bash.org archive

<blaxthos> you want bash.org should participate in the SOPA
blackout protest on 18 January ? (+) for yes

<FreeFrag> The most secure computer in the world is one not
connected to the internet.
<FreeFrag> Thats why I recommend Telstra ADSL.

<Raven> Come, boy wonder! We shall rid the world of crime!
<monkeymilk> yes! together we will thwart evil-doers and
criminals alike!
<Raven> To the batcave!
<monkeymilk> wait, my download just finished
<monkeymilk> 20 minutes of gun point rape
<monkeymilk> or so the description says
* monkeymilk is away - away
<Raven> ...Maybe he's trying to think up ways to save the
girl. =/
<Robocop> he never said girl, could be two guys
<Raven> ...
<Raven> So, Robocop, are you prepared to clense the world of
evil in the name of justice, as my trusty sidekick?
<Robocop> no i'm busy trying to find a good site for making a
pipe-bomb
* Raven is starting to think IRC isn't the best place to start
his superhero campaign.

mdiym42: note to self
mdiym42: make sure your cat is not sleeping in the bass drum
before you start playing them

<Toller> hey jaimer
<jaimer> hey
<Toller> i loves you sweet ass, baby
<jaimer> excuse me?
<Toller> we gonna get together an fuck tonight
<Toller> right?
<jaimer> You stupid shit
<Toller> ?
<Toller> What?
<jaimer> This is toby johnson, right
<Toller> you know it is, duh.
<jaimer> I'm doing tech support on Jamie's computer
<jaimer> I'm her father, you little shit
<Toller> hah!
<Toller> what's
<Toller> your joking right/
<jaimer> I am. I know where you live. I'm coming over to your
house now. Don't try to run, I'll find you.
<Toller> Jamie, it's not funny
<Toller> Jaime?
<psmylie> You're screwed, dude. Her dad's psycho
<Toller> fuck
<Toller> Fuck!
<psmylie> best run, boy
*** Toller has quit IRC (Quit: )
<psmylie> You're an evil bitch, Jamie.
<jaimer> lol
<psmylie> brilliant... but evil
<jaimer> he's an asshole anyways

<DW>So, I had to get a colonoscopy today
<DW>That's where they stick a camera up your ass and take
pictures of your intestines
<Relentless>that's just great
<DW>Anyway, that part wasn't bad, the bad part was the prep
for it
<pyr0>which was...
<DW>I didn't eat anything yesterday. Starting at 3 PM I had to
drink about 2 liters of this shit that would help clear my
intestines out. Basically, from 3 PM until about 12 I had
SEVERE abdominal cramps. I mean severe. I'm talking about
rolling around on the floor punching shit severe
<DW>Anyway, during this, I started to get horny for some
reason
<DW>It was a strange feeling really. Not even being able to
stand up because of crippling pains, and yet at the same time,
having a raging boner and wanting to jack off
<Relentless>this wont end well
<DW>Anyway, I had been shitting brown water since 3 (that's
what the nasty shit I drank did), and I needed to again. But
since I had a huge boner I figured I'll take care of it while
I'm in the can. So, I'm standing over the toilet cranking one
off, and I'm getting the shits, so I sit down. Just before I'm
about to cum, I start feeling like I'm going to puke. Now, I
had vomit brewing for awhile. You know that feeling you get
when you're going to puke? When you start to feel sick and
start salivating a lot? I had been getting that since I went
to the bathroom. Anyway it built up enough that I started
VIOLENTLY and LOUDLY puking. I'm fucking lucky the sink is
right next to the toilet. The force of this caused me to begin
shooting shit-water out of my ass with the force of a pressure
washer. The spasming of my entire body caused my hand to move
around enough that I started cumming.
<DW>So after all was said and done, I had a line of fire
burning a line from my balls to and up my asscrack, puke in
the sink, and cum covering my legs.
<DW>Yeah yesterday was not a good day :\
*LONG pause*
<pyr0>...
<Neo>what the fuck
<SSB>.....
<CT_Frog>o_o
<MMB>You have lived more in that one moment than anyone else
in their entire lives

