bash.org archive

Slava1983: i was walking trought the cafeteria and see a chick
Slava1983: but for some reason there was two of her
Slava1983: so i come up and i'm like am i too drunk or are you
twins
Slava1983: turned out they were twins

<Foxxz> my dixie wrecked
<DrYcElL> ???
<Foxxz> say it out loud
<DrYcElL> ????????????????????????????????/
<Foxxz> MY DIXIE WRECKED
<Foxxz> yell it
<DrYcElL> MY DIXIE WRECKED!!!!!!!!!
<Foxxz> nah dude, u gotta yell it rl
<DrYcElL> I did
<DrYcElL> my cuz looked at me funny

* Jbond64 yawns
* darkcloud stuffs a sock in Jbond's mouth
<waffle> darkcloud: you misspelled cock

<Kashan> Ive been playing jetgrindradio too much
<Kashan> I just tried to grind a stairwell in halflife

<Chrisco> stifffyyy where have you been?
<Stifler> i said the meanest thing to my girlfriend last night
>=-)
<Stifler> you know.. cause i've been spending soo much time
with her, neglectin the gaming and all..
<Stifler> well i said "you know i spend soo much time with
you, i wish you were deaf, so i could get like community
service for hanging out with you, i'd have a bajillion hours!"
<Chrisco> oh.. no wonder your back online again.

<Tanzarian> well that's a blow to the confidence
<Tanzarian> some religious guys just came to my door and as
they were leaving they left a little magazine thing
<Tanzarian> he looked through his pile for a while and ended
up giving me one on the evils of masterbation ...
<Tanzarian> I really should stop answering the door naked with
a massive erection

<blie> i need a new girlfriend
<blie> mine sucks
<kelseyB> yours sucks?
<kelseyB> ill take her

<ruca> my dads work pays for my cable modem so my mom always
says "ERIN! dont look at porn cause dads work will get in
trouble"
<ruca> im like wtf woman you cant even turn my computer on.
dont school me you ho
<ruca> she REALLY believes my dads boss is gonna go up to him
and be like "kevin, we found out your 20 year old daughter
looked at ron jeremys nads last night. explain yourself!"

<Nofrag> It's bullshit, the police won't do a fucking thing.
They destroyed one of the transformers now the power's out for
twelve blocks
<bawheid> It obviously wasn't one of the better transformers
<bawheid> Optimus Prime, say

<@rakaur> maybe when i get back
<lily> ok well when you're ready call me on the telephone
<@rakaur> well you know i had planned on smoke signals but
telephone is ok.

* RedBull has returned.. I degaussed my girlfriend and I'm
just not attracted to her anymore.

<+IronKite> When will I learn to stop frying bacon in the
nude?
<@jaymeekae> shortly after an embarrassing trip to the ER?
<+IronKite> good point.

absorb: seamus
absorb: why
absorb: dont
absorb: you
absorb: kiss
absorb: my big
absorb: DICK
absorb: you bitchass pussylift
Seamus: absorb: because your dick is about as long as your
average message length

<LeoGeo2> i'm gonna make my whole web-site outta HTML

<Monso> is california on the east coast or west?
<cpM> did it move?

<CF> MMORPG players are freaks.
<CF> If I ever have kids, and I catch them doing anything with
a computer except for normal stuff like porn and hacking into
school to change their grades, I will beat their asses like a
red headed step child.

<ryo-ohki> I'm gonna try setting up some Dutch auctions on
eBay.
<blazemore> you're supposed to be 18 to use ebay though :|
<ryo-ohki> Tell that to my 200 pairs of dirty teen boy's
undies.

<Arafelis> Er, can anyone help me get rid of a virus?
<Arafelis> I sort of need to before it takes out my computer.
<Arafelis> It's creating a junk file called WIN386.swp

<Shuka> Our band conductor lady is this really scary black
lady
<Shuka> and she's like, "Y'gotta have spirit blood"
<Shuka> and then like one time
<Shuka> She's like, "Yknow, don't tell your parents this, but
you guys sound like fucking shit"
<Shuka> and we were like o_O

<Barb> I just looked over at a cup on my desk and thought "Ew,
that milk must be really old. Its like, orangey. Strange that
it doesn't smell." And I realized it was orange juice and not
milk.

<outRider> i bought MoH: AA today... boy, world war II was
easy.

