bash.org archive

madskz: i' tried ass fuck
takefive: haha
takefive: how was it?
madskz: what??
madskz: oh shit
madskz: *i'm tired as fuck

<Somebody241> i was playing XBL yesterday
<Somebody241> and i was playing wit my friend
<Somebody241> and im sure hes maried and everything
<Somebody241> And all of a sudden
<Somebody241> His wife comes on the mic and says
<Somebody241> "Can my husband quit the game so we can have
sex?"
<Somebody241> and then some lil 9 year old in my team says
"Sure just leave the mic on"

<cirrhosis> GODDAMN IT TO FUCKING HELL
<cirrhosis> WTF....MAN, I OUGHTTA JUST GO FUCKING SHOOT MYSELF
<cirrhosis> jesus fucking christ
<dolph72> ?
<cirrhosis> wife just told me she's prego
<dolph72> Dont shoot yourself
<dolph72> Shoot the asshole that did it

Casey: Yeah, writing paper.
Josh: want to be distracted?
Josh: want to play a game?
Casey: Dude...the paper...
Josh: *scizzors beats paper *
Josh: yes I know I misspelled it
Josh: and that
Casey: *pulls out rock*
Josh: *VOLCANO!
Josh: nothing beats volcano
Casey: ASTEROID.
Josh: MAGIC!!!
Casey: BLACK HOLE!
Josh: WHITE HOLE!
Casey: PATRIOT ACT!
Josh: not white house you phail
Casey: No, no, no. *Nothing* beats the Patriot Act, although
I'm sure the ACLU is working very hard on it.
Josh: fine
Josh: ANARCHY
Casey: TOTALITARIAN STATE
Josh: EMMANUEL GOLDSTEIN
Casey: STALIN
Josh: DEATH
Casey: RELIGION
Josh: RATIONAL THOUGHT
Casey: FUNDIES
Josh: NOISE CANCELING HEADPHONES
Casey: PEOPLE WITNESSING AT YOUR HOUSE
Josh: SHOTGUN
Casey: BOMBS
Josh: PATRIOT ACT

<%Hamtaro> I tried to register the AIM name "Your mother"
<%Hamtaro> And got this
<%Hamtaro> Create a Screen Name
<%Hamtaro> 
<%Hamtaro> Sorry, Your mother is already in use

Skylos : dang its irritating when I get phone calls and they
just hang up
Triggur: call them back with caller ID and then hang up!
Triggur: ever get a Heavy-Breathing call?
Triggur: I did once and I told him, "oh god, that is SO hot. 
can I jack off too?"
Triggur: turns out it was my mom winded from walking upstairs.

Chronic Munchies: imagine if anne frank had a BLOG instead of
a DIARY
Chronic Munchies: currently listening to: nazis pounding on
the door
GenAmonX2K: Current Mood: concentrating

<Crucial> whats a quick way to push ipconfig /release,
ipconfig /renew to 50 or
so workstations
<Mo> cycle power to the building

<missing> a chick walks by, u wish u could sex her
<missing> but ya standin on the wall like u was poindexter!
<akaIDIOT> since when is sex a verb?
<corngrits> i had sex
<corngrits> isnt that a verb ?
<ceraph> no, thats a miracle

coke420: Woo! Just reached lvl 60 on a 3rd character for WoW!
LexaDead: Great timing on that, I was just looking for a
virgin to sacrifice.

<CardiacVio> Dude, are you skipping homeschool again?
<Metatag> Yep, I'm in the computer lab at the high school.

Faustmaster300:My friend got kicked out of french once.
Faustmaster300:He goes,'Madam! I have a joke for you!'
Faustmaster300:'What is it Zach?'
Faustmaster300:'Why wasn't Jesus born in Paris?'
Faustmaster300:'THEY COULDN'T FIND THREE WISE MEN!'
Faustamster300: and after about 10 min of sitting the hallway,
he pops his head back in the door and goes, 'Oh, and they
couldn't find a virgin either.'