<Cedaie> Your ignorance isn't helping.
<@KTottE> How am I ignorant?
<Cedaie> <@KTottE> Do it again, do it right - Ooh great help
*clap* *clap*
<@KTottE> http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=ignorant
<@KTottE> Maybe the word you were searching for was http://
dictionary.reference.com/search?q=arrogant ?
<Cedaie> yeah thats the one
<Cedaie> Your arrogance isn't helping,
<@KTottE> Neither is your ignorance

<%wgluv2hunt> I was in a bar Saturday night, and had a few
drinks.
<%wgluv2hunt> I noticed two large women by the bar. They both
had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from
Ireland?"
<%wgluv2hunt> One of them screamed, "It's Wales you idiot!"
<%wgluv2hunt> So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry,
are you two whales from Ireland?"
<%wgluv2hunt> That's all I remember.

Miyomei2: I had my portable CD player, and took it in the
bathroom with me while I went to pee.
Miyomei2: And the second I whipped my penis out, the theme
song to 'Rocky' started playing.
Miyomei2: I've never felt more manly than in that moment.

<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will
follow you home for free

<orion`-`-> what the fuck
<orion`-`-> i think the icecream truck just hit a kid
<orion`-`-> brbrb

<Zenith> So I was at work today, signing for a package from
UPS..
<Zenith> When the FedEx guy walks in with a package of his
own.
<Zenith> And at that EXACT moment, a customer changes the
channel to TBS and the Mortal Kombat movie is on, right when
the fight theme music starts.
<Nigma> Did they break out into a delivery duel to the death?
<Zenith> I was prepared for parcel projectiles and fedex
fatalities.
<Zenith> They eyed each other, and I knew something was about
to happen...
<Zenith> But then the guy changed the channel to "Trading
Spaces" and the fight was over.

<richcollins> christ how long does a reboot take
<w3wsrmn> took him 3 days

<TOZTWO> I was kinda shy, and still am, so right after sex, I
started getting dressed before she could turn on the
lights......
<TOZTWO> Well, she turns the light on, and I have my clothes
on already, and she can't find her undies.......
<TOZTWO> But she finds my undies next to the bed.
<TOZTWO> Guess whose undies I'm wearing?

<tumult> well that was like the coolest class period i've ever
had
<lasombra> tumult ?
<tumult> this kid asks me for a dollar so he can get something
from a vending machine
<tumult> i tell him i don't have one (truth)
<tumult> he says bullshit
<tumult> i tell him to fuck off
<tumult> he stands up and punches me in the face three times
<tumult> sits back down
<tumult> teacher doesn't notice/care
<tumult> so blood is pouring out onto my desk
<tumult> from my lip
<tumult> i turn to the girl next to me and say
<tumult> "hey, can i use one of the tissues jammed into your
bra?"
<zyko^> what did she do?
<tumult> punched me in the face

<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a
bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
<Myke> That struck a chord.
<Snausages> Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
<Myke> But they're key to my humour.
<Myke> And very noteworthy.

