bash.org archive

<raylu> Ubuntu is an African word meaning 'I can't configure
Debian'

<Firehawk> so, in english class, we had to write this paper
<Firehawk> and my friend wrote in it "I don't like rapping",
as in music
<Firehawk> only, when he typed it up, he typoed and it came
out "I don't like raping"
<Firehawk> so my english teacher wrote "that's good to know"
on his paper

<Nefesis> I did stop smoking weed
<Nefesis> I need my brain 24/24

<@Vegetarian> i cant wait till i die, im either gonna have
"BRB" or "AFK" on my tombstone..

<Chris> man.. i've got such a bad cold, I keep gettin
nosebleeds. it's awful
* Joins #aesir: -Mike0r-
<Chris> I mean, last night.. I blew my load into a tissue
right
<Chris> but it just started bleeding...
<Chris> I had to pinch it to stop it, cos it bleeds for ages
<Chris> I swear one day it'll happen and i'll die from blood
loss :(
* Quits: -Mik0r- (Quit: what. the. fuck. note to self, don't
ever hang out with you guys.. ever)
<Dan> ehh

<JustNoodle> be right back
<JustNoodle> it's time for my daily sacrifice of a virgin
<meatwad_> you're committing suicide?!

<Masao[RY]> DS: I really enjoy translating :-)
<Ninja-San> translate this: <^>(-_-)<^>
<DS> well
<DS> let's tranlate it from japanese to english
<DS>  <^>('_')<^>

<Veni_Veni_Veni> and one of my friends (almost 18) fucked a 13
year old at the party
<Veni_Veni_Veni> Which i lollerskated about
<Joe_McCormick> >_<
<Joe_McCormick> did your mate enjoy it?
<Joe_McCormick> :P
<laser-kun> You had 13 year olds at your party?
<Veni_Veni_Veni> I had two - one of my friends little brother
and his friend - but they act as if they're much older. It
sounds incredibly strange but they're very cool.
<Joe_McCormick> wait was the friend a girl .......?
<Veni_Veni_Veni> Yes.
<Veni_Veni_Veni> The 13 year old was the male
* Joe_McCormick bows doen to the 13 year old kid

Cap'n Steve: I have no girlfriend, no money, I live at home
and work at Taco Bell, but my domains don't expire until 2014
and DAMN IT FEELS GOOD!

<@God> keyweed, hah. i hate speaking in public :P
< keyweed> God: that explains the past 2000 years.

<&TwoZero> so.. the internet at work died completely and after
trying to fix it I said fuck it and went home
<&TwoZero> and ran netstumbler on the bus.. and found 336
accesspoints
<&TwoZero> the bus stopped in front of a church, and the SSID
'satans partyhouse' appeared
<&TwoZero> must be some student living next to it or something

<MichaelBolton> okay, my ADD has officially gotten out of
control
<MichaelBolton> i just tried to go to the bathroom, but i
ended up shaving, washing my face, taking a short shower,
putting in fresh toilet paper, and taking out the trash. so
now i'm back here, and i still have to pee.

<+lax> i feel like an asshole
<+lax> at lunch we couldnt decide if this person was a girl or
boy
<+lax> i said it was a girl
<+lax> and so we all chipped in a dollar
<+lax> and someone went over and asked
<+lax> and she started crying

<WDeranged> i just had a chickhan dinnhar and 4 hours of
entertainment brought to me
<WDeranged> sometimes life is nice
<patrick``> macdonalds happy meal with a free toy?

<BrettBits> My website's stat counter uses Javascript to
detect whether or not my viewers have Javascript enabled.
<BrettBits> Naturally, it appears that 100% of the people
visiting my website have Javascript enabled.

<#seattle/weezel> This End-User License is an agreement
between Microsoft Corporation (hereafter referred to as
"Microsoft") and you, the end-user (hereafter referred to as
"our bitch").

<Trinexx> So, we were all sitting around, trying to decide who
would cook tonight.
<Trinexx> Someone got the wonderful idea of making ME cook,
despite the fact that I once caught ramen noodles on fire. I,
of course, told them it was a bad idea. They didn't believe
me. Gave me a recipe and very precise directions. I finally
agreed to do it, but only if they understood that they eat at
their own risk.
<Trinexx> So yeah, we've all got food poisoning now.