<tdo> i was helping my tech teacher out a few days in july or
so
<tdo> and i got some calls
<tdo> from potential customers
<tdo> and one of them was this little boy who couldn't have
been more than six or seven
<tdo> and he was almost in TEARS
<tdo> "everything i type is in caps what do i do my moms
goinng to kill me"

CaptainMoonpie2: Working on a report
CaptainMoonpie2: Tell me why welfare is bad
CaptainMoonpie2: But in a really, really long explanation that
is easy to copy and paste
IMADV82: Because people like me end up paying for people like
your mom to raise people like you.

<Devildrake> www.meatspin.com
-About 3 minutes later-
<Yodo> Woot 1000 spins
<Yodo> This game needs highscore table and ingame chat
<Devildrake> Dude wtf, it's a shock site, not a game...
<Yodo> Oh...

<JerryBeep> There are two kinds of jokes in the world:  Jokes
that people respond to by saying "lol" and funny jokes.
<melipompous> lol
<JerryBeep> You bastard.

<ColonelCoroner> Nah, this one's good.  Alright, so it was
getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get
into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day when you died. 
The Angel at the gate said to the man, "Before I let you in, I
need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
<ColonelCoroner> "No problem," the man said. "I came home to
my 10th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife
half naked. I knew she was fucking some bitch, I glanced out
onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off
the edge by his fingertips!  Well, I ran out onto the balcony
and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But
wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that
broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even
more. I wanted to kill the fucker! So I unplugged my
refrigerator, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it
over the side. It plummeted 10 stories and crushed him! The
excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart
attack and died almost instantly."
<ColonelCoroner> The Angel considers this, and let's him in
cuz it WAS a bad day....The next dude comes up, and is asked
the same question.  So the dude replies, "But you're not going
to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 11th floor
apartment doing my daily exercises. I was really pushing hard,
and I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and
accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch
myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of
a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment,
started cussing, and stomps on my fingers. I fell and fucking
hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so
I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the
ground in shock and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push
his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the
10 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
<Piro-nuts> rofl...
<ColonelCoroner> So the Angel chuckles, thinks his job is
pretty cool, and let's this dude in...the third dude comes up,
and again the Angel asks him the same question about how he
died.  So the dude goes, 'Okay, picture this, I'm hiding in
this refrigerator right..."

<@Theseus314> if I invite my girlfriend in here for a short
time will you guys behave yourself?
<Vetek> yes
*** FunG is now known as CaptainGapingAnus
*** poo_al[Away] is now known as i_want_to_fuck_thess_gf
*** IgWannA is now known as HotChickNeedSex
<@CaptainGapingAnus> we will behave

<Tobrae> Y'know, I can't stand all these "lol i got this one
dude to erase hsi hard drive" submissions on bash.org
<Tobrae> Do a search for "deltree" on Bash. Look at those
scores. Those are OUTLANDISH
<Brulam> A little bitter, are we Tob? :P
<Tobrae> No, I just don't find that very funny. I don't find
any of the "lol look at tihs tard lolol" quotes funny.
<ajax> wut does deltree /y c:*.* do??
<Tobrae> ...Can't you read?
<Brulam> enter it in dos
<Tobrae> Oh, no, we're not stooping down to their level
* ajax has quit IRC (Quit: )
<Tobrae> Don't, ajax, it'll e...
<Tobrae> ...
<Brulam> lol what a tard we got him to earse hsi hard drive!!
11 rofl
<Tobrae> HAHA OMG SUBMITTED!!!!!

<cow_hax0r> HOLY HOLY FUCKING SHIT AFK A SEC
<leecher> er...
<cow_hax0r> Sorry back
<leecher> what's the problem, house on fire?
<cow_hax0r> No I had to get a drink
<leecher> so why the urgency?
<cow_hax0r> Well... I REALLY had to get a drink
<leecher> so your house wasn't on fire or being attacked by
ninja's?
<cow_hax0r> Well.. no, but my throat was kinda dry

<kuiper> My mom got me a toilet brush for Christmas.
<sic> lmao
<sic> have you been using it?
<kuiper> Well, yeah, but it hasn't been working too well.  In
fact, I think I may just go back to using paper.

