bash.org archive

Crimson_Judas: I overheard this chick at lunch talking to a
friend
Crimson_Judas: About how she had to terminate her pregnancy
when she was young, and now that she's ready for children she
can't get pregnant
lemonlimeskull: Classic case of ABORT, RETRY, FAIL.

<Squizzle> WARNING: DO NOT LET DR. MARIO TOUCH YOUR GENITALS.
HE IS NOT A REAL DOCTOR.

<Guillotine>: The problem with being Democrat is that if you
vote for Obama, you're sexist. And if you vote for Hilary,
you're racist. Its easy being a Republican. No matter what
you're retarded.

<Entomorph> you know what cracks me up.. trojan condoms,
hehe.. I mean if you think about it, a trojan horse was really
full off all these little men, and it was a trick to get them
inside the fortress.. once inside, the horse BUSTS open, and
all the little men come flowing out

<Javelin> Oh.
<Javelin> My.
<Javelin> God.
<Javelin> We have a unit here.  It's about the size of a small
speaker.
<Javelin> In big letters across the front of it, it says "DATA
DESTROYER."
<Javelin> Some idiot comes into my office just now, and asks,
"hey, what is this thing?"
<Javelin> I say sarcastically, "it's a DVD polisher..."
<Javelin> Next thing I hear:  *GRIND GRIND GRIND* "WHAT THE
FUCK?!?!"
<Javelin> Now they're pissed at ME.
<Javelin> Because THEY couldn't read.
<Javelin> Besides, it's not like I gave them PERMISSION to use
MY "DVD Polisher."
<Javelin> I hate people.

<opensoar> you know how my wife looks really young right?
<jb> yeah - she looks about 15
<opensoar> we'd been playing tennis and she was in little
shorts and a t-shirt
<opensoar> we went to a mall and i figured i'd embarrass her
with a bit sloppy kiss..
<jb> lol - you bastard!
<opensoar> after i'd slobbered all over her, she pushed me
away and shouted out "Ew! Dad! GROSS!"
<opensoar> the whole place thought i was some kind of pervy..

<possessed27> i <3 philosophy
<prop4g4nd4p4nd4> wtf does that mean
<possessed27> rotate it 90 degrees, you foo
<prop4g4nd4p4nd4> wtf
<prop4g4nd4p4nd4> i "ball sac" philosophy?

<Deeeno> I've seen hentai that is more believable than
scientology.

<ndruo> i'm usig my onscreen keyboard
<ndruo> i's very triksies
<ndruo> he ltters re vry mall
<NeroMan> Translation: The letters are very small.
<ndruo> this will enhance my FPS skills
<SuperJoe> What's the translation for that?
<NeroMan> Translation: This will enhance my sexual ability.
<ndruo> i hte you.
<ndruo> GOD
<NeroMan> Translation: I love you, GENERAL ZOD
<ndruo> iffclt is this
<ndruo> :(
<NeroMan> Translation: This is difficult to the point I am
saddened
<SuperJoe> General Zod is pretty cool, I'll admit.
<ndruo> 8=======D translte this
<NeroMan> Translation: "My penis is small enough that I can
make a life size depiction of it using IRC text."

<Tre_Cool>: Man I'm soooo hungry... I could eat more hot dogs
than that lil japenese guy.
<Netters>: I got 20 bucks that says you can't do that.
<Tre_Cool>: Listen, I'm not intimidated by you OR your
freakish talking money.