lemonlimeskull: Keith dodged a serious bullet thanks to his
massive stupidity.
Opium: Hmm?
lemonlimeskull: Well, as you may know he lost his license
months ago
lemonlimeskull: So he's been biking everywhere, which has lead
to him losing a bunch of weight
lemonlimeskull: He bikes to Walmart today and as soon as he
gets to the electronics department, realizes his wallet's
fallen out, probably somewhere along the highway.
lemonlimeskull: So he takes the memory card he wanted, puts it
up in his baggy sleeve, and goes to leave.
killjay: Uh oh
lemonlimeskull: Yeah.
lemonlimeskull: Naturally, security stops him as he gets
within 5 feet of the front doors. This huge obese woman who is
obviously having a really bad day - or just hates her job.
killjay: o shit
lemonlimeskull: She stops him, GRABS his arm, RIPS up his
sleeve, and WRENCHES the card out of his hand.
lemonlimeskull: He knows he's screwed so he starts crying in
the middle of the fucking store. He cries all the way back to
the security office, and everyone's staring at him the whole
way.
Opium: So he's sitting in jail right now
lemonlimeskull: That's the awesome part. The manager takes a
look at him, notices the bike helmet, poorly fitting clothes,
lack of any ID whatsoever, and the fact that he's crying like
a three year old.
killjay: .... -_-
lemonlimeskull: Yes. He was let go and the security woman got
chewed out for hurting a "retarded kid".

<massacre> Rosti, can I ask you something as a close friend?
<Rosti_LFC> you could ask me something as a complete stranger,
but go ahead
<massacre> Do you reckon Emma would go out with me if I asked
her?
<Rosti_LFC> errr....
<Rosti_LFC> ask her yourself?
<massacre> no fucking way until I get a second opinion
<Daz> dude she's in the channel
<massacre> no she isn't
<Rosti_LFC> yeah she is mate, look up
<Rosti_LFC> she got op'd yesterday
<massacre> fuck
<massacre> PLAN B
<massacre> spam the channel
<massacre> with text
<massacre> so it goes
<Audia> hi
<massacre> off her scrollback
<Rosti_LFC> ahaha
<massacre> FUCK
* massacre has quit (PLAN C!!!)
<Audia> I'm going to go install Windows 7 right now
<Audia> so I'll be offline for a bit
<Audia> if he gets the balls to come back in here in the
meantime tell him the answer is yes
<Rosti_LFC> rofl
* Audia has quit (QUIT)
<Rosti_LFC> that was some hardcore nerd courtship ritual right
there
<Daz> Oh man, I wish I could fuck up asking a girl out that
badly and still succeed

<wecell> new apples look fairly interesting, but i'd hate to
buy into something that is going to CRASH all the time.
<DigDug> wecell : What are you using right now?
<wecell> i've always used windows machines.

<Ouroboros> Has anyone ever logged into dev0n's FTP?
<Affe> ouro: that some kind of sexual innuendo?
<xpander> is that a euphemism?
<Ouroboros> Possibly
<Ouroboros> Shhh
<Ouroboros> I try to be subtle about these things.
<Affe> in that case, i 'log into dev0ns ftp' all the time
<Ouroboros> Yeah, she gave me her "login" but she won't reply
to my "/msgs"
<Affe> dude i had 'sex' with her in the 'butt' the other day
<Affe> oh wait
<Affe> we're being subtle

<@HEMI> I got in a car accident on the way home from work.
<@HEMI> I rear-ended someone.
<@HEMI> Guy gets out of his car; I get out of mine. He's a
dwarf.
<@HEMI> We're sitting there waiting for the police to arrive
and he goes, "I'm not happy."
<@HEMI> I said, "so which one are you?"

<asr> 'fo sheezy.
<Sabboth> what the fuck does that mean in english? you should
understand that having a day job precludes me from 'keeping it
real' and as such, I lack a certain familiarity with the
language of the 'streets' as it were.

<MftS> Who the fuck is the one naming hurricanes?
<MftS> They somehow manage to give them the least threatening
names ever.
<MftS> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Erin
was coming I'd think to myself, "Erin? I could take that
slut."
<MftS> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane
Dicksmasher was approaching, I'd grab all the money in the
house, shove it in my pockets, and get the fuck out of there.

