do actions?
· Primate · ??
¤ @DjinnWraith slaps Primate around with a /me action
· Primate · how'd you do that?

<Andrigaar> there's a good rumor to start up again. "Jacking
off till it blisters will form calluses and make if bigger in
a few months."

<Random> "You're so sweet, and intelligent. What's your name?"
"Jeremy." "Isn't that male?" "Yes." "AAAAH STAB STAB STAB STAB
NEVER STOP STABBING I HATE YOU KILL YOU KILL MOMMY KILL KILL."
<--- Online lesbians are fun.

<KiloStar> I could probably get away with making $usedesign =
$sidebar for the moment
<KiloStar> heh
<ShyAway> $usedesign=false :O
<KiloStar> that would screw it up a bit
<KiloStar> unless I made it if (!$usedesign) $usedesign =
"default"
<KiloStar> and then youd be pwned
<ShyAway> $usedesign="incorrectvalue"
<KiloStar> if (!file_exists("$pathtokajar$usedesign"))
$usedesign = "default"
<KiloStar> mwahaha
<ShyAway> $usedesign=default
<DartHomework> wow, it's like the Dueling Banjos of nerds

<Mooglezz> IRC got me into shitloads of illegal activities,
fradulent use of coupons, video piracy, audio bootlegging, and
hardcore pornography
<Mooglezz> Among other things
<MoogIezz> :(

<daveb> ide is hot pluggable, right? ;)
*** daveb has quit IRC (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by
peer))

<Aust> I was playing a groove jazz jam at a coffee shop, and a
group of mentally handicapped kids walked in. One of them ran
right to the middle of us and started dancing all crazy. He
was dressed like an Native American. Like, battle rags... It
was fuckiing awesome. He danced for like 20 minutes. We all
danced with him.

<ZarcyB> i had a dream about irc last night :/
<ZarcyB> in my dream, everyone hated me
<fraggle> it wasnt a dream

<Shinitenshi> "No entry found for faces."
<Shinitenshi> "Did you mean feces?"
<Shinitenshi> Fucking thesarus.com.

<C@^^31> data mining is a lucrative business, my uncle founded
Datatown over near Silicon Valley back in '49
<C@^^31> died of the 01001lung

Sean: Yeah I thought of it while I was getting a snack.
Jay: Snacks, is there anything they can't do?
Sean: Umm... I was going to say provide sexual pleasure, but
I've heard you can have sex with banana peels.
Jay: brb

<MrKurtz> I intend to get tattooed and/or pierced again in
costa rica
<MrKurtz> in keeping with tradition
<JBlitzen\AG> What better to do in the third world then
experiment with needles

<Gaq> There is a fly on my screen. The first one of the year.
<Gaq> I'm furiously trying to swat it with my mouse pointer,
but to no avail.
<Jedi> try clicking

<Flash> you can start it by typing alt+F4
<Digimon> wot does that do
<FanBoy> and a little window will pop up
<FanBoy> its a secret
*** Digimon has quit
<FanBoy> it is an IQ test

*** Quits: Jenn|fer (If you are reading this, you wasted 3
seconds of your life.)
<GE> actually, it only took me about 1.5 seconds to read
<File13> if i only wasted 3 seconds of my life, i'd be happy.
but according to the timer on mIRC, i have 2074 hours on this
install so far.

(MoLaUstEr) I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is
(MoLaUstEr) *gay hand thing*

<@Osmos|s> im so fucking horny.. its like someones licking the
crotch of my voodoo doll

<Hat> I'm the king of giving girls oral sex.  Ask my
girlfriends.
<Jeokitty> You're so good at all that, Mark, how good is she?
<Hat> She fucking sucks dick.
<Hat> Err
<Hat> I meant that in a bad way.  Like, she sucks dick... 
poorly.

<Ecntrcjrk> Eating babies is like eating Veal.
<Ecntrcjrk> Only..... babies.

(maddox@) I just thought of a joke, I don't know if someone
has already made this up, but here it goes: What actor would
Christopher Reeve be if he could trade places with anyone?
Christopher Walken

<KenKaniff> Snow
<KenKaniff> MSH?
<kisama> sure
<kisama> only 15 minutes though
<kisama> i tricked my roommate into leaving
<kisama> so i could fucking wack it
<KenKaniff> HAHA
<KenKaniff> Dood
<KenKaniff> Whack it
<KenKaniff> Then we'll play
<kisama> already did
<KenKaniff> Oh
<KenKaniff> So why 15 minutes?
<kisama> he's coming back in an hour
<KenKaniff> So what?
<KenKaniff> Why cant you play when hes there
<jestuh> cause it's cuddle time then
<jestuh> ;x!

(acidic) i love it how my g/f calls me "fucker" with so much
affection.

<shadok> CNN: Germany seals Nazi slave labor compensation deal
<shadok> i think they should just invite all the remaining
survivors to free
"compensation camps"

<calen> otyd gimd yp yu[r eoyj upit gomhrtd pm yjr etpmh lrud
<Last> FINGERS ON HOME ROW PLZ

** You are now chatting in #fantendo
<Corbeb>: i've just realized that we talk about porn here more
than we talk about fantendo
<Corbeb>: lol
<NoontimeYoshi>: whats a fantendo
<Hemu>: fantendo?

