bash.org archive

<kr0ss> some idiot on the radio said dildos are banned in
alabama
<X-Spectre> dildos proably were banned like a hundred years
ago with some dumb law and they haven't changed it yet
<CiXeL> cant ban broomstick handles

<|Chris> i want the nVidia's Secret catalog
<|Chris> with pictures of rendered games

<Ron912> oh wow pregnant porno
<Ron912> that's like a 2 for 1 deal

<WntBgAsLg> RU people here every night?
<mthw> no sorry this is a 1 time thing
<mthw> channel breaks up by tomorrow
<mthw> we tour irc, go chan to chan

<Flatland> turducken should not exist
<Anomaly> Eh?
<Flatland> a duck stuffed inside a chicken stuffed inside a
turkey
<Flatland> the ultimate example of our domination of the
animal kingdom

(Rjx)[+] #1 cool thing about IRC
(Rjx)[+] no-one knows if you're naked

(@Da_Wrecka) Vista is something that Satan looks at and goes
"FUCK, why didn't I think of that?"

<jiy> every time i join a suicide channel on dalnet i get
banned and accused of being a troll
<jiy> today, when the fuckers were discussing cutting, i said
"tell me how to cut myself"
<@skold> you dont know how to cut yourself?
<@skold> how the fuck can you screw that up?
<@skold> no wonder you want to kill yourself

<@ping> my ex was Mennonite
<@ping> well, is
<Xolution> What the hell does being from Minnesota have to do
with anything?
<@ping> are you really that stupid?

<HumanHead> :/
<HumanHead> I tried to pull a drew at Video Warehouse
<HumanHead> <me> Do you have any job openings?
<HumanHead> <guy> no positions are open right now
<HumanHead> <me> that only means one thing...SOMEONE MUST DIE
<HumanHead> *me is asked to leave

<Kinto> That totally sucked.
<Kinto> I work in a water store, and for some reason it
flooded with water because we left the machine on ...
<Kinto> So I put my pant legs up and like helped clean the
mess. Our carpet is going to smell.
<Kinto> But now only one pant leg is up, so now I look like LL
COOL J.
* Kinto starts rapping.
<Menophis> That's better than looking like Kriss Kross.
<Menophis> I mean, I can only think of one justifiable reason
for a man to have a zipper on the ass of his pants.

<Clitlover> I am not into that.
<Clitlover> How about roleplay?
<Nikki21[woaHOTTY]> ok
<Nikki21[woaHOTTY]> i'll be the dungeon master

<smcn> it's like richard simmons getting laid
<CodeMason> "ok girl, pump it, oh yes, left, right, left,
right, in, out, that's the way!"

<punchcard_uc> tier 1 techs dont know shit
<punchcard_uc> all they have to do is read from a script
<punchcard_uc> first thing you do is ask for a tier 2 tech
<DomMac> I just ask for someone smarter
<DomMac> as soon as they answer the phone
<DomMac> "hello.... this is support"
<DomMac> "gimme someone smarter than you"

<marcus> what is this "work" thing you've gotten yourself
involved with?
<marcus> sounds like some sort of cult or something
<marcus> seemsm you are spending all of your time there lately
<marcus> how does your family feel about your involvement with
it?

[@SI-pHluid]: ::: You successfully sent (Brazillian Horse
Sex.mpg) (54.83MB) to (si-sonder) in (33m 18s) at (28.1KB/s)
[@SI-pHluid]: er.
[@SI-pHluid]: ignore that.
[@SI-BlowShitUp]: ROFLMAO
[@SI-BlowShitUp]: asdkf;mhsdFHG@$%^@$%^@$%^YRG
[@SI-BlowShitUp]: NEW QUIT MSG
[@SI-BlowShitUp]: askfgsdfGSE%^$W%^#$6
[@SI-pHluid]: /clear :|

Tre Moi: OMFG I JUST POURED ICEWATER DOWN MY PANTIES
WaCKo3629: ......
WaCKo3629: I don't see how you could accidentally do that.
WaCKo3629: Or not realize what would happen.

<zlisto>  dude, I just couldn't make it through that movie
clockstoppers
<uk55> I know, It was pretty bad. 
<zlisto>  fuck that, i just couldn't put up with the constant
violations of the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd laws of thermodynamics

isotec: so my dad decides to be nice and put a chocolate on
top of my LCD monitor (its one of thoes ones with booze in it
isotec: so i come by l8r and im like cool
isotec: i pick it up as as i do so it starts to drip on the
top of the monitor and some booze leaks out
isotec: im thinking well that was totaly smart dad now i have
whisky or somthing and chocolate oozing around up there
isotec: but im like hey cant let that chocolate go to waste
isotec: i start to lick up the tasty mess and when im in mid
lick my dad walks in and is like "Jesus son, i know you many
like your computer but this is just rediculous!"