<karlmex> So a friend of mine got back from Amsterdam a few
months back, after spending a stint there with a bunch of his
mates.  Told me quite possibly one of the funniest stories I 
ve heard. They had picked up some shrooms and acid, and
decided to take it in the wee hours of the morning, and spend
the day exploring the city while they tripped sure enough
20min into it, one of the group vanishes. So, after 7 or so
hours of struggling to search for their lost friend, they
decide it d be best to head back to their hotel, sober up,
regroup, and go looking when the gears worn off and they d be
of more use.
<tubs> lol k
<karlmex> Anyway, upon arrival at the hotel, surprise suprise
they find their friend standing in the lobby, dazed and
staring at the ceiling muttering to himself.  Understandably
they were all pissed off with him for making them worry and
bringing their trip down as a result of their half assed
search. However all the friend can reply with is  this fucking
town is full of gremlins!   They tried to calm him down and
tell him that it was the acid making him hallucinate, to which
he replied  I knew you d say that so I captured one and locked
it in the bathroom  
<tubs> lol?
<karlmex> as you d expect they thought he was losing the plot,
but he insisted they come to his room and look for themselves.
So, they head to the room, and sure enough, the bathroom door
is baracaded shut with chairs, lamps, mattress and the bed 
they're getting a little worried now, so they cautiously move
the furniture away and inch the door open 
<tubs> and??
<karlmex> ...Laying on the floor is a 10 year old kid with
Down syndrome grinning ear to ear.
<tubs> lol dude that's fucked up
<karlmex> The mate had come across one of those outing groups
or retarded kids - freaked out, balled up one of those poor
little bastards carried him back to the room and locked him in
the bathroom for proof 
<tubs> lol god man
<karlmex> anyway, luckily the kid had one of those ID cards
saying  hi my name is Ted, I live at blah blah  lol so yea,
took the poor kid to the lobby, called the cops and did a
runner before they arrived lol.

* veganzombie has joined #uc
<veganzombie> Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....
* veganzombie has quit IRC (Quit: Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....)

<Onyxus>: Have you ever been pwned by a 4 year old?  I have,
and so has my son.
<Onyxus>: 1.) I was riding in the car with my family and my
daughter (as I have taught her) randomly said "I pwned a noob!
" Being a proud father I reached back and said "Gimme five" to
which she promptly responded "No you're the noob!"
<Onyxus>: 2.) Just today me and the missus were sitting in the
living room watching TV while the kids were on the porch
playing in their tiny little swimming pool. My son ran up to
the back door and was yelling something unintelligible at it,
when my daughter ran up behind him and dumped a cup full of
water over his head...multiple times. He ran off, most likely
to cry in a corner somewhere, and she looked at me through the
door and yelled "I pwned a noob Daddy!"
<Onyxus>: Words can not describe the pride I feel in how I've
brought up my daughter...

<AndrewLB_in_Chise> My mom saw me walking downstairs to the
comp room with a box of kleenex and she just gave me this
look. -.- I've never felt so dirty in my life...

wtf9589: should i get the poster with 1 really hot girl or 5
pretty hot girls?
kickassmofo1111: duh get the one with five girls
kickassmofo1111: five tits are better than one
wtf9589: WTF HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN A GIRL???

<Bizzy> say Æ Ø Y
<DAL9000> Æ Ø Y
<DAL9000> easy to say
<DAL9000> f00
<DAL9000> ¸ß
<DAL9000> say that.
<Bizzy> ¸ß
<DAL9000> õ þ
<DAL9000> now that
<Bizzy> õ þ
<DAL9000> now say this:
<DAL9000> ß|ZZ¥ |§ ª е/\/\ߪ§§
<Bizzy> ß|ZZ¥ |§ ª е/\/\ߪ§§
<DAL9000> bahahaha
<Bizzy> what?
<Bizzy> damnit

<DrBob> You'll never get it. Men weren't meant to understand
women.
<Odin> not true.
<Odin> I've managed to solve for the fundamental logic
operation of women.
<DrBob> It's just best to let them do what they want, so
they'll let us do stuff to them.
<Odin> Nono let me explain.
<Odin> Women are fundamentally amplifiers.
<Odin> Anything you give them expect to get back multiplied
<Odin> give them money you don't have in the form of a credit
card, expect a huge debt
<Odin> give them a little love, and they'll give you a lot of
love back
<Odin> give them a little DNA in the bedroom
<Odin> and they give you a baby
<Odin> So if you give them crap, you'd better be ready to
recieve a ton of shit

<Musket> is there an echo in here?
<ManOfStuff> an echo in here?
<FessyBugger> in here?
<Kajifox> here?

