bash.org archive

Trev: dang baby did i tell u that u looked FINE today!
Trev: u looked likea dime
Trev: that was so sexy i just couldnt stand it
Grace: thanks trevor, you're lying
Trev: nooooo u were beautiful
Grace: trevor I was absent today
Trev: o

<Louie> FUCK
<ATL> That's what all the girls say
<ATL> Though, usually, they add "off" at the end.
<ATL> Sometimes it's between "DON'T" and "ING TOUCH ME"

<asmcoded> anal sex is like hacking
<asmcoded> you go in through the backdoor and hope you dont
meet a log

<devils_trombone> Hey wana hear a funny story?
<frogslegs> yep
<Crazed_Cousin_Dougal> does it involve clowns and ninjas?
<devils_trombone> no.
<devils_trombone> Last wknd, me and sum mates were down at the
pub, and we see this guy looking pretty pissed.
<devils_trombone> Anyway, we hadn't drunk much, so we decided
to be good people and drive this guy home.
<Crazed_Cousin_Dougal> was he a clown/ninja?
<devils_trombone> So we helped him up, and he fell over. Then
we tried dragging him out and he kept falling over.
<devils_trombone> So we drove him back to his place, and
knocked on the door, and this woman answers (presumably his
wife) and is all like: "Thanks boys, but where's his
wheelchair?"

<guugle> haha im gonna submit that to bash.org
<Phyresis> What does that one count as? LOL, I AM SUCH AN
INTERNET ADDICT?
<Masa> How about HAHAHA THIS TYPO MADE ME LOOK HOMOSEXUAL AND/
OR STUPID!
<Phyresis> "This real life situation is analogous to a
computer/internet situation!" "LOL U NERD"
<Masa> lol i r n00b n i sux @ computars!!11 watch me format my
hd on accident!!12~
<Phyresis> (SEX)
<Masa> (PUN)
<guugle> hold on my mom is being my bitch
<guugle> ...I MEAN A BITCH

<Pablissimo> You wish that your customer part know more thing
on the others players or on your very new entity faggot of
data? Are the server->client messages to you of aucuns help
(too much heavy to manage since all the customers must have
access to these values with each frame)? You feel that the
file delta.lst could be useful but include/understand you
nothing there?
<Pablissimo> can someome make that make sense in english,
babelfish is clearly underperforming here
<Pablissimo> for instance, the word 'faggot' was a surprise

toonces344: <ooze> take a hot swedish chick from behind, bend
over to her ear. and whisper "i have aids", then try to keep
your penis inside of her.
<ooze> thats swedish rodeo.
toonces344: i sent that quote to my girlfriend over AIM, and
then she was silent for about 10 mins.
toonces344: i asked her what was up, and she blocked me, so i
im'ed one of her friends, and she told me that she was
swedish.
toonces344: bash.org ruined my life :(

<MrRoboto1024>she said she was hot for me, so i gave her a
spare heatsink.
<MrRoboto1024>she didnt seem happy :(
<MrRoboto1024>i just dont understand women.

<Hunter> Someone asked me the difference between ignorance and
apathy. I told her I don;t know and I don;t care

Lush Puppy: I lost my virginity at an anime convention - this
sentence makes me sound a lot fatter than I actually am.

<Hex77> I was in class today
<Hex77> and there was a black lady speaking about hospitality
business
<Hex77> and she was like "hospitality business is all about
selling people"
<Hex77> and I laughed
<Hex77> but nobody else did

<spacemank> someone help me think of an eye catching phrase or
something about me.
<cky> hm
<cky> your nickname rhymes with 'wank'
<PsykoDave> Spacewank!
<spacemank> gr... not to do with my NICK
<cky> well, you said about you :P
<spacemank> yes, me. not my nick.
<spacemank> I am not my nick.
<spacemank> I am me.
<Greg|wawy> if you re-arrange the letters, you get "spankmace"
<cky> your nick has to do with you
<spacemank> not really.
<spacemank> GRR
<spacemank> USELESS
<Greg|wawy> :D
<cky> which is almost "spank mice"
<cky> you could also rearrange it to say MSPancake!
<spacemank> I hate you.

