bash.org archive

<Megistos> I once gave someone what amounted to a virus over
IRC
<Megistos> it was a mIRC script that allowed us to remotely
execute mIRC commands
<Megistos> what a fool
<Megistos> At first we just made him say stuff in channels
<Megistos> then we realised mIRC could talk to the whole
system with /run
<Megistos> hence this immortal line
<Shiyiya> Heh
<Megistos> <lbal> wtf, i come back from css to find 63
calculators open
<Shiyiya> lmao

<Snoper> how do i find the book I want
<Vultar> Type "@find bookname"
<Snoper> "@find bookname"
<Snoper> It didnt do anything. now what do I do ?
<Vultar> Tell your parents that cousins shouldn't marry...

<[-Blacksword-]> brb, dishes have developed their own language
and are talking to the garbage about overthrowing me... i must
correct this

<SpitZ> this sms was sent by a friend of mine
<SpitZ> Sally mr. pls,2wedding
<SpitZ> What's that supposed to mean?
<crazhee> i think it read as "Sally mist'er period. please
comma to wedding"

* Trog starts singing "My little pony, my little pony"
* Mezir shoves a little pony up an orifice of Trog's choice
<Trog> yours

<Shempo> ...do I have to set the drive to
like...master..slave..blahblahblahb...o.O
<ShadowRage> slave
<ShadowRage> look at the jumpers on it
<ShadowRage> there will either be an M or an S, or just mater
or slave
<ShadowRage> pop the jumpter on slave
<ShadowRage> jumper*
<ShadowRage> if it's the primary hd, then master
<Shempo> Well...Rawr..
<Shempo> I plugged the bitch im
<Shempo> in8
<Shempo> in*
<Shempo> it rawred at me
<Shempo> CLIIIKC CLICKCLIIICCK
<Shempo> ..now what?
<ShadowRage> access the bios
<ShadowRage> (either escape, f1 or delete when your computer
first powers on)
<Shempo> yea..
<Shempo> and?
<ShadowRage> what kinda BIOS do you have?
<Shempo> dunno
<ShadowRage> this is on an older machine?
<Shempo> 1 year
<ShadowRage> hmmm
<ShadowRage> ok, are you in the bios?
<Shempo> ..no
<Shempo> That'd require restarting.
<ShadowRage> ... you added this HD with the computer on?!
<Shempo> >.>
<Shempo> <.<
<Shempo> :D
<ShadowRage> ..on your current machine?
<ShadowRage> right now?
<Shempo> o.o
<ShadowRage>
.....................................................
<Shempo> Run?
<ShadowRage> lowkey: give me the learnin' stick.
<Shempo> ...
<Shempo> :(
<Shempo> The 2x4?
* ShadowRage smacks Shempo with a 2 by 4
<Shempo> :(
<Shempo> Yea...dumb mistake..
<ShadowRage> ....you seriously plugged it in with the machine
ON?!
<Shempo> Possibly harmful?
<ShadowRage> ......
<ShadowRage> yes
<ShadowRage> very
<Shempo> o.o
<ShadowRage> ..it's a surprise your computer didnt explode and
kill you in the process.

<Mercy> It's (assassinate the president) fun to annoy (charter
a plane, pentagon) the NSA by (shoot George Bush) inserting
crap into innocent (blow up congress) sentences.
<Mercy> Or so I've been (nuke Washington) told.
<@Ixnorp> One would think that the NSA would have slightly
more advanced filtering techniques than regexp.
* Mercy Quit (Ping timeout)
<@Ixnorp> Or maybe not.

<BigMac> Omg, My dad s just died suddenly in hospital 
<BigMac> I m gonna go see his corpse in the morgue 
<Pleston> I doubt that.
<BigMac> What?
<Pleston> Well, firstly, any person would go see their father
BEFORE mourning to us about it.
<Pleaston> Secondly, I remember your other father dying about
two weeks ago, on another chat.
** BigMac has quit (quit: Stfu)
<Pleaston> Thought so

<tgr> i told my girlfriend that she's "math girl, doer of
math: unable to integrate with society, only with functions of
x"
<tgr> and guys, this is why she's my girlfriend. she said:
<tgr> "i could do a u substitution..."

<shaft`> I bought it through a special deal at work
<Guilty> The deal where you put what you can under your
jacket?