Girl: i like falling asleep with cold pillows by the way
SkibblesMcCheese: That's nice
SkibblesMcCheese: I like bunnies and marshmallows
Girl: well, i'm just lettin ya know so that you can have
some cold ones ready for me after our extensive sex fest
Girl: i figured you'd be polite and do that for me
Girl: haha
SkibblesMcCheese: What am I supposed to do, put them in the
fridge?
Girl: no, i usually stick mine in the freezer right before i
go to bed
SkibblesMcCheese: Seriously?
Girl: for real
SkibblesMcCheese: That just bgave me a stiffie
Girl: hehe
Girl: why?
SkibblesMcCheese: I don't know... just imaging you sticking
a pillow in the freezer... it just kinda made me hard, that's
all
Girl: bending over to stick it in the freezer?
SkibblesMcCheese: Uhhh... yeah! That was it
Girl: what would u do if you came upon a scene such as that?
SkibblesMcCheese: Do you have clothes on in this scene?
Girl: hrmmm...
Girl: that's a good question
Girl: but... that's up to you
SkibblesMcCheese: So no
SkibblesMcCheese: In which case, I would build a campfire
and roast some of those marshmallows
SkibblesMcCheese: It would get pretty chilly with that
freezer open
Girl: shaddup!!
Girl: i wanted u to like, come up behind me and grab my hips
and just pull me back into u with ur dick hardening against
me... but hell, if you wanna make fucking marshmallows... i
suppose i can settle for that
SkibblesMcCheese: I really like marshmallows

<overkill_78> So this chick came over today.
<overkill_78> We talked for hours.
<overkill_78> Then she went to go take a piss.
<overkill_78> I busted in on her while she was pissing, and
she got mad at me.
<overkill_78> So I trapped her in my room and set my room on
fire.
<overkill_78> Fucking bitch is dead now.
<camdaman86> How are you not in jail?
<overkill_78> It was in The Sims.

Dr-Mambo:  so yeah
Dr-Mambo:  how about that <recent current event>
Dr-Mambo:  did you catch that <local sporting event> last
weekend?
Willuknight:  no i missed <local sporting event> but i did
manage to get to <recent current event> and it was pretty damm
cool
Willuknight:  i met <person we both know> there as well, they
were with some friends
Dr-Mambo:  oh thats just <emotive statement>
Willuknight:  <unecessary agreement>
Dr-Mambo:  well im going to go <masterbate furiously> to
<lesbian pornogrophy>
Dr-Mambo:  <parting statement>
Willuknight:  <salutations>

<taurnil> Something freakin hilarious happened in my chemistry
class today
<taurnil> i was asking my teacher about the origins of the
element "europium"
<taurnil> i said "So, where does eouropium come from?"
<taurnil> my teacher gives me the most confused look ever, and
then slowly says "i don't have any opium"

<obm>If they make a Nano Iphone, I may be interested.
<obm>oh, or an iphone shuffle, no screen and it phones random
people

<dez> lol got some hot lesbian thinking im one
<g0dly1> heh, same, actually, just sent her a pic of my ex
<dez> .....
<dez> is your sceenname josihawt190?
<g0dly1> yes
<g0dly1> FUCK
<dez> oh shit
<g0dly1> we never speak of this to anyone
<dez> agreed

<Mod> he was very nasty. called him that word you never wanna
call a black man
<Sirak> ??
<Mod> no one ever wants to call a black man the word that
begins with 'n' ends in 'r' and has 'ig' in the middle
<Sirak> Neighbour?