<@Campbell> I saw the best thing today... I was around at a
mates place and these Jehovah's Witnesses came around
preaching their shit
<@Campbell> So my mate invites them in and sits down and
offers them pizza and cookies.
<@Campbell> After about 15 minutes they left very happy.
<@Campbell> We spotted them about an hour later lying in a
park staring at the sky
<@Campbell> I guess those hash cookies and that magic mushie
pizza really did its job.
<@Campbell> Who said drugs were bad?!

<namesake> if a girl has sex with a lot of guys, she's a
"slut", but if I have sex with a lot of guys, I'm a "fucking
faggot"

<GvL|OCNoy> hey guys, I'm making a hangman game, I need some
7-10 character words
<Boltskee> homosexual
<GvL|BBA> cockbite
<GvL|Ewout_vB> klootzak
<GvL|BBA> metrosexual
<GvL|OCNoy> Man, that was stupid to ask in IRC
<GvL|Ewout_vB> hemoglobin
<Boltskee> lollersexual
<GvL|Ewout_vB> pak5gene
<GvL|BBA> foreskin
<GvL|OCNoy> sigh
<GvL|BBA> rectum

<Jericho24.> -=AFK=- I"m not here right now, if you"d like to
reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.

Magna Carta: Being in Alexa's top 1000 says a lot for any
site...
Motley: Related: In walmart today, it was pretty packed
Motley: and my nephew (11) is going to get some icees, he gets
ready to turn left out of electronics
Motley: and he goes 'dude, what flavor?'
Motley: I shouted 'MOAR MUDKIPS' (aka blue)
Motley: Then this is what I hear..
Motley: Far left: 'KILL IT WITH FIRE!'
Motley: Far right: 'NO U'
Motley: Behind: 'DO NOT WANT'
Motley: and then god bless 'em, the guy standing *right* next
to me goes 'shut the fuck up btards!"
Magna Carta: ...
Magna Carta: You live in EKY?
Motley: ...yeah
Magna Carta: OSHIT

<Chrisodeo> veni, veni, veni.
<CrazySteve> Pervert.

<Karl[LB]> I put Linkin Park on and my cat goes running to the
speakers and starts attacking them

<jimmiejaz> http://news.myway.com/odd/article/id/388409|
oddlyenough|03-01-2004::10:26|reuters.html
<Jay1> fucking LINK
<Jay1> argh
<Jay1> you made me open it bich
<Jay1> and it opened in my insurance quote windows and fucked
it up
<jimmiejaz> deal with it, I didn't tell you to click it.
<Jay1> it opens it self
<jimmiejaz> so links in your IRC window open all by them self?
<Jay1> yes
<jimmiejaz> http://www.tubgirl.com
<Jay1> I HATE YOU
<jimmiejaz> get a real client, one that doesn't open
www.tubgirl.com when it sees it.
<jimmiejaz> www.lemonparty.org
<Jay1> U GAY POOF
<Jay1> i HATE YOU
<jimmiejaz> www.lemonparty.org
<Jay1> FUCK SAKE
<-- Jay1 has quit (Client Exiting)

* Woussie is now known as You
* You have been disconnected from the server. Please
reconnect.
* [Roy] has quit IRC (Read error: EOF from client)
* Blue_Dark has quit IRC (Read error: EOF from client)
* Blue_Dark has joined #RSR
<You> xD
* [Roy]|f2p_again has joined #RSR

Eric: make me
Jon: your parents already made that mistake ;)

<JohnFlux> There are two kinds of people: 1) those who start
arrays with one and 1) those who start them with zero.

<ping> oh, im ready for the upcoming school year
<End[gone]> i dont think it will be any different
<zxaxox> thats why you have to take a shotgun and MAKE it
different.

TheRealDandler: if I do fuck up
TheRealDandler: I dont want my penis anymore
airenazari: hahahahaha
airenazari: donation time
TheRealDandler: its like
TheRealDandler: locks for love
TheRealDandler: where you cut off 8 inches of your hair
TheRealDandler: except its not hair
airenazari: or 8 inches

Azreal Kurokiba: Oh man, I just came up with the best
superhero ever.
Azreal Kurokiba: He could be called THE SOAP BAR.
Azreal Kurokiba: And his catchphrase could be "How about I
drop YOU in jail?"

