bash.org archive

<b3nz0rz>: A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my
suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for
that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses.
Now I'll have to kill you too".

<Pedlya> So I got this really big usb drive, and me and my dad
are trying to put shit on it.
*Simpe has entered #cancelled
<Pedlya> my dad said its too big, and I guess it was
<Pedlya> so my mom comes in and is trying to push it in...it
still didnt go in
<Pedlya> my brother uses his and it fits fine, so we just use
his
* Simpe has quit IRC (I dont want to know dude... )

<Rostam> 1 in 4 girls has problems with incest at home
<Rostam> that sickened me
<Shrap|Wal> the others 3 are fine with it ?

SeanieG123: So the other day i was hangin out with some
friends and i told them about this dream i had.
SeanieG123: It was a weird dream, and they all agreed and told
me there was something wrong with me.
SeanieG123: Anyway, so then my black friend, brandyn, looks at
me funny.
SeanieG123: So jokingly, I say to him, "what's wrong? don't
you dream when you sleep?"
SeanieG123: He looks at me dead in the eye and says, "hell
naw! last nigga who had a dream got shot!"

<Demon Beaver> So, at the LAN-party, there was a new guy.
<Demon Beaver> And when he went for a drink, we snuck up to
his pc, and created a folder called Horse-Porn on the desktop.
<Demon Beaver> Then we took a screenshot, put it as his
wallpaper, and deleted the folder.
<Demon Beaver> He tried to get rid of that folder for 3 hours!
^^

<jsCLASS> lets talk about my johnson
<Mercster> small talk, eh?
<jsCLASS> fuck
<jsCLASS> owned

<@baka> anyone here ever eaten sushi off a naked woman?
<Sloshed> no thanks
<@baka> i'm intrigued
<@Sadrak> I'd volunteer to do the dishes

<mp> i am convinced i am a woman
<Oreoboros> mp: Why's that?
<mp> cuz i went to bed bath and beyond for a shower curtain
and left with $700 worth of shit
<mp> and i had to go back because i realized after i checked
out that i forgot to buy a fucking shower curtain

<FunFun> We're gonna go eat at this new restaurant opened by
this Japanese family tonite...any suggestions on what to
order?
<tilted_halo> order bukkake...and ask for a bowl of
unko...they'll be impressed and stuff
<Rowan_Knights> dont forget some chitsu...
<FunFun> Thanks!
<tilted_halo> and when the waiter comes to your table say the
following: "Atashi katai hakebune no otoko ga suki!"
<FunFun> What does that mean?
<tilted_halo> it's a greeting...
<FunFun> Alrighty I'll be back in a while!
***QUITS: FunFun(Laters!!!)
<MagiTek> I know bukkake, what else did you 2 tell him ?
<Rowan_Knights> Well...I told him to order some vagina...
<tilted_halo> unko means shit and that 'greeting' means "I
like a man with a hard dick"
<MagiTek> Bwahahaha...I wish I could be there...
<tilted_halo> We all do...

<Stormscape> Yo dawg we heard you like Macs so we only put one
pedal in your car

<Belial`> you still cant say anything with certainty though
<Belial`> since the bible has like, a fucking black hole
between jesus being a kid and his preaching days
<Catoptromancy> Phase 1, birth
<Catoptromancy> Phase 2, ???
<Catoptromancy> Phase 3, Prophet

<Knives> hey jiv
<Knives> do you know the 4 types of female orgasms?
* Jiv admits he does not
<Knives> Well, the first, is the Religious orgasm
<Knives> or the, Spiritual orgasm
<Knives> it goes something like this
<Knives> "Oh GOD! oh GOD!  OH OH OH GOD!"
<Knives> the 2nd, is the positive orgasm---" OH YES! OH YES!
OH YES!"
<Knives> to which comes the third, the negative orgasm... "OH
NO! OH NO! OH NO!"
<Knives> and then finally
<Knives> the fake orgasm
<Knives> "OH JIV! OH JIV!  OH OH JIV!"
<Hawk> lol
<Jiv> ....bitch

<iibbmm> Stupid World of Warcraft.
<iibbmm> I have no money, I have no skills.  All of the hot
hot elvin women are dancing with the big warrior guys.  It's
college all over again.

<mav> I've always wanted to change my legal name to ;DROP
DATABASE; and see what kind of havoc ensues...