* sunny wanders back in the world of chemistry ... where the
H+ atoms have lost their protons and don't know where to find
them ...
<@guinea-pig> an ion walks into a bar and says "i think i left
an electron here lastnight"
<@guinea-pig> and the bartender says "are you positive?"
<sunny> hahahahaha
<mikegrb> that is awesome
<@guinea-pig> yes, we are geeks

<Thero> WHAT THE FUCK
<Thero> i just got yelled at for eating ham
<Thero> WHY ARE MY PARENTS PISSED ABOUT ME EATING HAM
<Thero> i didn't eat the ham to begin with
<Neon-azi> did you eat it on a plane?
<Thero> no?
<Neon-azi> did you eat it on a train?
<Thero> ....
<|silicon> did you eat it on a bar?
<wind> did you eat it in a car?
<hydro> did you eat it in a box?
<hydro> OR WITH A FOX?

Impure Mathematics
------ -----------
To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we
present: Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly
virtue, young Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that
notorious villain Curly Pi, and factored (oh horror!!!)
Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was
strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the
boundary
of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and
her
mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never
enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however,
who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the
basis
that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the
complex
elements. Rows and columns closed in on her from all sides.
Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor.
Quite suddendly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a
single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of
directrix, and went completely divergent. As she tripped over
a
square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged
headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once
more,
she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a
non-Euclidean
space.
She was being watched, however. That smooth operator,
Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her
curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his
face.
He wondered, "Was she still convergent?" He decided to
integrate properly at once.
Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and
saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated.
She could see at once by his degenerate conic and dissipative
that he was bent on no good.
"Arcsinh," she gasped.
"Ho, ho," he said, "What a symmetric little asymptote
you have I can see you angles have lots of secs."
"Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me I haven't
got my brackets on."
"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your
fears are purely imaginary."
"I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but
homologous."
"What order are you?" the brute demanded.
"Seventeen," replied Polly.
Curly leered "I suppose you've never been operated on."
"Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm
absolutely convergent."
"Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place
I know and I'll take you to the limit."
"Never," gasped Polly.
"Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.
His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a
log until she was powerless, Curly removed her
discontinuities.
He stared at her significant places, and began smoothing out
her
points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was
now her only hope. She felt his digits tending to her
asymptotic
limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.
There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator.
Curly's radius squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He
integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After
he cofactored, he performed runge - kutta on her. The complex
beast even went all the way around and did a contour
integration. What an indignity - to be multiply connected on
her first integration. Curly went on operating until he
completely satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and
became completely orthogonal.
When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that
she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated
in several places But it was to late to differentiate now. As
the months went by, Polly's denominator increased
monotonically.
Finally she went to L'Hopital and generated a small but
pathological function which left surds all over the place and
drove Polly to deviation.
The moral of our sad story is this: "If you want to
keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single
degree of freedom."

<TheDarkOfKnight> When I was a seinor in high school we had to
make a video and had to have blood packs. The best blood packs
are made from condoms.
<TheDarkOfKnight> We had the following on the checkout
counter: 1 Box of Trojan Magnum condoms, 2 Bottles of Corn
oil, 4 Bottles of red food color, 2 Super 8 video cassettes
and 1 Roll of duct tape.
<TheDarkOfKnight> I have never before gotten weirder looks.

<Dream Caller> CNN - Three teenagers beat a mentally retarded
man to death.
<Striker> $5 says they blame it on video games
<Adventurer> Yeah we all know that popular game where you kill
retards (/sarcasm)
<Thrasher> You've obviously never played counterstrike then.

<korb> anyone got a nuked vers of kof2000n??
<korb> anyone got a nuked vers of kof2000n???
<blazemore> quick, add more question marks, i think it's
working

<Claws> Disabled people are the greatest.
<Claws> I have a friend who is in a wheel chair and he has the
most awesome sense of humour ever.
<Claws> The other day two of my other friends were having an
argument about something trivial, one of them turned to him
and said "You'll stand up for me won't you"
<Claws> He just looked him straight in the eye and with the
straightest face you'll ever see, said "Only if your name's
Jesus"

<Kathleen> wtflolz
<Alex> lololorz
<Kevin> lol]
<Alex> haga
<Alex> 0wneef
<Kathleen> omg y3s.
<[X]> Is this some sort of idiot mating ritual? Should I get
the Discovery Channel in here with cameras?