<KittieRose> So I get this email from this girl.
<KittieRose> "I made out with a chick and got mono..."
<KittieRose> I email her back.
<KittieRose> "If you'd have made out with two chicks, would
you have gotten stereo?"

<konfuzed> i'm at this lan party...
<konfuzed> most of the others are downstairs, drinking.
<konfuzed> now they've all got goatse as their background
image.

Euriusx_xNocturnus: Think of someone of "average"
intelligence. Then think half the world is dumber than that.
Veronica5050: ow
Veronica5050: just ow
Veronica5050: owowowowowowowowow

<Jaeger> whats an oxymoron
<Edgy> Microsoft Works

<Miliwen> Alucard, how the hell do you make a city in
SimCity4?
<Alucard_the_Kook> Making a city is ... a lot like making love
to a beautiful woman.
<Alucard_the_Kook> First you need to check her out, get the
lay of the land.
<Alucard_the_Kook> Next, you need to tease her a little.  Make
trails over her body, allowing you to move freely.
<Alucard_the_Kook> Then you fiddle with the zones.
<Alucard_the_Kook> Finally...
<Alucard_the_Kook> You give the bitch all your money.

syamajala: thats y i applied
stonecrest: why. the word is why.
syamajala: my double u and |-| keys don't double-u-ork.

<fr0k> Methinks Slicey is A) blushing or B) seriously not
amused
* fr0k hopes for A
[later]
<Fractal-Coffee> (i think she's just ignoring you fr0k)
<fr0k> (she is)
<Fractal-Coffee> (safer than acknowledging anything you say)
<pineapple_slice> stop talking about me.
<fr0k> (she's telling us to stop talking about her...)
<Fractal-Coffee> (should i say "who said we were talking about
you" to her?)
<Fractal-Coffee> (maybe that'll throw her off)
<fr0k> (yeah, let's try that)
<Fractal-Coffee> who said we were talking about you?
<Fractal-Coffee> who said we were talking at all?
<pineapple_slice> ... You and fr0k. I'm not that stupid.
<Fractal-Coffee> were we talking?
<Fractal-Coffee> who's we?
<Fractal-Coffee> oh, right
<fr0k> (I dont' think she's buying it)
<Fractal-Coffee> (foiled)

<LawrenceC> Some of us in another channel have come up with
the perfect replacement for the Pledge of Allegiance!
<LawrenceC> You see, our genious plan was to take the Pledge
of Allegiance, as it stands, and run it through Babelfish a
few times.
<LawrenceC> So, after transating it to Spanish and back, then
to Korean and back, we came up with:
* Jinnai|Shigoto fears lawrence's next statement :P
* Leliel also :P
<LawrenceC> "Me with the flag of United States of United
States the republic which it stops, in the nation all for a
loyalty, in freedom and process, it promised in the shoes
lower part it will be able to divide c."
<Suika|away> divide c!
<Suika|away> that's so moving

<knobboy> I hate physics
<knobboy> Having to learn all this crap about wave and
frequency is killing me
<knobboy> Some might even say it Mhz

<InvalidUser> Its like my Uncle Eric used to say, he'd say...
"IU, lookit
the ass on that guy" To which I'd reply, "I'm not gay Eric",
and he'd say
"Oh yeah, sorry bout that" and we'd laugh and laugh. Then he'd
try to
molest me.

<Raxor> I love the way my mom bursts into my room while I'm
masturbating
<Raxor> then when I suddenly lean forward to cover my genitals
she stands there and pretends nothing happened
<Raxor> just looks straight at me and says "come set the
table"
<Raxor> then she kept standing there until I finally said,
"okay..."
<Borisyen> she was waiting to be asked to 'help out' bwahahaha
<Raxor> then as she was leaving I noticed I never turned the
porn off, so there was some girl sucking on a dick on the
screen the whole time
<Raxor> well bbl.. I've got to do some awkward table setting.