<|P0SiX|> you version'd me because?
<Valin> Because I wanted to see if you are one of those damn
Microsoft OS users. You are, and you shouldn't have any nick
that has anything to do with the better OSes (the free,
unix-like OSes) because anything affiliated with those OSes
are too good for the likes of you to soil
<|P0SiX|> [Valin VERSION reply]: mIRC32 v5.41

<nxn> dude I'm playing tic tac toe with this chick over a
doodle drawing thing
<nxn> I put down an X in the middle and she's like "OMFG
CAMPER!!"

<Cyberllam> I want to get a bumper sticker that says "Honk if
you think I am doing an excellant job driving." Then I can cut
people off and they won't know what to do.

<Viperz> I don't know what to write on my college application
for community service that I've done...
<SG> Priest in World of Warcraft

<Elle> There are two PhDs playing Lego Star Wars II in my
living room, and neither of them can figure out how to get
past the first level

* rabid_si is going AFK.
* rabid_si is now known as rabid_si[AFK]
<DopeHat> Rabid is going to anally fist Kao.
<rabid_si[AFK]> Rabid_Si isn't here right now DopeHat.
* because_he_is_busy_wanking has joined #infinity
<because_he_is_busy_wanking> Rabid
<rabid_si[AFK]> Rabid_Si isn't here right now
because_he_is_busy_wanking.

<spil0ink> is it pronounced live or live?
<Shit_Pifter> live
<spil0ink> thanks
<Shit_Pifter> np

<narg> So my sister is about to enter college, and she was
telling everyone her room number - 404.
<narg> Then one day, she was looking at a college letter with
my parents, and she's like crap, my room number is 414!
<narg> Reflexivly, I said if people went there, they would be
like 404: Julie not found.
<narg> No one even looked my way ;(

<laertes> NAPLES, Italy (Reuters) - Christmas has never tasted
this good. Thirty-two pastry chefs in the southern Italian
city of Naples unveiled on Saturday what they say is the
biggest ever nativity scene made entirely of chocolate.
<skolex> sweet jesus

SweetPeaches708: i can hack ur comp and send u a virus if u
dont tell the truth and dont stop scaring my friend
SweetPeaches708: s
SweetPeaches708: my dad works for aol
SweetPeaches708: i know how to do these type of things
aedenww2: omg
aedenww2: hahahahahahahahahaha
aedenww2: BASH.ORG

<Erasmus> You know how you can really annoy a trekkie fan when
you're watching Star Trek? Suddenly point at the screen and
shout "Hey, isn't that Captain Jon Luc Skywalker?!"
<Erasmus> You can actually see them wince as the mix up causes
them physical pain.
<Erasmus> You then wait till they've spent ten minutes
explaining to you (in minute detail) the difference between
Star Wars and Star Trek, pretend to think deeply for a minute,
and say: "but he is a Jedi, right?"
<Erasmus> This can cause instant cardiac arrest in some of the
more hardcore Trekkie fans.

<syc> buddy of mine licked a motherboard once while the
machine was running
<syc> no problems
<Skiz> I disagree
<Skiz> your friend has problems

<sword> i have the perfect girlfriend
<jon334> girlfriends are never perfect, m8
<sword> well last night while she was giving me a back massage
she asked me whether i wanted anything to eat or a blowjob or
both. i said that im a bit tired so she got me a beer from the
fridge and said that i should make myself comfortable
<sword> cause she still hadnt finished my home assignment for
the PHP class and she wanted to check /. too
<jon334> she good looking?
<sword> id say so, yea
<jon334> MARRY HER! NOW

<`Neonjoe`> http://www.weatherunderground.com/
<`Neonjoe`> hardcore
<vigz0r> its too hard to be normal weather
<vigz0r> they had to go UNDERGROUND
<cooter> dude they tell u the independant weather, not the
fuckin main stream sellout bullshit weather

ZA|Drinking|: I remember in high school, during somebody made
an off hand remark about wondering why they sacrificed virgins
ZA|Drinking|: And I was all like, they sure as hell ain't
going to give up the ones that put out
ZA|Drinking|: And then I got detention

<django23> I have a stupid question: what does "sendmail" do?
<Epesh> django: you're right, that is pretty stupid

<MJak> whats that movie with the the planet full of talking
apes?
<Nitrix> Planet of the apes...?
<Mjak> Yah the one where the space guy crash lands there whats
it called
<Nitrix> Planet of the apes...?
<Mjak> YES BUT WHATS THE FUCKING NAME OF THE MOVIE

<Czarina> I've always had a hard time picturing hamsters in
the wild. I get this mental image of a horde of them devouring
a cow or something.