<Matt> A catholic priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a
bar.
<Matt> He orders a beer.

<mcsuede> so i was half way through drinking a dr pepper
<mcsuede> and my wife sexed me so i fell asleep
<mcsuede> and when i woke up she had drank my dr pepper
<mcsuede> it was the last one
<mcsuede> i fear it was a plot

<[BAD]Beef> I AM SO SMART
<[BAD]Beef> follow my reasoning
<[BAD]Beef> my comp has no floppy drive
<[BAD]Beef> so I go downstairs to make a boot floppy on
another comp
<[BAD]Beef> I come back in my room with the floppy in my hand
<[BAD]Beef> and bang my head against the wall

<@kitten`> Scientists have determined that the average time
for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes
per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis
is six inches, the average female received two hundred and
sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times
per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes
2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. If you are not
getting your mile and a half, why not let me help out
<Ritontor> strokes per minute is 9?
<i> rofl
<m0zz> 4 minutes?
<revva> lol
<Ritontor> what the deuce?
<m0zz> 4 minutes is average!?
<kb_DeAd> the average length of the male penis is 15cm
<i> well since i got at least 9 inches, you should be getting
2 and a 1/4 miles
<@mima> like 4 min is way too short
<kb_DeAd> the average depth of a female vagina is 18cm
<kb_DeAd> goin on current population
<kb_DeAd> australia has 12,367 feet of unused pussy
<i> hang on... work out the average amount of cum we shoot up
a bitch each time
<i> and we can work out miles per gallon
<Mad-Cow> rofl
<@catinahat> heAe Ahe AEHA EhaEH
<@catinahat> youre all fucked up

<kolby> learn so grahmar(sp? ;[) and get back to me

<Lt_Tinkle> lolololololol
<Lt_Tinkle> i have my mincraft log viewable as a webpage
<Lt_Tinkle> and someone did html injection
<Lt_Tinkle> by talking inside minecraft
<Lt_Tinkle> and made it redirect to meatspin
<Lt_Tinkle> when i find out who it was
<Lt_Tinkle> i shall make them an op

<monami> my boss is okay except for the following scenario
that we have to play out four or five times a year :
<monami> Act I
<monami> BOSS: Do A.
<monami> ME: If we do A, B will occur.
<monami> BOSS: I don't care, do it anyways.
<monami> Act II
<monami> BOSS: OH MY GOD, B HAS HAPPENED.
<monami> ME: sigh

CascadeOrca: HAPPY FATHERS DAY!
Lerxs: indeed
CascadeOrca: I don't have a real father
CascadeOrca: so you're all my dad today
CascadeOrca: Congratulations.
Sixteen Bit Hero has left the room.
CascadeOrca: damnit, just like my real father
clash103 has left the room.
CascadeOrca: DADDIES! NOOOES!
Wiggidiba has left the room.

<Keolah> whats up?
<Zarggg> A direction away from the center of gravity of a
celestial object.

<BlackHawk> LULU: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got
no titties
<LULU> You wear pants don't you?

<Devilbunny>  I just got back from a team-building meeting at
work.  There was pizza and the managers did karaoke, and we
played games.
<Devilbunny>  We played Cranium, basically a team based
trivial pursit, with cards like "draw a picture and have your
team guess what it is," or "hum this song and have your team
guess."
<Devilbunny>  The last card was charades, for the word
"hormone"
<Devilbunny>  ...
<Devilbunny>  So, next week's meeting will be sensitivity
training.