<Nudger> The Internet is great, but the best thing it's ever
done is when a bored schoolfriend of mine set the school's
website's background to Goatse.
* Antifreez sighs
<Antifreez> So many memories attached to that song.
<Nudger> It was so great when the IT teacher opened the page
on a huge projection screen, and without looking at it, said
"We, shall be attemping THIS, boys!"
<Nudger> I swear, I was almost sick from laughing.

Yikes: Someone sneaked into Rob's back yard and PLANTED A TREE
this morning
chunkyq: WHAT?
Yikes: Like, a seven-foot deciduous sapling. That's the BEST
act of vandalism EVER

<ruffkin2> HAHAHAH dat dude you sent me 127.0.0.1 iz enfected
wit sub7 im fuckin with him now
<andrw>  oh good, format his computer
<Testicular_One> format his computer
<TheGreaterZero> format him

Rachel: I'm board.
Jeff: I'm chalk, we should get together.
Rachel: BOARD! Like I don't have anything to do, not BORD,
like a chalkbord. Learn to spellcheck.
Jeff: Oh god I hope you don't breed.

<FossZombie> wtf
<FossZombie> quote "so you are 23 years old right?" me: "yes"
them: "did you have any programming experiance in the 1970s"
* Wolfed hails FossZombie
<FossZombie> I'm tempted to say yes
<Wolfed> It would have been interesting.
<FossZombie> Yes in 1971 I was the lead computer scientist for
the military, until 1975 when I switched jobs and worked for
zenith for a short period of time until 1980s when I switched
over to the atari group programming team. In 1984 I was born
and that pretty much ended my career as a programmer.
<FossZombie> I spent the next three years shitting myself and
learning how to speak and learn my ABCs

andyg721: i think it was on CNN
andyg721: Condoleeza Rice went to Asia
andyg721: the headline was RICE IN ASIA

nurv3947: So, I was talking to one of my friends, and she's
kinda fat, right?
nurv3947: And this woman walks up to us, looks at my friend
and asks "Are you pregnant?"
nurv3947: And she says "Yes, I got gang raped by twelve
donuts."
nurv3947: Honestly, I almost died.
nurv3947: I just turned and walked away.
nurv3947: I couldn't even walk straight.

Good Book Report
Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life"
by Bill Clinton.
One smart-ass student turned in the following book report,
with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:
Titanic:..... $29.99
Clinton:..... $29.99
Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden
love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden
love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:..... Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:..... During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.
Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
Clinton:..... Monica's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same
thing

<Andrew> woot
<Andrew> I just used my mastercard for the first time
<Andrew> I'm a man now.
<debian_> what u buy
<Andrew> purse

<Onizuka> ^captain_planet
* UB3R-B0T is now known as Kwame
<Kwame> EARTH
* Kwame is now known as Wheeler
<Wheeler> FIRE
* Wheeler is now known as Linka
<Linka> WIND
* Linka is now known as Gi
<Gi> WATER
* Gi was kicked by Xeiliex (Xeiliex)
* Gi has joined #jasio
* Gi is now known as Ma-ti
<Ma-ti> HEART
* Ma-ti is now known as Everyone
<Everyone> GO PLANET
* Everyone is now known as anonymous
<anonymous> BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED...
* anonymous is now known as Captain_Planet
<Captain_Planet> I AM CAPTAIN PLANET
<Moiph> YAAAAAY
<Xeiliex> Moiph, NEVER AGAIN

WindMage1: my cat already had kittens a month ago
WindMage1: we took her in to get fixed, and they're like "We
can't... she's pregnant"
WindMage1: and I said "That bitch said she was on the pill!"
WindMage1: and then there was very awkward silence in the
vet's office