Be1ial: remember the old arcade games that had a message from
the president about saying no to drugs?
Krizkor: haha yeah.
Krizkor: because of that blue screen before mortal kombat, i
stayed off drugs.
Krizkor: but unfortunately, i began pulling people's spines
out.

<Gargantua> I use php and c
<twat> I use pcp and H.

dantose: Do u get a trophy 4 it????
rocker576: It occurs to me that typing "u" instead of "you"
and "4" instead of "for" saved you 4 (not "for") keystrokes.
Typing "????" instead of "?" used 3 keystrokes plus the use of
the shift button for a total of 4 keystrokes. Thus, you have
saved no effort whatsoever by kicking the English language.

<rzrshrp> I want food
<NickBlasta> build more farms

<ColdRage687> do you like psychiatry
<Avs4Cup2K3> my mom's a psychiatrist
<ColdRage687> i dont
<ColdRage687> i used to think the brain was the most
fascinating part of the body
<ColdRage687> but then i realized
<ColdRage687> pssssh
<ColdRage687> look whats telling me that

<pengrate> Because, contrary to Window's opinion, searching
the internet for ethernet drivers does not go over so well

<Psi> pancakes!
<Psi> :D
<Psi> is there anyone who doesn't like them?
<Fenris> nazis.
<Fenris> but you can't blame them.
<Fenris> the only reason they invaded belgium was for the
waffles.
<Fenris> those fuckers love waffles.

<sp4nk> I once knew this guy who kept a dream journal.
<sp4nk> Some little spiral notebook he'd keep by his bed.
<martyr> haha nice
<sp4nk> I'd get waken up in the middle of the night and find
him writing shit in it. At 3 AM.
<sp4nk> Told me it was so he could remember the lucid dreams
he had the following morning.
<sp4nk> So one night at about 1, I decided to have a look.
<sp4nk> As I suspected, full of shit about meeting dead people
and flying across the Atlantic Ocean.
<sp4nk> He was asleep at the time, of course.
<sp4nk> So I grabbed a pencil and made my own entry.
<martyr> ROFL
<sp4nk> Something along the lines of: OH MY GOD I WANT YOUR
BLOOD SATAN PLEASE LIBERATE ME FROM MY WRETCHED LIFE
<sp4nk> I swear, he was shaking the rest of that day.

<enex> MadHatter: eat shit!
<MadHatter> what
<MadHatter> fuck you
<enex> oh
<enex> hi
<MadHatter> yeah hey
<enex> what's up
<MadHatter> nothing man

<JakBauer> oh thats right, we could only use 8 char nicks on
efnet.
<CactusJac> 9 chars
<kuribo> cactus...
<kuribo> you're on altnet now
<kuribo> JUST ADD THE FREAKING K
<CactusJac> no
<kuribo> ADD IT
<CactusJac> OK
*** CactusJac is now known as CacktusJac

McViC0 0 97: is your mom there?
DarkEternal37: hey hey
DarkEternal37: lets try to have ONE conversation without a
your mom joke
DarkEternal37: k?
McViC0 0 97: i'll try
DarkEternal37: me too
McViC0 0 97: but i promise ntohing
DarkEternal37: im listening to adam's song
McViC0 0 97: im listenign to the sound of your mom moaning
McViC0 0 97: oh fuck
DarkEternal37: havent heard it in so long
McViC0 0 97: i messed up
DarkEternal37: I FUCKING HATE YOU
McViC0 0 97: lol
McViC0 0 97: it slipped i swear
DarkEternal37: you lasted fucking 23 SECONDS
DarkEternal37: i hope you last longer in bed
DarkEternal37: for my moms sake

<DaMouse> HP should make weaponry
<zid`> nah
<zid`> the ammo would cost more than the gun

*** Now talking in #12-15yrz
<Salamander> Hi all!!
<Petri> Hi a/s/l?
<Salamander> 53/m/CA
<Petri> I think ur in the rong place
<Salamander> Oh no, I dont think I am...