<Fly_kEaT> ok so what time now in russia?
<amsea_> 17:06
<Fly_kEaT> am or pm?

* Inthesto can imagine this dialogue.
<Inthesto> "He's ill."
<Inthesto> "You mean he's dope?"
<Inthesto> "No, I mean he's sick."
<Inthesto> "So he's cool?"
<Inthesto> "NO I MEAN HE IS NOT PHYSICALLY WELL HE IS
DISEASED"
<Inthesto> "oic"

(heck01) i sometimes dont know if i'm straight or not, then a
cute girl sits down next to me and i get a huge erection and i
remember

<xxx> I think I'm having some problems with my sexlife...
<phunqe> oh? :/
<xxx> Yeah, yesterday my girlfriend and I wanted to have sex,
but I had a... hmm.. well you know.. problem..
<phunqe> Ah, no ping reply?

<Rav3n> my gf is only 2 years old and my parents are fuming.
<Rav3n> older

<Dr_Memory> I think there's a real argument to be made here
that using RAID for home data storage is putting effort into
the wrong end of the problem.
<Dr_Memory> when you can buy 2TB disks off the shelf, it's
probably substantially simpler to just buy two of them, set up
a good backup system, and reap the day-to-day simplicity
benefits of one controller -> one disk -> one filesystem.
<Dr_Memory> or to put it another way: your kitten photos do
not need the same high-availabity system infrastructure as
Citibank's transaction databases :)
<topaz> I CAN HAS FIEV NIENS?

<kumaro> i got home for a terrible day at work so i decided to
take a quick shower.
<kumaro> so i got in, took my clothes off and turned the
shower on
<kumaro> like usual, i danced around and made a mohawk with my
hair
<kumaro> it was going great until i let out a big rip
<kumaro> man, it was horrible
<kumaro> im not even kidding
<kumaro> i coulndt take the smell so i was held my breath
<kumaro> after maybe 40 secs, i gasped for air not realizing
the shower was still on
<kumaro> so i inhaled a lot of water right
<kumaro> i was coughing like crazy then BAM!
<kumaro> i slipped on the shampoo bottle and hit my head on
the side of the bathtub and i was knocked out cold
<kumaro> to make a long story short, i woke up 40 mins later
naked with my mom slapping me in the face telling me to wake
up.
<dvo> wow, that sounds really kinky
<kumaro> talk about a horrible day

<@G3_> Half of all adults in the United States say they have
registered as an organ donor, although only some have
purchased a motorcycle to show that they're really serious
about it.

<poke> i'm not afraid of flying.
<poke> i'm afraid of being 35,000 feet in the air and suddenly
*not* flying.

<Chamelion> im horny, time for IRC sex
* Chamelion has left #Overclockers
* Chamelion has joined #Overclockers
* Chamelion has left #Overclockers
* Chamelion has joined #Overclockers
* Chamelion has left #Overclockers
* Chamelion has joined #Overclockers
<Chamelion> splurt
<Chamelion> :P
<Forraje> i hate you
<PaulzY> did we have to witness that
<Chamelion> sorry :(
<PaulzY> go work on your stamina

<sm-> how would i check a mysql database to see if a table
exists?
<Alpha232> put down a table cloth, if it doesn't turn into a
rug, then it exists

<JDigital> Say, how long would 600Mb take to download on a
1.5Mb connection? Lets assume I were to download an entire CD
from Pyoko.org.
<Zaratustra> DO I LOOK LIKE GETRIGHT TO YOU MOTHERFUCKER

<Zang> How old is Sky?
<Cyril> 25 i think
<Cyril> he just gained a level
<Cyril> er year

<kolby> Allow me to be serious. Kolby serious? Yea right. Well
I'm kinda drunk and feel like getting a few things off my
chest. See I'm not even supposed to be alive right now. When
my mom was giving birth there was a big problem. I was
suffocating and I almost died.
<Wes> how were you suffocating?
<kolby> See what happend is that my dick was wrapped around my
neck 8 times.