<Errata> f y cn rd ths y cn gt gd jb n cmptr prgrmng

<aoe2junkie> i wonder what my dog tries to say to me when he
barks
<Karath-Din> "stop touching me there"

<Meridian> fucking
<Meridian> best thing about ramen noodles
<Meridian> my girlfriend did NOT know what they were
<Meridian> so i was making some
<rohan> rofl
<Meridian> and i put the flavouring packet thing on the sink
<Meridian> and she sees the packet
<Meridian> and what SHE sees
<Meridian> is a little condom shaped wrapper
<Meridian> saying "beef flavour"

<cdowdsux> So my friend was telling me about how he tried to
commit suicide by taking 20 Advil...so I was just like..
"Dude, why take 20 Advil when you could have just taken 3
Aleve?"

<GimpMaster> why the hell i'm i on ignore :o
<Vxie> and i wont till he apoligizes for his actions...
<SovanJedi> How can he apologise if you can't even hear him?
;)
<GimpMaster> hah
<Vxie> i dunno
<GimpMaster> ask him what i did :o
<Vxie> thats what im trying to figure out...
<SovanJedi> Gimp is asking 'what did I do?'
<Vxie> i asked him to stop cussing infront of my lil sis and
he didnt stop
<GimpMaster> is that it? fuck the sand monkey. i don't care
<SovanJedi> Gimp says 'I'm very sorry for my actions, and he
won't do it again.'
<Vxie> ok
<GimpMaster> LOL

<Gypsy> The day Microshaft makes something that doesn't suck,
is the day they make a vacuum.

Steganos128: Have you ever had anal sex?
BigFatJeffK: um . . . dude . . . i'm in the middle of giving a
presentation at work.  real nice.

<hamutaro> Check this out
<hamutaro> ^ I'm with stupid! ^
<hamutaro> Oh, wait.
<hamutaro> Fuck

<JerZgirl> damn i wish my husband would quit cruising around
looking for access points and come home already!
<Demon> Back when I was a kid, we just called them `girls'.
<digia> lmao

<iretd> According to IRC, 99% of the chicks are into cybersex.
<Julian> The other 1% are actually girls.

<@Aaron> It's really simple to watch a move, just open the
console, and type "
<@Aaron> ffmpeg -i "$(find ~/.mozilla -regex '.*Cache.*' -a
-not -regex \
<@Aaron>   '.*_CACHE_.*' -printf '%T+ %p
' | \
<@Aaron>   sort -n | awk '{ print $2 }' | xargs file | \
<@Aaron>   grep -i "Video" | tail -1 | awk -F : '{ print $1 }
')" \
<@Aaron>   -vcodec msmpeg4v2 -b 200 -ab 64 -ar 22050 -s
320x240 \
<@Aaron>   /tmp/video.avi
<@Aaron> ANYONE CAN DO IT

Master : You know, i just dont want to hurt you with my
questions, its just my art to speak directly, so its better if
you simply start to tell something about your life and so on.
Animegirl : You are so funny ^^, dont worry if i dont want to
answer your question, i gonna say it to you, its really hard
to insult me just asking something :)
Master : Well... So, what do you prefer : ananas, strawberry,
apple or peach ?
Animegirl : Wow :) Well, didnt expect this question, but it
absolutely didnt insult me :) I prefer apple, why ?
Master : I was just thinking about which taste shoud condoms
have when i gonna come to you
AniBot : Animegirl has left the "anime" channel

<Fong Pei> So... today in class, we were playing with voice
recognition on a power book.
<Fong Pei> Someone told it "Computer, destroy the world as we
know it"
<Fong Pei> Right after that was said... someone else's laptop
finishes booting up and plays the windows sound...
<Fong Pei> whole class bursted out laughing

<dodgo> what the fuck
<dodgo> school students demonstrating against copyright
infringement?
<Count> mmm, it's like the poor demonstrating against food
stamps and welfare

<Phuser> Last night the power went out. Good thing my camera
had a flash...I took 65 pictures of myself making a
sandwich...My neighbors thought it was lightning in my house,
so they called the cops.

<MightyBlueJustice> I need to jack a hole in this floor so I
can get the internet hooked up to the comp in the basement.
<MightyBlueJustice> I need more power tools
<MKDemon> You don't have a drill?
<MightyBlueJustice> We do somewhere.
<MightyBlueJustice> All I can find is a power sander and I
just don't have that kind of time.