<hans> Impersonating another individual on the Internet is not
only against our rules but it is also against the law. It
constitutes and falls under Identity Theft and/or Fraud.
Furthermore there are other laws specifically regarding
impersonation on the Internet that also apply to it.
<hans> 0_o
*** hans is now known as Tiger_Woods
<Tiger_Woods> someone want to play golf?

balial: docvin: 24 blows
docvin: I know, but I can't stop watching.
docvin: It's like a fat stripper.
docvin: OK, that wasn't a very good analogy.

<Upth> transformers, as I understand it, was inspired by a guy
in a traffic jam going "hmm... if my car transformed into a
giant bipedal robot I wouldn't have to worry about this shit"

<NtG> I have my gynecologist on speed dial

<Gibby> let me get this straight
<Gibby> you got drunk with, then fucked the (maybe) underage
daughter of a sheriff, then stole her clothes and went home a
crossdresser?
<Sayomi> yep
<Gibby> that's all kinds of awesome

<Kaster> Here's a quesiton: if you could kill one person, and
you were guaranteed you would not get caught, who would you
kill and why?
<Tomekeeper> I would kill Pauly Shore.  If anyone needs that
explained they should be next on the list.

<pyro> I remember when I was younger this chick wanted me to
give her a hickey but i didn't know how.. so i went on google

<RevQuixo> i want a mario game where you do actual plumbing
<RevQuixo> oh, did i mention i was gay?

<[ric]> fucking dicks
<[ric]> we have a huge flat screen LCD display in out
presentation room
<[ric]> it's worth about £10,000
<[ric]> and now it has "It is safe to switch off your
computer" burn into the screen
<roded> hehe
<nakkew> LOL
<Object> hehe
<nakkew> thank god it wasnt a pr0n site burnt into the screen
<nakkew> wouldnt look good for customers

<Beercaps> its not easy spelling bukkake
<RedX> specially with your mouth full ;-)

<LadyLegs> i'm anal about what goes into my body

* Zibzib hees. "go tahoe" -> "gotahoe.com" <-- Worst URL Faux
Pas Ever

<althea> i was fucked on tranquilizers
<althea> fucked up i mean

-!- lightman [[email protected]] has joined #japan
<lightman> i must find a japanese wife
<lucke> google-san.

<TygerinFL> Halfy... remember the house I lived in when you
and Vio visited us?
<HalfNote5> Yupper!
<TygerinFL> It burned to the ground tuesday night.
<TygerinFL> the lady living in it died
<TygerinFL> guess we shouldn't have taken all the smoke
detectors when we left

<ViViD> Dude I'm still getting 20ms pings!
<RTT> err thats normal
<ViViD> Yeah but I just doubled my upload bandwidth!
<RTT> Yes?
<ViViD> Well why hasn't my ping halfed?
<RTT> Dude doubling your upload bandwidth wont affect your
ping
<ViViD> Shutup you geek

(weaseL) the nurse at the the reception at the doctors is hot
(Venge) oh, so that's why they think you have asthma...

<snag> <@Mir> I wonder what it would be like to fuck in
space... in 0-gee
<snag> you need to fuck first
<snag> then you can be picky

<fong> can any1 help me..? im trying to connect 2 pcs to LAN..
<orange1> use a crossover cable
<fong> i already have a crossover cable, 2 nics in 1 pc, and
another in the client pc..
<fong> what do i do next?
<orange1> put the crossover cable between the two pc's
<fong> did that already
<orange1> then they're connected
<fong> its the configuration part i cant handle
<fong> yeah.. but i want them connected AND working
<netmunky> you never said shit about that

<BlakeyFox> it's kinda cloudy 'round these parts
<BlakeyFox> good lord, I'm typing in TEXAN!
<BlakeyFox> nasty dialect, it is
<Laila> Now you're typing in Yoda.
<Reiz0r> Texan yoda

* Kavey starts talking to the internet in binary
<Alver> 10110101011111010100101011010111010100 Kavey? :)
<gavagai> Alver: watch the language
<Kavey> Alver: how dare you... my mother is a saint

<qreymer> fuck... i just scratched my laptops monitor... and
then i tried to use ctrl + z on it
<qreymer> i forgot it doesn't work on the outside ;(

<@atarax> DrConway: Some kid told me a couple days ago "They
just came out with internet 7.0"

<eblank> it's funny how computers can make you have balls.
<eblank> because if you ever yelled at me with such force in
real life,
<eblank> i'd probably already be seeing if you fit into a
wendy's biggie-size cup.

<sp00t> the only trouble with watching dune is every time I
see that guy I expect him to pull out a palm pilot like thing
saying "Ziggy says theres a 45.2 percent chance that you're
here to save the whales"

<Sumez> there's no way a girl could ever imagine the pain of
being hurt in the testicles
<Mort-Hog> emma: The pain oozes up, and your ahems swell up to
the size of pomigranits, your voice goes high and squeky, and
your eye lids flicker.
<MrCoulomb> I thought that's what happened when you get
possesed by mickey mouse...