<JasonM> Oh my god.
<JasonM> I was at the train station today, and this REALLY EMO
GUY comes up to me and asks me if i have a lighter
<JasonM> So i get it out and go to light it
<JasonM> Then his fucking fringe catches on fire
<aikon> LOL!
<JasonM> I pissbolted.
<JasonM> I'm scared of going back there tomorrow and seeing a
burned emo corpse on the ground

<zoweee> i'm holding out til the next election
<zoweee> if it goes against us, i'll seriously begin looking
for my cultural fire exits
<zoweee> "There are exts at the front and the rear of american
democracy. Please take this opportunity to familiarize
yourself with the nearest exit. In the event of a theocratic
american hegemony, lights will appear on either end of the
aisle, marking the way to your exit for you."
<zoweee> in the unlikely event of the repeal of Ammendments
1-5, your seat cushion may be used to purchase carriage across
one of our more porous borders
<zoweee> should there be a  depressurization of america's
historical tolerance for diversity, bibles will drop from the
overhead compartment. please read your own copy before
assisting small children
<zoweee> please do not read pirated versions of the bible, as
this may give aid and comfort to terrorist organizations
<qBaz> zow: marry me immediately
<zoweee> we thank you for flying Knee Jerk Republican Contract
with America, and hope you'll enjoy your stay in 2003. Or
wherever your final destination may be.

<astrix> theres a little clip on the side of your drive
<@KiNgDeeM|AFKish> jumpers
<astrix> theres 3 options, master, slave and something else
<@KiNgDeeM|AFKish> cable select
<@Cyan> master, slave, and "likes to watch"

<Gper>Anyway, mates what's your New Year resolution?
<PowerBuddy> Gotta learn harder >.<
<RoznaM> Less porn, more chicks.
<Gper> Hej, Z, what's yours?
<Ziame> Thought about 1280x960

<kidd79> do u know what i'd like they add to Google.Earth?
<Don_Vito> ..3D graphics?
<Don_Vito> animated water, trees and stuuf??
<kidd79> orbital ion cannon

(R-66Y) 1280x1024 at 60hz hurts my eyes
(raygun) hmm
(raygun) it Hz your eyes
(raygun) SNORT SNORT

CeePlusPlusKid: so I saw the most AMAZING thing today
CeePlusPlusKid: I was stopped at a stoplight, and heard
hardcore gangster rap blasting next to me.
CeePlusPlusKid: I turned to look expecting it to be some
teenagers, or maybe an older black guy.
CeePlusPlusKid: It was two 70 year old white guys bobbin their
heads in a buick.

<mrmanic> Stacy, are you what they call a "hottie"?
<StacySHWR> hhaha
<StacySHWR> i'm 17 :P
<mrmanic> Oh.
<mrmanic> So you're what they call "Jailbait"?

<jre> If you were a Nazi and had 2 hostages but only 1 bullet,
who would you shoot?  Some normal crew-cut soldier or G.I.
Joe?
<Gudrow> I'd shoot myself because Nazis are assholes.

<bytraper> sheesh... I crashed the last company car I had :/
<bytraper> I pulled the sun visor down and a spider with 15
legs dropped from it
<girlie-> 15 legs.. lol
<Dark_un> thats almost 2 spiders

<NekoGuy> Ladies and Gentlemen of the world, tonight I
masterbated, then told the President of Africa to fuck off
because he has no intention of cooperating, then I read a book
for 39 minutes, then made love to my wife anally. Any
questions?
<NekoGuy> XD
<It> lupis, dehumanizing the enemy is the prime strategy for
victory in war.  If your enemy isn't human, but a crazy
shithead mindless bastard who doesn't deserve to live, it's
easier to get soldiers to kill.
<It> lol
<It> Targen from The 3l33t Times.  Can you offer us pictures
of the anal love to your wife?
<NekoGuy> Nope, but I will have you educated.
<NekoGuy> GUARDS! TAKE THIS MAN OUTSIDE AND SHOOT HIM IN THE
BACK OF THE HEAD.
* NekoGuy sniffles
<It> Fuck.
<NekoGuy> I'm a man of hard love
<NekoGuy> hard as in the steel of a bullet
<It> Bullets aren't made of steel.
<NekoGuy> MY FUCKING BULLETS ARE
<NekoGuy> GUARDS, CASTRATE THIS MAN BEFORE YOU SHOOT HIM IN
THE BACK OF THE HEAD
<NekoGuy> THEN TURN OFF MY CAPS LOCK.
<It> Fuck.
<NekoGuy> AND BRING ME VIRGINS
<It> I don't get what's so great about virgins.
<It> They bleed when you fucks 'em.
<lupis> virgins who have been extensively taught sexual
techniques
<It> lupis, and have no actual practical experience?
<NekoGuy> ...
<NekoGuy> GUARDS
<It> NekoGuy: your guards are too busy having hot yaoi mansex
with each other.
<NekoGuy> Fuck...