<Minstrel> OMG!
<Minstrel> OMG!
<Minstrel> OMG!
<Minstrel> Tornado!
<Guantlet> better get to the basement mins
<Minstrel> bbl, Ima go get stoned and go outside.

<nista> i was explaining to a claimant why a defendant was
being sued
<nista> i told him that the defendant violated a federal
statute
<nista> he said "VIOLATED A FEDERAL STATUE?!? WHICH ONE, THE
LINCOLN MEMORIAL?!?"

(konartist) How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?
(konartist) Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

<Sin> MICHAEL JACKSON DIED TODAY!
<Vincent> WHAT!? how?
<Sin> acute food poisoning
<Sin> he ate some 12 year old nuts

<MadHatter> I'm going to buy one of those stormtrooper outfits
from return of the jedu
<MadHatter> jedi
<MadHatter> and ride mine through the woods, weaving through
trees
<enex> and look like a complete tool

<dsfsadfa> do you guys know what would be even cooler than the
death of bush?
<SaberRider> an iraq victory ?
<SaberRider> (which is very unlikely)
<dsfsadfa> orange flavored pepsi
<Keltosh-ill> ...
<Iraq> Whoa...
<Iraq> That'd be awesome!
<dsfsadfa> i told you

<pimpDT> you need a nice phrase to tell women when they
mention babies
<boXlor> "stfu" ?

<Splortch> i should diet
<Komando> chop off the t and just die

<Church> Sup folks
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: do you program?
<Church> Ja.
<BytesAndCoffee> more functional or more imperative?
<Church> Mix.
<BytesAndCoffee> Church: deplorable, church and state should
never mix!
<Church> Heh
<Church> Oh god. It clicked.
<Church> Fuck you.
<Church> That joke has layers... >_>

<@iridium> man
<@iridium> im getting fucking raped
<@iridium> i'm lagged by like 2 minutes
<@iridium> fucker i gave a shell on this box pissed some
script kiddie off
<@iridium> hes packeting the crap out of me
<@iridium> fuck
<@iridium> i've battened down all the hatches so now all that
remains is to wait for him to climax or whatever the fuck
script kiddies do

n e r d b 5: you use redhat?
n e r d b 5: thats a program you can get warez from, right?
n e r d b 5: like napster
n e r d b 5: d/l apps from other people

<_|LoCo|> any1 know whats the last album of paul oakenfold?
<al-x> Paul Oakenfold Presents Another Shitty ALbum With All
The Same Tracks As the Last 3 Albums

(Damage|rysny) whats the difference between michael jackson
and acne?
(tkd-cod|enm1ty) dunno, what?
(Damage|rysny) acne waits till 13 to come on your face.

<Ibrahim> mike should work for tech support
<Ibrahim> not any company in particular, just tech support in
genreal
<michael> Ibrahim, That seems like a good idea in theory. But
take into account my acute lack of patience.
<Ibrahim> that's the point.
<Ibrahim> we record all calls, video tape you, and sell it as
comedy things.
<michael> Mmmm...no.
<Ibrahim> you'd make plenty of money.
<michael> Mmmm...no.
<Ibrahim> Free Donuts.
<michael> Mmmm...no.
<Ibrahim> how about your choice of 20 nude women at your beck
and call carrying large tropical drinks.
<Ibrahim> actually, we could make more money with said 20
women and the video.
<michael> How about we combine all of them?
<Ibrahim> a comedy about 20 nude women with donuts and large
tropical drinks?
<LdySaphyre> I want the video of Ib trying to talk twenty
women into being michael's nude servants.
<michael> Ibrahim, No. A comedy about 20 nude women seducing
me and offering me large tropical drinks while I try to
perform my duties as a tech support person :P
<Ibrahim> now THERE is a video!

*** bigdick ([email protected]) has joined
#cars
*** BigCunt is now known as RaMTuFF
* bigdick slides into BigCunt
*** bigdick ([email protected]) has left #
cars
<shaan> well that doesnt happen everyday

marksydneyshaw: I haven't been at school since 1981
ChristianOtte87: No, you're old.
marksydneyshaw: Yes I was19 then!
ChristianOtte87: Damn.
marksydneyshaw: But I'm really just a big kid, as Legion said,
who still reads comics!
ChristianOtte87: No, you're pretty much an old guy living in
denial.