<N00b>Can someone explain cell division?
<Nerd> o
<Nerd> 0
<Nerd> 8
<Nerd> oo

<TRG> so, my mom was putting in her CD with church pics but it
wouldn't work on her computer
<TRG> so she put it in mine
<TRG> now, the last thing I watched on windows media player
was hardcore lesbian porn
<TRG> that got into the action right away
<TRG> so my mom puts in the cd into my computer
<TRG> opens up windows media players
<TRG> and the porn starts playing
<TRG> and when I realized what was happening I was like "oh
fuck"
<TRG> but then...
<TRG> she goes berserk
<TRG> she was screaming "THIS CD HAS BEEN POSSESSED BY THE
DEVIL!!"
<TRG> and she took out a HAMMER
<TRG> and smashed the fucking CD
<TRG> it was the best thing ever
<TRG> not only was I completely off the hook
<TRG> you have to love the awesome displays of religious
apeshit
<TRG> I think if god existed, he put people like my mom on
this earth to entertain us

<Poyzin> The vet supervisor was asking me to jack off a horse
to get the semen to artificially inseminate a female horse.
<Kilts> wtf lol
<Poyzin> But listen! This was a racehorse, so the owner says
that I need to massage it's prostate. I'm assuming you don't
know this, but the prostate on a horse is VERY fucking far
back there.
<Poyzin> So, I get on the arm-length glove and I look in the
room to see another doctor with a cat or something. Tells me
we had too many animals so the horse was moved to a room close
to the front.
<Poyzin> Well, I get there, and I put my arm in this horse's
ass. I'm talkin' less than a foot from my shoulder deep. All
in clear view.
<Kilts> ROFLMAO
<Poyzin> And then some redneck couple come in and they see me
because this front room has shit protection on it.
<Poyzin> "You a vet?" The guy ask. I wait a few seconds to see
if he was joking, but then I look back to the horse's asshole.
<Poyzin> "Nah, I'm with the Amish. I'm their mechanic."

Phoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fucked up story?
Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've
been talking to this girl for the majority of the night.
Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm.
About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her
bed.
Phoenix> So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to
drop the fattest shit in my life.
Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I
could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte.
Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both
end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my
boxers.
Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in shit.
It was all over the bed,sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did
the most horrible thing in the world.
Phoenix> She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my
boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the
inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back
of her hammies.
Phoenix> I get dressed and leave... This poor girl is gonna
think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have
no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.

cakey: Can you build websites with firefox?
imarock: can you build cars with roads?

PwNzAgE33: ok so in assembly language we learned that
processes in the cpu get set priority levelsPwNzAgE33: 0-7, 7
being the highest priority
PwNzAgE33: this is the example the book gives
PwNzAgE33: "For example, a computer's payroll program may run
overnight, and at PL0. It has all night to finish - not
terribly urgent. A program that corrects for a nuclear power
plant current surge may run at PL6. We are perfectly happy to
let the payroll wait while the nuclear power correction keeps
us from being blown to bits."
PwNzAgE33: this begs two questions
PwNzAgE33: first
PwNzAgE33: who in the hell is running payroll and a nuclear
power surge correction on the same machine
PwNzAgE33: and second, if nuclear power surge correction gets
PL6, what on God's green earth gets a fucking PL7?

<Graeme> yeah, don't be nasty. my grandad died in a
concentration camp......!
<Graeme> he fell out a guard tower. broke his neck

<k2xl> in 1998, i made a C++ program to calculate pi to a
billion digits.
<k2xl> i coded it on my laptop (pentium 2 i think) and then
ran the program.
<k2xl> the next day i got a new laptop but decided to keep the
program running.
<k2xl> it's been over seven years now since i ran it. and this
morning it finished calculating.
<k2xl> the output:
<k2xl>      "THE VALUE OF PI TO THE BILLIONTH DIGIT IS = "
<k2xl> mindblowing eh?
<k2xl> i looked in the code of my program, and i found out
that i forgot to output the value :(.