<KoRnkid88> omg man
<KoRnkid88> weirdest bus stop moment ever
<Owned34> >.>
<KoRnkid88> last night it was snowing like crazy right
<Owned34> yeh get hit by it? XP
<KoRnkid88> and my neighbor lady calls and asks me to do her
driveway
<KoRnkid88> so i go over and shovel it off
<Owned34> =o
<KoRnkid88> next day im standing at my buss stop talking to
all my friends and my neighbors house is at the corner where
the bus stop is
<KoRnkid88> and im talking with my friends and she walks up
and hands me a 20$
<KoRnkid88> and says thanks for last night
<Owned34> lol omg
<KoRnkid88> i was like WTF
<KoRnkid88> my friends and all the people at the buss stop
were just staring at me......
<Owned34> how old is this lady
<KoRnkid88> my sister gave me the weirdest look in the world
<KoRnkid88> like 70
<Owned34> Bust a cap
<KoRnkid88> once we got on the bus the girl behind me was like
"u got a 20 for one night?"
<Owned34> XD
<KoRnkid88> i was about to turn around and slap her
<Owned34> =o
<KoRnkid88> it was THE weirdest bus ride ever

<DrEechmen>  So... earlier today, I was watching one of my
family's cats hitting a cord hanging from our blinds for about
10 minutes or so, and I started thinking 'gee, the danged
animal is so darned easily amused'... and then I realized that
I'd been staring at a cat playing with a string for ten
minutes.

rhys_rhaven: I have pictures..thousands of them. but most are
art...i got katies harddrive.
rhys_rhaven: ....
overlord_overkill2007: ah i se
rhys_rhaven: i dont understand how she can walk into a church
rhys_rhaven: tons, and tons, of slash
rhys_rhaven: gay guys, gay guys fucking, gay porn stories,
guys on guys, guys kissing.
overlord_overkill2007: ewww
rhys_rhaven: guys humping guys, female ass domination, guy
slaves, butt sex,
overlord_overkill2007: ewwwwwwww
rhys_rhaven: oh it gets worse. she has no file structure!!!!!
rhys_rhaven: what kind of sick woman doesnt organize her
files?!!!
Daniel: EWWWWWWWW

<FuNGiSiDE> ftp
<FuNGiSiDE> er wtf

<omgwtf> did you guys hear about that actress who got stabbed
<omgwtf> reese
<omgwtf> reese something
<Boon> witherspoon?
<omgwtf> no with a knife
<omgwtf> HAHA!

FireSlash: Fastest apartment tour EVER.
FireSlash: I'm checking out this rather nicely priced place.
Manager (or one of his lackys, not shure) walk me into the
apartment
FireSlash: First thing he "points out" is how quiet the rooms
are, because of the thick walls
FireSlash: So I shout "CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!"
FireSlash: I got one "Yeah!" and one "SHUT THE HELL UP I'M
WATCHIN' JUDGE JUDY"

<ninevolt> I may not be Jesus but my penis gives women a
religous expereience.
<skittz> haha
<skittz> yeah
<skittz> it turns them into nuns

<FyNXeR> Pardon my spelling... but I'm from Sweden
<sumbody> pardon my accent, i am from southeast asia
<DrMonkey> pardon my shotgun, i'm from west virginia

<ez76> a mac vs. pc commercial you'll never see: "Whatcha
doin, PC?"  "I'm playing this new game."  "Oh really, which
one?"  "Any."  "Oh."  (silence) (fade)

<Td00d> a girl just walked past the window
<Ernestiqus> Go for it.
<Td00d> she's a bit too young.
<Ernestiqus> I swear officer, I didn't know she was 16
<Td00d> she isn't 16 :/
<Ernestiqus> If there's grass on the field play ball!
<Td00d> she's so young I doubt she's got hair there...
<Ernestiqus> Old enough to bleed is old enough to breed.
<Td00d> i don't think she's in puberty already
<Ernestiqus> Hit it before puberty does.