Rude: holy shit people take everything the wrong way. I was
having dinner, so when I get back to the comp my buddy asks
what I was doing. so i told him, and he's like "oh yeah? that
your code name for jacking off nowadays?"
Rude: then just now i was jacking off and someone asked what I
was doing, so I told em i was jerking, and they're like "lmao,
so what're you actually doing? making dinner or someshit?"
Rude: I'm just going to make shit up from now on :/

<Siege>: Omg theres this really hot girl at my school.
<WarHawk>: Aww. Siegebear is in wuv.
<Siege>:Everytime she smiles i wanna cum all over her face.
<WarHawk>: Whoa

<XenThra> I locked my keys in my car in front of planned
parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a
clothes hangar.
<DevXen> Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

tarheelborn15: Eminem is the greatest rapper alive.
Luda848: Holy Shit....How many rappers have died today????

<eltawater> anyone know the name of a (mathematical) function
which calculates how many times a number M fits into a number
N?
<eltawater> i.e. 20,4 = 5
<eltawater> ?
<Biddle> Division?
<AlleyCat> divisor
<eltawater> er
<eltawater> *smacks head into desk*

<reva> so I was babysitting my cousin's kid the other day. 
who's like, 15 months old.
<reva> he was trying to get up on the computer chair, so i put
him up there.
<reva> he just starts randomly banging on the keyboard
randomly
<reva> and the first thing that pops up says "Are you sure you
want to delete Internet Explorer?" 
<reva> I hit "no" (because it's my parents computer).
<reva> so he starts hitting more keys...
<reva> the next thing that comes up: "Are you sure you want to
delete Outlook Express?"
<reva> ...I've never had more hope for humanity than that
moment.

SMB61890: have u heard bout that earthquake stuff under the
sea
Fairies Exist90: no is ariel ok?
SMB61890: i dont kno how to spell the name of it
Fairies Exist90: and king triton?
SMB61890: what?
Fairies Exist90: and sebastian?
Fairies Exist90: and flounder?
Fairies Exist90: ARE THEY OK?!

<TheVirus> So I had a girlfriend for all of 9 months. She
dropped
by one afternoon when I was sick with a pan of
brownies and a video
tape with the simpsons on it (my favorite show). so
I start eating
the brownies and turn on the tape. midway through
it, it cuts to
her sucking off some dude. he nuts in her mouth,
she looks at the
camera, and says "you're dumped. enjoy the
brownies" - and spits
the mouthful of cum into a bowl of brownie mix.
<alexandr-> you didn't keep eating the brownies did you?
<TheVirus> sure did
<TheVirus> i was hungry

sterano: Whats the difference between Raid_0 and Raid_1?
Steve: In Raid_0 the zero stands for how many files you are
going to get back if something goes wrong.

<AVX885> i'm going to break up with my girlfriend, she is
cheating on me
<sprtzntm77> dude, this is perfect... ok heres what you do
<sprtzntm77> dont mention this to her, and get in her pants
one last time, make it really rough.
<AVX 885> i like where this is going..
<sprtzntm77> right, so.. fuck her nice and rough-like and just
before she is about to cum, pull out.
<AVX 885> haha, go on
<sprtzntm77> pull out and dont say a word. Go get your pants
and put em back on, and say somthing along the lines of "i
dont think our relationship is gonna work out, im breaking up
with you. goodbye"
<AVX 885> HAHA, nice!
<sprtzntm77> so keep an emotionless face and dont respond to
anything she says. While your putting on your socks, mutter
somthing about forgetting to pick up your syphilis
antibiotics. That'll really get her freaked out.
<AVX 885> LMAO! This is golden, i have to pull this off..
<sprtzntm77> dude.. before this all goes down.. i'll hide
either under the bed or in the closet. While your on your way
to the door, turn around and say, "hey mark, shes not gonna go
for the DP, were leaving.. lets go."  I'll get out from under
the bed, look pissed off and follow you out the door.
<AVX 885> this is golden.. haha and I could just imagine her
sitting there spread eagle on the bed with the most awesome
expression of shock and awe on her face. I should take a
picture as im walking out the door and mail it to her parents.
<sprtzntm77> Fuck, if we pull this off, it will be the best
breakup scenario ever. She deserves it too.
<AVX 885> Yes, this is a warning women everywhere.. dont cheat
on me, for I will seek my sweet revenge.