<Euri> I am not going to scan a ferret.

<yalborap> So there're these 'don't start forest fires'
commercials telling me to get my smokey on. And all I can
think is "If an anthromorphic bear in a pair of jeans and one
of those ranger hats comes up and tells me not to set stuff on
fire, I probably already did".

<dphead> I think my cat is sick :(
<phunqe> Why?
<dphead> It's all twitchy and stuff...
<phunqe> I'm sure it's just lagged.
<phunqe> Check its fps.

<alan> if you were a credit card, you'd be a visa, since
you're everywhere i want to be.
<sp4nk> You'd be American Express. No one accepts you.

* HowardDean has joined #politics
<HowardDean> yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

<hammergunner>  i want to see a big red button one day that
read "push here to understand women"
<cccnnn> hammer: yeah that's the withdraw cash button on the
ATM machine.

<+Kilonum> DID I MENTION I WAS MOLESTED? I'M PRETTY SURE I
DID, ONCE OR TWICE, BUT YOU DID NOT OFFER TO DISCUSS THE
MATTER WITH ME. LET'S HAVE A NICE QUIET DINNER AND HAVE A
FRANK DISCUSSION ABOUT MY MOTHER'S BOYFRIEND'S DONG AND HOW HE
PUT IT IN MY MOUTH AND ASS NOW AND THEN. ANYWAY, I'M CLEARLY
THE VICTIM HERE AND THAT'S WHY I DON'T SUCK DICK. HOPE YOU
UNDERSTAND.
<+Snickers> ... o.O
<+Kilonum> woops
<+Kilonum> wrong paste
<+Wormdundee> when is that ever the right paste

MultiColoredWiz: Science class was hilarious yesterday.
MultiColoredWiz: We were explaining parts of the body.
MultiColoredWiz: So the teacher puts her hands on her ass and
says "What's this called? I will not accept A-S-S or butt."
MultiColoredWiz: I then raise my hand and say:
MultiColoredWiz: "Will you accept 'HUGE'?"

<worksoufy> man i need to eat
<Trak3r> that's "yoda" speak for "i need to eat a man"
<worksoufy> sick bastard you are

<cmw> ok how about this one
<cmw> Dear Natalie,
<cmw> How's it going studying at Harvard? I bet it's hard. I
am sorry my sweet but sometimes life is hard. I love you. You
are so beautiful and smart my darling. God made you so
perfect. Will you marry me? We could be so happy together,
forever. We have so much in common, you are in Star Wars and I
like Star Wars. Can't you see we were made for each other.
<cmw> Yours Always,
<cmw> Cody Crenshaw
<ShadowFang11> yea, thats good

<Dooley>omg </3
<Mstandot>What does that smiley represent?
<mictoboy>a vasectomy

<War> what's a spectral wolf?
<Herr_apa> It's the Fourier transform of a regular wolf, duh

<mysticsick> Merc- last night, half my family was drunk and
walking into shit.  It was great to hear my 65 year old aunt
say 'I didnt run ito that wall, motherfucker jumped out at me'

<@wickedsun> I dont know the difference between games and
reality anymore
<@wickedsun> I jsut used a shotgun on my mother and she's not
respawning

Wardave: My girlfriend tells me I'm lazy and have no ambition.
CancersDan: Dump her ass
Wardave: I should but that's just way too much work

lonemalika: The story of how my kitty got her name is funyn
lonemalika: funny*
lonemalika: Back when I lived in Georgia, I was on AOL in a
chatroom(yeah, LONG time ago xd)
lonemalika: me and my chatter friends were going spastic over
stuff
lonemalika: then my sister goes outside, comes back with a
paper lunch bag with two little kittens in it.
lonemalika: Not even 2 weeks old
Trevor: You stole someone's lunch?
Trevor: That's mean.