<cndz> what would jesus do>
<Josh> probably get crucified and die

<plexiglass> what do u mean? I wasnt even here when they tried
to takeover the chan
<haplo> Why can't you just admit that you asked them to take
it over!?
<plexiglass> Sheez.. didnt expect the spanish inquisition..
* SpanInqui ([email protected]) has
joined #commonsense
<SpanInqui> NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!!

omgsean123: so anyway, heisenberg is speeding down the street
and he gets pulled over by a cop
omgsean123: and the cop is like "do you know how fast you were
going?"
omgsean123: and he says "no, but i know exactly where i am!"

<zexis> hmmm you think this statistic is real?
<zexis> every 2 minutes a woman is raped in Ohio
<hal> why doesn't she just move?
<zexis> ?

<LenaWarrior> Does Australia float around or is it stuck there
<KoreaPro> Are you serious?

<Holly> So I got my period, and i was bleeding, and my pad
leaked
<Jesse> Really?
<Holly> Yeah, and it leaked everywhere! And so i had to go
into the doctors, and they had to shave my vagina, it wasnt
good
<Jesse> Wow, i cant believe youre telling me this
<Holly> Well...its just girl talk
<Jesse> Jesse is a guy's name too

<Everdarkgreen> WE DID THE MASH
<Everdarkgreen> we did the keyboard mash
<Everdarkgreen> THE KEYBOARD MASH
<Everdarkgreen> it was a lihosdptjhskrjngiso;
kihy,aehtptuyjgio;t

<Delanushorse> Dude, I was eating a chocolate bar in my
kitchen the other day,
when my mom walks in
<Delanushorse> I was like "it's like an orgasm in my mouth"
and my mom says "oh, believe
me, you DON'T want to know what that tastes like".
<Delanushorse> I guess she realized what she said, because she
walked out really quickly.
<Delanushorse> :(

<Zyrjello> E-mail from my comp sci professor:
<Zyrjello> I want to be clear on this point, because several
<Zyrjello> people have asked me.
<Zyrjello> The release of HALO3, tonight, does NOT qualify
<Zyrjello> as a religious holiday.

<Tscully> It's Christmas. We show up at my grandmas house. I'm
14.
<Tscully> It comes time to open the presents, she brings out
this little square-shaped flat present, wrapped in christmas
paper.
<Tscully> I wonder what it is, what joyous gift from grandma
could be so small in volume?
<Tscully> I open it, and see the words "AOL Internet Trial CD"
on the cover of a cardboard disc holder, with a 14-day AOL
trial CD inside.
<Tscully> Confused, I asked her what it was.
<Tscully> She proudly proclaimed "I've bought you fourteen
days of free internet!"
<Tscully> And that's why I hate christmas.

gazz: A bullet may have your name on it, but shrapnel is
addressed "to whom it may concern".

<PacerX> i made a kid stop crying today
<bemyfreak> awww, how sweet
<PacerX> i knocked him unconcious
<bemyfreak> WHAT

<Radz> Should I replay FF7?
<spiderbait> Nobody's stopping you.
<Radz> That's like another 90 hours I'd be away from you guys
though. :(
<payne> Do it.
<spiderbait> Do it.
<xCell> Do it.

<Infe> what happens if you try to recharge an alkaline battery
<HomerJ> blows up
<Andrigaar> Don't they explode?
<Andrigaar> I wonder if it's violent or just some leaking
battery acid.
<Infe> i think it's all a scam to get you to pay more for
'rechargeables' and ---
<Infe> AHHHHHHHHHHH MY FACE
<Infe> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

<zien> ah i love water. it's like nature's fruit juice.
<cgom> ....FRUIT JUICE is nature's fruit juice. moron.

<cow_crap> ok I came to class early one day, considerably
early
<cow_crap> and there's a girl there that I'm quite taken aback
by
<cow_crap> and she said "wow, you came early" and I said,
without thinking, "that's what all the girls say"
<cow_crap> I am such a fucking idiot
<cow_crap> she laughed at me for like 15 mins

< gordonjcp> I'm trying to enjoy the vuvuzela concert and some
prick keeps playing football

<Azemilcar> What do you Brits say when you stereotype American
speech?
<Starblaydia> anything lacking irony or sarcasm usually
qualifies, Azemilcar
<Gala|drunk> *nod*
<Yamatto> or we just hoot like gibbons and invade sandy
countries.