<nick> FUCKING HELL!!!!
<nick> I swear one day I'm just gonna go and hunt down every
stupid bitch on earth and put them out of their misery...
<R4an0m> ?
<nick> Ok, theres this resteraunt just down the road from me
where I eat every now and then.. other night I go in for
dinner with my girlfriend. After drinking half a bottle of
wine, my bowls begin to complain, so I head to the bathroom
<nick> I use the urinal and turn towards the sink and start to
zip up at the same time when in walks this young girl of about
18, quite nice looking, and there I am with my dick still
halfway out of my pants...
<nick> so I turn pretty damn fast in the other direction and
zip up, then turn back expecting to find she'd dissapeared,
only to discover that not only hadn't she left, she'd let the
door shut and walked in a couple of steps towards me. Now I'm
pretty embarrassed and point out to her that she had gone
through the wrong door.
<nick> She tells me that no she didn't and then she fucking
reaches down and grabs my dick through my pants! I take a
quick step backwards and ask her what the hell does she think
she's doing (I mean shit what would happen if I wandered into
the ladies and started feeling people up??).. she gets this
disgusted look on her face and turns round, storms out the
bathroom
<nick> Now I'm left standing there going "what the fuck just
happened??" for about a minute, then wash my hands and head
back to the resteranut... only to be greeted by the young
lady, the resteraunt manager and some 7 foot tall, 4 foot wide
dude with "Security" written on his shirt. Alarm bells proceed
to go off in my head, but I stay calm and ask what the problem
is
<nick> the manager tells me the young lady (known from here on
in as the bitch) has complained about me sexually harassing
her when she accidently walked into the wrong bathroom!
<nick> I resist the urge to walk over and punch her, and try
to explain my version of what happened. At this point the
bitch pipes up and calls me a "lying son of a bitch" that was
a "menace to society"
<nick> so I think "right I'll fix you" and turn to her and say
"look you stupid bitch, you came onto me, I turned you down,
what kind of sad pathetic loser are you, that you have to hit
on random guys in a bathroom anyway? Get over it, you lost, no
need to get all bitchy over it."
<nick> I figure now she'll either shut up or totally lose it
and start screaming at me, but alas, I was mistaken about how
fucked I truely was. Instead of shutting up, she looked at me
for a second then burst into tears, before turning to the
manager and saying inbetween sobs....
<nick> ".....you're not going let him say that to me, are you
daddy?"
<R4an0m> aahahahahahaa!!
<nick> so now Im sore from being thrown out the door by that
bouncer, and I got a vist from the police this morning telling
me I was being charged with sexual assault.. :(.

<DigitlDud> So you guys really don't care if I'm gay?
<gopus> I personally could care less.
<DigitlDud> I'm really afraid of telling my parents.
<gopus> Then don't.
<wafn> DigitlDud, the way I see it, all of us have things
about us we are ashamed of.
<gopus> That's right...
<Skarab> yeah, DigitlDud, I gave my cousin tongue before, and
I think that's far more embarrassing.
<gopus> ...
<logiclrd-> And I look hella ugly. You've seen my pics.
<Hello1> DigitlDud: and you basically know that I couldn't get
laid if my life depended on it.
<frankyd> and I smell like shit.
<gopus> ...
<gopus> and I think AOL rocks.
<frankyd> gopus: ...
<Hello1> ...
* logiclrd looks at gopus
* gopus was kicked by logiclrd (Bye)
<logiclrd-> there are some things I won't tolerate.

Kanuck: i like to look at porn in pdf files.. just so i can
make the little hand grab things.

OnlineHost:  Sheila41428 has entered the room.
d00d903:     hi there sheila! 17/m/tx wanna cyber?
Sheila41428: sure
d00d903:     asl
Sheila41428: 48/f/tx
d00d903:     the hell? mom?
Sheila41428: OH JESUS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
OnlineHost:  Sheila41328 has left the room.

TANK Ex Mortis: I HATE WINDOWS!!!11one
AkiraBlast45387: ha
AkiraBlast45387: y?
TANK Ex Mortis: "Cannot delete file: It is being used by
another person or program. Close any programs that might be
using the file and try again."
TANK Ex Mortis: WHAT FILE, YOU SHITHOLE OPERATING SYSTEM!?
TANK Ex Mortis: If I was on Linux, it'd be like "There was an
error, program X doesn't want you to delete that file. Here's
a helpful link to teach you how to get around that. Would you
like some tea?"
TANK Ex Mortis: Of course, when I want to install something on
Linux, it says "You can't install that until you install these
50 libraries, update these 3 drives, downgrade this 1 driver,
and pick my mom up from the airport."
TANK Ex Mortis: Whereas with Windows, it says "Click the next
button over and over again until the program is installed. It
will then work perfectly unless it doesn't."
TANK Ex Mortis: Unless it's made by Valve, in which case it
says "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE" and blows up your computer. ;
_;

<FoXeh> The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second
Lieutenant with a map and a compass
<FoXeh> Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees
to the South to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I
say again, divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN,
THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.
WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND
NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE
15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER
MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
<FoXeh> Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