<-- djjkotze_home has quit (Quit: setlife -> work())
<lordvetinari> that's not only sad, but syntactically
incorrect

<Mr_E> A) I gotfor about your B and B) I forgot about your A
<Mr_E> gotfor?!
<Mr_E> GOTFOR?!
<Mr_E> my brain is rebelling against me

<Fortis> I'm only going to be able to fuck the "right girl"
<Fortis> I'm like
<Fortis> a romantic about it
<Fortis> but I say "fuck"
<Fortis> I'm all
<Fortis> "Yeah well I want to be in love before I crack the
bitch's gash and pound her slush hole"

<MickJ> FACT: FAKE TITS ARE A SIGN OF HORRIBLE SELF ESTEEM
<Turnspike> Wouldn't it be cool if they had implants with
goldfish in them

BlackFridayXRule: dude, find an asian party, i want to hook up
with an asian chick
ziggyzhang5: asian party, no such thing
BlackFridayXRule: oh sorry, i meant lan party

<Frosted_Frank> hey does anyone in here know how to get info
on people via email addresses?
<Enossel> email them and ask them
<Frosted_Frank> oh, thx

<kisama> you guys are lightweight nosepickers
<kisama> i get bloody mucus sometimes
<kisama> have to break out the guaifenesin
<kisama> or insufflate salt water
<McMoo> man
<McMoo> don't even talk shit about my nose
<McMoo> i can get quarters up it horizontally
<McMoo> my record is 8 pennies in one nostril
<kisama> circus freak

<Max2645> Now my kid is all pissed off, and she won't even let
me talk to her, see her, or even touch her.
<Piggah> yes, sometimes you have to feed them candy

<Aitrus> You are standing on the top of a cliff next to a
clone of yourself who just so happens to be stark naked. You
reach over, and deftly push the clone over the cliff. Is it:
<Aitrus> A: Homicide
<Aitrus> B: Suicide
<Aitrus> or
<Aitrus> C: Just another obscene clone fall

<hobbes`> I cracked the shits at ppl knocking on my door last
night and answered it naked - teach them to ever ask me for
money again stupd door spammers

<Cienna> were you breast fed?
<Ragnarok> yes
<Ragnarok> recently in fact

<PropWash> I really was hoping I could be 'special enough' for
an exception..but alas..im full of myself ;>
<Weirdo_God_of_Insanity> I'm full of many things.
<Karnophage> Like a Pinata
<Weirdo_God_of_Insanity> Very close, actually.
<Weirdo_God_of_Insanity> Except I'm not surrounded by little
kids with bludgeons, hoping to consume my innards.
<PropWash> quick, gimmie a stick
<Weirdo_God_of_Insanity> GET AWAY FROM MY ENTRAILS!!!

Skuddward: i love wal-mart's footwear department
teddy: "Flip Flops, Buy 2 get 1 free!"

<matt1020> is any 1 smart in hear?

<FaceDown8> if i wanted any lip from you i'd undo my zipper

<qtpielucy2002> what country do ducth people live
<udderbalm> dutchovia.
<qtpielucy2002> really?

<Lord-Data> god dammit. try as i might, i cannot type in the
starwars theme music in words

<+ketiov> coheed
<+ketiov> can i get op now
<@Coheed> If you really want op that bad just make a room and
make yourself op :\
<+ketiov> i have 5 of those

RandomLs: I find it strange that grown men are still obsessing
over pokemon cards.
xZeppelin Martyr: I'm guessing you never owned a Japanese
holographic Charazard when you were little.

<Eckostyle> If Mexico had a major eathquake, Britain would
send 100,000 replacement troopes to control the riots, Brasil
would send 100,00 pounds of replacement food, and teh USA
would send 100,000 repalcement Mexicans

<@roddie> LCDs don't show porn properly because they don't
have the concept of black or black levels
<@ecoli> i don't watch interracial porn anyway

<Koentje3> There are 2 secrets to follow if you want to live a
succesfull life
<Koentje3> Rule #1: Don't tell all ur secrets

<FeLisha`> Im not a barbie girl, and I dont listen to any of
the music they do, but I still don't like being made fun of.
<FeLisha`> They always put me down, I have like a negative
amount of self esteem right now.
<endoskelet0n> guess what
<FeLisha`> What
<endoskelet0n> fuck them.
<FeLisha`> You dont think ive tried
<endoskelet0n> lol
<FeLisha`> wait
<FeLisha`> ...that sounded bad

<magpie> i bet you just hit a deer with your vehicle
<magpie> and call it "hunting"
<JustNoodle> I drive a saturn, I'd have more of a chance of my
car exploding then killing a deer when I hit one