Sam Stone:  Blade walk into your parents bedroom totally naked
and covered in wesson oil and weilding a knife. Scream at the
top of your lungs "YOU JUST STAY RIGHT IN THE FUCKING BED OR
I'LL CUT IT~!!!!" then grab your man hammer in a death grip in
shake it at your mom. Whatever she says next, make a quick
downward stab while screaming but don't stab yourself in the
penis for real. Then shuffle over to mom and say "Just kidding
mom, happy easter!" and walk back to your room

<nummish> your loss.. raver girls dressed as cats
<nummish> strung out on every chemical known to man
<nummish> what more could you ask for? really?
<sheizkopft> an STD test?

* gg ([email protected]) has joined #Terraria
<gg> I just cut my hand with a knife while slicing a hotdog.
<@Sqozza> Awesome.
<gg> It happened because the phone rang. When I answered it,
it was this clown I know named Steve.
<gg> He told me he had been to a graveyard and seen my name on
six gravestones.
<gg> When I hung up the phone, I was surprised to notice my
hand dripping blood faster than I'd anticipated from such a
small wound.
<gg> Concerned, I bandaged the hand with a paper napkin, but
realized there was butter on the napkin, and the butter had
salt in it.
<gg> So, with a stinging hand, I ran cold water over the hand
but the butter made the water slough off.
<gg> Then the doorbell rang.
<gg> I answered it. It was Steve again. He was holding a
package for me and standing at a strange angle.
<gg> I took the package and slammed the door.
<gg> Opening the package, I noticed two things. 1) The package
was unaddressed, and 2) my hand was still bleeding.
<@Sqozza> 3) Steve is awesome.
<gg> I ripped the package open and inside were five rusted
nails and a jack rabbit's head.
<gg> I called Steve back, but he didn't answer.
<gg> Confused and bleeding, I tossed the box into the trash
and sat back down on the couch to finish Dr. Who.
<TheBadShepperd> I knew this was going to end bad when you
said you knew a clown.
<@Sqozza> Clowns these days
<gg> But the episode was strange. It was about to short people
fighting over a rotten piece of meat.
<gg> The Dr. was nowhere to be seen.
<gg> I got out a T.V. Guide to see if I was mistaken about
what I'd TiVo'd.
<@Sqozza> gg, maybe you were watching Jersey Shore instead
<gg> I wasn't. It was, indeed, Dr. Who. At least according to
T.V. Guide.
<gg> I put the remote down and noticed that my hand was still
bleeding.
<gg> Then I ate my hotdog.
<gg> Slowly.
* gg ([email protected]) has left #Terraria
<@Sqozza> What the fuck just happened

<Superlan> Cannabis brownies:  the breakfast, second
breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea time, dinner, dessert, and
midnight snack of champions.

<Soultechh> i say potato, you say potato
<Soultechh> doesn't really work on irc does it? :

<PyroP> My sister has freinds over. They're banging the piano.
<piman> PyroP, Uh...
<aer> I see..
<PyroP> ^banging^banging on

<XwinGs> can i find any mensa iq test on the net ?
<Ntruder> part of the test is finding the test.  good luck.
<XwinGs> oic

<McMoo> some gorgeous ladies asked me if i knew where building
PHR was today
<McMoo> i should have worked it all smooth style
<McMoo> and told them it was in my pants

<[]OTB[]Orange> apparently girls gone wild "just got wilder"
<ninex-knp> ?
<[]OTB[]Orange> i don't know about you, but i certainly don't
want to see willy wonka bare his breasts

<paranoid/> i just realized that my dads a hardcore redneck
<stonedgamer> how so
<paranoid/> he came out of the shower and i saw a tatoo on his
ass that said "exit only"

<peerce> Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I
know, Ill use regular expressions." Now they have two
problems.

* Mark is away: out to dinner with potential women :D
<Jon-> just need the operation eh?

<vindalou> but you know how all gossip has a grain of truth
<Bishi> I heard your mom's a real dirty slut

e l i t e m r p: first type this
CD WINDOWSCOMMAND
n e r d b 5: i dont have a cd in the cdrom

[02:17:43]   +wysiwyg sings "your no good for me i dont need
nobody, dont need no one thats no good for me"
[+wysiwyg] and if ne1 points out it should be "you're" ill
kill em
[@Miz] i'll
+wysiwyg slaps Mr Pedantic with a flacid kipper
[Sarcho] flaccid?
[+wysiwyg] oh fuck off

<LuciferOmega> STEPHEN HAWKING'S PRO WHEELCHAIR 2!