<+Iceman> God I'm tired...I actually wrote "teh soldiers pwn
Hitler" on a notecard for a research report...

<Adora> you know what I just realized boobs are really good
for?
<Enigma> holding stuff up?
<Adora> they're PERFECT for cleaning fingerprints off cds
<Adora> all soft and squishy
<Enigma> really? who knew
<Adora> no hard edges
<Enigma> my next guess was going to be luring sexually
deprived teenaged geeks into helping you with your computer
problems

<Skream> Anyone got an IDE controller I can borrow?
<Skream> Mine just caught fire.

<Daggson> I think it's funny when people ask for romantic
advice in IRC channels.
<Michi||Cleaning> O_o
<Michi||Cleaning> "Daggs... how do I make Johnny fall in love
with me?"
<Daggson> Because, you know, the geeks and nerds always have
the most experience with their respective opposite sex.
<Michi||Cleaning> <-Is a nerd
<Michi||Cleaning> A neat freak too...
<Daggson> It'd be like going into the highschool football
team's locker room and asking if anyone can help you with your
Unix code.

<Ash> We hardly ever do crack. Sometimes barely once a week.

<myra> another accident?
<myra> what this time
<BWLaptop> 3rd grader running to catch the bus got hit by it
<BWLaptop> died at the scene
<karrde> guess he caught it...

<kanin> if (User->HasAppropriateBook()) { while (User->
LacksClue()) { User->ReadAppropriateBook(); } }
else { while(User->HasNotGottenAppripriateBook()) {User->
StumbleAroundHalfAssedInTheDark(); User->WhineOnIRC(); } }

<yeyey> why cant i compile my code?
<programmer> well do you have a compiler?
<yeyey> whats that?

<Gr1nR> I tell girls...\"I need a file - but its stuck in this
archive named PANTS.ZIP - what should I do???\"

<+  XmasCola> "this screener has been electronically coded to
assist in tracking illegal duplications.  unothorized
duplication of this screener is stricly forbidden."
<+  XmasCola> "if you copied it, we know who did it, so you
might as well just turn yourselves in and then we won't punish
you as bad"
<+  XmasCola> "we swear we're not bluffing"
<+  XmasCola> "we saw hackers"

(¨) signoff/#housemartin.. erandus (Quit: If a guy builds 1000
bridges,
and sucks one cock, he isn't a bridge builder. He's a cock
sucker.)

<Nark> anyone ever put a hole in your bed matress then, grease
it up alot, then stick your joint inside and begine to thust?
And then your shit got tangled in a spring and all of a sudden
you realize that this was a REALLY fucking bad idea?

<GooRooPR> I've got cats, they like to puke (always on the
fucking carpet, no matter what). While this bothers me, it at
one time was tolerable when one kitty would puke the other
would run in and eat it. I liked that system, I'd cheer them
on, let them know that they where good kitties, pet them while
they ate each others puke, and what not. I even had it down to
a perfect science where I'd reduce catfood to insure total
puke clean
<GooRooPR> WTF? Do they expect me to eat it? Cause I'm not
some bottomless pit, they puke a lot and I doubt I could keep
up with that.
<GooRooPR> sorry for the flood :)
<revolver> heh
<DirtyPunk> You can tell someone needs to get out of the house
and interact with humans when...
<revolver> ...they're cheering for puke eating kittens?

<Dirtbiker> howd all of u learn how to do this crap?
<@nomis> hit f1
<@nomis> frequently
<Dirtbiker> in here?
<@nomis> in flash
<Dirtbiker> but thats the shortcut to help

<FireThief> Is there a magic word that will make women go away
forever, even when said in a nice way?
<pagan> cunt

<hobosexual> i reckon im going to hell
<Caedes> I know how to tell if someone is gong to hell or not.
<Caedes> Q. Are you religious ?
<hobosexual> yes
<Caedes> A. You're going to hell
<hobosexual> makes sense.

<craving> I had a great dream last night. I was a servant of
Satan, and in return for my services he had given me this
enormouse house on the side of a mountain. It had a big
balcony and a great bookshelf. I was a little nervous, though,
because He had eaten my predecessor alive.

<Santa> anybody know what solaris calls its kernel?
<SfabN> Santa: look into the root dir and look for the biggest
file, or look into /stand
<token> biggest file?
<token> "Huh, my kernel is called ``core''" :-)

<@knucklz> and i was going to make a joke about the shit i
just took
<@knucklz> but it was corny

<Navi> My mother (to brother): "If get fat enough, you can't
see your weenee."
<Navi> My brother (age 8): "BUT I CAN MAKE IT BIG!"
<Navi> I lost all hope, right there.

<fo0bar> "Thank you for calling SBC Nevada Bell DSL help.  If
your cupholder is broken, please press 1.  If you want an
actual knowledgable support person, pleas enter the IP
representation of a /28 netmask