<Runter> If I ever become ruler of the world
<Runter> I'm going to hold huge "Where's Waldo" contests
<Runter> Dress one guy up as waldo and put him in a crowd of
like 1000 people
<Runter> and get people from helicopters to try to find him
<Runter> to win they have to shoot him
<Jay> Why would you have to shoot him?
<Runter> Because I've always wanted to fucking kill waldo. I
mean seriously who doesn't fucking hate him?
<Jay> I don't
<Runter> Well then, do you like dress-up?

@(DonoftheDead) They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards
you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play
it forwards it installs Windows.

Stacy: Raymond is correct.
Raymond: I always am
Esuna: Raymond, what number am I thinking of?
Raymond: Esuna, you're not thinking of a number
Raymond: You're thinking of something to say when I do say a
number.
Esuna: Damn it! How'd you know?

Deus_Gear: its time to play
Deus_Gear: random kick
Deus_Gear: !kick random
*** Deus_Gear has been kicked from #illuminati-manga by
Deus_Gear: Deus_Gear

UsMc-LiTe: OMFG I JUST GOT A GF!!!!!!!!!
AkIrAgOrN909: Sadly folks, hes talking about the Grandfather
sword in Diablo 2.

<Reaver_Reload> This reminds me of a time back in college,
where one of my friends who was really dumb, she was crying
one day and i asked her what was wrong. Turns out she broke up
with her boyfriend, but she wouldnt say why.
<Reaver_Reload> I convinced her to tell me, and apparently she
was talking with her other two friends about their boyfriends.
one friend was complaining how cold her boyfriends nuts were
when she was giving him head, and the other one agreed that
her boyfriend's were really cold as well. (their boyfriends
names are richard and thomas btw)
<Reaver_Reload> So she says she has never given head and the
other two encourage her to do it, saying its a 'great way to
keep a guy'
<Reaver_Reload> Just two days later apparently she ran crying
to her friends and they asked her what was wrong, and she said
"I tried giving him a blow job, he was enjoying it at first
but then he just got up and left and said we were over before
i had even finished!"
<Reaver_Reload> concerned, her two friends asked her what was
wrong.. turns out she said "Wow, your balls are really warm.."
and he asked "why? is that bad?" and she goes "oh no its just
that richards and thomases' balls are really cold"

<TotAffen> On a scale from 1 to 10, I'm so drunk.

*** NeoCid[nothere] is now known as NeoCid
[learninggermanhistory]
<imag|WC3> I thought it said "learning nigger man history" at
first

<ancho> do girls like it if you stick your hand up there ass??
<ancho> hurry plz.. im in the middle of something

<Perrin> FUCKING CANDY BAG
<Perrin> OPEN
<Perrin> OPEN]
<Perrin> OPEN
<Perrin> ARHAGHAHGS
<Perrin> NO
<Perrin> NOT DOWN THE SIDE
<Perrin> FARHAHFANSKDFASD

<Xenecrite> Guys, I found the greatest glitch!
<Xenecrite> It's one of those ads where you have to hit the
target.
<Xenecrite> You can click anywhere on it and you STILL get the
prize!
<Xenecrite> 53 free laptops for me!

<CommanderStab> Lee (Bleeding) had this cool-sounding lecturer
once
<CommanderStab> They were in like some biology class or
whatever and the guy was like
<CommanderStab> "Very few species partake in sex for pleasure.
Can you think of some such species?"
<CommanderStab> So everyone is like, duh, humans
<CommanderStab> "Yes, exactly, humans! Humans are not bound by
some mating pattern, they will often merely have sex just for
the enjoyment of it!"
<Kaneda> ^^
<CommanderStab> "So, for example, if I was to ask this girl"
(points to some girl in the first row) "if she would have sex
with me, she would say yes"
<Tiger-Rik> lol ^^"
<CommanderStab> and the girl is like covering her face and
everything =D
<CommanderStab> And then the dude waits for the laughter to
die down and goes
<CommanderStab> "Of course, this is rare. Most of the time it
is the GIRL who asks ME to have sex with THEM!"
<CommanderStab> He got an ovation =D
<Tiger-Rik> BWAHAHAHAHA