<BlacKcaT>  So my computer is sweet. It's right next to my
bed, so i can just pull over my keyboard and my mouse, since
it's optical, and it'll all work and I'm nice and comfy lying
down on my bed.
<Benig> So my laptop...
<BlacKcaT> Fuck you.

<Rapture> I wasn't naked! I had a sock on!

<Rance> the mating ritual has begun... i fixed her cable
modem, she was impressed.  *flex*

<Ixnorp[Regenerating]> I think I've found an excellent unit of
size measurement. It's the 'I could kill you and hide your
body in it' unit. People usually become very quiet after you
say, "yea, I could kill you and 3 other people and hide the
bodies in this"

<Guesm27> hai can i suck ur pussy
<ScoobyDrew> nah,you'd just get hairballs and i'd be stuck
with a wet traumatized cat

<matts> hal check your privates
<matts> err
<matts> messages

* Inferno has joined #Depressed
<Inferno> fuck i hate thos faggots, all walkin down the street
together
<Inferno> and holdin hands an shit
<Inferno> its fucken sick
<Inferno> fuck what i wouldnt give for some head right now
<Inferno> i wonder if my flatmate will oblige :)
<nerfBoy> is she hot?
<Inferno> he and yeah he is alright
<Iverson> WTF?! i thought you were homophobic
<Inferno> whats that?
<Iverson> you hate gays..
<Inferno> yeah i do..
<Iverson> you want ur MALE flatmate to give you head..
<Inferno> yeah and? fags only do anal..
<Iverson> im not touching your issues with a 40 foot pole.

[Yaksha] At least I'll have my laptop with me at work ;)
[Heri] WOOOHOOO!
[Heri] No clitoris, though
[Yaksha] Clitoris?
[Heri] yeah you know... the little bump in the middle of the
keyboard ;)
[Heri] you kinda have to tickle it to make it work
[Yaksha] lol
[Yaksha] I think that'd look kind of weird at work ...
[Yaksha] The computer starts beeping louder and faster ...
[Heri] LMAO LMAO LMAO
[Heri] then shoots a CDROM out of the drive
[Yaksha] LOL
[Yaksha] The monitor panel slowly falls into the closed
position
[Heri] LMAO!
[Heri] then it smokes a ciggy?
[Yaksha] Nahh, it formats a floppy

<Animenia> Oh shit almost forgot to tell you guys.... The
funniest thing ever happened today... :)
<Animenia> There\'s this dude living beneath my apartment and
some other dude across the street
<Animenia> and we talk from time to time so we decided to have
a litte chat on my teamspeak server
<Animenia> so after talking a while
<Animenia> one of the guys said he had to leave for a while so
the server got really quiet...
<Ayanami9870> because they saw a webcam pic of his dildo?
<Animenia> Though this guy didn\'t use push to talk so after
like 10 minutes of inactivity on the server I started hear
moanings and shit from my speakers
<Animenia> and I was playing really loud music
<Animenia> Then you hear his mom come in and he\'s like \"oh
shit, it\'s not what it looks like\" and she goes of screaming
\"YOU\'RE MASTURBATING?!?!\" and starts crying and shit and
tells him to move out and stuff like that
<Dazzio> holy fuck
<Animenia> You should have seen the look on his face when I
met him in the elevator later today.... He gave me the
dirtiest look ever.... and said \"Did you really have to play
so god damn loud music?? The whole block heard of my mom and
that shit\"

<putnam> i got a speech from my latin teacher about how in
europe its commonplace for men to cry
<putnam> and crying is so special
<putnam> i asked her if she wanted me to cry for her and she
said no, stop being a pussy this is america

(@zany-) omg, I can hear my mom masturbating :l
(@NpZ^) Ahaha
(@zany-) wai... she doesn't think I'm home
(@zany-) brb
(@zany-) great now I'm grounded
(@NpZ^) HAHA :D