<Nomenumbra> 1 bottle of beer on the wall, 1 bottle of beer,
you take 1 down, pass it around, 0 bottles of beer on the
wall.
<Nomenumbra> 0 bottles of beer on the wall, 0 bottles of beer,
you take 1 down, pass it around, 4294967295 bottles of beer on
the wall.

<WeirdBeard> well my dad is icelandic, my mother is cuban
<WeirdBeard> i'm an icecube

<harm_> today this one lady got pissed off cause we dont carry
i quote wireless power supplies
<ogregasm> a what
<harm_> thats what i said
<harm_> maybe you want an adaptor for a wireless router o
rsomething??
<harm_> shes goes no no i read online about this i wannit i
wannit
<harm_> then she got pissed when i told her that kind of
technology doesnt exist
<ogregasm> heh
<harm_> i tried to be nice but it got to the point where i was
like"get back to us in 30 years"
<harm_> "once we attain the secret of positron deflector
shields, wireless power supplies shall become a reality"
<ogregasm> why bother being that much of an ass to the poor
woman
<harm_> well shes the one who got all up in my face asking for
the store manager
<harm_> i told her he had just teleported to a corporate
meeting in tokyo

<prote> apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an
acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad
today"

<pdksh> jesus h christ
<pdksh> 'i got tired of that screensaver on that other
computer so i turned it off'
<pdksh> my sister hard-shutdown my bsd box.
<pdksh> in the middle of a kernel compile.
<pdksh> not to mention that the little blinky light on the hub
was annoying her
<pdksh> so she pulled out that wire too
<pdksh> ...
<pdksh> and she managed to rip a wire pair out of the wire.
<pdksh> yet she wants to be a cs major in college.
<dmaster-> I would beat her into a coma
<pdksh> dmaster-: im about to. either that or change her aim
password so she jumps off a bridge.
<bob354> pdksh: haha a cs major?
<pdksh> bob354: yeah... 'i like to surf the internet and chat
on aim to all my friends all the time so im good with
computers and im good at that microsoft wordart. mom said i
should go to computer school like you!'

<Slave>So good party round mine, wasn't it Duncan
<Player45> Hell yeh!
<Johanna>oh really?
<Player45>Yeh we all got completely fucked up, except the one
problem
<Slave>Problem?
<Player45>Yeh, your sister and her electric toothbrush, hell
she must have kept me up half the night using that thing, her
teeth must be super clean
<Slave>Electric toothbrush? She doesn't have one, no one in my
family has one
<Johanna>hmm..
<Slave>OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A FUCKING MOPED!

<crabcakedeathra> where were you earlier?
<arkilla> work.
<crabcakedeathra> where you work?
<arkilla> GTE Visa. mail room clerk.
<arkilla> had some trouble with this asshole sendin in coupons
<arkilla> today he also sent in 33 motherfuggin' pennies
<arkilla> my managr called to complain, after like an hour WE
cut HIM a check for 33 cents
<crabcakedeathra> that sounds damn familiar

<Produkt> how do i put a new picture on the gallery
<Pi> ERROR: QUESTION MARK MISSING
<Produkt> ?
<Pi> ERROR: QUESTION MISSING
<Produkt> how do i put a new picture on the gallery?
<Pi> ERROR: TOO MANY ATTEMPTS
<Produkt> youre a fag
<Pi> PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER

thefinalcutter83: According to CNN.com: "Iranian missile may
be able to hit U.S. by 2015."
SpaceInvader455: That's one slow fuckin missile.