prettykittikat: Im going 2 the club 2night
Syric 2005: im going 2 lern 2 tipe 2nite 2
prettykittikat: what?
Syric 2005: Exactly

* ion has joined #sp
<ion> today's my birthday
<deMoN> yo happy bday man ;)
<ion> thanks, my dad brought me a new case home from his work
today
<ion> ok, it's not a new case, it's my old one...i didnt like
the gray metal frame so i wanted to change the color
<plague> What color?
<ion> gold. i was going to spray paint it, but it would have
ended up melting. so my dad said he'd take it to work
<ion> he works at this metal coating place
<ion> just brought it home today. looks awesome
<plague> So you have a gold plated tower?
<ion> no it's not gold...something else...let me go ask
<ion> copper. it's copper
<plague> Copper plated?? Is it running right now?
<ion> no dude...on my other pc..i just finished hooking up the
mobo and stuff, i'm about to start it
<ion> stand back
<plague> Before you turn it on...I think you should know
something...
* ion has quit IRC (No Route to Host)
<plague> Copper is a conductor of electricity.
<deMoN> think we should have told him?
<zeff> nah, it's funnier this way.
<plague> of course...<>
Note: the fuse box in his house was fried. knocked the power
out.

(@damned) one time, my mom asked me if she copied something,
and then unplugged the mouse and plugged it into another
computer she could paste it

DBO: the guy in the middle lane is blasting his music full
blast
DBO: so loud I cant hear my own music with the windows up
DBO: I mean really FREAKING loud
DBO: I look over at him and give him a nasty look
DBO: and then I see something on the car on the other side of
him
DBO: its a note
DBO: written on cardboard
DBO: help up against the window
Muz: Yes...and?
DBO: "You music sucks, your stereo is too damn loud, and I'm
sorry you have a tiny penis"
DBO: he turned it down after that

<popemichael> I'm thinking about drinking a little tonight
too. It might make my pain pills work better.
<jamie> Isn't there a "do not take with alcohol" warning on
your pill bottle?
<popemichael> It's okay, I took it off.

<Loonacy> Apple dumped the geek/hobbyist market to go after
the highly profitable moron/trendy market.

<Elysium> I think I need to watch some porn for luck
<gNaRKiLL> doesnt work
<gNaRKiLL> id be the luckiest fucker alive
<gNaRKiLL> id shit leprachauns

<Ki> HAHAHAHA I DID IT HAHAHA FUCKERS
<Ki> I ASSEMBLED THE BED
<Mellis> hmm?
<Mellis> congratulations you're a level 2 Ikeamancer

<rompiku> I think I am going to wait until the hacker is in my
computer, then I will disconnect from the internet and trap
him inside

<LogicalThought> Having a girls head on your chest is one of
the best feelings ever
<The_Opinion> Especially when it's still attached.

<zetec> I don't think it's physically possible to both laugh
and ejaculate at the same time.
<zetec> But I plan on finding out.
* zetec is away - midget porn.

orangemunky: yes, but can you spell
antidisestablishmentarianism???
Q-13: I can now, dumbass!
orangemunky: ........
orangemunky: shit

(Mutiny) Atarax: you ate a americum disk from a smoke
detector?
(Atarax) Mutiny: yeah
(Mutiny) Atarax: why?
(Atarax) Mutiny: I thought it would give me special powers.
(Mutiny) Atarax: what did it do to you?
(Atarax) Mutiny: well, it didn't give me any special powers,
but it didn't kill me either
(Atarax) Darwin must be spinning in his grave
(Atarax) "why is that fuck still alive"

<peer> Bad timing is when you are running late and you get all
the red lights
<+FyreDaug> Nah, bad timing is what happened yesterday
<+FyreDaug> One of my girl friends was over and she asked me
to do something and I was doing something on my computer
already so I said "just gimmie another sec"
<+FyreDaug> and shes like "aw cmon I've given you lots of secs
already!"
<+FyreDaug> as my mom was walking upstairs where the computer
room is. She just looked at me funny and walked away

<dessman> man both Tesla and Newton were lifelong virgins
<dessman> am i the only one who sees the link?
<m0nd0m> you believe you're going to be a great scientist?