<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk /dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /dev/hda1 && mount /
dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo/ && chroot /mnt/gentoo/ && env-update &&
. /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && scripts/
bootsrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab &&
emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make
menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome
mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/
grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/
grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one

<Ugarte> I think I was 12 at the time, and I was at this
girl's house for some kind of party... I think her name was
Kate.
<Ugarte> Anyway, at some point she said she wanted to show me
something, and brought me alone to her brother's room. She dug
under his bed and took out a picture of a woman having sex
with a dog. Then she kissed me.
<Ugarte> I'm as confused about this now as I was then.

<Alcaron> You should set yourself up a webcam. I don't know
why, but I get this feeling we'll catch you doing something
stupid. :)
<Longi> Alcaron: thats exactly the reason i wont set one up,
the high probablity of me doing someone extremely embarassing
<Longi> err?
<Longi> THING
<Longi> someTHING!

<omega> i like star trek because it's actually pretty
realistic.  the technology is fiction, but it follows real
physics
<Kuiper> In Star Trek, whenever there are torpedoes or phaser
fire hitting a ship, you can hear the explosions even though
they're in space.  How is that "real physics?"
<omega> in space, explosions are actually louder
<omega> because there is no air to get in the way
<omega> dumbass

<Relevant> get oral_sex_training_video.mpg
<Relevant> Oops wrong window.

Helrich: so i was at the diner this morning, and i was really
hungry.
Helrich: i got a big plate of scrambled eggs and started
eating them super fast
Helrich: when i stopped to breathe, half the plate was gone
and i shouted DOMINATING!!!
Helrich: everyone in the diner stopped what they were doing
and stared at me for along time until someone from across the
room shouted HUMILIATION!!!
Helrich: I gotta stop playing Quake.

l70uke: network connections says it cant find an IP address
dbbolton: open a web browser and type 192.168.1.1 in the
address bar
dbbolton: what happens
l70uke: "please enter disk into drive a"
dbbolton: what the FUCK

<Ohtani> one day I will kill ever person on earth who says 'u'
instead of 'u'
<Ohtani> err
<kaientai> Ohtani: Planning a suicide run?

<Swiich> dude, that girl i went on a date with last night was
really dumb
<Cindy> fuck you too
<Swiich> shit, wrong window

<Ich> I've discovered that people on IRC don't get offended or
riled up by racism
<Ich> nor politically incorrect jokes
<Ich> nor feminism, nazism,
<Ich> nor goatse, or even tubgirl
<Ich> not even jokes about 9/11 get a rise out of anybody
<Ich> but as soon as I tell somebody that macs are better than
PC's, things get ugly

<ddubb> if there is no local area ID found, drop the load
data.
<ddubb> or, in code form:
<ddubb> if (!getLAid()) dropLoad();
<ddubb> line 525 of software that ships tomorrow.
<ddubb> my work here is done.

<NimF> The lesbians next door bought me a rolex for my
birthday.
<NimF> I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...

<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n
<Thunder> wait
<Thunder> why u guys always say pr0n instead of porn ??
Thunder has been kicked by Guardian (No porn on this channel
!)
<Cobra> ...
<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n

dazed: yeah my mom caught my brother jacking off to Powerpuff
Girls
dazed: she didnt yell at him because she was laughing so hard
dazed: she just told everyone at his birthday party the next
day
BaileD: You have the most fucked up family ever. Period.

<Taki> I swear I just took a dump with well defined anatomical
features
<Taki> a long smooth tail and a bunch of little hardened
pellets making up a complex head
<Taki> I didn't want to flush it, it's probably the closest
thing I'll have to a son
<bryant> I think in the 3 days I've seen you in this channel
you've done a better job keeping me in school and off drugs
than every authority figure I've met in my entire life.
<Taki> I do what I can