<DRPONEOS> pretty soon nike will open a shoe factory here if
the dollar gets much more worthless

<Shovel> I ran across the worst named person in the world
today...
<Shovel> I'm sitting in the waiting room at my doctor's
office, waiting for a physical before I go off to college in a
few weeks.
<Shovel> I'm a little early and there are other people in the
waiting room so when the nurse comes out to call the next
person I'm pretty sure it's not me.
<Shovel> She walks out of the hallway, looks down at her
clipboard and immediately turns around and goes back behind
the door.
<Shovel> She's obviously talking to some of the other nurses.
<Shovel> When she comes back about 30 seconds later, she looks
at the clipboard, takes a deep breath and says: "Shithead
O'Neal, the doctor's able to see you now."
<Shovel> A large black woman stands up quickly and yells in a
surprsingly stereotypical black women voice "IT'S PRONOUNCED
SHAW-THEED!"
<Shovel> She storms off after the nurse, who is apologizing
very loudly and everyone in the waiting room just looks at
each other and exchange a few laughs and snickers.

<redbud> so i was sitting there listening to some ska with
your girlfriend
<redbud> then all of a sudden she started making sexual
advances towards me
<Micah> wait a second
<Micah> nobody listens to ska

<Slime> I saw a headline on the newspaper today: "Horrific
Rape in Alley", or something.
<Slime> I was like "Is there any other kind of rape?"
<Slime> "HILARIOUS RAPE AS CLOWN SODOMIZED"

<Funzo> can any of you guys speak french?
<Time-Warp> i can
<Time-Warp> i know how to say bongshure
<Time-Warp> or something

<ToastyX> :b
<Powerlord> Hey toasty, what is the ascii code for the upside
down P?

<@j0nkatz> jwbozzy: I have an audi out port on my cd player in
my car.
<@j0nkatz> audio
<nukle> heh.
<nukle> fordian slip.

<Dr_Willis> I also got a "force feedback" mouse :P
AzMoo[w] [[email protected]] has joined
#***
<Dr_Willis> wife hates it.. "It Bit me!"
<Dr_Willis> i had the Vibe set to max. she thohgh she was
getting electrical-shocks
<Dr_Willis> :P
<AzMoo[w]> wow, I came in on the right conversation ...

<Saber> just when I manage to convince myself I'm a superior
being, I walk into a door

<minion> what should i get for lunch
<minion> i have $4
<keef> 8 packs of ramen and a 3 dollar hooker

<FBS> how do you know the exact version of bind ?
<FBS> fuck those who answer bind -v or some other bullshit
<eb> bind -v
<ghoz> other bullshit

<Pongball> what's the most interesting thing that happened to
you yesterday?
<Pongball> anyone!
<Arrow> Nothing yesterday
<The_Epitome> errrm
<Arrow> Well, I did get Sim Tower working yesterday
<The_Epitome> it rained extremely heavily
<The_Epitome> so I wore my ski jacket for the first time in
months
<Arrow> As for today
<Arrow> I am 40 minutes from having all 601 aired episodes of
Power Rangers.  =/
<Crablouse> any time I feel concerned about the direction my
life is going
<Crablouse> I merely have to look in here
<Crablouse> and I feel better almost instantly
<Crablouse> good work everyone

<MaxPowers87>               (  SUN   )   o   o   o<-Earth  
o   ( ) -(-)-  o    o    .

Tazoa: No one has crashed more cars then me. I backed my truck
into a rock camping once. Broke the differential cover.
Recaro: Shit how'd you get home man?
Tazoa: I fiberglassed it back together. turns out differential
oil passes right through fiberglass.
Recaro: Sounds about right
Tazoa: so I popped it back open and pushed some bananas in
there to thicken the mixture. Long story short i drove 700
miles with two bananas in my rear end.

<dsbnh|VC> saw chocolate boxer shorts yesterday
<dsbnh|VC> first thing that hit me was "may contain nuts"

<@Kropotkin> I hate looting corpses for anything other than an
upgrade. I usually just loot the gold and small items... just
feels more realistic to do that than strip someone naked all
the time. I mean, this is Skyrim, not Baltimore.