bash.org archive

<The-Virus> hi
<The-Virus> hello
<The-Virus> oh
<The-Virus> heh
<The-Virus> =\
<The-Virus> thought someone said hi
<The-Virus> besides me

<[Duo]> man, you guys are so not 7334

(while watching live firefight in port city of Umm Qasr on TV)
<eva> omg
<eva> fucking campers

<Rice_Boy> look at the sys requirements for interdev:
www.free-trial-sex.com
<Rice_Boy> er... http://msdn.microsoft.com/vinterdev/prodinfo/
sysreq.asp
<iheartsql> HAHAHAHAHA
<iheartsql> HAHAHAHAHA
<iheartsql> PRON HEAD
<Rice_Boy> my bad
<Rice_Boy> damn

<subHero> Help! i just got my penis stuck in my cdrom!!1
<johndoe92> grab a kleenex and hit 'eject'

(Reverend_) i thought i had to shit really bad
(Reverend_) but then i just farted like 3 times, and now i'm
all cool
(Reverend_) but my ass is kinda wet and sticky
(Reverend_) any hot chicks, msg me, and we'll talk about it
(Reverend_) share your feelings

<mgr> I was under the impression that the program was fully
functional?  I am not correct?
<kitchen> Depends on what you think 'fully functional' means
<kitchen>The Rebels believed the DeathStar to not be 'fully
operational' and look what that got Alderan.

<@durin> wanting to work for redhat is like wanting herpies
<@KrON> theres no i in herpes
<@KrON> that sounds like a personal motto

NovaScotia > yes.. us Canadians.. always quiet.. clean.. keep
to ourselves.. never bother anyone... sounds like how they
always describe serial killers eh?

<stc> Pray to God every morning that you can live.
<Salman> you should also take a shower every morning so that
others can live.

<_orion> I love escelators, they can never break, only
temporarially turn into stairs

<EvilKosh> holy shit. he's blending the iphone while it's
playing will it blend. that's so meta.
<jdk> does anything not blend?
<EvilKosh> Jews and Palestinians

Alex: A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases
packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're
going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400
for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn
money for what I do to you free."
Alex: The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and
comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do
you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I
want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

<immi> a penny for your thoughts
<dr\gonzo> a nickle for anal with your mom

<y2kThug> i worked with a pretty dumb old broad when I was in
Stoneham
<y2kThug> she was getting all frustrated one day
<y2kThug> comes to me "I cant print."
<y2kThug> i stare blankly, "Why not?"
<y2kThug> "I dont know, it just wont print!"
<y2kThug> so i said "Maybe it's because you're standing at the
fax machine, not the printer."
<Darshu> nate- lol
<y2kThug> oh and then one day her desk phone died
<y2kThug> someone told her to take a phone off of one of the
empty desks
<y2kThug> she says "But what about all my voicemails?"
<y2kThug> shaking my head, "Jeanne, your voicemails arent _IN_
your phone."
<Snow> Eh, that's not too dumb. I mean, people interact with
answering machines where things are stored in the physical
device itself.
<Snow> A distributed phone system is a bit foreign the first
time you see one.
<y2kThug> Snow: she fucking sells telecom

<FindUrFire> how old are you rad,alone?
<SUPER--RAD> i'm 22 years old alone & with others i'm still 22

<Vinny> they should build another barad-dur
<Vinny> give sauron some depth perception

<SA-MoP> damn. Its going to be a pain in the ass to find the
movie "xxx" on kazaa when that comes out on dvd

*Anony-X has joined #mac*
<Emoxin> sometimes when im masturbating i look at pictures of
dogs. not dogs having sex or anything, just dogs. like chasing
frisbees and shit. just the way they move and their bark gets
me so hot. i can fit 3 more fingers in my pussy when theres a
dog around.
<Anony-X> mac users, i swear to god...
*Anony-X has left #mac*

<Rjx> hmm.....goatse.cx is a better link
<ganonboy> what section of the site are the ROMS in?
<ganonboy> ? is it http://www.goatse.cx
<ganonboy> ??
<Rjx> yup
<ganonboy> I dont see any N64 roms?
<Rjx> what do you see?
<ganonboy> A sick picture...
<Rjx> click on it
<Rjx> it's an imagemap
<Rjx> click on his ass
<ganonboy> you are lying
<Rjx> did you try it?
<ganonboy> yes
<ganonboy> and nothing happens

<Ogredude> Radio Shack...  You've got questions, we've got
blank stares.