<Freezer_Burn> how do i removed a burned in image from my
monitor
<seamuso> buy a new monitor
<Freezer_Burn> i cant
<Kornchild> how did you burn an image into yoru monitor?
<Freezer_Burn> i set it to full screen at high brightness and
fell asleep
<Freezer_Burn> there is a faint outline of a naked lady with
her legs wide open showing her privates
<Freezer_Burn> and i i have to remove it before my mom comes
home tomorrow night
<trance`> Freezer_Burn LMFAO
<meanolthing`> lol

<Argentius> I fell asleep again in class today...
<Darkersun> that sucks man, what did the teacher do?
<Argentius> I am the  teacher >.<

Drahmen: I unbutton your blouse and start to massage your
brest.
Higgs23: I moan and start to undo your pants.
Drahmen: Wait a minute...This is the wrong window.
Higgs23: I noticed.
Drahmen: WTF dude?
Higgs23: I felt like playing along.

<Avery> I called AOL tech support once
<Avery> I was hungover
<Avery> and couldn't find my pants
<Avery> so I called them
<Avery> the lady told me to look under the kitchen table
<Avery> andthere they were
<Avery> how she knew that is beyond me

serluny: how long did it took u to learn c?
ReDPriest:4.5 minutes
serluny:how did u do that?
ReDPriest:i downloaded it into my brain..i got a program to do
that
serluny:what program
ReDPriest:download shit into your brain v3.1
serluny:how do i download it?
ReDPriest: go to www.downloadable-shit-for-your-brain.com
serluny:i cant download it something is wrong

Slimtoad20: US Airways flight 404 is flying through the
Bermuda Triangle today.
Slimtoad20: Yeah, that one doesn't stand a chance.

<kritical> matts: bikes go faster than cars...a bike at 60 mph
is a lot faster than a car at 60 mph
<matts> kritical: um no...
<kritical> matts: um yes
<kritical> my sisters sport car at 60 mph goes faster than my
dads explorer at 60 mph
<kritical> a bike at 60 mph will blow by a car at 60 mph

InnerGoat: My wife has 2 problems. One is the fact that
everytime she gets drunk she gets mean. She always looks for a
fight, or a way to make me feel like shit me. The other
problem is that every morning after she gets drunk she has an
explosive watery shit. One night she pushed me to far.
She was drunk of course and felling a little frisky so we we
messing around and I tried to put it in the butt, she got mad
and started talking shit, about how I'm no good and my dick is
small, and that she probally wouldn't even feel it. so we
never did have sex.
After she went to sleep I couldn't get the pain of her saying
my dick was small out of my head. I wanted to embarrass her as
much as she embarrased me. So I got an Idea
I went to my sons room and got his bag of marbles. i then went
to my secret stash and got a bottle of lube. I could just
image her reactions when you shit marbles the next morning. I
lubed them up one at a time and slowly pushed each one in.
About a hundered in all. I got so excited I jerked off then
giggled my self to sleep.
The next morning I woke up so excited I couldn't stand it. I
made allot of noise getting dressed so she would wake up. She
did and not 3 minutes later she said " oh my stomach. not
again" and ran to the bathroom. I was in thee brushing my
teeth. Usually she would tell me to leave but the urge was to
intense. She sat down and let it rip.
She dam near had a heart attack from the noise. The marbles
hitting the porcelin sounded like a machine gun going off in
the bathroon. She turned white as a sheet and stood up. Still
shitting all over the place. Marbles rolling all over the
floor as they bounced around. It took her a couple of minutes
to put it all together. She said " What the ****" I just
laughed and laughed as she packed her shit and left.
I really do kind of miss her though.