<Handy> There are 2 kinds of people in the world.
<Handy> 1. Those who need closure.
<Marko> And?
<DavyP> AND?

kixor: well, how are you going to get around the north
american ip ban?
Kovia: duh, last i checked i live in texas
Kovia: and texas is south america
Kovia: way to go, idiot

<glasnost> dammit, all my penis keep getting lost
<glasnost> err
<glasnost> penis*
<glasnost> dammit!
<glasnost> i've freudian slipped and i can't get up

<vee> I went to buy the 7th harry potter at midnight
<vee> I was the first in line
<vee> the first thing I did when I got it was i opened it to
the last page
<vee> Then I screamed out SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!
<vee> Everyone freaked out
<eric> That's mean!
<vee> It took them a few minutes to figure out I said the
ending of the 6th book

<Velkyr> Why is it when your wife or girlfriend gets pregnant,
all her friends rub her belly and say "congratulations!"
<Velkyr> But nobody rubs your dick and says "Good Job"?

<Greg> Statistically speaking, there are two popes per square
kilometer in Vatican City...

<@whm> "A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his
ass. The  doctors described his condition as stable."

Clainsynar: What if all numbers were multiples of pi and our
integer system was wrong?
TokMor: stop having such irrational thoughts

<davo0o> My girlfriend has been playing hard to get lately.
<lex> Did you inflate her with helium this time?

<madthink> what does putting sugar in someones gas tank do
<maff> I heard when you start the engine cinnamon rolls come
out
<maff> with frosting and everything
<madthink> i need to get revenge in the worst way
<maff> cinnamon rolls arent really revenge

<asiftosay> my friend kolby decided to play a joke on his mom,
so he went into her room at night when she was sleeping. he
wore a ski mask and had a fake gun.
<banquet> omg
<asiftosay> and he starts yelling shit with the fake gun
drawn, and she wakes up all scared and stuff...so she goes
"don't kill me. i'll fuck you all you want if you let me
live."
<asiftosay> they avoided each other for days.

<BlueStar> my dad used to leave the dish on the porn channels
<BlueStar> so i'd turn it on and there'd be porn
<BlueStar> i was always like "augh!!"
<hotdogcore> eww
<BlueStar> then i discovered the internet... haha.
<hotdogcore> ta da
<hotdogcore> !
<BlueStar> my mom walks in as I've got like 10 windows of BME
hard open
<BlueStar> I'm usin win 98 at that time
<hotdogcore> ahahahaha
<BlueStar> so i try to click the desktop icon
<BlueStar> and its too slow
<BlueStar> so i turn my computer off
<BlueStar> she yelled at me: "you're going to get bad sectors!
if you're looking at porn you dont' want me to see, turn off
your monitor!"
<BlueStar> ....I got bad sectors.
<mal> HAHAHAHAHA
<hotdogcore> bahaha

<blazemore> i need to find a used ddr 3rd mix machine
*** Joins: DigDug
([email protected])
<AlmtyBob> good fucking luck
<AlmtyBob> you're looking at $8000 wihtout shipping
<AlmtyBob> even used
<DigDug> whatcha talking about, bob?
<AlmtyBob> a filipina chick
<AlmtyBob> the ones you buy in exchange for bringing them to
the us
<blazemore> my dad is thinking about helping pay for one so we
can stick it in an arcade and make some money :o

Jefferson: FOR SOME REASON MY PASSWORD ON HOTMAIL WON WORK
Mymuffinfatty: do you have caps lock on?
Jefferson: oh
Jefferson: nevermind.

Neko: how long has it been since i've seen you?
Rawr: since December 9th
Neko: dammit i wanted you to do the math and tell me how many
weeks
Rawr: three weeks, three days?
Neko: oh good thank you
Rawr: why, is someone asking you?
Neko: no
Neko: i was bleeding then, and i need to keep track of when i
need to buy more tampons
Rawr: ...
Rawr: you are the least romantic person EVER

queenren24: i need your advice
queenren24: cause you're a guy and all
MrFluffyPants26: that I am
queenren24: what would you, as a guy, rather have for your
birthday or christmas: a video game or that axe stuff that
smells SOOO good?
MrFluffyPants26: Axe DOES smell good...
MrFluffyPants26: what video game?
queenren24: rome: total war
MrFluffyPants26: hm...
MrFluffyPants26: probably the game
MrFluffyPants26: but give him sexual favors too
MrFluffyPants26: can't go wrong with that
queenren24: :O
MrFluffyPants26: precisely

<@Quasi> I feel like my life is a movie.
<@Quasi> But it's being shown on TV.
<@Quasi> So all the sex scenes are cut.