-!- Spudnewt [[email protected]]
has
joined #nanog
<Spudnewt> These goddamn trolls interrupting my flow. These
niggas
don't respek us with a +o.  They gotta color spam
and fake
invite, bombing with asciis in yellow on white.  
Shit
yeah. it's bright, you 12 year old kiddie.  You
ain't got
pubes and you ain't seen titty.  I'll jupe your
chans and
ban your ass.  Don't message me with plz unban,
your chance
has passed!  Other opers crappin up our relay net.
<Spudnewt> Why haven't you delinked your 386 yet? ircd needs
xeons and
dual cpus.  When it comes to irc hardware, you
can't be a
jew.  Shit, nobody knows the trouble I've seen.  On
invites
for websites with naked teens.   Begs for ops and
packet
attacks.  Shit from users who use vi, not emacs. 
Another
long day of patrolling the IRC.  Eating my doritos,
and
having a jerk, I chat with TheWalrus and #nanog
faggots.
<Spudnewt> All this niggas do is complain "the lag it's-- 
bad, chat
is slow, and we're getting harassed."  Shit,
trolls, this
k-line is your last.  Once more and it's "G" and
you're
gone for good.   Banned from the internet chatting
neighbourhood.  It's lonely at the top. Just me and
CHANFIX.  Day in and day out. Banning trolls with
my linux.
We give safe harbor to chatters world wide.
<Spudnewt> From pedophiles to hacker thieves.  Yeah, I won't
lie:  IRC
is a cesspool of e-misfits.  EazyCheezes and
bagel-cutters
like that nigga BitS.  But at least we're the best.
Disagree and you're gone.  BRB, mom just told me
gotta mow
the lawn.
-!- Spudnewt [[email protected]]
has left
#nanog []
-!- mode/#nanog [+b spudnewt!*@*] by nar
<Darkcyde> someone give that guy a record deal

<+FHC_> why is it guns are legal in america but a school
shooter will miss most of his targets, but guns illegal in
germany and the fuckers hit everything they aim at
<@Sauce> american kids know how to strafe

<BChikapa> wan 2 cybar?
<Calisa> We have sex three times, it's fun, I get pregnant,
Jimmy needs a daddy.
<BChikapa> I refuse to pay child support, and lengthy leagal
battles ensue.
<Calisa> Jimmy becomes torn by his dashed hopes of having a
father, so he murders you while you're sleeping on the job at
the toll booth.
<BChikapa> All my family members despise me, and as a result
no one has any money to pay for my disposal.
<BChikapa> I am unceremoniously dumped into the Hudson River,
wrapped in a cheap plastic tarp.

<@Beramode> nall?
<+Nall> Huh?
<@Beramode> are you outside my apartment?
<@Beramode> it sounds like someone's raping a duck out there,
but i don't wanna look, so i had to ask.
<+Nall> ...Are you room 7F?
<@Beramode> maybe..
<@Beramode> are you raping a duck?
<+Nall> maybe..

(@Blaxthos) CANTON, Georgia (AP) -- Christmas is still going
strong for 14-year-old Nick Waters.
(@Blaxthos) When the boy's church asked what he wanted for
Christmas, Nick, who cannot talk and was born with no arms,
slowly typed his reply with his feet: Lots of Christmas cards.
Ten thousand of them.
(@Blaxthos) jesus christ
(@Blaxthos) ASK FOR ARMS DUMBASS

<knightmare> sixtho I challenge you to IRC DDR!
<sixtho> ummm ok
<knightmare> + ddrbot start 10
<DDRBot> Game Started!
<DDRBot> <
<knightmare> <
<sixtho> <
<DDRBot> ^^
<knightmare> ^^
<sixtho> ^^
<DDRBot> vvv
<knightmare> vvv
<sixtho> wtf
<DDRBot> knightmare wins!
<knightmare> ?
<sixtho> where the shit is the down arrow
<knightmare> ...

<@Matt> 10 things men know about women.....
<@Matt> 1.
<@Matt> 2.
<@Matt> 3.
<@Matt> 4.
<@Matt> 5.
<@Matt> 6.
<@Matt> 7.
<@Matt> 8.
<@Matt> 9.
<@Matt> 10. Women have tits