<Moot> ok, here's what we do
<Moot> we break into AOL HQ
<Moot> and instead of the AOL setup utility, we put metallica
mp3s on all of the startup cds

anon: You're so gullible.
sleaz: You mean gullable.
anon: What?
sleaz: It's spelled gullable.
anon: Oh. Okay.

atlasthealmighty: Did I tell you my idea of injecting heroin
into your balls, so when you ejaculate, it's heroin... And
then the chick will think you just gave her the most amazing
orgasm in the world, and she'd become addicted to sex with you
nullphi: i would like to subscribe to your newsletter

<Sonique> you know you've just experienced an odd moment at
3:30am when you're completely naked making an away msg for aim
and your dad (clothed only in breifs) strolls by, waves, and
says, "i thought i smelled something. oh well, night!", and
walks off

<Matty> Hmm
<Matty> A little bored this afternoon
<Matty> Thought i'd do an exercise on leasing versus renting
<UG> indeed
<Matty> Paul Macartney is my subject
<Matty> I note according to reports he paid 49million dollars
to heather mills for 5 years or marriage?
<Matty> Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year
relationship (which lets be honest, probably didnt happen) it
would end up costing him $26,849 per time.
<Matty> Heather aint exactly the best looking bird
<UG> then he's a dumbfuck :)
<Matty> Now i also note, Elliot Spitzers call girl, Kristen,
an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000
an hour. For anything..
<Matty> Had Paul McCartney 'employed' Kristen for 5 years, he
would've paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for
5 years (a saving of $41.7 million).
<Matty> Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no
begging, no coaxing, never a headache, plays all requests,
ability to put BOTH legs around you (!!!), no bitching and
complaining or 'to do' lists. Best of all, she leaves when
you're done, and comes back when you ask her. All at 1/7th the
cost, with no legal fees
<Matty> Sometimes renting makes far more sense..

<Jenny> I love you.
<Jenny> I just wanted you to know, incase you were starting to
doubt.
<Phalanx> My bro's not here right now, and by the way he's
cheating on you.

<tom_0369> man
<tom_0369> im never moving to seatle washington
<tom_0369> i flew over it and it was raining and gray as fuck
<tom_0369> it was depressing
<sammich> when was this?
<tom_0369> flight simluator 2004

<speedycowboy> What do nine out of ten people enjoy?
<speedycowboy> Gang rape.

<Merrick178> OMFG
<Merrick178> My Mom just called and I sound like my dad
<Merrick178> She said "Is that you?" I said "Yea" She said "Im
glad you answered cause boy am I horny!"
<Merrick178> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
<Merrick178> WTF
<Merrick178> IM GONNA GO STAB MYSELF IN THE HEAD NOW

<andy> moo spelled backwards is moo
<andy> no wait

<@ZoFreX> goddammit
<@ZoFreX> I forgot the definition of irony
<@ZoFreX> so I went to look it up on Wikipedia
<@ZoFreX> but Wikipedia is down
<@ZoFreX> AND I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THAT'S IRONIC OR NOT

<piercings> A programmer started to cuss
<piercings> Because getting to sleep was a fuss
<piercings> As he lay there in bed
<piercings> Looping 'round in his head
<piercings> was: while(!asleep()) sheep++;

<pH7> So during the biggest test of the term I look down and
realise my fucking penis not working! I MEAN IT'S COMPLETELY
DEAD!
<pH7> *pen is omfg
<Harreh> haha rofl
<pH7> Excuse me while I rip out my space bar for failing me
like that :(

<Shadowless> How can I tell if I'm circumsized or not? From
everyone's descriptions, I'm assuming I am not. I think I even
recall my father telling me they decided not to have it done
to me because of problems that can develop. I'd ask but I'm a
little too embarrassed. I'm very private with my body.
<Shadowless> I do have quite a bit of loose skin below the
glans, but it's still clearly separated when erect. When I was
young though, before I was getting erections, the skin was
always bunched up around the glans and I could easily slide it
over. I am also extremely sensitive on the under-side of my
shaft toward the top -- exactly where the skin is. I get
ejaculate by just massaging this.
<Shadowless> My sincere apologies if this was too graphic for
anyone.
<Shadowless> I'm tempted to just suck it up and use Google
image search to find out.
<Baloogan> dude, WHAT THE FUCK

<savenor> i just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by
fleeing the scene of the accident