<Sloyment> Don't type so fast. This channel looks like Tetris
level 50

Far2Paranoid: Knew this guy in HS
Far2Paranoid: Built a box with 2x 350Mhz Pentium2, back in '98
Far2Paranoid: The trick was, filled his bathtub w/ glycerin
Far2Paranoid: Took apart a mini-fridge and used the coils to
cool the glycerin to ~40F
Far2Paranoid: Then sunk the box so he could OC the CPUs to
1.3Ghz
Far2Paranoid: Coolest shit I've ever seen.
AlbinoChpmnk: If this was sitting in his tub, how did he
shower?
Far2Paranoid: After what I just said, what makes you think he
showered?

yetiamchosen: So the only part about this curse of recruiting
potentials for the marine corps that isn't utterly miserable
is fucking with the people that have already signed up. Now,
we don't want to scare them off entirely, so we can't just sit
there and be like, "You're going to die in bootcamp!" But we
can be completely insane with each other in front of them, and
let them draw that conclusion on their own. So we're told to
take the poolees on a 1.5 mile run today. No staff nco's
there, so we're like, "Fuckit. There's two recruits, there's
eight of us ... four mile run." So we start running and I had
just had a monster energy drink, the lo ball kind, which is
red. That's a dumbass's recipe for disaster, but I really
wanted one so I had one anyway. It dehydrates you, gives you
cramps, and makes you puke. So we've been running like half a
mile and without breaking pace I casually puke onto the side
of the road, and keep running. Among marines this is normal
behavior, so no one even says anything, but the recuruit is
looking like, "Wtf, did that guy just puke without stopping?"
geekryan: lol
yetiamchosen: And he's like, "Dude! Are you alright!" I'm
like, "KEEP RUNNING!" and I speed up a little bit, chuckling
inside. And then it really hits me and I'm like, going full
speed, just hurling all over the side of the road, wiping my
mouth, running, hurling and he looks at the puke and he goes,
"OH MY GOD ARE YOU PUKING BLOOD!"
geekryan: HAHAHAHA
yetiamchosen: And I go, "THAT'S NOT BLOOD IT'S CONFIDENCE
AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!" And I just blast off like a little red
streaming rocket ship. I look behind me and this kid seriously
look like he's just about to piss his pants, like, "Oh my god,
what the fuck have I gotten myself into?" I got up to the
front and this marine looks at me and goes, "Were you really
puking up blood?" I'm like, "No devil, it's monster," and he
just laughs, he's like, "You're going to hell."
yetiamchosen: That's it. I was chuckling inside all the way
home.
geekryan: that really is awesome
geekryan: I can't imagine how freaked out that recruit was
yetiamchosen: I hope he doesn't sleep well again until he gets
to boot camp.

<@Ricky> According to BBC News, the father of the Nigerian who
attempted to blow up the Delta airliner whilst approaching
Detroit had emailed US authorities to warn them about his
son's extreme anti American views. This man happened to be a
very wealthy banker.
<@Ricky> You can imagine the email arriving at the US
Government's offices:
<@Ricky> Good afternoon, I am a wealthy Nigerian banker....

<danamania> yay I fixed my laptops battery!
<danamania> it was so dead, nothing would charge it
<danamania> so I gave it the electronic equivalent of a kick
in the head, by shorting the +/- terminals for 5 minutes
<gelfie> don't they have stickers on them that say they could
explode or catch fire by doing that?
<danamania> yeah but it's ok, I took them off first.

<No_One> Damn my land mine collection is gone.
<No_One> Also so is my shed
<No_One> That's gonna be fun in the morning
15 minutes later.
<No_One> Fuck afk police pulled in
<Dwarf> k
<Dwarf> have fun
10 minutes later.
<No_One> Shiit
<No_One> Someone broke into my shed
<No_One> They won't do that again
3 hours later.
<No_One> Can I be charged with criminal negligence even if the
said deceased person used bolt cutters to access something
that killed them?
<noregister> I doubt it
<No_One> Good

[@smcn] like #bearcave. you wouldn't expect it to be a gay
channel. YOU WOULD EXPECT IT TO BE A CHANNEL ABOUT BEARS
WOULDN'T YOU