<MrFixIt> kekekekekekekeke zerg rush ^____^
<MrFixIt> That's all the Korean I know

<ColonelCoroner> Damn, my girlfriend just fucking confused
herself in trying to use the calculator on her cell.  Stupid
bitch.
<Piro-nuts> ...dude, what did you expect from the
peroxide-bleached blonde?
<ColonelCoroner> I dun fuckin know.  She CALLED me on her
cell, to ask how to USE the calculator on her cell. 
<Piro-nuts> I think women are INNATELY stupid, that's the only
reason to explain it.
<ColonelCoroner> Dude, with all this cloning and genome shit
going around, there's gotta be a time when women will contain
intelligent DNA.
<Piro-nuts> Yah, but like, 90% of them spit it out...

<su|school> Last period, we were talking about meth with some
public speaker.
<su|school> ...
<su|school> And I corrected him.
<su|school> :<

<Rage> Best pickup line ever is "Hey, does this smell like
chloroform?"

<@koenig> I just had a very fun time with a telemarketer who
called my home.
<@koenig> She was telling me that I had "won in a drawing" and
that I might have won a Hummer or a trip to Orlando and some
other crap.
<@koenig> So I said, "Hey, them Hummers is sure nice."
<@koenig> "Oh yes," she replies.
<@koenig> "I bet they can haul a lot in them Hummers."
<@koenig> "Oh certainly."
<@koenig> "Do you think they could hold something that was
like 6' long?"
<@koenig> "Most likely."
<@koenig> "And weighed like 150-200 lbs.?"
<@albus> oh dear.
<@koenig> "Possibly."
<@koenig> "Well, I'll cut right to hte chase.  Do you think
they could carry a dead body?"
<@koenig> "Uhhhh."
* albus hears police sirens.
<@koenig> :)
<@albus> you should use her as a reference when you apply for
a security clearance.
<@koenig> Well you realize I didn't actually claim to HAVE a
dead body.   I was purely curious, in case I get into the
funeral service business.
<@koenig> It's my new idea, "Die With Style, Inc." where
instead of a hearse you drive out in a Hummer.
<@albus> ...

<j0e> when i want to download music i look up what the band
thinks about filesharing
<j0e> if they're okay with it, i download the song
<j0e> if they're against it, i download the song out of spite
<UriGeller> what if they haven't said anything on filesharing
<j0e> that's what i call a tacit endorsement

<GailEn> Cool...finally found a donut i lost 2 months
ago..fell behind my tower
<HotCarl> i think that clearly violates the 5 second rule

<C@^^31> you say tomato, I say tomato
<C@^^31> doesn't really work when typing

MasterH: They should make the entire world follow the same
timezone. They could have like orbital mirrors which reflect
the sun to every corner of the earth.,
MasterH: And have night at the same time.
Faethyr: And nightime would happen How?
MasterH: Turn off the mirorrs

<T-Dragonus> There was a young fellow named Bliss
<T-Dragonus> Whose sex life was strangely amiss,
<T-Dragonus>         For even with Venus
<T-Dragonus>         His recalcitrant penis
<T-Dragonus> Would never do better than t
<T-Dragonus>                            h
<T-Dragonus>                            i
<T-Dragonus>                            s
<T-Dragonus>                            .

<Jesus> and i kept getting banned simply becuase i lived in
france

<castironpants>Everyone's mad at me because I faked an
orgasm...
<castironpants>...In the middle of a teen pregnancy seminar...