<Green> So I got in my car
<Green> and there was birdshit on my windsheild
<Green> so i got a paper towel and got out to wipe it off
<Green> but it wouldn't come off
<Green> and thats when I realized it was on the INSIDE
<Green> I had a hard time getting to sleep that night

RonilWazlib: man that sucked
RonilWazlib: if your girlfriend tells you she feels fat and
hugs you for moral support, do not start jiggling her butt in
an attempt to find the natural frequency of fat
RonilWazlib: and if she asks, DO NOT tell her what you are
doing

<rawrkitty> so today i did something awesome
<rawrkitty> i set a bag of shit on fire
<rawrkitty> and it smelled like shit
<Tabi-chan> How'd the person react?
<rawrkitty> huh
<Tabi-chan> The person who's porch you left it on
<rawrkitty> why the fuck would i do that? thats stupid

<@Xenon> You know what the best feeling in the world is?
<@Xenon> It is when you have a headache, and you take pills,
and you can feel the pain becoming less and less every couple
of minutes
<@Xenon> It's so satisfying
<@malevolence> you've clearly never been laid

<diego>: yea
<diego>: he says he takes four hours to masturbate
<nate>: O.O
<nate>: now THAT'S endurance
<nate>: well, not endurance
<nate>: endurance implies something admirable... it's more
like... "stamina"
<diego>: well id like to see YOU stroke it up and down for
four hours
<diego>: wait
<diego>: wait
<diego>: no
<diego>: damnit
<nate>: ...
<nate>: wow, and i even got it in writing

<Chalklatemilk> ok so im wacking off to a video of two
lesbians fucking eachother
<Chalklatemilk> then i hear my mom walking down the hall to
this room
<Chalklatemilk> so i quickly close the video
<Chalklatemilk> then she walks in and im sitting with my pants
down, left hand around the cock, and she looks at me...then
looks at the screen...my desktop was open and had three naked
gnomes standing by a fireplace...the look on her face as she
left the room will stick with me till the day i die.

<Robyn> then we realised that james had fucked with the bunsen
burner
<Robyn> and set the lab on fire
<Robyn> penis ensued
<tempura> ...penis?
<Robyn> panic
<Robyn> PANIC
<Robyn> shit

<mh_> str8 up mf i was afkin 4 a sec & that mutha goes all
stfu on me
<mh_> wtf? 4 nothin at all
* harm consults Oxford's Non-Abridged Gangsta Abbreviations
Explicator
<mh_> gtof
* harm consults harder

<g[b]> moooooooooootherfucker
<Firas> ...
<Firas> g[b]: before that punchline we need the setup, e.g.
"what do you call a cow with an oedipus complex", etc.

<OmegaHedgehog> Haha, a very funny thing happened to my cousin
right before Christmas
<OmegaHedgehog> My cousin was watching South Park with me,
something he really isn't supposed to be doing
<OmegaHedgehog> The episode where Cartman thinks a dildo is a
sports watch was on
<OmegaHedgehog> So he goes and writes down 'dildo' on his list
to Santa
<OmegaHedgehog> His dad goes and reads it and freaks out, and
goes up to ask him where he heard what a dildo was
<OmegaHedgehog> He replies with "I heard Cartman talk about it
on TV. It's something like a sports watch, right?"
<OmegaHedgehog> So his dad (my uncle) tells him it's a
chocolate chip cookie, and asks my aunt to make him some
<OmegaHedgehog> So the next day he goes to school, and here's
the best part
<OmegaHedgehog> He gets up in front of the whole class and
tells them about how his mom gave him her biggest dildos and
how yummy they were

<Nietzche> what kind of weird keyboard are you using
<Nietzche> dvorak or something
<Nietzche> BECAUSE GUESS WHAT
<Nietzche> IM USING QUERTY
<Nietzche> QWERTY
<Nietzche> omg
<Nietzche> how can i misspell qwerty
<Nietzche> >_>

(^[QuRvE]^) its freezing in my class
(xyst) qurve is freezing his ass?
(bc) qurve is freaking in my ass
(nexxai) QURVE HAS A FAT ASS
(xyst) QURVE STOP TOUCHING MY ASS
(seiki) QURVE LIKES IT IN THE ASS
(^[QuRvE]^) It's nice having friends.

<gig103> I drove by the fire department the other day, and
they had a big public awareness sign that read, "Are your
house numbers visible?" I thought, "Who the hell cares?  How
about you just stop at the house that's on fire?!"