(sean__) i want to call you with my cell phone whats your #
(@Pain`) (911)-323-4155
(sean__) dude you made me call the cops what the fuck

BlkBlade393: would you hit it?
WordsLikeVenom: i'd hit it so hard, if you pulled me out you'd
be the king of britain

annonymous: there is this post on the IMDB board asking if saw
III has any nudity because they want to know if they can take
their kids to it

(idestroy) sigh
(idestroy) ok so
(idestroy) my friend got a handle of smirnoff vodka
(idestroy) we killed it together in like an hour
(idestroy) I went to bed
(idestroy) in boxers
(idestroy) apparently
(idestroy) I woke up and had to poo
(idestroy) instead of going to my bathroom
(idestroy) I went out into the hallway
(idestroy) into the stairwell
(idestroy) removed my boxers and placed them on the stairs
(idestroy) then took a massive liquidy shit at the top of the
steps
(idestroy) walked THROUGH it
(idestroy) leaving poopy footprints
(idestroy) left my boxers there
(idestroy) went DOWN TO THE 2nd FLOOR
(idestroy) from the third
(idestroy) banged on random people's doors
(idestroy) people came out and saw me walking down the hall
naked with shit on my ass
(idestroy) I made it to the stairs again
(idestroy) went back to my floor but down a few doors to my
friends
(idestroy) there was like 15 people in their room
(idestroy) it was packed
(idestroy) I was naked
(idestroy) I went into their bathroom
(idestroy) and everyone was like what the fuck
(idestroy) went into the toilet stall, tried to clean my ass
(idestroy) FELL OVER AND SMEARED SHIT ON THEIR WALL
(idestroy) meanwhile someone went back to my room and got my
clothes
(idestroy) and someone else found the poo
(idestroy) they brought my clothes over
(idestroy) I tried to put my shirt on my legs
(idestroy) and said THESE ARENT MY PANTS
(idestroy) so I got help with that
(idestroy) got walked back to my room
(idestroy) and went back to sleep
(idestroy) woke up the next day
(idestroy) thought it was a dream
(idestroy) called my friend paul
(idestroy) he told me all about it
(idestroy) :(
(ZS) note to self: never let idestroy have alcohol
(idestroy) there's a facebook group "who pooped on the stairs"

<vai> My mom is like, deathly afraid of worms and she saw one
on the sidewalk
<vai> so she made me go get it and she went inside the house,
so I went in the house with the worm in my hand
<vai> and she yelled my name and told me to get rid of it, so
I threw it outside I came in the house
<vai> she called me an asshole and a son of a bitch
<vai> so I was like "son of a bitch?" she said "shut up,
you're adopted go away"
<vai> =(

<WarMoose> Think about how stupid the average person is. Now
realize that half of them are dumber than that.
<Chunda> Why half?

<Hvatti> MY CAPS-LOCK IS ON AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT
OFF.. CAN ANYONE HELP ME???
<[DoD]Xiao> typ capslock button :P
<aegis> Hvatti: hold down shift while writing instead...^^
<Hvatti> hey that shift-thing works thx!!!
<Hvatti> but it*s pretty difficult to write while holding a
shift:::
<Lilly-> omg
<Lilly-> Hvatti find "caps lock" key and press it once
<Lilly-> number 3 from bottom left
<Hvatti> where can i find it
<Tiger> hehe :D
<aegis> at the left of your keyboard
<Hvatti> ok thanx::
<Hvatti> YES IT WORKED!!!
<Lilly-> aamm
<aegis> apparently it didn't
<Lilly-> lol
<Hvatti> CAN I NOW RELEASE THE SHIFT?
<aegis> yes
<aegis> you have to release the shift.
<Lilly-> omg how sweet !!
<Hvatti> like this?
* Lilly- faints
<aegis> yep, just like that

* Sinbad changes topic to '15000 atheists in London rioted
after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk'

<Animix> WHO THE HELL HAS 18 CHILDREN
<Animix> 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, IT'S A VAGINA, NOT A
CLOWN CAR'

<Ranbert> someone shoot me please....
<tele>   o                              \O_ Arrgh!!
<tele>  <\==-   -   - -   -  -  - --- __/
<tele>  / \                             \