<pizza_biz> greggdogg: parole's over. he had to go back in.
<greggdogg> I figured.
<aLfer> what did he do?
<Dark_Fox> your mom :D
<aLfer> well, i hardly think that would land him in jail.
<Dark_Fox> prostitution is illegal
<aLfer> touche`

Marumekomu> This silence is far from golden
<Marumekomu> that reminds me, I need a shower

<Gus_Hobbleton> ok, there's a class full of retard kids...
<Gus_Hobbleton> and for some reason or another, they're
learning about beds
<Gus_Hobbleton> teacher goes up to one kid, points at a bed,
and says "what kind of bed is that?"
<Gus_Hobbleton> kid says "qyeen sized bed!"
<Gus_Hobbleton> teacher says "good little retard!"
<Gus_Hobbleton> teacher goes to the next kid, says "what kind
of bed is that?"
<Gus_Hobbleton> kid says "its a king sized bed!"
<Gus_Hobbleton> teacher says "good little retard!!"
<Spork> ...
<Gus_Hobbleton> teacher goes to the next kid, and points at
one of those beds...
<Gus_Hobbleton> you know, the kind with one on top of the
other...
<Gus_Hobbleton> umm....
<Spork> bunk beds?
<Gus_Hobbleton> GOOD LITTLE RETARD!!!

*** skwerrel ([email protected]) has joined #3fs
<skwerrel> wtf??
<skwerrel> is this the nap room?
<skwerrel> everyone's asleep
<skwerrel> yeah, I know what you mean...
<skwerrel> so, how's life skwerrel?
<skwerrel> meh...not bad.  Didn't do as well as I thought I
would on my econ exam, but there's still two more so I'm not
that worried
<skwerrel> sorry to hear it, buddy.  good luck on your other
ones
<skwerrel> thanks guy
<skwerrel> wanna cyber?
<skwerrel> um..no thanks
<skwerrel> *sniff*oh...
<skwerrel> it's not you...i, uhh...have a blister on my palm
<skwerrel> sure, whatever
*** skwerrel ([email protected]) Quit (Client
Exit: PH34R T3H P13)

<Mae|str0m>
fuckensonofabitchdamnitalltohellfuckmedeadbastardofaprick.
<Mae|str0m> I just dropped a weight on my foot.
<Mae|str0m> FUCK.
<Mae|str0m> they should make those things lighter.

Jorja: i once saw a building with the '404' number and it was
shut down
Jorja: i laughed

<Bruns> I got used to people calling me 'Miss' or 'Maam' on
the phone when doing support
<Bruns> then they apologize like crazy after I tell them my
name
<Bruns> "Oh, I'm sorry sir.  Its just that..."
<Bruns> "...That I sound like a girl.  I know.  Thanks for
reminding me."

<l0wkey> if i see something so fucking cute, like another
rugrats movie or babe movie, im going on a spree
<sabbat> a killing spree i hope
<l0wkey> i was thinking along the lines of shopping spree, but
suggestion noted

<whiskers> wtf
<whiskers> my sister just called me from her room
<whiskers> told me to turn down the music
<Spyder|TV> crank it
<torontotranceaddict> CRANK IT
<Kinuvan> CRANK IT
*whiskers turns up the music
<whiskers>i hear steps
*** Signoff: whiskers (Ping Timeout)

<wabba> If u want a fight we better take this to #outside

<AV-Cables> np: [ - ] [06:05m]
<Frozen-Solid> god DAMN your tags suck av.
<AV-Cables> I know. :D
<AV-Cables> No, I have to re-tag them.
<AV-Cables> I just converted ALL my songs to 192kbps.
<AV-Cables> And the Smashing...LIVE! soundtrack to 320kbps.
<Frozen-Solid> uh....
<Frozen-Solid> converted from what...?
<AV-Cables> 128kbps

<GWH> funny when you and your girlfriend are fighting over aim
<GWH> and then you realize you dont have to sit there till she
answers, you can do other shit too

<below> i'm going to kill my roommate.
<Aven> Kill kill kill
<below> he's going to die for this one
<Aven> Wait, I'M YOUR ROOMMATE!
<below> you are?
<below> wtf?!
<below> how many fingers am i holding up?
<Aven> 2
<Aven> But I don't think ones a... oh god.
<below> yes.
* Aven stabs himself in the eye with a pen.