<bob> you're like "i want something that uses gtk :(" and
redhat's like "YOU MUST NOW INSTALL GNOME-CORE; GNOME-TOYS;
GNOME-QUAKE; GNOME-PRETTY-CAT-THAT-DANCES-ON-YOUR-WINDOWZ"
<bob> "Press Space Bar to install 1986 Space Shuttle
Schematics"
<bob> "Or Enter to install HAM RADIO to RealPlayer signal
converter"
<bob> "Or press nothing, and I will Reboot"

* sty is now listening to Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Two
Tribes
* Bluey is now listening to The Printer - Churning Out Pages.

<TekMounty> I think I'll have to go to a confessions, at the
adaptive technologies expo, there was a 19 inch lcd screen
just sitting there, I though to myself "If I ran out with this
none of these disabled people could catch me"

<Spesh> It takes skill to climb the corporate ladder on your
knees.

<Fryth> anyone seen the movie pi
<Murdock> I saw it 3.14 times.

<ChaB`s> Santa Claus hates you.
<LordReavr> he doesn't, he gives me presents.
<ChaB`s> no he doesn't.
<ChaB`s> that's not santa at all.
<LordReavr> you're just jealous because all you get is lumps
of coal.
<ChaB`s> hey, I'm prepared for an energy crisis, man

<FHCI_SS> I work as a tech support and someone called
yesterday with the following conversation taking place
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "Hi, I was wondering if you could fix my
laptop. It's under warranty."
<FHCI_SS> Me: "What seems to be the trouble with it?"
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "My wife got mad and threw it in the
pool."

<epmo> now can u please unban me so i can ask a real question?
:)
<DAL9000> To remove your ban, please submit the request for
ban removal form(FRM-4391B-R5) with all neccessary materials,
including passport photograph and notorized statement of
intent to abide by rules, and your ban will be reviewed for
removal within 4 to 8 business days. In the meantime all
inquiries may be directed to www.google.com.

<dunn> why am i sometimes online, and sometimes not online
<uno> are you getting philosophical on us dunn?

<arpit> hmmmm; msn news : mtv launches gay network
<arpit> I thought they'd been doing that since day 1....

<flee> for some reason it never occurred to me until now how
odd it is for elmer fudd to be singing about his "spear and
magic helmet" while bugs cross-dresses.
<6> I know, it makes so much sense until the cross dressing
<midi> you can say that about lots of things.

<TheWizrd> i wrote my paper ... its 2 pages ..... min length =
5 pages
<TheWizrd> wtf ?
<nerdcore> add 3 pages of "um" and "er"
<nerdcore> "And so we, um, see that, um, um, Shakespeare was
trying to, er, say that, um..."
<nerdcore> "And then that one guy--what's-his-name--picked up
the, oh yeah! It was Laertes! He picked up the, um, that thing
that you use when you want to stab somebody--a sword! Yeah.
That's it."
<nerdcore> easy +3 pages.

* maria pokes lisa
* maria pokes steven
* maria pokes dana
* dana deflates
<maria> hmm
* dana pbfbpfpbpfbf's around the room
* maria connects dana to an air pump
* dana recomposes

<MooseWare> Anyone in here know a good IRC server to find
people who are intersted in making game?
<MooseWare> games*
<Raggedy-Asmo> #redundant-questions
<MooseWare> that chat is empty
<CrazYGuyMrkII> lol
<Valeria> rofl
<Raggedy-Asmo> lol Val
<MooseWare> im serious, its empty
<Valeria> ;)
<MooseWare> except for me, of course
<Raggedy-Asmo> hey, let's send that one to bash
<CrazYGuyMrkII> rofl
<Valeria> already there
<CrazYGuyMrkII> thats like that other one
<CrazYGuyMrkII> join #someonewhocares
<CrazYGuyMrkII> im the only one there
<Raggedy-Asmo> lol
<MooseWare> that room is empty too
<CrazYGuyMrkII> lol
<MooseWare> grr

<chem> IM my friend gray then
<chem> Hes got so much porn he gets popups when hes browsing
his own pc

<nitrofenix> fucking cunt
<nitrofenix> i mean
<nitrofenix> er
<nitrofenix> distasteful individual.