<imthatguy>  One night home from the bars, which aside from
the occasional pizza place the only other thing open was this
porno store.  I'm not sure why - I think one of my friends
wanted to buy a magazine - but we went in, and annoyed the
shop's patrons by picking up every ridiculous sex toy and
laughing about it loudly. The most absurd thing we found was a
large plastic beer can - meant to look like "Coors Light," or
something, but much larger - and when you unscrewed the cap at
the top, there was a latex vagina inside, that you were meant
to stick your dick in and fuck the can. Well, not really
"fuck" the can, exactly, but masturbate with it.
<imthatguy>  So of course we have to buy the beer can vagina,
because we're drunk and it's funny, and we figure we'll find
some entertaining unintended use for it. So we paid for it and
continued on our merry way back to the hotel. Once there we
said our goodbyes and retired to our rooms, and I realized
that somehow I'd gotten stuck carrying the bag from the sex
store. I set it down on the desk and didn't think much about
it. That is, for a few minutes, until I found myself sitting
on the bed in my hotel room, drunk and lonely and sexually
frustrated, and I kept staring over at that stupid beer can
vagina.
<imthatguy> "Maybe I should just try it. Just see what it
feels like..." I mean, why not, right? You know. Just for
kicks, right? So you know what? I fucked it. Yeah. I fucked a
plastic beer can. I fucked the shit out of that can. And you
know what? It felt alright. It did the trick. That is, until
it was all over. Until the moment after, when I was hit by a
sobering freight train of humility, looking down at my dick
stuck inside a latex vagina housed in a plastic beer can.
Moments like that you start to question everything - "How the
hell did it come to this? Who am I? What am I doing with my
life?" I probably sat there for an hour, silently with my
plastic lover, pondering my existence.
<imthatguy> The next morning, when the subject of the previous
night came up and someone said, "oh, where's that funny beer
can thing we got? Rob, you had it, right?" And everyone looks
at me, and I just stare at them for a moment, and then say,
"...I fucked it. I fucked it and I hated myself, and now it's
gone." There was a slight pause, followed by uproarious
laughter. The ridicule took months to subside.

<Gregoray> Most embarassing moment would be when I finished
wanking, and stoop up to do up my pants, when i noticed a red
dot on my nuts. When i looked up, I realized my 13 year old
niegbor and her 2 friends where watching me through my window
and had a lazer pointer aimed at me.

<Jackal>: So I went over to my hippie neighbor's house and
asked for a pot holder, he went inside and came out with a
sandwich bag...... note to self new best friend.

<jaga> does anyone here have a computer?

* ^haksor^ has joined #pipari
<^haksor^> anyone have a serial for Soldier of Fortune 2???
<tiltti> Y34H-R1GH-TYOU-N3RD-4SS
<^haksor^> thanks
<^haksor^> not enough letters in that???
<tiltti> try adding -H0L3 to the end of it
<^haksor^> ok

Kraigen: Since the creation of the Internet, the Earth's
rotation has been fueled, primarily, by the collective
spinning of English teachers in their graves.

<pezmasta> my band is gonna be called: rage against the
answering machine

<crax> my son get an ibook from school. 5th grade.
<Pothead> he doesn't deserve an ibook
<Pothead> give him an iBinder like we used to have
<Pothead> and an iPencil
<Pothead> and an iLunchpail with Spiderman on it like I used
to have
<z1g-work> did you play with your iFriends
<Pothead> iDidn't have any

[translated from German]
<MuschiExpress> kater are you there?
<KoolerKater> yeah
<MuschiExpress> What kind of spaz are you?
<KoolerKater> what's up?
<MuschiExpress> You were supposed to burn my holiday videos on
DVD for my wife
<MuschiExpress> NOT your porn collection ffs
<KoolerKater> omg wait a minute... you said you wanted the
holiday stuff and that porn
<MuschiExpress> Yes, but on TWO, in numbers, 2, you
understand, TWO DVDs!!!
<KoolerKater> ...

<Betty> So, wanna go see a movie tomorrow
<Sokol> NO! I toled you, i haev a girlfriend!!!
<Betty> I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU STONED FUCK!!!

<deloused> haha i love when people start telling you stuff
like you care when you actually don't and you don't pay
attention, and then when they finish they ask for your opinion
/advice and you just say "oh yea i totally agree"
<XA> oh yeah, i totally agree