<Ruth> hmmm first thing to do when one gets home is .... check
spam for emails

Mazgurth: what does slashdotting mean?
antizeph: youve never heard of slashdot?
Mazgurth: I know it makes websites not work

<+Erik> my dad knows i was watching him watch porn last night
<@Kodiake> wtf
<@Kodiake> did ya catch ol' dad jerkin off rofl
<+Erik> lol no dont ask
<+Erik> i was watching him cyber on remote administrator
<+Erik> and posting screenshots on irc
<+Erik> and we were making fun of him
<@Kodiake> ROFLMAO
<+Erik> so some fucker gets on msn and starts iming my dad
<+Erik> then goes "erik is watching you downstairs."
<@Kodiake> HAHAHAAHA
<+Erik> "he sees you watching gangbang pictures"
<+Erik> "YOUR FUCKED"
<+Erik> "WHAT KIND OF FATHER ARE YOU"
<+reap> RIOFLROFLROFLROFLORLFORLFORLF

<Darth-Phenom> But the SNES was only good for its games, much
like the PSX
<Pedgey> Well what else you gonna use it for? Making
toast?!!?!

< DiEsElBoY-DnB> i gotta a pretty hot woman, she cooks and
cleans for me too
<@Scruffypoo> DiEsElBoY-DnB: and every night you kiss her
before she tucks you in, cause you love your mommy

<@FirebirdGM> What a gayass question. This is on my Chemistry
Homework.
<@FirebirdGM> 'If x = 4, What is x equal to?'
<Trispectz> LOL
<@FirebirdGM> How the hell does that relate to HydroCarbons.
That isn't even a real question.
<@FirebirdGM> Damn stoner teacher.

Greg um...: west is that way.. --->
juggalett_chick: no thats north here
Greg um...: not my fault your monitor is facing the wrong
way...

<RageATM> im allergic to porn it makes my dick swell

[+BaByGiRL]: A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an
anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the
woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an
orgasm.
[+BaByGiRL]: "Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of
the kids..."

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting
conversations here!
Stranger: [Omegle is required to tell you that you are
chatting with a registered sex offender. This message cannot
be viewed by Stranger.]
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: I'm horny
You: So it is true what they say about you?

(@[e]space) going to war without France is like going deer
hunting without an accordion

<SheepyMuttonChops> Some kids in the UK were rushed to the
hospital after taking viagra at their lunch period.
<SheepyMuttonChops> The Sun newspaper quoted a source at the
school as saying: "By the time the afternoon lessons began,
there was no hiding what they had done."
<SheepyMuttonChops> Haha best line ever.

<Kukyona> how is hacking like sex? gets better with practice?
<m4tt-3> ehh
<m4tt-3> 'get in, get out, hope you dont leave anything behind
that can be traced to you

<homerj> I'm saying that as a friend, not as a linux zealot

<Mooglez> the lack of intelligent and cultured converstaion
bores me
<Mooglez> laterz bitchez

<metio> is there a pirated site that ahs the newest version of
linux

<DuEy> my grandparents just asked me to send an email to my
cousin :\ and they gave me the postal address

<l0g1c> Does giving handjobs make you go blind??
<ApOkAliPs> HAHA
<ApOkAliPs> well...
<ApOkAliPs> depends where you aim it...

* Ardham refuses to put flamable objects in close proximity to
his manhood.... though it may have prevented the 3 kids he has
now.
<Tierrie_> Its not too late to put flamable objects near your
kids

<enntee> man
<enntee> i think my fucking cat is pregneant
<angry> dude
<angry> you should have used protection.

*** topic in #ramen is 'When your cablemodems combine, I am,
Captain Pirate! :'

<Dane> i picked ryk up one night when he was completely
trashed
<Dane> and he was looking like spewing
<Dane> so i reminded him of my car spew rule
<Tippytoes> which is?
<Dane> "if you hurl you pay me $150 and you have to clean it
up"
<KKKBitch> heh
<Dane> and he looked in his pocket
<Dane> and goes
<Dane> "I can cover that"
<Dane> "lets go get curry"

<BeLLa`> does sperm die when it hits the air, msg me if u know
<carcin0gen-> sounds like someone got a 3 pointer